Relapsed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 137
Relapsed
Hello Everybody,
I relapsed after having two years of being sober. I drank alcoholic mouth wash yesterday and had to take a visit to ER.
My life at the point of becoming manageable. I was working a good program, but I guess I was really on my own strength instead of God. I thought that I could have alcoholic mouthwash in my house and that I could not drink it.
Now, I have relapsed and have loss of all self-confidence. I feel so such shame right now that I did something that stupid.
I have to realize that I entirely powerless of alcohol. I realized that I need to higher power of my own understanding and that I need God in my life.
I know what to do, but it is just damn shame. I cannot get rid of shame and just feel that I am still alive and have everything.
I just feel that I am guilt and shame for the next week and that is how I am going to feel.
I guess that I need a lot more help than I do. That I need to come here daily for support. That I need to call three alcoholics a day for support. And attend two meetings for support.
I am in a state of utter humility. And I need your support and love to keep me sober.:
Crisco
I relapsed after having two years of being sober. I drank alcoholic mouth wash yesterday and had to take a visit to ER.
My life at the point of becoming manageable. I was working a good program, but I guess I was really on my own strength instead of God. I thought that I could have alcoholic mouthwash in my house and that I could not drink it.
Now, I have relapsed and have loss of all self-confidence. I feel so such shame right now that I did something that stupid.
I have to realize that I entirely powerless of alcohol. I realized that I need to higher power of my own understanding and that I need God in my life.
I know what to do, but it is just damn shame. I cannot get rid of shame and just feel that I am still alive and have everything.
I just feel that I am guilt and shame for the next week and that is how I am going to feel.
I guess that I need a lot more help than I do. That I need to come here daily for support. That I need to call three alcoholics a day for support. And attend two meetings for support.
I am in a state of utter humility. And I need your support and love to keep me sober.:
Crisco
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Crisco...do what you gotta do to stay sober. Call 3 people a day, go to meetings, Post here...whatever.
No sense beating your self up over this though. You had 2 years! You can get right back there. Your story can be important...stick around and Post on SR to teach newcomers not to let their guard down. You can do this!
I know it sucks and hurts to of drank after all that time...still, move forward.
No sense beating your self up over this though. You had 2 years! You can get right back there. Your story can be important...stick around and Post on SR to teach newcomers not to let their guard down. You can do this!
I know it sucks and hurts to of drank after all that time...still, move forward.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
The good news is your back on the wagon! Was there anything else going on with your life that left you vulnerable? I agree you shouldn't beat yourself up about, but think it's always worth examining the context. Not to feel bad, but to feel about learning from it.
Again, congrats on getting right back on track! I read so many posts here from people whose relapse went on for months or years.... makes me wonder how many never come back here at all.
Again, congrats on getting right back on track! I read so many posts here from people whose relapse went on for months or years.... makes me wonder how many never come back here at all.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
Good to see you back. I know how awful you feel right now but you had 2 years so you know what to do. I had over 5 years before I got complacent and drank again, it sucks. This time around I'm doing AA, I didn't do that before. Doing 180 in 90 sounds very ambitious.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Crisco, I'm sorry to hear that you're so down on yourself right now. I know it's difficult, but please try to be thankful that you're still alive. Try to turn this into a positive. If this is what needed to happen to get you back on the road to a good recovery plan, then perhaps that's the way things are supposed to be.
I agree with Ghostly that your story can be important for others to hear. I had a very rough day yesterday, and was acting in a manner that I definitely should not have been. I had a bottle of vodka in the freezer that I was going to give to a friend (it was given to me at work...figured it may as well go to someone who would enjoy it). My fiancee was so concerned that I would drink that she actually poured the vodka down the drain while I was out of the house.
We were having a huge fight yesterday, but I'm thankful that she did what she did. As upset as I was, I wasn't going to drink the vodka, but her pouring it out showed how much she cares for my well-being.
I did have thoughts of drinking, though, and stories such as your own serve as reminders to me of why I can not allow myself to. So thank you, and I hope you are able to get back into your recovery without beating yourself up too much. We're always here for you, as is AA. I hope your day gets better.
I agree with Ghostly that your story can be important for others to hear. I had a very rough day yesterday, and was acting in a manner that I definitely should not have been. I had a bottle of vodka in the freezer that I was going to give to a friend (it was given to me at work...figured it may as well go to someone who would enjoy it). My fiancee was so concerned that I would drink that she actually poured the vodka down the drain while I was out of the house.
We were having a huge fight yesterday, but I'm thankful that she did what she did. As upset as I was, I wasn't going to drink the vodka, but her pouring it out showed how much she cares for my well-being.
I did have thoughts of drinking, though, and stories such as your own serve as reminders to me of why I can not allow myself to. So thank you, and I hope you are able to get back into your recovery without beating yourself up too much. We're always here for you, as is AA. I hope your day gets better.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Crisco, that's the insanity of the disease.
I think it's natural to feel ashamed right after something like this happens, but don't let yourself wallow in it. Think. What made you pick up a drink (mouthwash, for heaven's sake!) without calling someone or posting here?
Your plan to hit a lot of meetings is good, but you might want to start over with Step 1. Do you have a sponsor? If not, now would be the time!
I think it's natural to feel ashamed right after something like this happens, but don't let yourself wallow in it. Think. What made you pick up a drink (mouthwash, for heaven's sake!) without calling someone or posting here?
Your plan to hit a lot of meetings is good, but you might want to start over with Step 1. Do you have a sponsor? If not, now would be the time!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 148
Very normal to fall down and very normal to pick yourself back up again. You had a bad day. You had almost 800 days that were free from alcohol. You can do it again. You are here at soberrecovery with friends who have done the same thing and we just keep on getting better. Glad you are here!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 395
Don't beat yourself up. Let go of the guilt, shame, and self-pity. Those feelings are natural, but are useless and even deadly for alcoholics.
You slipped. It happens, but you are fortunate. You are making it back to recovery and not everyone who slips does so. Some stay out for years causing destruction and devastation, some find jails, others find institutions, and some find a hole in the ground.
Plus, you learned some lessons. You also had 2 years in which you were doing something right. Those moments, experiences, and lessons are not thrown away.
If you do AA, then you know that it is a 24 hour program. All we really have is today. Just focus on today and doing the next right thing. I guarantee you that within a couple of weeks, if not maybe sooner, you will feel much better.
Bests,
You slipped. It happens, but you are fortunate. You are making it back to recovery and not everyone who slips does so. Some stay out for years causing destruction and devastation, some find jails, others find institutions, and some find a hole in the ground.
Plus, you learned some lessons. You also had 2 years in which you were doing something right. Those moments, experiences, and lessons are not thrown away.
If you do AA, then you know that it is a 24 hour program. All we really have is today. Just focus on today and doing the next right thing. I guarantee you that within a couple of weeks, if not maybe sooner, you will feel much better.
Bests,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
sorry to hear about your relapse...........
but the out-come sounds like you've had a huge awakening about the disease of alcoholism..........use it.
feeling guilt and shame comes from ego.........let it go.
dust yourself off and be proud you were able to admit your mistake........your human......humans make mistakes. I'm really thankful for your honesty.
wishing you another 24 hours...........hang in there!
but the out-come sounds like you've had a huge awakening about the disease of alcoholism..........use it.
feeling guilt and shame comes from ego.........let it go.
dust yourself off and be proud you were able to admit your mistake........your human......humans make mistakes. I'm really thankful for your honesty.
wishing you another 24 hours...........hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 207
I Understand...Hang In There
Hey Crisco, Glad to hear you back. Most of us dont make it back. I relapsed after having 6 years so I understand where you at. Congrats on your 2 years. The thing about relapse is we dont lose what we learned just our time which is important. Hang in there. We deserve Recovery & a good life. We need not beat ourselves up or try to figure out WHY... I quit smoking but what the hell Welcome Back
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Mt
Posts: 298
hey crisco I relapsed after only 10 or 11 days sober. Drank vodka and slept most of the weekend. I just feel that I can't do this. but another part of me realizes that I don't want to live the rest of my life drunk. So here I am starting over again and hope I can get some sober days. I certainly feel defeated by my addiction at this point. I know that u can do it again My support is here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 5
Thank you for sharing Crisco
First off, I want you to know that I have relapsed too. Completely different situation. But don't be so hard on yourself. We are alcoholics, and drinking is sometimes what we do. Relapse does not have to be a part of your recovery again though. I like what you said about it being your will power running the show and not God's. I too go to AA, and I have been asking God for help every single day for the past 50 days. I haven't had to take a drink or a drug for that amount of time. I started going to AA 4 years ago, and until just 50 days ago, I couldn't give it all up to God. This time, when the old thinking sets in..That little voice that tells you "it won't be so bad," or if something comes up that makes me want to drink... I just pause, breathe and ask God for help. When I acknowledge God's presence during those moments, I have been able to get through them and not react to them. I wish you the best in your new recovery. Put in the work, and reap the benefits. Take care Crisco! Today is a gift! :day6
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Mt
Posts: 298
iamchange08, I am sadden to hear your father has passed. It is the very fear of life itself that has kept me drinking for many years. I drank althrough my fathers illness and death. It deadens the grief so that you can pack it around and it will surface again till the process is gone through. I once drank a pint of Vodka during my beloved aunt's funeral. Very respectful of me 
Its what I do with all me emotions. I numb them down but quick! Please stay on the path of sobritey, during this time. Not perfection, be kind to yourself and grief your father with a clear heart and mind. U have my support and feel free to contact me anytime u need support. This sight is an awsome tool.
Its what I do with all me emotions. I numb them down but quick! Please stay on the path of sobritey, during this time. Not perfection, be kind to yourself and grief your father with a clear heart and mind. U have my support and feel free to contact me anytime u need support. This sight is an awsome tool.
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