i don't want to become an alcoholic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2
i don't want to become an alcoholic
Hello, i just registered on the site. I am a regular drinker and i have noticed that i am drinking more and more and drinking almost exclusivley to drown out pain. I woulden't consider myself an alcoholic right now, but i am afraid for myself. i'm going through so much stress right now and i have noticed that nothing relaxes me anymore like they used to. now if i want to relax i have to have alcohol. im finding myself doing the same things, acting the same way as my alcoholic step dad. scrounging up enough change to buy a bottle of steel reserve, drinking so fast just to get rid of it and get it in my system so my family doesn't see it. i'll drink then stay in my room all day, all night and most of the next day. i know i am depressed because i cannot find a job, everybody keeps bitching at me when they don't even know how i feel, how hard im looking for work. i'll drink at any chance i can get. i'll hit 3 different liquor stores back to back so i don't look trashy. i'll drinkk a 24 pack of steel reserve in 3 days. wheni started drinking i coulden't drink half a can of steel reserve without getting wasted, now i have to drink 3 just to get a buzz. I sit up all night sometimes trying not to cry because it seems like nobody in my family even loves me anymore, they all think i'm a lazy bum. ive overheard conversations that just make me cry, then i have to get a bottle of MD2020 or four loko. i dont buy alcohol by the brand anymore, i buy it by the ABV or proof. whichever has the highest. everybody in my family wants my mom to kick me out of the house because i'm not working. i told my aunt if she wants me to work so f*** bad then she needs to get me a job cuz im sick of posting ads on craigslist offering general labor work for 8 dollars an hour or picking fruit with illegal aliens because thats all the i can get. I used to work for UPS doing something i loved, i loved that job so much. then they laid me off and i havent held a steady job since.
I started dinking in 9th grade when a friend brought some vodka for me in a water bottle, i drank it and got drunk at school. from then i would steal PBR and tecate from my step dad, and eventually i would steal his vodka and JD. He's a mean alcoholic who threatened me with death and verblly abused me and my mom, often telling us if we left the house he would kill one of us. I would drink at friends houses and smoke weed to get away from him. my mom never knew i was drinking until she found a bottle of smirnoff in my room. Basically, i'm afraid i am on the road to becoming an alcoholic. I need to find a way to deal with stress other than drinking. i think if i God smiled down upon me and got me a job i would be straighten myself out. but without a job, i feel like nothing, so i treat myself like nothing. perhaps this is just a rant, nobody here may be able to help me, but whatever it is, and whatever the results, i need it heard
I started dinking in 9th grade when a friend brought some vodka for me in a water bottle, i drank it and got drunk at school. from then i would steal PBR and tecate from my step dad, and eventually i would steal his vodka and JD. He's a mean alcoholic who threatened me with death and verblly abused me and my mom, often telling us if we left the house he would kill one of us. I would drink at friends houses and smoke weed to get away from him. my mom never knew i was drinking until she found a bottle of smirnoff in my room. Basically, i'm afraid i am on the road to becoming an alcoholic. I need to find a way to deal with stress other than drinking. i think if i God smiled down upon me and got me a job i would be straighten myself out. but without a job, i feel like nothing, so i treat myself like nothing. perhaps this is just a rant, nobody here may be able to help me, but whatever it is, and whatever the results, i need it heard
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome!
Whether or not you are an alcoholic, that's something only you can decide. But your post is alarming to me and I hope you came here with the idea that you might stop drinking. Will being sober improve your life? Can't say. How is drinking helping you?
I hear you. SR can only help if you are willing to do the work to stay sober. The recovery is yours. Only you can stop your own drinking. You have to want to quit and it sounds like you do.
Read through the forum. Lots of good information. See what other people do in their recovery. And we are here to listen and offer help and encouragement.
Originally Posted by 40oztofreedom 
I woulden't consider myself an alcoholic right now, but i am afraid for myself.
perhaps this is just a rant, nobody here may be able to help me, but whatever it is, and whatever the results, i need it heard
Read through the forum. Lots of good information. See what other people do in their recovery. And we are here to listen and offer help and encouragement.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Welcome to SR.
I didn't want to be an alcoholic either. I'm not sure anyone wanted to be one, but we do become grateful recovery alcoholics if we want to.
Are you an alcoholic? From reading your post, you certainly qualify, but only you can make the judgement for sure.
If you are and you want help, you have a good start. Just asking, just the motion of asking for help, is a big deal.
Now if you want to quit and quit for good, let us know and we'll share how we did it.
Kjell
I didn't want to be an alcoholic either. I'm not sure anyone wanted to be one, but we do become grateful recovery alcoholics if we want to.
Are you an alcoholic? From reading your post, you certainly qualify, but only you can make the judgement for sure.
If you are and you want help, you have a good start. Just asking, just the motion of asking for help, is a big deal.
Now if you want to quit and quit for good, let us know and we'll share how we did it.
Kjell
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi 40oz and welcome to SR.
I will second the thought that your drinking is alarming.
Do you think you could stop...try just for a couple weeks and see if it helps? For one thing it might alleviate some of your depression.
Read around here...we would love to help you..
I will second the thought that your drinking is alarming.
Do you think you could stop...try just for a couple weeks and see if it helps? For one thing it might alleviate some of your depression.
Read around here...we would love to help you..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2
Yea I've stopped before, when I'm working and there's not as much stress my drinking is a lot better. The problem is I've lost all ability to cope with stress, I think in that way I am an alcoholic. I don't feel like I need alcohol to survive, I need it to stay afloat. Addiction runs in my family, so thats what scares me.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Hi and Welcome,.
I'm glad you are here seeking support.
If you are not an alcoholic, then you will be able to stop drinking and have no problem. I think you need to decide yourself whether you are an alcoholic or not. If you 'need' alcohol, that should be a red flag. And, you will be able to learn healthy ways to deal with stress.
I'm glad you are here seeking support.
If you are not an alcoholic, then you will be able to stop drinking and have no problem. I think you need to decide yourself whether you are an alcoholic or not. If you 'need' alcohol, that should be a red flag. And, you will be able to learn healthy ways to deal with stress.
at peace
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: KCMO
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by 40oztofreedom
but without a job, i feel like nothing, so i treat myself like nothing.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome 40oz - It's good that you're questioning your drinking - I think if it's hard to simply stop, there's a problem. What's so bad about continuing is that it only gets worse.
It's certainly understandable that you have some depression about not having a job. A drink isn't going to change that, of course (in fact it will add to your depression/anxiety). I hope you can use the support here to motivate you to at least try to put some sober days together. You may find you feel a lot better about yourself and your life. I know I did.
It's certainly understandable that you have some depression about not having a job. A drink isn't going to change that, of course (in fact it will add to your depression/anxiety). I hope you can use the support here to motivate you to at least try to put some sober days together. You may find you feel a lot better about yourself and your life. I know I did.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Hey 40OZ..welcome! I don't see anyone here raising their hand that they signed on to be an alcoholic. It is a vicious cycle..the more you drink..the more you drink! Pretty soon you can't even keep up with yourself. And just say you got an interview..you don't want to present yourself all anxious and hungover. My wish for you is to set a goal for yourself. Quit for x amount of days. Sometimes we have to build our own self esteem up..no one else can do it for us. And I am not sure that is possible while pounding drinks down. Welcome..hope you stick with us.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
I 2nd the reco to try to not drink for a period of time.
OR
Try some controlled drinking (no more than 2 - 3 a few times a week).
See how that goes, but more than likely, deep down...you already know.
We can and do recover. YOU can be living proof.
OR
Try some controlled drinking (no more than 2 - 3 a few times a week).
See how that goes, but more than likely, deep down...you already know.
We can and do recover. YOU can be living proof.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Hey 40 oz,
A lot of people use alcohol to help with stress but if you keep add more alcohol to maintain that buzz you want then you should stop drinking for the time being. Just to try to learn how to cope with stress without alcohol. I know you should that your drinking because of not having a job but I think there are more underlining issues then just finding work. This could be a good time to sober up for a couple of weeks and look for a job and talk to your family about the issues you have with them and how much stress they're putting on with you. I truly don't believe they will kick you out of the house just because you have not gotten a job yet. How old are you and how long you been looking for a job? You may want to talk to a doctor about this.
A lot of people use alcohol to help with stress but if you keep add more alcohol to maintain that buzz you want then you should stop drinking for the time being. Just to try to learn how to cope with stress without alcohol. I know you should that your drinking because of not having a job but I think there are more underlining issues then just finding work. This could be a good time to sober up for a couple of weeks and look for a job and talk to your family about the issues you have with them and how much stress they're putting on with you. I truly don't believe they will kick you out of the house just because you have not gotten a job yet. How old are you and how long you been looking for a job? You may want to talk to a doctor about this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 279
Alcohol is not going to help you find a job. You can be productive in other ways. Offer to help you relatives or neighbors with home repairs, yardwork, etc. This will make them not think you're a bum, and you will feel better about yourself by doing something useful. Also, you could try to get involved in things in your community or church. Networking is so important with job searching. Good luck with the job search and the drinking. Also, you say you were laid off; perhaps you qualify for unemployment.
31/10/10
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 241
40 oz - welcome.
Yeps, try not drinking for a week or two. Set that goal and go for it with everything you have. Achieving two weeks will give you great satisfaction and a clear head - I promise you'll feel less depressed.
And regarding the Job - you could give God a smile and apply for some jobs, even if they pay low. My experience is that if I get moving things will get moved, that's when God starts to smile back.
I found reading other posts very helpful - stick around 40oz!
vee
Yeps, try not drinking for a week or two. Set that goal and go for it with everything you have. Achieving two weeks will give you great satisfaction and a clear head - I promise you'll feel less depressed.
And regarding the Job - you could give God a smile and apply for some jobs, even if they pay low. My experience is that if I get moving things will get moved, that's when God starts to smile back.
I found reading other posts very helpful - stick around 40oz!
vee
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Victoria
Posts: 143
Welcome 40 oz to SR!
stick around and read the posts you'll find alot of information that may help you decide what you want to do
Good luck with the job hunting, in the mean time volunteering or helping others in your community might help your self-esteem and relieve boredom.
The first step towards change is acceptance.
Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Will Garcia
stick around and read the posts you'll find alot of information that may help you decide what you want to do
Good luck with the job hunting, in the mean time volunteering or helping others in your community might help your self-esteem and relieve boredom.
The first step towards change is acceptance.
Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Will Garcia
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