Shevrard

Hello. I am new to this. I am a 31 year old stay-at-home-mom I have been drinking 1-2 bottles of wine at least 5 days a week for many, many years. I used to be on prescription drugs (klonopin, cymbalta & ambien) which I mixed with the alcohol and it was very often a total disaster. I got off the meds about 6 months ago, but not the alcohol.

Since I stopped the meds I have increased the amount of alcohol I drink and have stopped exercising altogether and gained about 30 lbs. I am really unhappy about this and I know it's partly because I stopped taking my thyroid medicine along with the lack of exercise and increased alcohol calories.

Thursday I went to the doctor to get my thyroid medicine renewed and he asked me a lot of questions about my sleep, my anxiety, etc. This was a new doctor and didn't know a lot of my history. Long story short, he handed me a scrip for Xanax before I left and I of course ran and filled it and took the whole scrip in 2 days.

Now I feel like I'm starting all over and really having a hard time facing reality again. I felt like I was doing ok before Thursday. Now I feel like I've taken a dozen steps back (literally).

So that is my introduction, I'm glad a place like this site exists and hopefully it will help with starting over. Thanks.

Ghostly

Welcome to SR Shevrard! You will find a lot of support here. Yes, sounds like you need to get some things in order. Congrats on stopping the alcohol. Be careful about switching one addiction for another. If this new Dr. is the one you will be seeing now, please be honest with them.

One you get these things under control...you can focus on getting back to exercise.

Don't worry bout the steps back...just start going forward again. What is your plan?

You can do this!

least

Welcome to the best recovery site everywhere! You'll find a lot of support and useful information here.

Shevrard

Thanks for the welcome.

I did have a plan. I had an appointment yesterday with an addiction counseler. However, I called off "sick" because I couldn't stand the thought of going to see the counseler stoned on Xanax. I made another appointment but they can't see me for 2 weeks.

I guess my plan until then is to not drink, which I may or may not be able to do. I hope I can. My husband is very supportive of me for trying to quit. He told me he would not drink at all and cleared all the alcohol out of the house. He is not much of a drinker though anyway, so this wasn't a big deal for him. He is the kind of person who will have one glass of champagne on New Years Eve and then go to bed. Not me, I have to stay up and finish the bottle. And then open another one. I am so ashamed of it.

I guess I am just "white knuckling" it for now. Trying to exercise every day to work out my anxiety. I really feel as if I am barely hanging on by a thread that is about to snap.

Dee74

Welcome Shevrard

I think support is vital, and it's great you've joined us
Have you considered real life recovery groups too, like AA, SMART etc?

D

Shevrard

I looked up where the AA is closest to me but I can't bring myself to go yet. I have been diagnosed with Agoraphobia. The thought of speaking or even just being present in a group of people...I shudder to think of it. I have a hard time just going to the post office to buy stamps! This is part of why I have been prescribed drugs like klonopin, xanax, valium and ativan in the past. The drugs just make my problems worse though. I feel like a prisoner in my own home most of the time.

ChangeIsGood123

You may be right when you say the drugs just make your problems worse. Especially so when combined with the alcohol. Are you still taking the xanax or do you think you can get off of that as well? 12 days is great on the sober time. Keep it up if you can. I would think over time you may see the anxiety and the other issues disappear. maybe reschedule the appointment with the counsellor? Glad to see that you are at least here posting. Keep it up, it will help.

Anna

Hi Shevrard,

I see many people here who have anxiety issues, me included, and who turn to alcohol to self-medicate. I have anxiety and have major panic attacks sometimes, but I think there are ways to help you deal with those issues, instead of taking medication. There are breathing exercises that help, meditation also helps, de-stressing your life as much as possible helps.

I'm glad you're here and that you're going to see a counsellor. There is always support here, so keep reading and posting.

Shevrard

Thanks. I stopped taking the Xanax (ran out actually) and am not going to ask for any more. It makes me feel horrible. It mimics feeling drunk and feeling drunk feels BAD. I am really struggling today, I want a drink terribly bad but I know I can hang in there.

Reubena

Welcome Shevrard. Glad you are here with us. Hang in there, keep reading and posting.

MsCooterBrown

Welcome Shevrard. There are many perks to sobriety..one of the fun ones is weight loss. Those added empty calories add up -not to mention the cr@p I used to concoct at 11pm so I had food to sop up the spirits. One of my favorite quick fixes was a tortilla with shredded cheese and fritos..roll it up..nuke it for 30 seconds. They are out of my diet now. Some of them never made it to my stomach..would find them in the microwave the next day. MUCH better on the sober side. Give yourself time..post often. Glad you are here.

julez

Hello and welcome!
I take Wellbutrin and Cymbalta for depression and anxiety, and when I was drinking, I would use that as a reason why I always got so wasted. I'm sure it contributed, but I'm sure I would've drank alcoholically regardless.
I've tried being off my meds, but without them, I'm a complete bitch, lol.
I have a prescription for xanax, but I don't use it often.
I have 78 days sober, and I'm a mom too. Glad you're here!

Dee74

Hang in there Shevrard - you're not alone here

D

marni

Welcome to SR Shevard and congratulations on 12 days sober!
Good to hear your husband is supportive and is not going to drink to make it easier for you to stay sober.
Keep posting and stick around!

The first step towards change is acceptance.
Once you accept yourself you open the door to change.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow
Will Garcia

Shevrard

Thanks all. I definitely made it through another night. I can feel the urge to run to the bottle shop waning. Tomorrow is 13 days!

tallcactus

You are doing great, hang in there.
Congrads on the 13 days.

CarolD

Welcome....

By now the alcohol is out of your body ..drinking again
will only re start the cycle you have been doing for years.

Blessings to you and your family

maisy

Hi Shevrard. I am new here as well, I am on day 22. I am also a stay at home mom. I braved it and found a Women's AA meeting in my area and it was such a good experience. Feels like free therapy. You don't have to say a word, it helps so much just to hear other people's stories and struggles. I have gone twice and it meets every Saturday. I DO NOT like the word alcoholic and have not used it to describe myself. This sobriety is all new to me, as I was drinking a bottle sometimes more of wine at least 4 days a week. It feels so good to be completely present with my kids and just know that it is not an option to drink. Feel free to send me a message if you ever want to chat. Congrats on 12 days!!

Shevrard

Thanks Maisy. I think I would feel better about going to AA if I could go to a women's-only meeting. I have really severe trust issues with men. I am afraid of them. Even a little bit of my own husband. I trust him and love him but his "maleness" frightens me a little. I will look for a women's only meeting.

Kmber2010

Welcome Shev, glad you are here and you have our support.

Many of us have started over and I am grateful every day for it.

Looking forward to the journey.