worthyoflove

There was a tiny bowl sitting on the edge of top of the refrigerator last week. It was broken in half, so I threw it away. I should have not thrown it away. The A was going to glue it back together. He flipped out on me this morning about it and asked if I was brain dead. Then, he started yelling at me because I have too much food in the refrigerator and that he's told me not to put too much food in there. Right after that I got accused of not loving my daughter because she eats too much junk. I've tried getting my daughter to eat healthier, but she won't eat veggies and fruit like I wish she would. It winds up going bad or I wind up eating it. I left the house for the day to stay away from the raging. If I had enough money, I would have left long ago. I feel stuck and hopeless right now. I know this will pass, but this is so very difficult to digest at times. I revised my resume today and hope and pray God works a miracle, so I can flee this prison. I know it is a duck quacking, but this stuff is not easy to live with. It makes me feel like I am crazy.

suki44883

No one deserves to be screamed at. I hope you are able to find a way to have a more serene home life.

Shellcrusher

I agree. It's very hard to live with this stuff. I also feel like I'm going crazy. Ever wonder if your A knows you feel this way and uses it to manipulate you further?

I'm pretty sure mine does.

The good news is that I know I'm not crazy.

Learn2Live

:ghug3 sorry for what you are going through Worthy. Yes, you ARE worthy and THIS guy ain't it.

Phoenixthebird

worthyoflove, I could have written your story. This is not just a "duck quacking", but it sounds like emotional, verbal and psychological abuse. It's only through the support that I have found here on SR that I came to realize that I have lived the last 40 years in emotional, verbal and psychological abuse in my marriage. I have posted a thread about it that I suggest you check out http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...bal-abuse.html

I always knew things just weren't right in my marriage. My husband had just stopped drinking without working his own program of recovery. He had never been physically abusive with me, yet I had this, what I considered irrational, fear of him. The famous childhood verse, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" is simply not true. Emotional abuse is made up of a series of incidents, or a pattern of behavior that occurs over time. Emotional abuse includes emotional manipulation and control.

You wrote "He flipped out on me this morning about it, and asked if I was brain dead." It certainly includes what you described.

Countering the negative messages that you receive is really important! You may need to write down all the insulting things that you learned about yourself and counter each one with the truth. It may feel unnatural or foreign to counter these messages, but it will help you to feel better in the long-run. Catch yourself when you find that you are putting yourself down. Take a breath and remind yourself that you don't want to do that anymore, that you don't deserve to be hurt and that you want to think of yourself differently. See if you can come up with something that you like about yourself. If you can't come up with something good, think about how you would like to think about yourself. The idea is to interrupt the flow of insulting thoughts you have and to find ways to replace those thoughts with self-soothing ones. By finding ways to be gentle and soothing with yourself, you are directly countering those messages. Being kind to yourself by asking yourself what you need, what you want to do and letting yourself do those things are all ways to create a more positive and loving relationship with yourself.

There is hope! The sooner you leave your toxic AH, the better you will be! I suggest you find ways to protect yourself emotionally. Individual therapy or support groups can help you increase your self-esteem and your ability to recognize your reality. As you spend more time in a support group talking to other ladies or working with a counselor your mental health will have a big turn around. Attend as many AL-Anon meetings you can! If your daughter is tween or a teenager get her into Al-Teen! Keep posting here on SR! We're here for you!

No matter what you've been told or how you've been treated, you are worthy of love and respect. You should not have to take emotional abuse from anyone - no matter what! You deserve to be treated well!

Just my personal opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Love and Peace,

Phoenix

worthyoflove

I started feeling better about myself and then this happened. It's almost like he knows when to tear me down again. It's hard to not feel like I am walking on eggshells. I would stand up to him, but he would become physically violent. One day everything is fine and I feel like everything is going to be okay, then this stuff happens and knocks me for a loop. I just started back at Alanon. I will definitely go to a meeting tomorrow and write down good things to counteract the negative. He called me a fat a$$ a couple weeks ago in front of my daughter. I wear a size 7/8, so I'm not fat. I spoke with my daughter tonight and told her that his behavior is wrong and that it is not normal, so she knows what is inappropriate behavior. I've actually thought about packing a suitcase and heading to Florida with no place to stay just to get away from here. This is not good. Please keep me and my daughter in your prayers that we can eventually have a peaceful home to live in. Thank you everyone.

suki44883

Hon, if he is physically abusive, you need to make a plan to get yourself and your daughter away from him. Do you have any relatives you can contact who can help you get away? If not, you can always call the domestic violence hotline 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). Here's a page from their website about making a plan and finding a center in your area. http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/safety-planning/

Please take care of yourself and your daughter.

Jadmack25

Pity he couldn't mend his manners and glue his lips together.

worthyoflove

No, I don't have any relatives I can contact. I will make a call tomorrow. I can't believe this is happening. Thank you for the info.

wicked

I believe it is happening.
Please be careful.
We care about you and your daughter.

Beth

worthyoflove

Thank you Beth and everyone.

Phoenixthebird

worthyoflove, most communities have women's abuse shelters available. Please don't hestitate to call the police if necessary.

I suggest you read the following articles. I found these to be very interesting articles, and gave some very helpful advice.

Google Answers: divorce, related to being married to an alcoholic and me being a wuss!
Google Answers: divorce, related to being married to an alcoholic and me being a wuss!

Another good thread to read is the "Classic reading for Friends & Family of alcoholics (Classic Reading)"
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...c-reading.html

Helping a member who is being abused
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ng-abused.html

Phoenix