A long road home...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 14
A long road home...
Hi all, new to the site but been looking from the outside in for a while now. Not feeling good at the moment but I've decided to share my story.
At 25 I guess I've got a problem with the drink. Although I can seem to have only one or two during dinner I rarely enjoy the taste--more the feeling of intoxication. At 16 I had my parents and sister come home late one night to find vomit all over the house and me turning blue in my bed. I had drank a bottle of wine and half a bottle of vodka. Paramedics were called and luck let me live. Coming to with the feel of plastic gloves from the paramedics and the screams of my horrified sister (she was only 13) still haunts me to this day.
Flash forward to a few years later at 21, and I was binge drinking 3 or 4 nights a week. Usually with friends, although this was when I started drinking alone. I'm a musician and I've found it relaxes me after being highly creative during the day. I was living with my sister at this time and had a few bad occasions especially with absinthe and valium...
Now during May this year I was admitted into a psychiatric/drug rehab ward. It was voluntary. I had been drinking non stop for 4 days. I'd wake up and drink go to bed with my head spinning. The day I hopped off the bender I started shaking and had massive panic attacks/heart palpitations. At the ER I was inconsolable. I was scared and also ashamed.
I'm still abivalent as to whether being in a psychiatric ward was a good idea. That night I shared a room with a schizophrenic who altho was nice, definately didn't help my anxiety when he started talking about running children over...the nurses came in and saw me in a state so they took me into their office for blood pressure checks and apparently my b/p was going from high to low--which is not a good thing! They started asking if I'd had seizures before (no) and saying I may be about to get one. Luckly I didn't.
The next few days were a haze. I was loaded up on valium and slept alot.
Coming out of the hospital I was still on rough ground for weeks with anxiety. But I had no desire to drink. I lasted 4 months.
A few months ago I was at a friends place who i hadn't seen in a while. He was pressuring me to drink, as all of them were getting drunk. I kept refusing. Eventually he cracked a vintage bottle of red wine and said I should at least have a glass now his expensive bottle is open. I succumed and had a glass or two. Gradually as the weeks wore on, I'd drink alittle more every weekend knowing that it didn't cause me to lose the plot like before.
Now I'm at a bad stage. I drink 2 or 3 nights a week, but my intake has been upped to a bottle of spirits+more until i pass out or throw up. For once, some of my friends are starting to notice. But they're also the people that get drunk with me. Last night I ended up drinking a bottle of Wild Turkey and some vodka. The scary part was waking up in somebodys backyard--who i dont know, and that ugly feeling of still being drunk.
Now I just had my first panic attack again. Felt exactly like prehospital days. Wild thoughts, impending doom. I tried pacing around but it got worse. Thankfully I still have valium and its calming me down. I made a resolve never to go back to that hospital but it seems like I'm good at letting myself down. Well thats my consice story and I wish to thank everyone here for the lessons they share.
Think I might stick around here for a while
Luke.
At 25 I guess I've got a problem with the drink. Although I can seem to have only one or two during dinner I rarely enjoy the taste--more the feeling of intoxication. At 16 I had my parents and sister come home late one night to find vomit all over the house and me turning blue in my bed. I had drank a bottle of wine and half a bottle of vodka. Paramedics were called and luck let me live. Coming to with the feel of plastic gloves from the paramedics and the screams of my horrified sister (she was only 13) still haunts me to this day.
Flash forward to a few years later at 21, and I was binge drinking 3 or 4 nights a week. Usually with friends, although this was when I started drinking alone. I'm a musician and I've found it relaxes me after being highly creative during the day. I was living with my sister at this time and had a few bad occasions especially with absinthe and valium...
Now during May this year I was admitted into a psychiatric/drug rehab ward. It was voluntary. I had been drinking non stop for 4 days. I'd wake up and drink go to bed with my head spinning. The day I hopped off the bender I started shaking and had massive panic attacks/heart palpitations. At the ER I was inconsolable. I was scared and also ashamed.
I'm still abivalent as to whether being in a psychiatric ward was a good idea. That night I shared a room with a schizophrenic who altho was nice, definately didn't help my anxiety when he started talking about running children over...the nurses came in and saw me in a state so they took me into their office for blood pressure checks and apparently my b/p was going from high to low--which is not a good thing! They started asking if I'd had seizures before (no) and saying I may be about to get one. Luckly I didn't.
The next few days were a haze. I was loaded up on valium and slept alot.
Coming out of the hospital I was still on rough ground for weeks with anxiety. But I had no desire to drink. I lasted 4 months.
A few months ago I was at a friends place who i hadn't seen in a while. He was pressuring me to drink, as all of them were getting drunk. I kept refusing. Eventually he cracked a vintage bottle of red wine and said I should at least have a glass now his expensive bottle is open. I succumed and had a glass or two. Gradually as the weeks wore on, I'd drink alittle more every weekend knowing that it didn't cause me to lose the plot like before.
Now I'm at a bad stage. I drink 2 or 3 nights a week, but my intake has been upped to a bottle of spirits+more until i pass out or throw up. For once, some of my friends are starting to notice. But they're also the people that get drunk with me. Last night I ended up drinking a bottle of Wild Turkey and some vodka. The scary part was waking up in somebodys backyard--who i dont know, and that ugly feeling of still being drunk.
Now I just had my first panic attack again. Felt exactly like prehospital days. Wild thoughts, impending doom. I tried pacing around but it got worse. Thankfully I still have valium and its calming me down. I made a resolve never to go back to that hospital but it seems like I'm good at letting myself down. Well thats my consice story and I wish to thank everyone here for the lessons they share.
Think I might stick around here for a while
Luke.
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Welcome Luke.
Sounds like you've had a tough road of it. Its very dangerous to mix valium and alcohol. I think you need to see a dr as soon as you can. You need to make a plan, and stick with it. Whichever recovery method of support you choose will be work. But it sounds like your health depends on it. Get to the doc asap. Ask him what he thinks would be best for you. Please, take this seriously, and get help before its too late.
Sounds like you've had a tough road of it. Its very dangerous to mix valium and alcohol. I think you need to see a dr as soon as you can. You need to make a plan, and stick with it. Whichever recovery method of support you choose will be work. But it sounds like your health depends on it. Get to the doc asap. Ask him what he thinks would be best for you. Please, take this seriously, and get help before its too late.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Thanks for sharing, Luke
I can relate to the psych ward. I've been in them six times now, twice were due to alcohol consumption. It's a lousy hotel.
It's true that when we (heavy drinkers) get started it's bizarre the places we end up, where we don't want to end up. But rather than just hope that it'll never happen again we can do more by working toward a sober life. Much more assurances that way.
Getting clean is a lot more than just not wanting alcohol, it's not wanting the psychological effects that come with quitting. Good to keep in mind that alcohol will never solve that problem. It may delay the feelings (all the while making the next stop more painful.) A person can also just decide to remain constantly drunk, but that's a miserable and lethal way to be.
Quitting at first has its ups and its downs. Over time the downs get less intense and the ups keep getting better and better. It's worth it to stick it through.
I can relate to the psych ward. I've been in them six times now, twice were due to alcohol consumption. It's a lousy hotel.
It's true that when we (heavy drinkers) get started it's bizarre the places we end up, where we don't want to end up. But rather than just hope that it'll never happen again we can do more by working toward a sober life. Much more assurances that way.
Getting clean is a lot more than just not wanting alcohol, it's not wanting the psychological effects that come with quitting. Good to keep in mind that alcohol will never solve that problem. It may delay the feelings (all the while making the next stop more painful.) A person can also just decide to remain constantly drunk, but that's a miserable and lethal way to be.
Quitting at first has its ups and its downs. Over time the downs get less intense and the ups keep getting better and better. It's worth it to stick it through.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 14
Thanks guys, yes I should be seein my doctor today, unless i sleep thru the day, as its bordering 6am here but i can't sleep. Definately not keen to self medicate from withdrawals without much information.
I found the psyc ward interesting but also sad. I was the only one in there due to alcohol issues...the rest ranged from meth addicts thru to mentally ill. It was all a bit sad to see good people with families lose their functional life.
Part of me still likes the idea of drinking but when i think more about it, its never done anything but ruin things for me.
And Julez, i've been in some very scary places/blackouts when on valium+alcohol. Thats one thing i'll never be doing again.
I found the psyc ward interesting but also sad. I was the only one in there due to alcohol issues...the rest ranged from meth addicts thru to mentally ill. It was all a bit sad to see good people with families lose their functional life.
Part of me still likes the idea of drinking but when i think more about it, its never done anything but ruin things for me.
And Julez, i've been in some very scary places/blackouts when on valium+alcohol. Thats one thing i'll never be doing again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 204
I relate to a lot of your story, Luke. Especially the vallium, paramedics, etc. And of course the alarming rate at which we go from two glasses of wine to two bottles of spirits.
I'm pulling for you, and hope you make it to your doctor appointment.
I'm pulling for you, and hope you make it to your doctor appointment.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 316
Luke, I'm glad you're here! Hope you stick around. I'm young also (20) and it's always helpful to hear from another 20-something. While I've never been hospitalized for psychiatric issues, I do have bipolar II and chronic anxiety/panic attacks so I understand some of what you've been through. Had some Valium issues too, but I only used to it to stave off withdrawal. Blackouts really are scary, you're right about that! It's good that you have an appointment with your doctor. It sounds like you might be in physical danger again.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi Luke and Welcome,
As long as part of you still likes drinking, it's going to be very hard to live a sober life. I hope you can make the decision to stop drinking as it will help your mental health as well as your physical health. Please know that you can do this!
As long as part of you still likes drinking, it's going to be very hard to live a sober life. I hope you can make the decision to stop drinking as it will help your mental health as well as your physical health. Please know that you can do this!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi Luke
I'm a musician too and I jumped headlong into the life too...all my friends were drinkers...inevitably I found myself in situations much like yours...and inevitably (I'm somewhat older than you) the drink robbed me of my career and, for many years, my talent, and damn near took my life as well.
Things began to improve the day I accepted that alcohol and I were not a good combination. I got my life back
Do see your doctor - detox can sometimes be serious....and do keep posting and reading here....the folks here helped me to sort a lot of things out and get some help
Welcome to SR
D
I'm a musician too and I jumped headlong into the life too...all my friends were drinkers...inevitably I found myself in situations much like yours...and inevitably (I'm somewhat older than you) the drink robbed me of my career and, for many years, my talent, and damn near took my life as well.
Things began to improve the day I accepted that alcohol and I were not a good combination. I got my life back
Do see your doctor - detox can sometimes be serious....and do keep posting and reading here....the folks here helped me to sort a lot of things out and get some help
Welcome to SR
D
2nd chance at a 1st cl*** life
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Jose, Ca
Posts: 492
Well welcome to SR Lukejay, thanks for the share. You came to the right forum cause there are many people that can relate to your story. I've had my spats with drink before and like many just got to damn tired of being sick and tired. Getting into AA is probably one of the best decisions I've ever made. One of the best parts about it is that warm feeling I get inside when I think about the fact that I don't ever have to take a drink again...(sigh of relief). Welcome and keep coming back.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Welcome to the family!
Yes, do see your doctor. No matter how you get and stay sober, put your whole heart into it cause it really is a matter of life and death.
I quit drinking for good almost a year ago and am in such a better place now, mentally and physically. Drinking will cost you your health, if not your life.
I hope you can give it up for good...
Yes, do see your doctor. No matter how you get and stay sober, put your whole heart into it cause it really is a matter of life and death.I quit drinking for good almost a year ago and am in such a better place now, mentally and physically.
Drinking will cost you your health, if not your life.
I hope you can give it up for good...
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Glad you're here, Lukejay - We've all suffered the consequences of alcohol and kept drinking. It's clearly insane to do that, but such is the nature of addiction. I hope you're ready to take your life back - it really is better on the other side.
Take it a day at a time and get all the support you can.
Take it a day at a time and get all the support you can.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 14
Thankyou all so much for all the encouragement
Unfortunately I slept until late afternoon today and can't make it to the doctors as I've got to work tonite. Tommorrow I'll be definately going.
I'm feeling alittle strange now as I never thought I had cravings for the drink...but lo and behold less than two days after my last drink, I wouldn't mind doing it again. Almost feels like the alcohol is a pair of hands strangling me. Not a good feeling.
Even though I hate this part-time nightfilling job its probably better for me to be active tonight than sit around here going crazy in my mind whether or not I should drink or not.
Anyway, thankyou all again, and I wish you all the best.
Luke.
Unfortunately I slept until late afternoon today and can't make it to the doctors as I've got to work tonite. Tommorrow I'll be definately going.
I'm feeling alittle strange now as I never thought I had cravings for the drink...but lo and behold less than two days after my last drink, I wouldn't mind doing it again. Almost feels like the alcohol is a pair of hands strangling me. Not a good feeling.
Even though I hate this part-time nightfilling job its probably better for me to be active tonight than sit around here going crazy in my mind whether or not I should drink or not.
Anyway, thankyou all again, and I wish you all the best.
Luke.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 14
ok, well i saw my doc.
it was the same practise that my gp (the one that treated me after detox) works at but she wasn workin when i went in///so i saw another doc.
i was after some advice with the drink plus i needed a perscrip. for my puffer because i'm an asthmatic yet i smoke at least a pack a day.... ( my asthma aint that bad...still it'd been a while since i'd had my puffer... a few months).
so i said, " well, look at the screen(ie. my history) ....i've been in rehab/detox for alcoholism...i've been gettin drunk quite often...an now i'm gettin palpitations and anxiety/panic attacks from drinkin..." and he looks at me and says " well thats expected if you binge drink" then talks to me about smoking and i tell him i do at least a pack a day and he still doesnt seem too care too much (well granted i don think smokin is that bad at my age--24/5)...then he says ..."you don hav a problem"///
hmmm
hmmm
i guess he can't diagnose me, but still. i was accepted into medicine this year (I rejected it...i'm still doing electrical enginering)...hmmmm and i think i do...ahhhhhh well
what i find weird is, i can drink 5 standard drinks (i actually counted them) last nite
and didn feel much twinge in havin another...yet tonite...
i'm about to finish a bottle of wild turkey...ahh
guess i hate bein a muso...thanks, who it was above who said alcohol ruined their life because their a muso. it really is an occupational hazzarrd.
i will once again thank everyone for their comments/wisdom whether its to do with me or not....i'm glad to know i'm not alone ))
it was the same practise that my gp (the one that treated me after detox) works at but she wasn workin when i went in///so i saw another doc.
i was after some advice with the drink plus i needed a perscrip. for my puffer because i'm an asthmatic yet i smoke at least a pack a day.... ( my asthma aint that bad...still it'd been a while since i'd had my puffer... a few months).
so i said, " well, look at the screen(ie. my history) ....i've been in rehab/detox for alcoholism...i've been gettin drunk quite often...an now i'm gettin palpitations and anxiety/panic attacks from drinkin..." and he looks at me and says " well thats expected if you binge drink" then talks to me about smoking and i tell him i do at least a pack a day and he still doesnt seem too care too much (well granted i don think smokin is that bad at my age--24/5)...then he says ..."you don hav a problem"///
hmmm
hmmm
i guess he can't diagnose me, but still. i was accepted into medicine this year (I rejected it...i'm still doing electrical enginering)...hmmmm and i think i do...ahhhhhh well
what i find weird is, i can drink 5 standard drinks (i actually counted them) last nite
and didn feel much twinge in havin another...yet tonite...
i'm about to finish a bottle of wild turkey...ahh
guess i hate bein a muso...thanks, who it was above who said alcohol ruined their life because their a muso. it really is an occupational hazzarrd.
i will once again thank everyone for their comments/wisdom whether its to do with me or not....i'm glad to know i'm not alone
))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
A few months ago I was at a friends place who i hadn't seen in a while. He was pressuring me to drink, as all of them were getting drunk. I kept refusing. Eventually he cracked a vintage bottle of red wine and said I should at least have a glass now his expensive bottle is open. I succumed and had a glass or two. Gradually as the weeks wore on, I'd drink alittle more every weekend knowing that it didn't cause me to lose the plot like before.
I find that the adult "peer pressure" is an ongoing issue. I have had to leave my drinking buddy croonies behind. BUT I am serious about quitting..after your last post..working on polishing off a bottle of wild turkey..it seems you are not at that point yet. I know I sound like a broken record..but just recently lost a dear friend who would have been 53 on 11/17. I just figured drunken car wreck. Came to find out he died ALONE choking on his own vomit. I realize that may seem ancient to you..but beware..age will bite you in the butt so fast it will make your head spin. Especially..if you cruize thru life on a buzz of ANY kind. I wish you well.
I find that the adult "peer pressure" is an ongoing issue. I have had to leave my drinking buddy croonies behind. BUT I am serious about quitting..after your last post..working on polishing off a bottle of wild turkey..it seems you are not at that point yet. I know I sound like a broken record..but just recently lost a dear friend who would have been 53 on 11/17. I just figured drunken car wreck. Came to find out he died ALONE choking on his own vomit. I realize that may seem ancient to you..but beware..age will bite you in the butt so fast it will make your head spin. Especially..if you cruize thru life on a buzz of ANY kind. I wish you well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 14
hmmm mscooterbrown...
sad to hear you lost someone that early on... even tho thats ol enough to be my dad..,
i don know...i played last nite to a crowed. house...and they loved it it.. yet i was so drunk i started crawlin round on all knees and biting my bassist in the ankle.
f*** i don know who to believe anymore.
can't even trust myself. got some good gigs booked in syd/oxf art factory in month or so...f*** knows if i'll make it that long.
thanks all--i don know if this is what it is or its kinda not...
ahhh
ahhhh
sad to hear you lost someone that early on... even tho thats ol enough to be my dad..,
i don know...i played last nite to a crowed. house...and they loved it it.. yet i was so drunk i started crawlin round on all knees and biting my bassist in the ankle.
f*** i don know who to believe anymore.
can't even trust myself. got some good gigs booked in syd/oxf art factory in month or so...f*** knows if i'll make it that long.
thanks all--i don know if this is what it is or its kinda not...
ahhh
ahhhh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 14
alright, i've gotta a new update...even tho my last one was only a few hrs ago...
my dad is comin to pick me up...he reckons i need time off/ knows intuivately that i'm in trouble...i'm going back to the countryside with my sister (before she goes to paris) for a bit.
i will let you all know how it's going...i'm still pretty trashed off wild turkey right now.
not look forward to the sobriety ahead of me...plus mom being a hag tryinga make me take all my drugs/pharmacudical products back with me....god knows what she'd do with the xanax/valium/lexapro/pristique/whatever else is in my draw...ahhh i'll have to keep alittle bit of valium with me only to ward of the nasty hangover guess i do have a problem.
just dawned on me then. sorry guys for makin this so cathartic...hmm they (parent) want me to go to sleep before they pick me up but for some reason the drink fires me up big time. even tho i'm alone right now, i'm not tired at all.
ahhh,
thanks all again for the support. i will be seeing (i promise) my doc in my home town.
I asked him only a few months ago about cravin alcohol (i went in with a different problem...god dammn bed bugs)...yet he really was serious aboout alcoholism because he called himself a 'dry drunk' (he looks about 60)...i'd never heard that term before...and he talked to me for a long while about alcohol and in his own words whether i can "take it or leave it". then i started trashing on AA and he said to me,
" don knock it, its helped alot of people"
was weird, only because i'd never expect a doc to be a god damn alco lol. i'm pretty sure he's gonna be very very useful even tho it pains me to say that. (its 8am now and i'm stilldrinkin) hmmmm.
thanks all once again.
Luke.
my dad is comin to pick me up...he reckons i need time off/ knows intuivately that i'm in trouble...i'm going back to the countryside with my sister (before she goes to paris) for a bit.
i will let you all know how it's going...i'm still pretty trashed off wild turkey right now.
not look forward to the sobriety ahead of me...plus mom being a hag tryinga make me take all my drugs/pharmacudical products back with me....god knows what she'd do with the xanax/valium/lexapro/pristique/whatever else is in my draw...ahhh i'll have to keep alittle bit of valium with me only to ward of the nasty hangover
guess i do have a problem.just dawned on me then. sorry guys for makin this so cathartic...hmm they (parent) want me to go to sleep before they pick me up but for some reason the drink fires me up big time. even tho i'm alone right now, i'm not tired at all.
ahhh,
thanks all again for the support. i will be seeing (i promise) my doc in my home town.
I asked him only a few months ago about cravin alcohol (i went in with a different problem...god dammn bed bugs)...yet he really was serious aboout alcoholism because he called himself a 'dry drunk' (he looks about 60)...i'd never heard that term before...and he talked to me for a long while about alcohol and in his own words whether i can "take it or leave it". then i started trashing on AA and he said to me,
" don knock it, its helped alot of people"
was weird, only because i'd never expect a doc to be a god damn alco lol. i'm pretty sure he's gonna be very very useful even tho it pains me to say that. (its 8am now and i'm stilldrinkin) hmmmm.
thanks all once again.
Luke.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I'm sorry you're still floundering Luke.
I've been where you are - and it doesn't get better mate.
Nothing changes if nothing changes, Luke. I can attest to that.
Hopefully you can sort some things out in yr head out in the country.
Good luck
D
I've been where you are - and it doesn't get better mate.
Nothing changes if nothing changes, Luke. I can attest to that.
Hopefully you can sort some things out in yr head out in the country.
Good luck
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 14
well to keep you all updated, if you care, or if you dont...
went to the countryside for a week...
talkin about alcohol seems taboo around my parents....they knew how drunk i was last week(my last post about drinkin abottle of wild turkey) and they know i do that all too often, but they had nothin to say, i dont blame them, i don tell them nothin they don even know i been in rebab before...so i was there for a week...
had nothin to do but think...and laugh with my sister (she 22)...everythin was easin up, yet anxiety started moaning to me and i knew why it was...alcohol....
looked into the sky everynite sober, got sad and lonesome knew in my heart that alcohol hadn't left it, maybe for a week or two but it means too much too me at the moment........ahhh then i think of what its done to me
shaking in some old hospital...around people that care for me, but don know me at all...nurses, ahhh felt so sad, there was one nurse in the hospital that kept talkin to me all thru detox, he was wise, he spoke so distinctively about anxiety etc...i always knew tho that anxiety was borne thru alcohol....
so, now here i am again...
been waitin all week for tonite. drank like a fish. probably a bottle of jack daniels and more. it made my confidence yet ruined my face. i had nothin else to do but act drunk, but act less than i should (other ppl were more drunk than me, but they can hold on to what they do)
so now i sit here in this lonely hour, wishin i had more to say, wishin i had more wisdom or somethin like that...
i hope to be clean one day, ,,, maybe it is time for AA or Smart ya know....
i can't help this site at the moment because i cant even help myself...ahhh
maaybe one day i'll be healthy and free.
i guess freedom is what we all strive for. i guess we all have it but don realize it. ahh.
thanks all anyway.
Luke.
went to the countryside for a week...
talkin about alcohol seems taboo around my parents....they knew how drunk i was last week(my last post about drinkin abottle of wild turkey) and they know i do that all too often, but they had nothin to say, i dont blame them, i don tell them nothin they don even know i been in rebab before...so i was there for a week...
had nothin to do but think...and laugh with my sister (she 22)...everythin was easin up, yet anxiety started moaning to me and i knew why it was...alcohol....
looked into the sky everynite sober, got sad and lonesome knew in my heart that alcohol hadn't left it, maybe for a week or two but it means too much too me at the moment........ahhh then i think of what its done to me
shaking in some old hospital...around people that care for me, but don know me at all...nurses, ahhh felt so sad, there was one nurse in the hospital that kept talkin to me all thru detox, he was wise, he spoke so distinctively about anxiety etc...i always knew tho that anxiety was borne thru alcohol....
so, now here i am again...
been waitin all week for tonite. drank like a fish. probably a bottle of jack daniels and more. it made my confidence yet ruined my face. i had nothin else to do but act drunk, but act less than i should (other ppl were more drunk than me, but they can hold on to what they do)
so now i sit here in this lonely hour, wishin i had more to say, wishin i had more wisdom or somethin like that...
i hope to be clean one day, ,,, maybe it is time for AA or Smart ya know....
i can't help this site at the moment because i cant even help myself...ahhh
maaybe one day i'll be healthy and free.
i guess freedom is what we all strive for. i guess we all have it but don realize it. ahh.
thanks all anyway.
Luke.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Rangely Colorado
Posts: 80
Hey buddy - here's something to think about ...
Do you like who you are? Do you have moments of clarity when you aren't drinking that remind you of who you really are, or that make you wonder who you really are?
I have no idea what time it is where you are, but whatever time it is, IT'S TIME. It's time to remember who you really are and who/what you have been created to be. Do yourself a favor and just rest on that for tonight.
Love yourself first. You aren't being very nice to yourself if you're drinking. We love ya anyway, but it's really important that YOU love you!
Do you like who you are? Do you have moments of clarity when you aren't drinking that remind you of who you really are, or that make you wonder who you really are?
I have no idea what time it is where you are, but whatever time it is, IT'S TIME. It's time to remember who you really are and who/what you have been created to be. Do yourself a favor and just rest on that for tonight.
Love yourself first. You aren't being very nice to yourself if you're drinking. We love ya anyway, but it's really important that YOU love you!
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