scared1

I just started attending AA last week and I have been told by many men at the meeting that I need to get a female sponsor now. I should have done it last week.
My question is... why and how?
Why do I need a sponsor so badly? How can I get one if I don't even know anyone. I would love to meet someone who drank the way I drank and had a life similar to mine. I think I would understand her better and vise versa. But I don't know where to start. Can a sponsor be from another meeting group?
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you

tsmba

There is a fine pamphlet called "On Sponsorship" that is available free at most meetings. It addresses this topic.

Think of a sponsor as a mentor to guide you in the Program. While we all need one, we need to choose wisely. Some things to remember: we need to choose a sponsor of the same sex, a sponsor should have their own sponsor, we can always choose another sponsor if things don't work out, and we can always pick a temporary sponsor.

Take the time you need to choose wisely, but work on it!

CarolD

Here is the info Tom memtioned

Alcoholics Anonymous : Questions & Answers on Sponsorship

Glad to know you are interested in moving forward....

keithj

Scared1,

Certainly take a look at the pamphlet the Carol and Tom have referenced. It's a good start. I've said on here before that I think it leaves a lot to be desired, and even has some things contrary to our common solution, but you needn't worry about that right now.

The solution in AA is to have a spiritual awakening as the result of taking the 12 Steps. That solution gets internalized by two alcoholics working closely together. Sponsorship is critical. The main criteria for a sponsor is that they are alcoholic, like you, and that they have had a spiritual awakening as the result of the Steps. Very little else matters.

If they have those two things, hopefully they can help you see the truth about yourself.

soberjulie

I cab only offer to you, what was offered to me. I was told to go to a bunch of different meetings, pay close attention to the females in the room...listen to what they had to share. When I found a few women who seemed to 'have what I wanted' and they seemed happy about recovery, willing to put themselves out there and talk openly and honestly, then I was ready to take the next step and ask them for a coffee. This is where I could ask vital questions like: Do you have a sponsor? How long have you been in recovery? (Time itself shouldnt always be the make or break deal....but its not advisable to get a sponsor that has under a year themselves) Have you done the steps? (Oh my...please ask this and save yourself the mistake I made)
You can also ask anything else pertaining to sponsorship or recovery that floats through your mind.
Im an open book with newcomers looking for sponsorship or friendship. My responsibility as an AA member is to share my experience strength and hope with others, and I consider it a privledge to do so. My experience is that most people are willing to answer almost anything pertaining to their recovery.

Keep an open mind and look at ALL women. She doesnt have to look like you, be from the same background, be married/unmarried like you. Maybe she's WAY older than you, maybe she's younger....maybe her skin colour is different, maybe she's a proffessional woman or been homeless. Look at everyone, and listen to their shares.
She's out there....God will put her in your path...just be receptive to watching for her, and be willing to do the footwork like asking her for coffee.:day6

tsmba

Two points I forgot to mention: regarding a sponsor, you are looking for a guide and/or mentor, NOT a best friend. A sponsor may become a good friend, but the relationship starts differently. Another point I've had mentioned to me is to never use multiple sponsors. Some folks make that sound like a good thing, but mentoring someone isn't done by committee. We look to a sponsor for guidance, and want to avoid jumping from one to another until we get answers that suit us at the moment.