Harry01854

"Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four."

Please share your experince on your 4th Step. Please keep in mind that this is all about helping the newcomer to better understand the process of the Steps.

Thank you,

Harry

DayTrader

LMFAO...... step 4 comes up and the room goes silent - just like in real life!!!

I have to be quick but wanted to say a couple things:

Once I graduated college I had an allergy to homework, writing papers and studying......all of which this step requires.

I got ****-poor instructions on how to do it and my 1st sponsor hit my resentment list in subsequent inventories for just telling me "read the book, it's in there" - on a good note, it taught me to be very explicit and helpful with others when they're writing theirs.

I've written a LOT of inventories since.......hundreds of pages...... and no, not all of it has been in the 4-column format. Sometimes the format works best but sometimes I need more "room" to explore with the pen in my hand.

I finally decided about a year ago that it's ok if I never finish "my inventory" and I've been perpetually writing them since (and 5th stepping them)

I USED to go into deeeeeep depressions writing those darn things - shameful, mad at self cuz a lot of that stuff I still do, etc etc.... Now I use a "set aside" prayer before and after writing which makes a HUGE difference. I discover lots of new stuff because of it AND I don't walk around chock-full of self-hatred. --double win.

I still don't necessarily like writing them........but I sure as hell like the effect produced by them.

keithj

Blocking me from what? Oh, that's right, the sunlight of the spirit.

My heartfelt prayer and sincere faith is not enough. Whew, thank goodness for me, because I had nothing heartfelt nor sincere about my faith.

Those things that block me, are the manifestations of self, in the forms of resentment, fear, and my relations with others. I had to get down to the causes and conditions of those manifestations.

Starting this inventory, it was very easy for me to see how others had wronged me, how I was a victim of circumstance. I followed the directions.
I listed why I was angry. Then I listed how it affected my life. Man, oh man, what an eye-opener. I saw that the world and it's people really dominated me. All those people out there, without even trying to, owned me. They controlled everything from my self-esteem, my sex-life, and even my pocketbook.

And then I was asked, with god's help, to see the truth.
These were the causes and conditions of my resentments. These were what set the train in motion. Decisions based in self, placed me in a position to be harmed.

I was taught to be very precise, without judgment, without explaining, in setting down my actions and behaviors. Where was I to blame? Every single resentment could be tied back to a fear. A fear of maybe, just maybe, I could not pull it off the way I thought it needed to be. Self-reliance failed.

Then I got to see how those fears played in my relationship to others.

My first 4th Step was not perfect. There were things I missed and had to go back and look at. But it was done to the best of my ability, and when I was done, I had written a lot. Not as much as some, and quite a bit more than others. Without knowing it at the time, it accomplished what it needed to. It told me the truth about myself.

And then I moved to telling someone else the truth about myself (Step 5).

Harry01854

“Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.”

Well, my sponsor told me to get notebooks and pens. I asked him how many of each? He told me to start out with a couple of those double notebooks (whatever they are called) and a few pens and if I needed more I could get them along the way. And he said when I get them, to use the layout in the Big Book. First listing names, after that, institutions and finally, principles. Next to follow was the causes and how they affected me. He also reminded me that this was not supposed to be the story of my life and to just follow the directions.

I explained to my wife I was going to go into the bedroom, close the door and what I was going to do. After in there I invited God in and prayed for his help for me to be thorough, and rigorously honest.

So I did just that, started out with a list of the names and in some cases just who the person was because I had no name. After a period of time I did the same with institutions and then principles. When I was sure I was done with resentments, causes and the affects, my sponsor and I got together and he guided me into the turnarounds. When done with those I started my sex inventory following the same directions.

It was through the turnarounds though that I saw what I did wrong what I could have done different. I learned how to stop blaming others.

“We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished we considered it carefully. The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived.”

So I went over everything I had written down and added where I forgotten some. Went over it again and again and when I was sure I was done I let my sponsor know. He then told me to make a list of things I had done wrong. Stressing upon the fact that I should include everything that I was not going to tell anyone and was sure I was going to take to the grave with me.

How many names were on my lists, or how many notebooks I had used are not important. What is important is that I was honest and thorough.

One thing my sponsor told me from the beginning, when we first started at the “Doctors Experience,” was that this wasn’t to be a race. He would constantly remind me “no speeding in the trudging zone.”

He would come to see me at least 2 to 3 times a week to see how I was doing. Not how I was progressing with my 4th Step, but more concerned how I was handling it. And, one thing I did notice when he would come over, I had my Big Book and notebooks out, and as we were talking and sharing, he was thumbing through my notebooks. I won’t swear to it, but he probably read everything I wrote before we even got to the 5th Step. Lol


Through this process I had seen all my fears, real or imagined. My sponsor also had me make out a list of things that I had done that were good. We all have good in us, for some reason or other, I had fears of what people would think of me if I was to show my good side.

“It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.”

I was 58 years old when I was doing this process and most of my life was like a flash and a lot forgotten. I have to admit, with God's help, I managed to remember quite a lot.

I didn’t count days, weeks or months that were to go by, I can tell you it took some time. When I was done, next Step was Five.

Tommyh

I started my 4th step right after my 3rd step before I left my sponsors house.He had me start writing before I went home.He looked it over to see if i was doing it right.
I wrote and wrote and when it was done I had over 500 names on my list.
I was a very angry man.
I did mine like the big book said,and when I got to column 4,I followed the directions in the book,and I also asked myself a question,what did I want?
I saw I wanted something from each resentment and did not get it or I did not get it the way I thought it was supposed to be.
I saw a fear in each resentment and i was to name the fear.
I finished up my 4 column list,and I prayed the sick mans prayed for each name on my list.The prayer time changed my life and it took a lot of praying.

I then took the fears I had identified from my resentment list and started a fear list,and put additional fears on it.
I asked myself why i had those fears and how did self will fail me?
I asked myself another question
If I had trusted and relied in God___ __ ___ __ ___ ___
I filled in the blanks and then I saw how my life could have been different and how it can be different today.
I saw how I changed my life at a early age to try and behave how I thought you would want me to behave so you would accept me,and how the world had controlled me ever since I was a young boy.

then I was to use the fear prayer from the big book on each fear,which I did and still do today

then on to sex
I was to list every sex act
whether alone,with animals,men ,women,or objects.
I listed all my sex acts
I asked myself the questions from the big book and wrote them out
I saw how I had harmed a lot of folks and myself in the process.
How I never had a good relationship
I constructed a sex prayer and prayed it on every sex act on my list,and I use it today if need be.If I had trusted and relied in God my whole life would have been different and many harms would have been avoided,but my self will produces hurts and harms.

I used the answers i got from praying for my God given sex ideal and prayed for God to help me live up to it

DayTrader

I know that, even though the book advises to do the inventory in one manner, I've got a couple friends in the fellowship who say some of the best inventories they've done were done on a post-it note, a napkin, or a scrap of paper. Sometimes writing less is better.

I could add to this, my gg-sponsor is an advocate of getting through the first 8 steps in about 30 minutes. He's said he's always had the best success with very very small inventories, done every day and 5th stepped every day for the new person's first year. His comment is, "If you write down one thing and we talk about it everyday for a year, we'll cover more ground that first year than most sponsees / sponsors cover in the first couple years."

Pagekeeper

I keep it simple: What's in stock?

It's an inventory of what's in stock. I put stuff on my first 4th that wasn't really "in stock." The 4th isn't about listing every little thing that has ever irritated me. If that was the case, I'd never finish it. It's about what's in stock. Right now. What bothers the hell out of me? What memories do I wince at? Do I daydream about revenge? With who and why? What do I avoid? What and who scares me? Who have I hopped into bed with? Who have I flirted with? Have I used my sexuality to get what I want, even if there was no physical contact?

Stuff like that.

I don't believe it should take months to finish this step. If one believes their life depends on writing this inventory--and if they are a real alcoholic, it does depend on it--it shouldn't take more than a few days, at most.

DayTrader

Page...
On the other side of that coin though, I'll tell you I've found some reeeeally important stuff by listing/writing about some things that I didn't think were in stock now...but I wasn't aware that they were not only in stock, they had their own room!


I think the first 4th step should be as complete as the writer make it. I agree with you though, it doesn't make sense to continually rewrite and speak about dead issues but I think the decision to leave things off is probably best left to those with a handful of years in sobriety or more.

Harry01854

"Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us.

It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret.

We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.

We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty.

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit.

If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.

Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.

Perhaps there is a better way, we think so. For we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity."

I thought I would add these lines from the Big Book, all on Step 4.

Thanks to all who have contributed and hopefully we have more experiences shared.

Harry