Originally Posted by AA BB 1st
Though our decision (Step 3) was vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us.
Blocking me from what? Oh, that's right, the sunlight of the spirit.
My heartfelt prayer and sincere faith is not enough. Whew, thank goodness for me, because I had nothing heartfelt nor sincere about my faith.
Those things that block me, are the manifestations of self, in the forms of resentment, fear, and my relations with others. I had to get down to the causes and conditions of those manifestations.
Starting this inventory, it was very easy for me to see how others had wronged me, how I was a victim of circumstance. I followed the directions.
Originally Posted by AA BB 1st
In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principle with who we were angry.
I listed why I was angry. Then I listed how it affected my life. Man, oh man, what an eye-opener. I saw that the world and it's people really dominated me. All those people out there, without even trying to, owned me. They controlled everything from my self-esteem, my sex-life, and even my pocketbook.
And then I was asked, with god's help, to see the truth.
Originally Posted by AA BB 1st
Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened?
These were the causes and conditions of my resentments. These were what set the train in motion. Decisions based in self, placed me in a position to be harmed.
I was taught to be very precise, without judgment, without explaining, in setting down my actions and behaviors. Where was I to blame? Every single resentment could be tied back to a fear. A fear of maybe, just maybe, I could not pull it off the way I thought it needed to be. Self-reliance failed.
Then I got to see how those fears played in my relationship to others.
My first 4th Step was not perfect. There were things I missed and had to go back and look at. But it was done to the best of my ability, and when I was done, I had written a lot. Not as much as some, and quite a bit more than others. Without knowing it at the time, it accomplished what it needed to. It told me the truth about myself.
And then I moved to telling someone else the truth about myself (Step 5).