ChrrisT

Hey guys,
Just found this site. It seems awesome!! I've been reading for about 20 minutes and I have already laughed and cryed.

The reason I was looking... please help

short and sweet (well maybe not so short)
Relationship 5 years (married) of mostly h&ll - all the typical b.s. - yes it was voluntary - not an arranged thing.
Separated for 6 months - reconciled - back together 1 year
regular meetings - check
working the steps and sponsor - check
no relaspes - check
loves life - check
working like a dog- check
money in the bank - check
everything good

BUT...
That brain thing!! you know - trying to make sense of his senselessness.
the double talk - the contradictions in the same sentence.
the denial - saying anything just to win - how bout living in reality ALL the time dude!
I know I'm not crazy - I know his emotional development has been stunted (he started drinking at 12) (occasionally he remembers - but then forgets - like a dog).
The Question - Is this acoholism or just testostrone?

Thank you!!!

coffeedrinker

i don't know about the testosterone....i'm not sure if that was a gender insult comment. it is my belief that men are not hard-wired to be jerks, insensitive, or ridiculous. but once someone crosses the line into addiction, that's all part of the package.

welcome to sober recovery forum. it is a good, good place.

i think it takes time - for him to regain sanity, and for you as well.

stick around.

Jazzman

You sure it's not just estrogen?

Sorry, couldn't help it, the setup was too good to pass up.

Anyway,

Welcome to SR, here you will find a lot of people that are/have been in your shoes. Here's a good sticky from the "best of" section I like to share with newcomers. I followed each suggestion as if my sanity depended on it. I hope it helps you as much as it did me. Keep posting!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2051022

gerryP

Hey Chrris,

Have I got this straight? Your husband 'has' quit drinking? For how long has he been sober?

ChrrisT

Thank you so much for your replies - all very helpful.
And I did not mean to offend with the testosterone comment.
It's just that when trying to work through something and I try to make sense of it - logically, I feel like we just go around it circles. He has said we don't see things the same because men see things differently. I believe that and accept it to a certain point, but he's not like all men.

I love that comment from coffeedrinker about gaining sanity, he has many moments of such clarity and then sometimes.. wow what happened.

He has been sober for 14 months and I know he's not using.
He wants to be well. And I want him to be well... that being said I no longer count his meetings or the times he calls his sponsor or check up on him during the day or make him do the breathalizer . It is an effort (like fighting nature) - but I enjoy my life and do things for myself now. Leaving him to take care of what he needs to.
It's the day to day - life - marriage - living - problems that all couples must deal with, that can be exhausting to get through.
Thank you All

CarolD

Welcome...
All my best as the two of you work through this situation...

sandrawg

Good for you! Sounds to me like you're on the right track.

As for the other stuff...the kind of nutty comments, or whatever...are you guys in any kind of counseling at all? Communication skills are something all couples can use help working on, whether there's a RA in the couple or not.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

Pull out the keyboard and make yourself at home.
You will find lots of support and information here.

You mentioned that your RAH (recovering alcoholic husband) has a sponsor and is working the steps.
How about you?

What steps are you taking to live a more serene life? Have you tried Alanon? Even though your A is now sober, you still qualify as having a loved one that was addicted to alcohol.

I find Alanon meetings help me to stay focused, calm and serene in my personal, business and casual relationships.