LeahFL

I just don't how to start stopping; I've been drinking every late afternoon/evening for so long that I'm so habituated to it, I don't know what else to do during those times. Did anyone else have this problem when you first stopped? I never drank when I was younger, but when I was 42, my now ex-husband and I took a trip to Las Vegas, and I drank for the first time in my life and have been drinking ever since. Each morning, I say that I won't drink later, but later in the afternoon, I feel lost, like I don't know what else to do with that vast late afternoon and evening stretched out in front of me, and the alcohol has caused such weight gain that I'm horribly depressed and want to stop but then I don't and don't know why I don't because I want to. Can anyone please offer me your advice, something even to help me get through the first day.

Dee74

Hi Leah

I know it seems insurmountable, if not impossible, but I know of no shortcuts....we just have to try and stop.

Often seeing your Dr first can help, if only to make sure you're safe throughout the detox period.

Other than that, I think support is vital. I sat on SR here for a few days...others join a recovery group like AA, SMART or something like that...the important thing is to get as much support as you can to get through the first day sober...then the second...then the third....and so on....

It really is one day at a time, but you're not alone. We all understand.

D

1lastchance

I recently reached my bottom after 30 years of heavy drinking daily.(whiskey is my Demon and still is) I new in my heart I have had enough of the sickness and being in pain all the time and the swollen liver and all that go's with the self destruction so 13 days ago I started to make an effort to start being good to myself first. what I did was focus selfishly on me.I freed up time for me!! I did things that I haven't cared about in years. I cut and colored my hair plucked my eyebrows shaved my legs and took hot baths and when I had the unbearable desire to drink I would either take my dog out for a walk or I would take a nap which last week was so easy to do because I was really sleepy it was part of my withdrawals. I think its most important to keep as busy as possible and know in your heart that when you have the cravings that it will pass and when you don't succumb to them you feel better and better about yourself. in the days that follow you will start to feel so much better that you wont want to go back to feeling hungover and lethargic and just plain sick and another huge benefit for me is dropping weight I am no longer swollen and the pain in my sides are gone its truly amazing how quickly your body will respond. I also spent a whole day redoing my pantry and cleaning the refrigerator out of all the junk and went shopping and replaced the junk with good stuff and on my 1st day I poured all the liquor down the drain and I mean all of it!
just do it and don't look back I am not saying its easy at first but it really does get easier as you begin to feel better in your own skin. this time last week I was posting here and was having shakes so much that typing was difficult. today my hands are calm my mind is clear I feel truly happy for the first time in years and I refuse to give that back to the booze.......
Big Hug's YOU can do this!

KingsCross

Well... you just stop. Not drinking becomes more important than drinking. You need to find things (like "life") to fill the time you spend drinking. It's scary because you just think there is a void if you remove drinking. There is if you don't grow and expand your life.

I felt the same way as you do. It's like losing a tooth and there will always be a hole there with out drinking. It's not true. Stop drinking and your life will become overflowing with good things.

You wrote "ex-husband". I'm guessing this was a fairly recent divorce and you have not moved your life on? Drinking could be filling his place. When you are down it's hard to imagine a bright future but there will be one for you. Just a day at a time for now.

LeahFL

Thank you Dee74; I did realize that I need to have support, and I appreciate your helpful comments. I had tried AA in the past, several times, and it just didn't work for me, and that's maybe my fault. Sitting for an hour in the evening talking about alcohol seemed to make me want to drink even more, and then I'd pass all the stores with alcohol on the way home. So I'm trying to turn to others online..thank you again

smacked

Leah, what others have said.. just stop. But with a doctor's supervision/consult to make sure you detox safely. I could just 'stop' for days, but I always returned to the same thing, especially after feeling better, or feeling like I had accomplished something.. and I'd reward myself with more drinking! Sick, I tell ya. In those first few days, I went to a bunch of AA meetings, and I totally understand what you're saying about how difficult and frankly triggering it can be to sit and 'talk about drinking' for an hour. However, I found that once I truly wanted to be sober, and stay that way, my mind shifted a bit. I no longer had my own personal permission to drink, no chance. I didn't find AA to be what was the 'program' for me, but I certainly couldn't do it alone. I ended up seeing a counselor 2x a week for several months which really helped solidify my committment and worked out a lot of underlying 'stuff' that I was feeling.

During the time I would usually drink (evenings/dinner.. til I passed out), I spent every moment at the gym. Lots of hours on the treadmill, or out walking. It seemed silly and like I was avoiding my normal life, but I had to CHANGE my entire life. It's impossible to do this without some significant changes in routine, thoughts, intentions..

Maybe give AA another try if you're open to it, stay after the meeting and talk to people, hang out for coffee afterwards with some of them.. ask for the help you need.

LeahFL

Thank you so much for sharing your experience; I appreciate it so much, and it helps. And that's a good idea I will try--start fixing myself up again--my hair, my face, nails. I used to take such pride in my looks. I remember before that trip to Vegas...5'7", 110 lbs,
hair down to there, heels up to there..well, I'm older now so maybe will pass on the heels and hair to the rear..but I'd really like the 110 lbs back! I will try to get a haircut today..have just been balling it up on my head everyday...and I've already checked movie listings for tonight...planning to go see "Marmaduke" instead of sliding into my usual stupor..thank you again!

LeahFL

Thanks KingsCross...actually I've been divorced for 11 years; he was extremely emotionally and verbally abusive...I felt so happy when I discovered alcohol because I thought I had the perfect escape; he could say anything, call me any name, and I'd just drink it away. After finding alcohol, I still stayed in the marriage another 7 yrs, during which time I became anorexic, then bulimic, and almost died after reaching a dangerously low weight. Finally, at the urging of both my doctor and my church minister, I got a divorce. I have a number of people and things in my life that could give me much personal satisfaction--pets, work with animals, art/painting, music...but I'm never able to give 100% due to either craving, or being hungover, or drinking. Thank you so much for your comments...everyone this morning has been so helpful

1lastchance

good for you Leah! you can do this and when you feel at the end of your rope post here and let it out! we will always be ready to listen and help get you though the tough times after all we are in your shoes and know all too well what its like.
take care and enjoy that Movie I want to see that one as well

smacked

Ah yes, movies! Eats up most of the evening, during the 'witching hour', I did that too!

LeahFL

Thanks Smacked...and that's exactly it..times when I managed to not drink for just one day, I was wanting to reward myself the next day..by drinking! Absolutely absurd! I have come to feel like I have some sort of mental or brain disease, like my brain is not functioning correctly. And that's probably true...I've been drinking either 3 bottles of champagne or 12 beers every night for years now.

KingsCross

LeahFL, see, you do have a life! Art, pets, friends, they are all waiting for you. You will stop drinking and embrace all that and more. Good start with the movie, don't come home by the stores, and have another activity planned when you come home, like a special snack, or herbal tea, something. Extend your activity though the evening until bedtime. Just don't go home and fall into that drinking hole. You've explored that enough, right? Find something new to fill your time. One day becomes two, and then that's three, and hey, look, it's four!

You won't drink today. Tomorrow will work itself out. Lots of people here to help you.

least

Asking your doctor for help in getting thru the first few days of withdrawal can really help. Often meds are given for the first few days to keep you safe and your w/d a bit more comfortable. It will be rough going at first but don't give in and drink and it WILL get better.

I stopped and started again so many times but never gave up and now am almost seven months sober and feeling great. You can feel great again too. Just be strong and remember all the reasons you want to quit. Find or invent things to do that you like, with me it's my dogs. I'm a better dog-mom sober and have money for their needs now that I'm not drinking away so much money.

Come here when/if you get urges to drink. Post your thoughts and frustrations, or just read our posts. This site has helped me so much in staying sober, I hope we can be as much help to you.

Ghostly

Leah, I rarely drank till I was 31. I was on a trip and was introduced to my horrible drink. That started me drinking daily. I too became upset by my physical condition. The more I drank the more depressed I got, so I drank more.

Like people before wrote you need to stop, then find support and something to fill the void. I echo the importance of talking to your Dr. You are not alone. You can do this Leah.

seeker7

Hi Leah, you can definitely do this. You took an important first step by coming here to post. I did the same thing and it changed my life. The physical withdrawals can be hard so learning from the experience of others here has made a world of difference for me. I knew what to expect and what was waiting for me on the other side. It kept that voice of addiction from bulldozing over what was left of my sanity. LOL!

Kjell

Do something, anything, everything different.

I'm of the opinion that the same me will drink again. Maybe that's true for you?

1lastchance

yep! the withdrawls are tough but for me waking up the morning after hating myself (again) and feeling like I was on deaths door was even tougher. I started out drinking beer,wine,pink champagne(9 bottles a night) all that turned out to be kool aid compared to where it lead me. my body got to a point where my drink of choice didn't do what it once did so I went in search of the buzz I used to get and ended up really liking straight whisky with hard cider chasers and I did that almost daily since 1998 that's what lead me to my end 13 days ago I literally drank 3-5ths of Jack Daniel's and at least a case of hard cider (I lost count) in one evening and woke up bloody,bruised and really messed up I still don't know why I haven't died of Alcohol poisoning. that's when I knew I have to stop or I will be dead.
sometimes life is hard but its better than being dead and now that I see what I can do sober and how good I can feel I want life to be my drug of choice. I am still getting hardcore pangs its almost like a bolt of lightning zaps through me and I want it so bad my personality even changes but I fight it and in 20 min or so its over until the next one comes however I thank God they are getting fewer and farther between as the days go by and yours will too!

artsoul

Hi Leah - great to have you here! I didn't have any interest in things when I was drinking, but all that is starting to come back in sobriety. The mornings (waking up without anxiety, headache, stomach ache, etc) are really incredible now. You are going to love feeling good about yourself again.:day6

One thing that helped me with the cravings the first several days was to make sure I ate well. I allowed myself treats, too. Your blood sugar is all over the place when you drink, so let yourself eat whatever/whenever you want to at first. It really really helps reduce the urge to drink. I was ravenous the first week or so, but after that, my appetite went back to normal, even less than when I was drinking. Don't worry about anything like weight right now. Just focus on getting sober and taking it a day at a time.

If we can do it, so can you! I would definitely check into getting a doctor's help for detox, though. A doctor can also help you with the depression. If you can find someone who specializes in addiction/detox that's even better. It's a big adjustment going from that much alcohol a day to nothing.

LeahFL

Thanks to all of you wonderful people for helping me throught this day. I had nothing to drink and will be seeing a doctor tomorrow morning to see if I need something while I detox. I had to go out today, and coming home it was so much easier to pass up the stores with the alcohol...it's like you guys were all in the car with me!! I just want you to know how much you helped me...I made my start!

Kmber2010

Leah - Welcome to SR and know that you have our support and so much info/experience to read through.

I was very similar to you with the verbally/abusive ex, drinking to numb pain, using it to tolerate my life and then it consumed me. Good days were rewarded with drink, bad days were deserving of a good drink. It became daily and finally I chose it over eating, exercise, leaving the house finally. What dark days but I started my journey to sobriety with my divorce. It was then that I knew that I had to break this daily habit, addiction to alcohol. My alcoholic mind told me I needed it so even when I was content in the evening watching a movie.....my brain was racing.....saying you must drink.

How did I get sober? First try ever was in January was to toss the booze and just stop. Made it almost 3 months until an injury. I stopped posting on SR, didn't do really any recovery as I thought I was actually ok. Since I quit cold turkey.....well maybe I really wasn't this raging alcoholic I thought I was.

Yeahhhhhh.....I relapsed on a nasty bender in April. Got back up and dumped out the rum and in an incoherent, rambling, shaking panic attack posted on SR. Held on tight for a few days and started up counseling. Forced myself to follow up on a job and am now working for almost 2 months again. I have focused my recovery on acceptance and being at peace with who I am. I am an alcoholic and no matter how long I abstain, or work my recovery.......I know one sip is all it will take to send me right back to the bottomless pit. I have made tremendous lifestyle changes and worked on a positive me. I work on it every day and sometimes its 1 step forward and 3 steps back but I know who I am and I like me!! I actually do once I took away the drunken haze.....I actually am pretty cool....lol.

It does get better but the first step is quit and get into recovery. While no one will get us sober........we need support and positive change. A new you my friend!!!

Looking forward to your journey and bringing your Dr. into the loop is a great idea.