The lies my brain is telling me..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 143
The lies my brain is telling me..
I am on day 5 right now.. I really do not feel that I am going to give in to the justifications that keep running through my head as to why it would be ok to just run out and buy some wine, but it's amazing how many of these keep popping up:
1. I never had hangovers like everyone else keeps talking about - I must not have had a "real" problem
2. In other cultures it's normal to drink a bottle of wine nightly (this is probably not even true!)
3. A long time ago I could have just a couple of glasses of wine..maybe I just need a break from it in order to get back to "normal"
4. Everyone else can drink - it's just not FAIR that I can't
5. I had no physical withdrawals..I must not have been addicted
6. Drinking looks so "innocent" on TV commercials - social, fun, attractive..
But, recently when my mind has these thoughts it automatically jumps to "playing the tape to the end" as I have been reading on here - the health worries, the hiding, the lies, lack of emotional control when drinking, and many, many other consequences..also thinking of looking back in 5 years time and thinking of all the time I would have wasted by numbing myself with drinking night after night really keeps me motivated. This might really, really suck right now, but I have faith that it's the beginning of something beautiful for me. And I have a feeling of hope for the first time in a long long time.
Thanks to all for their stories, advice, successes, struggles on here!
PS - GO USA soccer!
1. I never had hangovers like everyone else keeps talking about - I must not have had a "real" problem
2. In other cultures it's normal to drink a bottle of wine nightly (this is probably not even true!)
3. A long time ago I could have just a couple of glasses of wine..maybe I just need a break from it in order to get back to "normal"
4. Everyone else can drink - it's just not FAIR that I can't
5. I had no physical withdrawals..I must not have been addicted
6. Drinking looks so "innocent" on TV commercials - social, fun, attractive..
But, recently when my mind has these thoughts it automatically jumps to "playing the tape to the end" as I have been reading on here - the health worries, the hiding, the lies, lack of emotional control when drinking, and many, many other consequences..also thinking of looking back in 5 years time and thinking of all the time I would have wasted by numbing myself with drinking night after night really keeps me motivated. This might really, really suck right now, but I have faith that it's the beginning of something beautiful for me. And I have a feeling of hope for the first time in a long long time.
Thanks to all for their stories, advice, successes, struggles on here!
PS - GO USA soccer!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
Hi super!! Yes, our alcoholic brains tell us lots of things doesn't it!! The good thing is that you realize it is all "lies" and not falling into the traps!! I have tried to quit on numerous occasions, and failed because I believed those lies!!! thankfully, like yourself I don't fall for it anymore, and life is truly beautiful!!! Keep up the awesome work!!!
Keep up the awesome work!!!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,761
Congrats on reaching day five! That's usually the end of the horrible phyical withdrawals that most of us get. Take it one day at a time and as long as you don't pick up that first drink it will keep on getting better and better!
Welcome to the SR family! :ghug3
That's usually the end of the horrible phyical withdrawals that most of us get. Take it one day at a time and as long as you don't pick up that first drink it will keep on getting better and better! Welcome to the SR family! :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
my brain lies to me all the time too....(it must be having conversations with your brain because it is almost exactly the same)....I try to remember the awful pain of detoxing and play that back to myself....the heaving so hard that my jaw actually hurt for days, the awful sweating and exhaustion but not being able to sleep.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Time and time again I would swear off the drink.
Time and time again I would have thoughts like yours.
Time and time again I picked up the drink again.
"Playing the tape through" never worked for me. In AA I learned
When I finally learned that I was without defense against that first drink, I was ready to find a new solution - which I did in the 12 Step program of AA. Working the program removed the obsession to drink. So I no longer these type of thoughts which used to trick me back into drinking because I couldn't remember how bad it was when I did drink.
Well done on your 5 days.
And well done to USA and England.
Time and time again I would have thoughts like yours.
Time and time again I picked up the drink again.
"Playing the tape through" never worked for me. In AA I learned
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
Well done on your 5 days.
And well done to USA and England.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
That really hit home for me, super. I could probably add another dozen to the list. Makes you wonder how many "good reasons" people have come up with to drink - I'd bet it could fill a book or two.
What I know today is that if I really want to drink that badly, I must have an issue with it. It doesn't matter if I could get away with it for a night or two. It's about knowing that sooner or later I have to break the cycle if I want to have any kind of decent life. I just can't continue to drink and think that somehow I won't have to pay the consequences of it sooner or later. As they say: if not now, when?
I relapsed twice using the "reasoning" in your list (even after long periods of sobriety), so I think it's really important to know the enemy. Thanks for the post. Let's knock those thoughts silly.
What I know today is that if I really want to drink that badly, I must have an issue with it. It doesn't matter if I could get away with it for a night or two. It's about knowing that sooner or later I have to break the cycle if I want to have any kind of decent life. I just can't continue to drink and think that somehow I won't have to pay the consequences of it sooner or later. As they say: if not now, when?
I relapsed twice using the "reasoning" in your list (even after long periods of sobriety), so I think it's really important to know the enemy. Thanks for the post. Let's knock those thoughts silly.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,906
My addicted brain had a life of its own. Always trying to convince me that I didn't have a problem. Even trying to keep me out of addiction treatment. Its good to know that I can make positive changes in my behavior and take the power back from my sick thinker.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,391
I did find it helpful to play the tape through - maybe I had enough negative experience to draw upon, I don't know.
I also found it useful to challenge my assumptions - I thought many of these things too...
1. I never had hangovers like everyone else keeps talking about - I must not have had a "real" problem
actually we're meant to have hangovers after over indulging...thats the normal effect on a healthy body. The fact is when we're no longer getting hangovers thats a good sign we're in trouble.
2. In other cultures it's normal to drink a bottle of wine nightly (this is probably not even true!)
I have no idea whether it's true or not...but so what? You know what the bottle does to *you*
3. A long time ago I could have just a couple of glasses of wine..maybe I just need a break from it in order to get back to "normal"
If you're like me you've tried this experiment...and failed. I believe alcoholism is progressive.
4. Everyone else can drink - it's just not FAIR that I can't
No, it's not really is it?. But it's not fair to ourselves to keep denying the reality and wilfully keep abusing our minds and bodies like this either.
And btw, I'm happy for the trade off I got - this life for no booze. I think I won.
5. I had no physical withdrawals..I must not have been addicted
I fell for this one too...I always celebrated my not being addicted with a drink tho...
6. Drinking looks so "innocent" on TV commercials - social, fun, attractive..
We know the reality for us...
Keep it up Super71
D
I also found it useful to challenge my assumptions - I thought many of these things too...
1. I never had hangovers like everyone else keeps talking about - I must not have had a "real" problem
actually we're meant to have hangovers after over indulging...thats the normal effect on a healthy body. The fact is when we're no longer getting hangovers thats a good sign we're in trouble.
2. In other cultures it's normal to drink a bottle of wine nightly (this is probably not even true!)
I have no idea whether it's true or not...but so what? You know what the bottle does to *you*
3. A long time ago I could have just a couple of glasses of wine..maybe I just need a break from it in order to get back to "normal"
If you're like me you've tried this experiment...and failed. I believe alcoholism is progressive.
4. Everyone else can drink - it's just not FAIR that I can't
No, it's not really is it?. But it's not fair to ourselves to keep denying the reality and wilfully keep abusing our minds and bodies like this either.
And btw, I'm happy for the trade off I got - this life for no booze. I think I won.
5. I had no physical withdrawals..I must not have been addicted
I fell for this one too...I always celebrated my not being addicted with a drink tho...
6. Drinking looks so "innocent" on TV commercials - social, fun, attractive..
We know the reality for us...
Keep it up Super71
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 78
Super71 are you in my head? I've had those same thoughts over & over again in the past 6 days (and even before when I'd stop drinking for a day or two).
I could add to that list:
* Well, so-and-so drinks a lot and doesn't have a problem. It must be okay.
* All of my friends drink, why can't I?
* So what if I want to have some wine after a long day? I deserve it/have had a rough day/am upset/feel happy.
I was always coming up with good excuses as to why I could drink (yet again) and would always end up feeling disappointed and let down with myself in the morning. Always. NO matter how good the excuse sounded the day before.
I could add to that list:
* Well, so-and-so drinks a lot and doesn't have a problem. It must be okay.
* All of my friends drink, why can't I?
* So what if I want to have some wine after a long day? I deserve it/have had a rough day/am upset/feel happy.
I was always coming up with good excuses as to why I could drink (yet again) and would always end up feeling disappointed and let down with myself in the morning. Always. NO matter how good the excuse sounded the day before.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by intention 
Time and time again I would swear off the drink.
Time and time again I would have thoughts like yours.
Time and time again I picked up the drink again.
"Playing the tape through" never worked for me. In AA I learned
When I finally learned that I was without defense against that first drink, I was ready to find a new solution - which I did in the 12 Step program of AA. Working the program removed the obsession to drink. So I no longer these type of thoughts which used to trick me back into drinking because I couldn't remember how bad it was when I did drink.
Well done on your 5 days.
And well done to USA and England.
Time and time again I would have thoughts like yours.
Time and time again I picked up the drink again.
"Playing the tape through" never worked for me. In AA I learned
When I finally learned that I was without defense against that first drink, I was ready to find a new solution - which I did in the 12 Step program of AA. Working the program removed the obsession to drink. So I no longer these type of thoughts which used to trick me back into drinking because I couldn't remember how bad it was when I did drink.
Well done on your 5 days.
And well done to USA and England.
I remember at 31 rented this massive villa in southern spain and would go out one night and spend the next night pacing up and down listening to loud music saying things like cmon cliff to myself trying to think the drinking through and get to a conclusion...it made no sense how come other people went out and got up for breakfast the next day and talked about the great time the night before and i felt so terrible the next day, full of guilt and remourse...and me head just wouldnt stop...
I had a check list...nice house, swimming pool, nice vehicle, money, clothes, fit, girls...so wtf is wrong with me....argghhhh....and so it would go on...i would even ask people do you think i am doing ok and they would say things like mate i would give my right arm to be you...but still so unhappy and out of control...
Crazy huh?!
I know now that there is no way i would have done any work on myself until i was on my knees and begging for help from somebody, dont get me wrong there were a few occasions i would have called rock bottoms that made me do comething drastic like move country and start again but in hindsight this was my ego trying to protect itself still...its just amazing that literally my ego was prepared for us to go right to the end and die rather than change...
Was talking to anon-alchie friend yesterday trying to explain this and he got the ego thing, clever kid, it absolutely will do and sacrifce anything and anyone that gets in its way...amazing to see looking back...wow!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Thx for sharing Super. It does get better and I am glad you are part of SR. We support you and as you further along in sobriety you will find so many more untruths about the lies the alcoholic mind gives us.
Way to go and keep posting.
Also, whooohoooo USA!!
Way to go and keep posting.
Also, whooohoooo USA!!
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