My daughter is packing today
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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My daughter is packing today
Hey everyone,
This is the first time I've had alone today and the tears are falling. My daughter has been packing. She moves out on Tuesday, perhaps even tomorrow she will start bringing things over. There is a quietness about her. I perceive she is sad, perhaps confused and afraid, and unable to express what her heart is feeling. I, too, want so much to SAY something to her. I must have walked into her room ten times this afternoon, wanting to talk, to say the right words, to help her understand, to hug her and tell her I love her... but the words got stuck, every time. It is a strange thing but I have this feeling it is best to not try getting close right now. That the silence is okay. Still, I wish so much... that this didn't have to be.
I understand that, while we are the ones saying she must leave, it is really her choices that have brought us to this point. I HATE what drugs have seemingly taken from her, and from our family. (I say "seemingly" only because I believe BLESSINGS often come to us in disguise... and when all is said and done we see the trials and tears that came our way have somehow refined us for greater, more noble, use in this world.) I will forever hope, pray and have faith in God that we are doing what is right by her and that someday she will feel grateful for it. NOT because we deserve her gratefulness, but because it would mean she has come home again. Home to herself, home to good health, and home to God.
Thanks for listening guys. I know alot of you have been down this road and are walking it even now. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. For putting them out there. Having read through many of the posts here, I know there are no guarantees in life but I will be praying with all my heart that my daughter will come through this, like many others, and know peace, and joy, and love again. To the fullest.
This is the first time I've had alone today and the tears are falling. My daughter has been packing. She moves out on Tuesday, perhaps even tomorrow she will start bringing things over. There is a quietness about her. I perceive she is sad, perhaps confused and afraid, and unable to express what her heart is feeling. I, too, want so much to SAY something to her. I must have walked into her room ten times this afternoon, wanting to talk, to say the right words, to help her understand, to hug her and tell her I love her... but the words got stuck, every time. It is a strange thing but I have this feeling it is best to not try getting close right now. That the silence is okay. Still, I wish so much... that this didn't have to be.
I understand that, while we are the ones saying she must leave, it is really her choices that have brought us to this point. I HATE what drugs have seemingly taken from her, and from our family. (I say "seemingly" only because I believe BLESSINGS often come to us in disguise... and when all is said and done we see the trials and tears that came our way have somehow refined us for greater, more noble, use in this world.) I will forever hope, pray and have faith in God that we are doing what is right by her and that someday she will feel grateful for it. NOT because we deserve her gratefulness, but because it would mean she has come home again. Home to herself, home to good health, and home to God.
Thanks for listening guys. I know alot of you have been down this road and are walking it even now. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. For putting them out there. Having read through many of the posts here, I know there are no guarantees in life but I will be praying with all my heart that my daughter will come through this, like many others, and know peace, and joy, and love again. To the fullest.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Hope))) though I never had to leave home due to drugs (I was already living on my own), I can tell you that my family "shutting me out" is something I will FOREVER be grateful for. I truly hope and pray your daughter gets to the point where I am. It was bad GETTING to that point, but I can honestly say that me and my family rarely think of those times, except in a way of gratitude that they no longer happen.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Hope,
That is one of the most wonderfully articulate, and beautifully expressive posts I've read - both sad and hopeful, balanced and real.
What you said about the blessings coming in disguise is so true; I am glad for you that you have that perspective. I too, have learned this, yet still often resist that truth.
I'm thinking of you tonight.
christine
That is one of the most wonderfully articulate, and beautifully expressive posts I've read - both sad and hopeful, balanced and real.
What you said about the blessings coming in disguise is so true; I am glad for you that you have that perspective. I too, have learned this, yet still often resist that truth.
I'm thinking of you tonight.
christine
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Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi Hope, My heart aches for you right now and the feelings your having. Its such a hard decision to know what is best while dealing with addiction but your right....theres always hope that your daughter will come around and things will make you smile in the future....Where is your daughter going. I may have missed some posts. We have been pretty busy here.. Hugs, Bonnie
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
"I believe BLESSINGS often come to us in disguise... and when all is said and done we see the trials and tears that came our way have somehow refined us for greater, more noble, use in this world."
very well put.
very well put.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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Originally Posted by BBD 
Hi Hope, My heart aches for you right now and the feelings your having. Its such a hard decision to know what is best while dealing with addiction but your right....theres always hope that your daughter will come around and things will make you smile in the future....Where is your daughter going. I may have missed some posts. We have been pretty busy here.. Hugs, Bonnie
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Location: in my own world~
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That sounds like a good start for her Hope. I'll send up a prayer for her tonight that this is a new beginning with a happy ending. Take care of yourself and if your going to worry~~only allow a small portion of the day for that....then get on with your own things. hugs~
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Hope, I understand your sadness. When I asked my son to leave, I cried and cried. I managed to keep things together in front of other people, but every time I was alone, the tears just came. It is a sad time. It is acknowledging that you accept you cannot save your child. Part of me felt very guilty about this and part of me was furious with my son for going down the path he went.
The sadness I felt was the same as when my brother whom I was very close to died. It is OK to allow yourself to feel sad, to cry and eventually to move on. I have my own business and am expected to be creative. For many weeks after he left, I could barely get the minimum done. I am happy to say I am returning to my old, contented self. I have also not doubted even once that it was the right decision, whatever happens in the future.
You are so mature and wise to expect growth for all out of this. We truly do not understand our own best interest and in hindsight every thing always happens for the best, even if it takes years to get to the point where you can see it.
The sadness I felt was the same as when my brother whom I was very close to died. It is OK to allow yourself to feel sad, to cry and eventually to move on. I have my own business and am expected to be creative. For many weeks after he left, I could barely get the minimum done. I am happy to say I am returning to my old, contented self. I have also not doubted even once that it was the right decision, whatever happens in the future.
You are so mature and wise to expect growth for all out of this. We truly do not understand our own best interest and in hindsight every thing always happens for the best, even if it takes years to get to the point where you can see it.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hope, I'm thinking of you this morning as your daughter moves out . Stay strong and think Positive. What will be, will be! Way to much energy goes into being the mom of an addict. We have to be kind to ourselves and accept changes we can not control. You sounds like such a wise woman.....so take care and grab those positive thoughts I'm sending your way. Hugs~
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Originally Posted by BBD
Hope, I'm thinking of you this morning as your daughter moves out . Stay strong and think Positive. What will be, will be! Way to much energy goes into being the mom of an addict. We have to be kind to ourselves and accept changes we can not control. You sounds like such a wise woman.....so take care and grab those positive thoughts I'm sending your way. Hugs~
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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Originally Posted by wheredoiturn
Hope, I understand your sadness. When I asked my son to leave, I cried and cried. I managed to keep things together in front of other people, but every time I was alone, the tears just came. It is a sad time. It is acknowledging that you accept you cannot save your child. Part of me felt very guilty about this and part of me was furious with my son for going down the path he went.
The sadness I felt was the same as when my brother whom I was very close to died. It is OK to allow yourself to feel sad, to cry and eventually to move on. I have my own business and am expected to be creative. For many weeks after he left, I could barely get the minimum done. I am happy to say I am returning to my old, contented self. I have also not doubted even once that it was the right decision, whatever happens in the future.
You are so mature and wise to expect growth for all out of this. We truly do not understand our own best interest and in hindsight every thing always happens for the best, even if it takes years to get to the point where you can see it.
The sadness I felt was the same as when my brother whom I was very close to died. It is OK to allow yourself to feel sad, to cry and eventually to move on. I have my own business and am expected to be creative. For many weeks after he left, I could barely get the minimum done. I am happy to say I am returning to my old, contented self. I have also not doubted even once that it was the right decision, whatever happens in the future.
You are so mature and wise to expect growth for all out of this. We truly do not understand our own best interest and in hindsight every thing always happens for the best, even if it takes years to get to the point where you can see it.
"The deep parts of my life pour onward,
as if the river shores were opening out.
It seems that things are more like me now,
that I can see farther into paintings.
I feel closer to what language can’t reach."
I think one of the saddest/hardest things for me has been looking back on my daughter's upbringing, reflecting on the many good seeds that were planted, and watered, and wondering... where is the fruit? Where did these thorns and thistles come from? And so I'm learning that sometimes we just need to wait, and rest, and let the great gardener to cause things to grow, in His time.
Like you said, there's been feelings of guilt, helplessness, anger (some of it toward my daughter but most of it toward the drug, toward those selling her drugs, toward the place downtown handing out free needles...) - and much more. I have often forgot to look for the joy in this season, but that is about to change, hopefully.
Heartfelt thanks to you, and to all, for your support.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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Originally Posted by Ann
Coming in late to cheer you on, Hope.
Doing the right this is often not easy, but it's still the right thing.
Big hugs from one mama to another
Doing the right this is often not easy, but it's still the right thing.
Big hugs from one mama to another
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Somewhere, our planet
Posts: 174
Hi Hope,
I share your pain--I am currently not allowing my AS into my life, and it is pain mixed with sadness, guilt, hopelessness, and peace. In short, it is confusing. Just wanted to let you know that I understand how you feel, and I am sending you good thoughts and hugs. You will get through this.
I share your pain--I am currently not allowing my AS into my life, and it is pain mixed with sadness, guilt, hopelessness, and peace. In short, it is confusing. Just wanted to let you know that I understand how you feel, and I am sending you good thoughts and hugs. You will get through this.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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Originally Posted by tjp613
How are you doing today, Hope? Anything we can do for you?
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Posts: 1,237
hi Hope, Just wanted to stop by and say I'm thinking of you this morning. We're off to the Dr's but I'll be back later. Hug her hard and let her know you'll always be her mom hoping for a wonderful life for her. I could sit here and cry for you. I've been there and its not easy.......but now your doing the right thing...Smiles~
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
hi Hope, Just wanted to stop by and say I'm thinking of you this morning. We're off to the Dr's but I'll be back later. Hug her hard and let her know you'll always be her mom hoping for a wonderful life for her. I could sit here and cry for you. I've been there and its not easy.......but now your doing the right thing...Smiles~
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