I'm still here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
I'm still here
Hello F n F's - Just wanted to let you all know that I'm still here, still growing, still healing. It's been a rough go. STBX-AH has elongated the divorce process by reneging on his original settlement proposal which was, by and large, acceptable. He now wants me to pay off some of his debt, so we have to fill out reams of forms called; "discovery" documents which get extremely personal. Monday, I get "deposed" which means his atty gets to ask me lots of icky questions.
I had a good trip to court (I know... sounds like an oxymoron) when there was an initial hearing for his violation of the temp Order of Protection. He wasn't there, but I was. Had a very nice chat with the asst. Prosecuting atty who is very much on my side. She said that if things weren't going fairly in the divorce settlement, to contact her immediately and she'd push the violation case harder. I gave STBX-AH (via atty) a week to resubmit the original settlement, which he didn't, so I called the Prosecuting atty yesterday and let her know.
Personally, I have ups and downs. Well... more like normal days and down days. I suppose in retrospect, the down days are becoming fewer. Sometimes, though, I do things to sabotage myself, which make for more frequent down days. Going through this crap ain't easy, that's for sure. There are times when I think being with him would be better than struggling with this $hit alone. Infrequently, I take a prescription med when things get unbearable, and that helps a bit. But I have not EVER, to date, been in contact with him since the day I left on Nov. 8th, 2009. Something deep down inside must know that that would be a very bad idea no matter how down I might feel, or how much I might think I miss him.
I hope all my beloved F/F's are doing well and are healthy and happy!
Huggs - Tigg
I had a good trip to court (I know... sounds like an oxymoron) when there was an initial hearing for his violation of the temp Order of Protection. He wasn't there, but I was. Had a very nice chat with the asst. Prosecuting atty who is very much on my side. She said that if things weren't going fairly in the divorce settlement, to contact her immediately and she'd push the violation case harder. I gave STBX-AH (via atty) a week to resubmit the original settlement, which he didn't, so I called the Prosecuting atty yesterday and let her know.
Personally, I have ups and downs. Well... more like normal days and down days. I suppose in retrospect, the down days are becoming fewer. Sometimes, though, I do things to sabotage myself, which make for more frequent down days. Going through this crap ain't easy, that's for sure. There are times when I think being with him would be better than struggling with this $hit alone. Infrequently, I take a prescription med when things get unbearable, and that helps a bit. But I have not EVER, to date, been in contact with him since the day I left on Nov. 8th, 2009. Something deep down inside must know that that would be a very bad idea no matter how down I might feel, or how much I might think I miss him.
I hope all my beloved F/F's are doing well and are healthy and happy!
Huggs - Tigg
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
There are times when I think being with him would be better than struggling with this $hit alone
We're here. Hang in there. You're not alone. Even though it looks like it -
we're here.
:hug
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: East Coast
Posts: 90
Thanks for updating us tigger.
My STBXAH lost his mind last Friday night and raged & raged at me and prevented me physically from leaving the bathroom we were in. All started when I turned down one of his many sexual advances.
During that 20 mins or so of him yelling at me I thought about you and your story. I thought about how you had to courage to leave and how you had to live in a women's shelter while he lived in your home. In part that is why I had the courage to put my shoes on, grab my toothbrush and run like hell.
You helped pave the way for me. I remembered your story and I knew what to do. I knew where to go and who to call. I knew what to expect. You like many of the women here have shared your story and experiences with us. You have made a difference in my life. You probably helped save my life... the next time he started in on me could have been the last for me. Now I'm out, just like you. Out forever. NOT going back.
I wanted to say thank you, and to stay strong.
My STBXAH lost his mind last Friday night and raged & raged at me and prevented me physically from leaving the bathroom we were in. All started when I turned down one of his many sexual advances.
During that 20 mins or so of him yelling at me I thought about you and your story. I thought about how you had to courage to leave and how you had to live in a women's shelter while he lived in your home. In part that is why I had the courage to put my shoes on, grab my toothbrush and run like hell.
You helped pave the way for me. I remembered your story and I knew what to do. I knew where to go and who to call. I knew what to expect. You like many of the women here have shared your story and experiences with us. You have made a difference in my life. You probably helped save my life... the next time he started in on me could have been the last for me. Now I'm out, just like you. Out forever. NOT going back.
I wanted to say thank you, and to stay strong.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Oh my God SheCanRun - I'm sitting here in absolute awe of what you've done and the courage you've shown in the face of an impossible situation. I'm so sorry it has come to this with your STBXAH. Oh how I wish I were with you to give you a huge hug and a place to go until you can get a place of your own. I am so proud of you! And OMG I can't believe I helped you with that. I... well... I... just don't know what to say. LOL that doesn't often happen.
Where are you now? Sending you prayers for courage, strength and whatever else you need.
HUGS! Tigg
Where are you now? Sending you prayers for courage, strength and whatever else you need.
HUGS! Tigg
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Yes, Lulu - you CAN do this. It's not always easy, but you can do it! Act as though it's a legal no-contact order and you have no choice. And when you think you can't stand it, remember the bad times, for there were many, I know. I've been there. My prayers are with you, too Lulu!
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
When fighting for my life, I will try anything healthy to get myself back. I love this room..because this weekend it showed me it was ok to accept my feelings and be sad/depressed and call out of work again and stare at the wall all day for now. I felt my feelings..I tried to get out of the house and shopping didnt work but my friends called and I went to dinner and I did it.
It's a matter of self acceptance and now I know my pain will take time to resolve and that made me more peaceful in a way. I kept thinking I was messing up but it feels good to take that dysfunctional thinking off my back and say I am learning and trying to heal and will try again.
It's a matter of self acceptance and now I know my pain will take time to resolve and that made me more peaceful in a way. I kept thinking I was messing up but it feels good to take that dysfunctional thinking off my back and say I am learning and trying to heal and will try again.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Keep at it Lulu. It's not easy, but it's worth your very life. And YOU are so very important to so very many people.
I'm glad your friends called and that you went! Hooray for Lulu! One, tiny, itsy, bitsy step at a time. One day we'll look back and be OH so glad!
I'm glad your friends called and that you went! Hooray for Lulu! One, tiny, itsy, bitsy step at a time. One day we'll look back and be OH so glad!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Thank you, Barb! It's not so much that people are watching, but that there's something worth watching. Thank God for miracles. And we on this forum have many to celebrate. Wow.
It's good to be back here where I belong.
It's good to be back here where I belong.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Dear Tigger, your greedy and self centred AH, with his demands and "I want mentality, is just a blib on your radar screen now....let him whimper or holler as much as he wants, as those involved in your divorce proceedings will recognise exactly what he is....we have.
You have been a guide and light to some here in a similar situation to yours, and now you hear how others have followed you...to their freedom and release from being hostages to their partners alcohol problem.
Deep breath, shoulders back and hold your head high, as you take each small step toward making your dreams come true.
God bless
You have been a guide and light to some here in a similar situation to yours, and now you hear how others have followed you...to their freedom and release from being hostages to their partners alcohol problem.
Deep breath, shoulders back and hold your head high, as you take each small step toward making your dreams come true.
God bless
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