Feelings Surfacing
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Feelings Surfacing
Hi,
Okay, I am not going to do anything stupid (call back), but I need support right now. I have been sitting on this for a couple of days hoping that it would just go away. Doing my new thing and moving forward. All nice, right?
My exA (who called my Godmother and cruised the park that I go to everyday) has called me again. The calls come in as blocked (this is what shows in the ID window). The only other time I have ever gotten blocked calls was last year when I found out he was cheating (he was too cowardly to speak to me after I found out and left me dangling in the wind trying to figure out waht happened and then reassemble my life sans him. He called to hear my voice...sick, yes, and pathetic that I know that). I answered the phone not remembering. Said hello, hello, is someone there???? After 15 seconds of me doing this the person hung up. Weird. Then, lightbulb, I have been down this road before. It was L. He has done it again, but I don't answer.
It doesn't matter why he is doing this, but his new contact hurts me. I don't know why. It is triggaring hope and there is no hope left for that relationship. I feel so ashamed that feelings are surfacing. When I saw "them" at the park, I was angry and sickened. No warm feelings. For some reason warm feelings are surfacing and I don't want them to. I dreamt about him last night. I hate that. It was a horrible dream where I was struggling to convince people that L really loved me. I work up sad and exhausted. Now, I am scared to fall asleep.
I don't want him in my mind. Especially not in my dreams. I have really struggled this past year and 90% of that struggle was depression about how to move forward, feeling like I was worthless, and tring to figure out what I wanted or who I was without L.
I think I need someone to please remind me waht to do when you feel like this, because I just want the feelings to go away and they won't this minute.
This really sucks.
FYI, for newer folks, this is a hell of a lot easier, less emotional and more rational that things were a year ago, so there is hope for you.
Hugs
Miss
Okay, I am not going to do anything stupid (call back), but I need support right now. I have been sitting on this for a couple of days hoping that it would just go away. Doing my new thing and moving forward. All nice, right?
My exA (who called my Godmother and cruised the park that I go to everyday) has called me again. The calls come in as blocked (this is what shows in the ID window). The only other time I have ever gotten blocked calls was last year when I found out he was cheating (he was too cowardly to speak to me after I found out and left me dangling in the wind trying to figure out waht happened and then reassemble my life sans him. He called to hear my voice...sick, yes, and pathetic that I know that). I answered the phone not remembering. Said hello, hello, is someone there???? After 15 seconds of me doing this the person hung up. Weird. Then, lightbulb, I have been down this road before. It was L. He has done it again, but I don't answer.
It doesn't matter why he is doing this, but his new contact hurts me. I don't know why. It is triggaring hope and there is no hope left for that relationship. I feel so ashamed that feelings are surfacing. When I saw "them" at the park, I was angry and sickened. No warm feelings. For some reason warm feelings are surfacing and I don't want them to. I dreamt about him last night. I hate that. It was a horrible dream where I was struggling to convince people that L really loved me. I work up sad and exhausted. Now, I am scared to fall asleep.
I don't want him in my mind. Especially not in my dreams. I have really struggled this past year and 90% of that struggle was depression about how to move forward, feeling like I was worthless, and tring to figure out what I wanted or who I was without L.
I think I need someone to please remind me waht to do when you feel like this, because I just want the feelings to go away and they won't this minute.
This really sucks.
FYI, for newer folks, this is a hell of a lot easier, less emotional and more rational that things were a year ago, so there is hope for you.
Hugs
Miss
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
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missfixit, I'm sorry these feelings are ganging up on you.
Maybe if you were to go back and read your old posts, your warm fuzzy feelings might be replaced with (righteous) rage. Not to mention the fact that now he's apparently cheating on HER. I don't think you want someone like this in your life on ANY level, do you?
Maybe his stalking behavior is just triggering a desire in you to have a healthy, supportive relationship in your life? Sometimes these things can be compasses pointing to what we really want & need.
Hugs and strength to you. I know you don't want to go down that road again.
Maybe if you were to go back and read your old posts, your warm fuzzy feelings might be replaced with (righteous) rage. Not to mention the fact that now he's apparently cheating on HER. I don't think you want someone like this in your life on ANY level, do you?
Maybe his stalking behavior is just triggering a desire in you to have a healthy, supportive relationship in your life? Sometimes these things can be compasses pointing to what we really want & need.
Hugs and strength to you. I know you don't want to go down that road again.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Perhaps an affirmation on the mirror?
I am a worthwhile and valuable person exactly as I am today.
Or something that works for you?
Don't give him the power of making you feel worthless. He doesn't give you worth. You give you worth. Remind yourself.
Fall into your HP's arms. Let Love wash over you and trust that you are safe and worthy.
You don't NEED him to love you.
You are waiting for YOU to love you.
As Sark says, "Promise to marry yourself and never leave you!"
Hugs!!
w
I am a worthwhile and valuable person exactly as I am today.
Or something that works for you?
Don't give him the power of making you feel worthless. He doesn't give you worth. You give you worth. Remind yourself.
Fall into your HP's arms. Let Love wash over you and trust that you are safe and worthy.
You don't NEED him to love you.
You are waiting for YOU to love you.
As Sark says, "Promise to marry yourself and never leave you!"
Hugs!!
w
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
(())
You are processing things in your subconcious, in your sleep, you might be experiencing "hope" but your subconcious knows the truth, and is reminding you: the pain, running around trying to convince others (/yourself?) that he loves you.
The dreams may be horrible, and tiring to come out of, but they are just dreams, it is safe to sleep and to wake.
My therapist says this:
they are just feelings, neither good nor bad, they do not define your worth, or you, or your progress or maturity or "health". You have feelings left over from a horrible experience, you have dealt with as much as was possible of those feelings in the interim and survived and grown. To protect yourself you did not experience them all in one go. Now that you are stronger, your subconcious (you
) is allowing yourself to experience and get rid of some more of that pain. This will not be for ever. One day these particular ones will be all worked through and out of you.
If I am starting to feel overwhelmed with pain, she tries to have me practice mindfullness (I'm rubbish at it, but even the small amount of concentration I can muster helps) and as part of one of the exercises I visualise a river flowing constantly through my mind, in this river float thoughts and feelings like leaves swirling in the current and "I" am to one side of the river observing (the right as it happens, and my river is an ochre colour at the moment: go figure). I can notice without judgement the thoughts and feelings flow through my mind, naming them out loud if necesssary, and notice that they flow out of me.
they are not me.
You are processing things in your subconcious, in your sleep, you might be experiencing "hope" but your subconcious knows the truth, and is reminding you: the pain, running around trying to convince others (/yourself?) that he loves you.
The dreams may be horrible, and tiring to come out of, but they are just dreams, it is safe to sleep and to wake.
I feel so ashamed that feelings are surfacing.
they are just feelings, neither good nor bad, they do not define your worth, or you, or your progress or maturity or "health". You have feelings left over from a horrible experience, you have dealt with as much as was possible of those feelings in the interim and survived and grown. To protect yourself you did not experience them all in one go. Now that you are stronger, your subconcious (you
) is allowing yourself to experience and get rid of some more of that pain. This will not be for ever. One day these particular ones will be all worked through and out of you. If I am starting to feel overwhelmed with pain, she tries to have me practice mindfullness (I'm rubbish at it, but even the small amount of concentration I can muster helps) and as part of one of the exercises I visualise a river flowing constantly through my mind, in this river float thoughts and feelings like leaves swirling in the current and "I" am to one side of the river observing (the right as it happens, and my river is an ochre colour at the moment: go figure). I can notice without judgement the thoughts and feelings flow through my mind, naming them out loud if necesssary, and notice that they flow out of me.
they are not me.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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Posts: 2,762
maybe dreams indicate desires, or unfinished business.
of course you would have wanted this man, someone you were in love with and planned to build a future with, to have been faithful, to have been "the one". nothing weird there - there is sure to be residual stuff after that fell apart.
i am aware sometimes of the memories that float through my head of when my children (now adult) were little tots, and oh, it was such a peaceful, idyllic life! we would play, learn, cuddle, and take walks in the stroller. but somewhere in my head i know it wasn't always happy! what the heck? why do i now remember only those wonderful days? none of the power struggles, tears, sick times. that's just what selective memory is like. i think there are lots of reasons that those "good times" memories surface, and we block out the bad, and the mind can trick us into a skewed idea of what was.
great idea to re-read your posts. that too may be painful, but some pain is productive.
wishing you well...
of course you would have wanted this man, someone you were in love with and planned to build a future with, to have been faithful, to have been "the one". nothing weird there - there is sure to be residual stuff after that fell apart.
i am aware sometimes of the memories that float through my head of when my children (now adult) were little tots, and oh, it was such a peaceful, idyllic life! we would play, learn, cuddle, and take walks in the stroller. but somewhere in my head i know it wasn't always happy! what the heck? why do i now remember only those wonderful days? none of the power struggles, tears, sick times. that's just what selective memory is like. i think there are lots of reasons that those "good times" memories surface, and we block out the bad, and the mind can trick us into a skewed idea of what was.
great idea to re-read your posts. that too may be painful, but some pain is productive.
wishing you well...
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Thanks. I woke feeling exhasuted this morning.
I wish I did not know him right now. Wish that I had never met him.
I was content having been involved with someone like L and learning from it. Now whatever is going on inside of me sucks, and I wish he didn't exist.
My involvement with him makes me feel: dirty, confused, crazy, sick, worthless, pain, exhaustion, failure and old.
I wish I did not know him right now. Wish that I had never met him.
I was content having been involved with someone like L and learning from it. Now whatever is going on inside of me sucks, and I wish he didn't exist.
My involvement with him makes me feel: dirty, confused, crazy, sick, worthless, pain, exhaustion, failure and old.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Yuck! What horrible ways to feel. If I were you, I'd write exactly that sentence down on paper and put it on my bathroom mirror and keep a copy in my wallet and look at it EVERY day until the feelings I don't want to feel are completely gone. I would also write down all the practical reasons why I don't want that person in my life (all the messed-up things he has done that have hurt me and made me and my life crazy). Remembering the BAD in your mind will help get rid of the warm feelings in your heart you still have about this person.
It might help, also, to recognize that the warm feelings in your heart are not really about HIM; they are about YOU and what you value in life. It is apparent that you would like to have a certain kind of relationship with another human being; he's just the most recent one you seriously thought you could have that with. To get rid of that, try to think of it this way: The feelings in your heart for him are just old LEFTOVERS, like last week's moldy Chinese food take-out. Yuck! Picture yourself opening the fridge and throwing those containers in the garbage can, mold and all! Then go get a good, pretty, fresh, and delicious dinner.
It might help, also, to recognize that the warm feelings in your heart are not really about HIM; they are about YOU and what you value in life. It is apparent that you would like to have a certain kind of relationship with another human being; he's just the most recent one you seriously thought you could have that with. To get rid of that, try to think of it this way: The feelings in your heart for him are just old LEFTOVERS, like last week's moldy Chinese food take-out. Yuck! Picture yourself opening the fridge and throwing those containers in the garbage can, mold and all! Then go get a good, pretty, fresh, and delicious dinner.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
When I wake up from confusing dreams I try to do a quick gratiitude list in my head. I don't have the chaos and fear and crazies and ick in my daily life anymore. Emotions will emote(move). They are just your primitive brain warning you of something. There is a tiger behind that bush that is going to eat you....(Not)....You don't have to go back to prove to your friends anything about your X. That drama is over. Whew.....Time is going to help. I wake up after crazy dreams and say thanks dream....that was a warning....that dream was nuts, but interesting...just a dream....not reality. I'll have a great day in gratitude, remembering how far I have come.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Hi miss!
It gets so much better. Xabf is a musician and plays every Friday night a block away from the new guy's house. I usually avoid the street he plays on. A month or so ago, while he was playing, I decided to face my fears and walk by the club. I not only walked by, but stood long enough to hear him play a solo and could see him through the window. I felt nothing! It was weird. It all felt familiar, but no pain or saddness, just peace because that chapter of my life is sealed forever.
On dreams, I've done dream analysis on myself and my therapist has said that everything in your dream represents you. Something to think about : )
It gets so much better. Xabf is a musician and plays every Friday night a block away from the new guy's house. I usually avoid the street he plays on. A month or so ago, while he was playing, I decided to face my fears and walk by the club. I not only walked by, but stood long enough to hear him play a solo and could see him through the window. I felt nothing! It was weird. It all felt familiar, but no pain or saddness, just peace because that chapter of my life is sealed forever.
On dreams, I've done dream analysis on myself and my therapist has said that everything in your dream represents you. Something to think about : )
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Oooooooooo but you have the cutest doggy avatar ever!!!!!!
OMG that dauchund is cute!!!
We can't erase the past MissFixit, and really, we don't want to. I like knowing that I won't ever involve myself with anyone like that again. That I've grown and made positives steps. Sometimes though, we backslide a bit, or feel like we have. It's normal.
Just hang in there, this shall pass also.
OMG that dauchund is cute!!!
We can't erase the past MissFixit, and really, we don't want to. I like knowing that I won't ever involve myself with anyone like that again. That I've grown and made positives steps. Sometimes though, we backslide a bit, or feel like we have. It's normal.
Just hang in there, this shall pass also.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Thank you all.
I am praying for this whatever to pass.
No, I don't want someone like him in my life. I think the fact that he just disappeared and there was no closure made it seem like he died or fell off the planet. Having whatever crap he is pulling circulate around me again reopens the wound (that was slowly healing).
Alcoholism is awful, but the cheating (at least for me) I think topped that in so far as being hurtful and cruel. It has messed with my head and apparently continues.
I want to be at peace enough with him and this situation to just not care. I am not there yet. I thought I was, but this test is stirring the pot. I am not strong enough for a confrontation and I am a little scared that this easing back in is leading up to that or something like it.
Do you think I should tell any mutual friends or just keep quiet. We have a mutual male friend who I don't see often, but has been kind and knows most of the story. I don't know why I would tell him other than to jsut say that if anything happens, I can call him and he can deal with it. Am I being paranoid?
I am praying for this whatever to pass.
No, I don't want someone like him in my life. I think the fact that he just disappeared and there was no closure made it seem like he died or fell off the planet. Having whatever crap he is pulling circulate around me again reopens the wound (that was slowly healing).
Alcoholism is awful, but the cheating (at least for me) I think topped that in so far as being hurtful and cruel. It has messed with my head and apparently continues.
I want to be at peace enough with him and this situation to just not care. I am not there yet. I thought I was, but this test is stirring the pot. I am not strong enough for a confrontation and I am a little scared that this easing back in is leading up to that or something like it.
Do you think I should tell any mutual friends or just keep quiet. We have a mutual male friend who I don't see often, but has been kind and knows most of the story. I don't know why I would tell him other than to jsut say that if anything happens, I can call him and he can deal with it. Am I being paranoid?
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I think I might be onto something! I feel like my space is being invaded by him. First the family, then my park, now my home. People/things/places that I have worked hard for over a year to re-establish without him are being sullied by his BS. Okay, that is dramatic, but I think that might be the fear that I am feeling.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
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I think it's entirely possible your dream was your subconcious trying to put an explanation onto why he would be contacting you. Since you are not certain of his motives, your emotional memories may be surfaces, love, fear, anxiety, sadness etc.
If it were me, I would make a plan, then make a plan B, and then move on. With the uncertainty of the situation, a tangible plan that you write down, discuss with others, or practice verbal responses to him may set your mind more at ease.
When I started getting calls from numbers I felt certain were from my EX using payphones to get around my call block, I began to get anxious, wonder what he might want, wonder if he wanted me back. Though I refused to answer them and there were no messages left, I was preoccupied with the calls. I found that when I rehearsed what I would say should I be confronted with him by phone or in person and told my friends and family about what was going on I was able to put the thoughts I aside and my anxieties subsided.
I wish you the best!
Alice
If it were me, I would make a plan, then make a plan B, and then move on. With the uncertainty of the situation, a tangible plan that you write down, discuss with others, or practice verbal responses to him may set your mind more at ease.
When I started getting calls from numbers I felt certain were from my EX using payphones to get around my call block, I began to get anxious, wonder what he might want, wonder if he wanted me back. Though I refused to answer them and there were no messages left, I was preoccupied with the calls. I found that when I rehearsed what I would say should I be confronted with him by phone or in person and told my friends and family about what was going on I was able to put the thoughts I aside and my anxieties subsided.
I wish you the best!
Alice
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
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((hugs))
Well I get the reopening of wounds, sounds familiar lol
And everything you describe.. I know how it feels... if I were there I would take you to a Subway and read People with you, I remember that is soothing for you as well as for me !!
But sometimes in my bright moments I realize those "steps backward" are really steps forward. Melody Beatty says HP sends those feelings so you can progress in your internal growth. Accept them as a gift, Miss...
It seems you feel defenseless and invaded. In my case it has been helpful to realize when in other times, since childhood, in which instances have I felt defenseless and unprotected? there are many (for me its abandonment) and usually I end up crying.
The thing then is to imagine yourself now.. in your very best ... externally and internally...going back to each of those moments and holding the little MissFixIt in your arms, hugging her and telling her its ok, you are strong now and nothing ever is going to take away her essence... that her inner light was, is and will be... that the truth will prevail... and that the Divine is in charge of providing healing (like your feelings and nightmares) . Your task is to forgive and live your own great life...
Hand your ex's partner to HP
Hand your ex to HP
Hand yourself as a small girl to HP
Hand yourself as you are now to HP.
Also, here I learned when you feel down again... to see those painful feelings and imagine you are in a great storage room, with all your past and your future, and you check out one small folder and its your experience with this person. You can open it, see its horrible, then say "Good Lord, good thing that Twilight Zone + Jekyll and Hyde stage is over". Out the folder back in and zoom out of the many other stories that were told before and the ones you have not written yet.
Nightmares: oh yeah.. damn. Once I dreamed about a HUGE alligator hid in what was our house... then chasing me... and ppl said "don't be afraid" and I was terrified, it was on a garden, under the bed, etc and friends were like... oblivious? very symbolic huh!
And also, what you say about him disappearing... well, you know I talked with XABF trying to make the airplane crashing land as softly as possible, not like a kamikaze, but that is how he wanted and what happened. I got no closure from him either, even when he "apologized"
You have had more pain anyway Miss. He even gave me advice "you cant depend on others to be happy" oh well. It's true. Funny how they twist and manipulate stuff so it all goes back to you.
When talking about the drink he stared emotionless. When pushed he got angry and defensive and said he would drink until his last day on Earth.
When I mentioned his new partner parade, he said "you shouldn't have seen that" then said we were probably going to run into each other frequently so I'd better get used to it.
When he apologized the real message was "just get off my back"
And later a friend told me she saw him before we talked, and he said "I got no idea why she wants to see me" funny a few weeks before I was the woman he loved and all that BS... LOL!! what does he do with the ones he hates then??
Ahh the Hyde side... do you miss it? didn't think so!!
OH well. You see my point....... it would have made no difference...... precisely because they can't face you and accept the truth is why they are away now, right? nothing has changed AT ALL for them... but YOU have progressed and will continue to progress
active addict:
anyone starting to know his truth:
meanwhile, you:
Well I get the reopening of wounds, sounds familiar lol
And everything you describe.. I know how it feels... if I were there I would take you to a Subway and read People with you, I remember that is soothing for you as well as for me !!
But sometimes in my bright moments I realize those "steps backward" are really steps forward. Melody Beatty says HP sends those feelings so you can progress in your internal growth. Accept them as a gift, Miss...
It seems you feel defenseless and invaded. In my case it has been helpful to realize when in other times, since childhood, in which instances have I felt defenseless and unprotected? there are many (for me its abandonment) and usually I end up crying.
The thing then is to imagine yourself now.. in your very best ... externally and internally...going back to each of those moments and holding the little MissFixIt in your arms, hugging her and telling her its ok, you are strong now and nothing ever is going to take away her essence... that her inner light was, is and will be... that the truth will prevail... and that the Divine is in charge of providing healing (like your feelings and nightmares) . Your task is to forgive and live your own great life...
Hand your ex's partner to HP
Hand your ex to HP
Hand yourself as a small girl to HP
Hand yourself as you are now to HP.
Also, here I learned when you feel down again... to see those painful feelings and imagine you are in a great storage room, with all your past and your future, and you check out one small folder and its your experience with this person. You can open it, see its horrible, then say "Good Lord, good thing that Twilight Zone + Jekyll and Hyde stage is over". Out the folder back in and zoom out of the many other stories that were told before and the ones you have not written yet.
Nightmares: oh yeah.. damn. Once I dreamed about a HUGE alligator hid in what was our house... then chasing me... and ppl said "don't be afraid" and I was terrified, it was on a garden, under the bed, etc and friends were like... oblivious? very symbolic huh!
And also, what you say about him disappearing... well, you know I talked with XABF trying to make the airplane crashing land as softly as possible, not like a kamikaze, but that is how he wanted and what happened. I got no closure from him either, even when he "apologized"
You have had more pain anyway Miss. He even gave me advice "you cant depend on others to be happy" oh well. It's true. Funny how they twist and manipulate stuff so it all goes back to you.
When talking about the drink he stared emotionless. When pushed he got angry and defensive and said he would drink until his last day on Earth.
When I mentioned his new partner parade, he said "you shouldn't have seen that" then said we were probably going to run into each other frequently so I'd better get used to it.
When he apologized the real message was "just get off my back"
And later a friend told me she saw him before we talked, and he said "I got no idea why she wants to see me" funny a few weeks before I was the woman he loved and all that BS... LOL!! what does he do with the ones he hates then??
Ahh the Hyde side... do you miss it? didn't think so!!
OH well. You see my point....... it would have made no difference...... precisely because they can't face you and accept the truth is why they are away now, right? nothing has changed AT ALL for them... but YOU have progressed and will continue to progress
active addict:
anyone starting to know his truth:
meanwhile, you:
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Oh Miss Fixit, I am sorry you have had feelings resurface. But goodness, I feel like you wrote this thread for me too! I needed to read this....
I have been experiencing the exact same feelings after my XA contacted me Fri night expressing that he was sorry for "everything", and he wanted us to move past it and be friends.
Friends?? I don't even know how that would be possible. I was doing better, much better. This is flung me into once again experiencing the pain of him going back to his ex....who he is still with! I've tossed and turned the past few days and now I just want to get back to ME...again.
I can't offer advice on this one, because goodness, I feel like I am feeling the same feelings you are! But I can offer a thanks for starting this thread!
BIG HUGS!
I have been experiencing the exact same feelings after my XA contacted me Fri night expressing that he was sorry for "everything", and he wanted us to move past it and be friends.
Friends?? I don't even know how that would be possible. I was doing better, much better. This is flung me into once again experiencing the pain of him going back to his ex....who he is still with! I've tossed and turned the past few days and now I just want to get back to ME...again.
I can't offer advice on this one, because goodness, I feel like I am feeling the same feelings you are! But I can offer a thanks for starting this thread!
BIG HUGS!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Yeahh Kitty, let's go back to US... that never fails. These experiences make us stronger and we need to keep focused... although that's much easier said than done huh.. but it CAN be done. It SHOULD be done. For US...
I grew my wings to fly...
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: STATE OF CONTENTMENT
Posts: 289
missfixit.. maybe it is the time of year, Spring is on the way.. and a fresh feeling is upon us.. I am feeling sad, like you too.. I don't know why, but I think it has to do with blocked calls, and dreams we never will obtain.
I will pray for you.. and for me.. as I am feeling, and have been crying for a few days over this.. it has been so long ago, it shouldn't hurt any more. BUT, a good note, it sure doesn't hurt like it did 18 months ago!!..
I will pray for you.. and for me.. as I am feeling, and have been crying for a few days over this.. it has been so long ago, it shouldn't hurt any more. BUT, a good note, it sure doesn't hurt like it did 18 months ago!!..
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
I can hear the agony through your posts. I hope you're feeling better. Safer. Did you tell your friend? I wonder if you're thinking he's dangerous? The whole situation --the end of your relationship--sounds so traumatic. Bizarre. And yes, the cheating in many ways is more damaging than the drinking. It skews reality and the betrayal, for me at least, is very hard to get over.
But we do. Your A sounds like a particular nasty one.
The only thing that works for me is to sit through the feelings. Sit right through them and breath. Then they pass. All though I really like the meditaion with the stream, Jen. Lovely really.
Here's hoping your feeling better, Lord knows you've earned it.
transformie
But we do. Your A sounds like a particular nasty one.
The only thing that works for me is to sit through the feelings. Sit right through them and breath. Then they pass. All though I really like the meditaion with the stream, Jen. Lovely really.
Here's hoping your feeling better, Lord knows you've earned it.
transformie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Thank you all.
Transform, I am feeling better, thanks. Don't know if he is particularly nasty, but he is an EXTREME liar. He doesn't want to be alone, wants to drink and doesn't want responsibility. He threw me under the bus when his BS caught up with him. Being expendable when I was told for years that I was irreplaceble has been tough on my self esteem. I continue to separate my poor self image from his lies and hurtful behavior.
I read an article on Jenny Sanford's new book about moving on from her husband's infidelity. There is a quotation where she recalls her husband asking her advice about whether or not to follow his heart and see his mistress. That is the type of narcissistic self-absorbed mindset that fits L. No regard for anyone else. Everything is about him. Having his new wife drive him in my neighborhood is just more of that. I can see it.
However, I am not made of steel. This process just takes so long. When I backtrack, I am worried that it is because I am weak or wrong or made a mistake. I thought that moving forward meant that you just bacame okay with things and didn't get emotional about the person anymore. I was like that for several months, but periodically get triggared.
When I read about people on here dealing with their A's and similar promises, lies, betrayal, etc...I want to yell "Run. Dump him/her. They are not worth it." I wish that I had gotten out earlier.
Transform, I am feeling better, thanks. Don't know if he is particularly nasty, but he is an EXTREME liar. He doesn't want to be alone, wants to drink and doesn't want responsibility. He threw me under the bus when his BS caught up with him. Being expendable when I was told for years that I was irreplaceble has been tough on my self esteem. I continue to separate my poor self image from his lies and hurtful behavior.
I read an article on Jenny Sanford's new book about moving on from her husband's infidelity. There is a quotation where she recalls her husband asking her advice about whether or not to follow his heart and see his mistress. That is the type of narcissistic self-absorbed mindset that fits L. No regard for anyone else. Everything is about him. Having his new wife drive him in my neighborhood is just more of that. I can see it.
However, I am not made of steel. This process just takes so long. When I backtrack, I am worried that it is because I am weak or wrong or made a mistake. I thought that moving forward meant that you just bacame okay with things and didn't get emotional about the person anymore. I was like that for several months, but periodically get triggared.
When I read about people on here dealing with their A's and similar promises, lies, betrayal, etc...I want to yell "Run. Dump him/her. They are not worth it." I wish that I had gotten out earlier.
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