dedubya

I need to be locked up. I went all of these days, no drinks, going to meetings etc. I drank 2 decent size glasses of wine last night with dinner and didn't enjoy it at all- guilt. Sure I caught a small buzz and was in a positive mood, we had a great Christmas, but what the heck? Blew it. Going to my meeting today but I am not hungover, but I feel really out of control for not just saying I didn't want wine. I caved.......back on track today.
Dub

gerryP

Hey Dub

What I learned early on was that it wasn't about counting days of not drinking, it wasn't about wondering how one one "caved" after 7 days of not drinking....It is ALL about making a commitment to self and creating a sober lifestyle. You have to WANT to be sober and stay forever sober and only you know how to create that for yourself.

2besober

Dub-

I just did that last week. It sucked. Two beers and suffered a case of remorse! You are right to get back on the horse and start anew. I believe it may have actually helped me because I made myself tell the truth at my meeting (not the day after but the next day) and I found new support and realize that I need to find ways to not get caught of guard and really WORK a program. I am so happy to have been sober through Christmas Eve and Day- didn't think I could do it but relied on lots of AF sparkling juices and my higher power and I feel great today. Happy to be Sober. So you slipped, just get back to business and don't let it get you too down.

2be

Anna

I'm glad you're back Dedub!

I could not be around alcohol or people drinking alcohol for a long time for a long time.

Gypsy Feet

Why? If you are seeking a sober life, what are you thinking when you pick up that wine or beer? When the bad guy on your shoulder tells you one wouldnt hurt, is the good guy on your other shoulder begging you not to?

I've read the AA literature on this topic, I would just like to hear from the horses mouth.

a fallen man

hang in there dedub......i tend to be a glass half full personality (hopefully not a glass half full of vodka...lol) and i look positively in the fact that you do feel remorse about it. that tells me that deep, deep down you really don't want to drink.

it's easy to get caught up in the moment when others are drinking responsibly and from what you described you drank 'responsibly'. you weren't hungover or hurling. yet you still feel bad about doing it the next day. not because of what you became when you drank the 2 glasses. but because of what you know to be your history.

at least if it's anything like my history. eventually with me the 2 glasses of wine will eventually turn back into the 16-20 ounces of vodka per night. i would love to be able to drink a couple glasses of wine on special occasions. when i was a younger man i could. for whatever reason...i can't do that anymore. i don't turn into insta-alky but my past doesn't lie.

everyone on this site is at 'their' own level. you keep plugging amigo. i see in you a desire to not drink or there wouldn't be remorse.

yeahgr8

get a sponsor and start working the steps, now you know that just going to meetings won't get you sober...it's a good thing you know that now, saves getting together a year then drinking...could be your year 2010...stack the rest of this year sober as a start...good luck man:-)

Lenina

(((Dubs)))

OK I'm glad you're back. Time to make some changes, my friend! Get a sponsor and start working the Steps.

Much love,

Lenina

Hevyn

Dub, thanks for telling us about it. At least you didn't go off on a full blown binge like I probably would have. You're going to get this right!

Aysha

I just posted in one of my regular threads. Body Mind and Spirit. Its right here in this section.
I wont repeat what it says. But I feel that todays reading is appropriate for you today.
Always keep trying. But you need to look at what you can do differently next time too.

Dee74

Hey Dub

I drank on many day 7s. When you 'fall' it's a sign we need to do more - I know you have the desire to quit...don't give up.

I think maybe Lenina's suggestion is worth a shot

D

dedubya

Well I made it through yesterday...went to meeting and was going to bring it up but I didn't. I don't know, I just didn't want to. Lenina I am going to take your advice. I had a sponsor who was awesome back when I started AA around June (and quit...which led me down the wrong path). Oh well, I am not going to beat myself up over this, it's a backwards step and I need to gain it back.
Thanks all for the nice advice and comments.
Peace and Love to You-
Dub

watsonc

Oooh, you're where I fear of being; presented with a chance for wine and giving in. Whaa. So far, only because I live in the middle of nowhere without an easily accessible social life, I've managed to steer clear of wine. I picture it so much - that first relapse, and how I'd feel about it. I had 3 sips of wine w/ a girlfriend (dreadful local elderbery wine at a "winery") and I knew that given a chance I'd have had 2 glasses full. It frightened me tremendously - I wish it was more than fear right now that was keeping me sober. I never drank to get drunk, didn't have vile consequences, so my fear is purely that I'll still love it and will rationalize reverting to old habits of vast amounts of wine each day. Am so proud of you for having just two and knowing that it wasn't the end of the earth and you picked up and got back in the saddle.
Best to you,
Claire