marteen

Oh my, it’s been a very long time since I have posted on this site! I come on from time to time to “listen” but not to speak. I still see a lot of familiar names and that makes me feel like I am visiting with old friends. However, I see so many new names since my days here as a Mod and that makes me feel so very sad; so many new names with so many new victims of addiction and the addictive behavior. Someday, I pray that this site would only have to be used for the reunion of old friends and no one new! But that is only a dream and I am grateful that this safe haven is still here to help everyone have an anchor and friends.

Wow! The economy has certainly changed since my days here – what a mess and what a surge in addiction activity! It’s so much harder when the economic times strain everyone’s wallet and dashes so many hopes and dreams. I hope and pray that everyone is able to hang in there. I know it’s tough; Mr. Marteen has been having a very rough spell without work, which puts such a strain on the rest of the family. He still has his business, if you want to call it that but these days it seems to be in name only. We really do take one day at a time. I guess finding my job when I did a couple years ago was truly a blessing and since I am in the fraud investigative line of work, I will continue to have my job!

Hard to believe for those who remember me and my story, but my RAD’s daughter, my grandbaby will be 4 in August! Wow, it seems like yesterday I was here telling everyone about her upcoming birth and wondering if we would all recover from it. Well, I am here to tell you that we have and she is a wonderful, sweet, smart, loving and angel child. Her existence has been the difference in my RAD being here today or continuing down the road in her addiction.

We are so very proud of RAD; she has made a vow to herself and her daughter to do all she can to make her life as normal and her childhood as happy as possible. She has strayed now and then but has not allowed anything to keep her completely off track of her goals. She works over 40 hrs per week and I must say that grandbaby seems very happy, loved and content. I guess a grandmother can’t ask for more than that. Yes, I wish she had more “stuff”; a better car, apartment, clothes, etc. but all that is just “stuff”.

ABF, grandbaby’s daddy is still in Fed. Prison serving time but he is supposed to get out pretty soon. He has to stay where he is, which is over 1,500 miles away from us but after that, who knows. I am betting that he won’t be able to stay out much longer and if he gets arrested again for ANY felony, it’s the third time and he will go in for life. Found out that he was doing meth when he got arrested, which is why he tried to take the State Police officer’s gun and why he punched him – NOT a smart move!

RAD does not want to have anything to do with him or his crazy, crack-head mother but that will be her decision and Mr. Marteen and I have told her that. But we have also told her that we have our own choice and decision and we have decided that we do not want anything to do with him and we don’t have to. What she does, she will have to live with and what we do, is the same. All I know is that he would have to prove a hell of a lot before I would allow him into my home or life. It takes a whole lot more than sperm to be a daddy and he has very long way to go.

SD is still in school and is now a Ph.D candidate! That means she has completed all her core classes in her Ph.D program (All A’s I must add and on the Dean’s list every semester) She has worked her butt of and deserves this. She still has a long way to go to finish but she feels like she has crossed a major hurdle and reached a cross roads. She and RAD are talking and are acting a bit like normal sisters but there will always be a fragile wall between then, which is to be expected, I guess. Addiction and the behavior that goes with it leaves a terrible amount of rubble when things settle. You can tidy it up and clean it up but there is always a bit left behind. I can see from this experience that it takes a very long time to trust again.

None of us has ever been so hurt as we have throughout this whole addiction ordeal and it does take time to heal wounds. We have all made tremendous progress, endured a lot of pain, sacrificed so many things and we reached out to and for all sorts of things that would help us through it. But I am witness to tell you all that we have endured and we are still working day-to-day to improve. There is not a moment when I don’t take a deep breath and thank a Higher Power for where we are today. There were times when I did not think we would make it and we are in a much better place now.

I’m sorry this was so long but I wanted to share this with you all. I think about so many of you at so many times. This will always be “home” to me and a very safe, wonderful haven in a dark ocean. Knowing that SR is here is truly what has kept me going at times when things seemed so impossible. I know I haven’t been here physically in a very long time but I am here spiritually all the time.

As I have said before, when I first came here, I really did not think that I would make it through that night. I was desperate and hopeless; I found solice, hope and friendship on this site and for that I am truly grateful and will never forget where my compass is!

Love y’all,

Marteen

GiveLove

Marteen, it was such a delight to see your name in the list of posts.

Thanks so much for sharing your update with us. Gosh, I don't even know your daughters and I'm so proud of both of them.

And of you, of course, for remaining such a level-headed, stable, loving mom and grandmom.

Hugs,
GL

GwenMarie30

MARTEEN!

How exciting! Have I miss you around here!

Its absolutely wonderful on how good things are going on in your life.

I really miss seeing you post. Dont be such a stranger. Stop in and say somethin when you can.

Its good to see you.

cece1960

Great to see you (((Marteen)))

What a great update!
Wishing you even more of the best, and hoping you'll stick around for a while

cmc

It's wonderful to hear from you!!I think of you often and am so glad to hear how things are with you and the family.

splendra

(((Marteen)))))

What a wonderful update. It is so good to see you. I always hope that when I do not see many post from someone that it is because things have gotten better and glad to know that in your case this is true.

In case you did not now My h is out of my life. The sun really does shine doesn't it....

Serenity Bound

Marteen, Sure did miss you. Thank you for sharing your wonderful update!!

Chris

Ladybugg

I was so happy to see your name on the boards today. I couldn't wait to read your update. It is good to hear from ya!! Happy Mothers Day...early. Love, Michelle

BBD

Hi Marteen, It's so refreshing to read a post like yours. Its great to enjoy each and every day and thank God for all the blessings we do have. My son is doing well also and I'm so thankful. Hopefully things keep on going well at your end and thanks for the update. Smiles, Bonnie

marle

Marteen, I miss you and your shares, but am grateful that your family is in such a good place. Wow, did you ever think that we would get to a good place with our daughters? Mine has a year clean on the 27th of May. She is going back to college in the fall, God willing. Sending prayers that the good things continue for you, your daughters, Mr. Marteen and your beloved granddaughter. Hugs, Marle

stefanie

Marteen,
Wow, how great to "see" you here. I dont post very much, but I have missed reading your posts. I am so glad to know that your family is doing well.
take care, stef

Ann

MARTEEEEEENNN!!!:ghug3

Your post just put a great big smile on my face. I am so thrilled that your daughter is doing well and amazed that the little one is almost 4 years old...where does the time go?

How wonderful this all turned out, and more proof that we just never know when they will find a good path and stay on it. It's a message of hope, Marteen, and your daughter is a miracle indeed.

Sending huge hugs and lots of love to you and Mr. Marteen, and tell him that I will be praying for wonderful opportunities for him soon.

Don't be a stranger, keep dropping in to update us because you really are one of the golden oldtimers here and we just love seeing you again.

Hugs

greeteachday

Ahhhhh, marteen, my heart smiled when I saw your name!! Miss you, my friend! I'm so glad your girls are doing well and the baby is welll...not a baby any more. Wow!

Last friday night we went out for dinner for Megan's birthday with her BF and his folks. I was thinking about how "normal" it was, how miraculous "normal" is and how grateful I am for "normal."

My prayers go out to all of you and that Mr. M soon finds a break with the business. Hugs

marteen

My heart is smiling! It sure does a person good to come back to old friends and some other good news also.

I am so glad that things are working out for so many of you and I pray things continue for the best.

I have learned one other important thing in this whole experience and that is that I never, never take "normal" for granted anymore. I cherish and welcome it. We've had to adjust what our original definition of "normal" was but it's still a whole lot better than chaos and drama! NO, that is NOT normal!

I also have to tell y'all that the one good thing (if you can call it that) that has come out of this whole mess is that I do not dwell in self-pity or attend pity parties any more. Life is just way too short and when I look back at those times, I realize that did nothing to change or help the situation or anything for that matter. It doesn't mean that I don't get depressed or wish things were better but I don't dwell or set up housekeeping around it. I accept it for what it is and try to move on. It's been a very valuable lesson I've learned. Wish I didn't have to learn it in quite the manner that I did but geesh, realizing that I've gained anything valuable and beneficial is amazing!

Thanks for responding and letting me know what is going on. I love hearing about everyone. Please share anytime and anything.

Anyone got any news about anyone on the site that I should know about? I welcome hearing about y'all.

Love,
Marteen

Spiritual Seeker

Howdy-thanks for sharing how much diff. a few yrs. can make. Always good to hear from U.
When we are up to our ears in addiction it is hard to imagine.
I bet you and your family are "wiser" & more compassionate for having gone through your experiences. It takes what it takes to learn some lessons.
I am happy to report that my son is a yr. sober and enrolled in college.

Muf

Marteen.
So nice to hear that your Ad are doing so good and your granddaughter too,it just seem to make life better.
My sons are both clean and sober now the oldest 4 1/2 years and the youngest 18 month now.
I have just adopted my youngest sons son,we had since he was born,the mother did drugs all the pregnancy and seen him for
4 month, than she went back to drugs for 13 month and didn't see her son for 17 month,he is now 2 1/2 years old and we love him so much but now she think she should have him back,he don't know her,she moved to a different town and is clean I think but still lie scream and through fits she had appealed the adoption but the lawyer say she will not have a change you never know what will happen.
I have been away from here for 2 years so busy with the baby,it sure fells good to be back here
muf ...

marteen

Wow, all sorts of good news.

To all you newbies, as hard as it is to believe, there really is life after addiction for both the addict and those who love him/her.

I have been one of the more fortunate ones whose child has survived and at least for now, has chosen to walk down the path of recovery. I have friends who were not as fortunate and they have lost their child to addiction either through death or complete physical and mental separation. It's been extremely difficult for them but even they have been able to gather their lives together and move on, taking with them a whole new perspective.

What is very essential is time and frankly, when you are going through it, it sucks! Who in their right mind wants to keep living in hell and WAIT for things to get better or at the worst, have your endurance and perspective get better?????!!!!!

But once you realize you have absolutely NO control, you find that all you have is TIME!

So, pull up a comfy chair (and slippers) and hang on for the ride of your life but I have dropped in to tell you that you can survive, you WILL survive and you have found one of the best places you can to help you obtain the tools to survive! I did and if I did, anyone can!!!

Hope all you mothers have a wonderful and insightful mother's day. Love y'all.

Hugs,
Marteen

lil516

(((Marteen)))

I too do not log on often these days (altho i do pop in to read) but wanted to say "hello"...
You were here on my first "night" and your posts helped me through many dark nights that followed...

a quick update...my son has been clean for 3 years and is working while still living at his recovery house...he has assumed a semi "staff" position there and finds it best to stay there for his recovery (for now) also addiction debt and the weak economy make going out solo difficult...for today he is there and we are blessed

I will soon be a first time grandma (SS and his wife)
life is good...
when my journey into darkness began (more than 5 years ago) I never thought I'd ever say (or type) those words again

thanks for the opportunity to send greetings to an old friend and offer words of encouragement to all newcomers...
days were once so dark
I thought it was inevitable that my son would soon die and figured I'd follow close behind....now I know it doesn't have to be that way....

helpus

Marteen!! So glad to see you! Life after addiction..who woulda thunk? Pretty amazing ehy?

Done_With_It

MOM MARTEEENNNN!!!!!!! :day6



Oh my gosh! You have no idea what a big smile you just put on my face! I think about you all the time, but was just thinking about you last weekend!

Was thinking about your girls too, so glad to hear how well they are both doing! I miss seeing you so much around here but am glad things are going well for you!

Doing good this way also, still have my moments of struggling but meth free still 3+ years!

Hope to see you a little more before you go again! So glad to see you!!!