Step 1: am I an alcoholic?
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
Step 1: am I an alcoholic?
I think this should be asked of every new person prior to coming to the meeting... and be asked to have an open mind to your first step.
Am I an alcoholic? Well am I? How do I find out?
One good way is to go back into my own experience. Look at how I drank booze. Not so much looking at the drama or outer circumstances, but how was it with me and booze? How was it when I tried to control my drinking? Why did I feel the need to control my drinking? How was I when I was abruptly separated from booze once I had a good drunk started?
Ultimately, could I control the amount once I started, and/or, could I stay stopped for something like a year on my own power. When I read pages 30, 31, 32, 33, etc... I start to understand why I might just be an alcoholic.
It's also good to know what an alcoholic isn't. What is a hard drinker? What is a moderate drinker? A teetotaler? Can a hard drinker cross the line and become a real alky? Well, evidently yes. And once an alky, always an alky. But not just anybody can get drunk and become an alcoholic. It's complicated, but it just doesn't work that way. Alcoholism is a very selective malady and tests have been done to support this "theory" if you will. I like what a book Under the Influence says about the matter. But I don't like the doc's plan for recovery.
That's all we need, is another plan, right?
But I was given the dignity to find out for myself whether I was an alky or not. I was not forced, coerced, rushed, etc. into AA. I was given the dignity to come to my own conclusion and act accordingly. At one point, my group had to watch me fight recovery and go out and drink again. As the book say, alcohol is the Great Persuader. For it finally and once again "beat me into a state of reasonableness."
When I came back in, they said I looked whipped. They said I was quiet, scared, and didn't seem to have a plan. For me, that was the start of my first step. But I was given the gift of "being open to my first step" and follow the path of consideration.
To partake in a spiritual excercise, you have to start with a question, not an answer.
It was not necessary that I drink again because for one thing, that's dangerous for a guy like me. I could have died or killed people. But... I got in fear and refused to deal with it. Another plan is to see how well you stay sober on your own power. If neither that nor trying some controlled drinking doesn't work, you're probably an alcoholic.
Coming to the realization that you're an alcoholic should be a scary one. It was for me. For, left to my own devices, I will drink again. And for me to drink again means
death
insanity
incarceration.
So this idea of a God personal to me becomes pretty believable. That's how the 1st step shakes out for me. It's not just the 1st step as listed on the Step Scroll or on page 60. It's everything from Title Page, preface, forwards, Dr's Opinion, Bill's Story, There is a Solution, More about Alcoholism, and a paragraph on We Agnostics... other known as the Bedevilments... "We were having problems with personal relationships..."
And if you'll notice, the first 8 pages of Bill's Story is his drunkalog. You can ask yourself "How did I drink, think and feel like Bill?" Pages 9-16 was what he did to recover.
Up to page 23 or so... that's the physical "craving of booze" when it's in my body. From right after that to about page 43, that's the mental obsession or when alcohol is not in my body, but in my mind; the mental obsession. Then the bedevilments on page 52 talk to me about the spiritual malady, or my life without God, whether I'm sober or not.
Step 1, for me it didn't happen over night.
Am I an alcoholic? Well am I? How do I find out?
One good way is to go back into my own experience. Look at how I drank booze. Not so much looking at the drama or outer circumstances, but how was it with me and booze? How was it when I tried to control my drinking? Why did I feel the need to control my drinking? How was I when I was abruptly separated from booze once I had a good drunk started?
Ultimately, could I control the amount once I started, and/or, could I stay stopped for something like a year on my own power. When I read pages 30, 31, 32, 33, etc... I start to understand why I might just be an alcoholic.
It's also good to know what an alcoholic isn't. What is a hard drinker? What is a moderate drinker? A teetotaler? Can a hard drinker cross the line and become a real alky? Well, evidently yes. And once an alky, always an alky. But not just anybody can get drunk and become an alcoholic. It's complicated, but it just doesn't work that way. Alcoholism is a very selective malady and tests have been done to support this "theory" if you will. I like what a book Under the Influence says about the matter. But I don't like the doc's plan for recovery.
That's all we need, is another plan, right?
But I was given the dignity to find out for myself whether I was an alky or not. I was not forced, coerced, rushed, etc. into AA. I was given the dignity to come to my own conclusion and act accordingly. At one point, my group had to watch me fight recovery and go out and drink again. As the book say, alcohol is the Great Persuader. For it finally and once again "beat me into a state of reasonableness."
When I came back in, they said I looked whipped. They said I was quiet, scared, and didn't seem to have a plan. For me, that was the start of my first step. But I was given the gift of "being open to my first step" and follow the path of consideration.
To partake in a spiritual excercise, you have to start with a question, not an answer.
It was not necessary that I drink again because for one thing, that's dangerous for a guy like me. I could have died or killed people. But... I got in fear and refused to deal with it. Another plan is to see how well you stay sober on your own power. If neither that nor trying some controlled drinking doesn't work, you're probably an alcoholic.
Coming to the realization that you're an alcoholic should be a scary one. It was for me. For, left to my own devices, I will drink again. And for me to drink again means
death
insanity
incarceration.
So this idea of a God personal to me becomes pretty believable. That's how the 1st step shakes out for me. It's not just the 1st step as listed on the Step Scroll or on page 60. It's everything from Title Page, preface, forwards, Dr's Opinion, Bill's Story, There is a Solution, More about Alcoholism, and a paragraph on We Agnostics... other known as the Bedevilments... "We were having problems with personal relationships..."
And if you'll notice, the first 8 pages of Bill's Story is his drunkalog. You can ask yourself "How did I drink, think and feel like Bill?" Pages 9-16 was what he did to recover.
Up to page 23 or so... that's the physical "craving of booze" when it's in my body. From right after that to about page 43, that's the mental obsession or when alcohol is not in my body, but in my mind; the mental obsession. Then the bedevilments on page 52 talk to me about the spiritual malady, or my life without God, whether I'm sober or not.
Step 1, for me it didn't happen over night.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
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Nice post,
It's good to see someone talking about the 1st step based on experience and a knowledge as to what it means to be alcoholic. Qualifying the new man is a very important part of the sponsor sponsee relationship.
In my experience, the easiest way to irritate a meeting, is to present folks evidence that may suggest they aren't alcoholics. It amazes me how ego can attach to anything.
It's good to see someone talking about the 1st step based on experience and a knowledge as to what it means to be alcoholic. Qualifying the new man is a very important part of the sponsor sponsee relationship.
In my experience, the easiest way to irritate a meeting, is to present folks evidence that may suggest they aren't alcoholics. It amazes me how ego can attach to anything.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
Thank you. I'm new here, but not new to good meetings and step work. I belong to a group who insists on it.
When I was first sentenced to AA, I was 18 years old and was encouraged to go from the detox over to the treatment center. I did not want to go because, after all, it would mean I'd have to spend my New Year's in there. That was not an option. But when I found out I'd lose my college funding if I didn't, I reconsidered. So I got a Big Book, read it like a novel and put it away for 10 years.
Ten years later, I got sentenced to AA again and went to meetings and tried to get and stay sober. It was 4 long months going to meetings before I went up to a guy who seemed to know what he was talking about. He was the first person to finally ask me that inevitable question; what brings you here? What do you drink like? How is it with you and booze?
I was taken aback because I was so used to people telling me I was an alcoholic because... So long story short, I had a first step problem.
So after hearing embellished war stories over and over and over again, I started to identify with some people here and there speaking their truth.
To be an alcoholic, it's simple
The hard drinker can match the alcoholic drink for drink and even get locked up and/or die before their time; but in the end, they can stop or moderate given a sufficient reason.
When I was first sentenced to AA, I was 18 years old and was encouraged to go from the detox over to the treatment center. I did not want to go because, after all, it would mean I'd have to spend my New Year's in there. That was not an option. But when I found out I'd lose my college funding if I didn't, I reconsidered. So I got a Big Book, read it like a novel and put it away for 10 years.
Ten years later, I got sentenced to AA again and went to meetings and tried to get and stay sober. It was 4 long months going to meetings before I went up to a guy who seemed to know what he was talking about. He was the first person to finally ask me that inevitable question; what brings you here? What do you drink like? How is it with you and booze?
I was taken aback because I was so used to people telling me I was an alcoholic because... So long story short, I had a first step problem.
So after hearing embellished war stories over and over and over again, I started to identify with some people here and there speaking their truth.
To be an alcoholic, it's simple
The hard drinker can match the alcoholic drink for drink and even get locked up and/or die before their time; but in the end, they can stop or moderate given a sufficient reason.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Absolutley...great thread.
I "KNEW" I was alcoholic. Treatment centers said so, doctor's said so, my friends and family said so...when I took a drink ~ anything could happen...and I was sooo miserable. I would admit it openly ~ "My name is Adam and I am an alcoholic." As far as I was concerned the heavy drinker and the alcoholic were one in the same. I never knew what AA's definition of alcoholism was (an alcoholic of our type), until I came in from my last drink, got with a recovered alcoholic and approached the whole deal as if we didn't know if I had alcoholism or not. If I determined that I was, we would move on with the steps...we used the book and my personal experiences to answer:
Am I as hopeless as this Bill character?
yea, thank God..I don't know what would have come of me if I wasn't able to identify with alcoholism as outlined in AA.
I "KNEW" I was alcoholic. Treatment centers said so, doctor's said so, my friends and family said so...when I took a drink ~ anything could happen...and I was sooo miserable. I would admit it openly ~ "My name is Adam and I am an alcoholic." As far as I was concerned the heavy drinker and the alcoholic were one in the same. I never knew what AA's definition of alcoholism was (an alcoholic of our type), until I came in from my last drink, got with a recovered alcoholic and approached the whole deal as if we didn't know if I had alcoholism or not. If I determined that I was, we would move on with the steps...we used the book and my personal experiences to answer:
Am I as hopeless as this Bill character?
yea, thank God..I don't know what would have come of me if I wasn't able to identify with alcoholism as outlined in AA.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
Recovered! He said the magic word! DING DING DING! 
It's nice to be given the dignity to find your own truth, because in the end, nothing else works. Or as the book says, "frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices."
I have an anti-dictionary of words that I loath; words such as recovering, addiction, disease, "we don't need no whiskey sour, all we need's a Higher Power!", door knob, group of drunks, etc. But those are controversies for another thread. I do like words such as; alcoholic, inebriate, abnormal drinker, malady, allergy, God, Spirit of the Universe, Great Reality, Creator, Father, Director, Principal, etc.
Once a real alcoholic get a real first step, it usually has them very open about this idea of God. My most simple concept of God is not "Higher Power". It's simply That which created us all.
Why do we tell the potential alcoholic the dreadful fate of the first step, which is death, insanity, incarceration or the dreaded 4th option? Because we offer hope. We can be "uniquely helpful" due to our experience. And what is this dreaded 4th option? Follow a few simple rules. Only a real alky would balk at that, I think. But I believe that for the alcoholic who is aware of his/her condition AND wants to do something about it, Step 2 is plugged into Step 1. If someone has a problem with God, theres no problem. That's what booze is for.
It's nice to be given the dignity to find your own truth, because in the end, nothing else works. Or as the book says, "frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices."
I have an anti-dictionary of words that I loath; words such as recovering, addiction, disease, "we don't need no whiskey sour, all we need's a Higher Power!", door knob, group of drunks, etc. But those are controversies for another thread. I do like words such as; alcoholic, inebriate, abnormal drinker, malady, allergy, God, Spirit of the Universe, Great Reality, Creator, Father, Director, Principal, etc.
Once a real alcoholic get a real first step, it usually has them very open about this idea of God. My most simple concept of God is not "Higher Power". It's simply That which created us all.
Why do we tell the potential alcoholic the dreadful fate of the first step, which is death, insanity, incarceration or the dreaded 4th option? Because we offer hope. We can be "uniquely helpful" due to our experience. And what is this dreaded 4th option? Follow a few simple rules.
Only a real alky would balk at that, I think. But I believe that for the alcoholic who is aware of his/her condition AND wants to do something about it, Step 2 is plugged into Step 1. If someone has a problem with God, theres no problem. That's what booze is for. Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Yeah, recovered. It's not uncommon to hear that phrase used in my lineage of sponsorship (which has many ties to Colorado btw).
No amount of fear ~ or "the things that will happen to me if I keep drinking" could have produced the first step. I was in enough pain and didn't know wtf was wrong with me. That first step experience was the realization that "I got this thing and there's nothing I can do about it. Not even learn to cope, because I am gonna drink again and I really really don't want to." I don't know if I was necessarily scared of death, or jail...but I certainly could not live anymore with active alcoholism and I just kept relapsing, even after some good periods of time between drinks (ie - more than a year).
Hopeless isn't an intellectual realization, it shook me to my core and sprang willingess to have my alcoholism REMOVED, and I believed it was possible to really get free of it.
My experience since then has confirmed it.
No amount of fear ~ or "the things that will happen to me if I keep drinking" could have produced the first step. I was in enough pain and didn't know wtf was wrong with me. That first step experience was the realization that "I got this thing and there's nothing I can do about it. Not even learn to cope, because I am gonna drink again and I really really don't want to." I don't know if I was necessarily scared of death, or jail...but I certainly could not live anymore with active alcoholism and I just kept relapsing, even after some good periods of time between drinks (ie - more than a year).
Hopeless isn't an intellectual realization, it shook me to my core and sprang willingess to have my alcoholism REMOVED, and I believed it was possible to really get free of it.
My experience since then has confirmed it.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: ohio
Posts: 39
Denial defeats this step doesn't it?
For years, my spouse and close friends have been telling me that i have a drinking problem, I agreed w/ them and would modify my intake, slow down, then a special occasion would come up. Football season arrived, holidays, all great reasons to drink. Then came the time when my spouse would be gone for ong period of time on the road in his big truck. Loneliness, another good reason to drink.
See, I finally figured it out that denial did a pretty good job of making excuses for me to keep putting that alcohol to my lips. So, step one "Admit that Iam powerless over alcoho and my life has become unmanagable" came true to me last week when it was time to take my husband to work and I was too drunk. Realized it had become unmanageable when I counted how much I had to drink that day (16 beers). So, that 's why I'm here now. I realize deeply that I cannot control alcohol and I have allowed it to control ME, make my life heck.
See, I finally figured it out that denial did a pretty good job of making excuses for me to keep putting that alcohol to my lips. So, step one "Admit that Iam powerless over alcoho and my life has become unmanagable" came true to me last week when it was time to take my husband to work and I was too drunk. Realized it had become unmanageable when I counted how much I had to drink that day (16 beers). So, that 's why I'm here now. I realize deeply that I cannot control alcohol and I have allowed it to control ME, make my life heck.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
Nobody ever guaranteed that the 1st step would be easy. The BB uses verbage such as Great Persuader and "beat me into a state of reasonableness" and pitiful and incomprehensible and demoralization and self-deception (pg 31) and experimentation and great obsession and persistence and gates of insanity and death and "lost our legs" and "never grow new ones".
It goes on and on. But the book encourages us to go out and drink booze and try to control it to get a full knowledge of our condition. It warns/encourages us to do this to get a full knowledge of our condition but it will or may give us a bad case of the jitters.
But now here's my experience; even knowing or thinking or believing or conceding to your inner most self does not guarantee your ability to stay sober, go to meetings, do steps, experience and develop a relationship with God, etc. Because as the book warns, the Great Obsession of each and every "abnormal drinker" is that the drinker can control and enjoy it. Realize that from about page 23 or 24 on to 43 talks about booze when it's NOT in our body but in our head.
I think the worst disservice you can do to the new person is to label them an alcoholic. Shut up and let them come to that conclusion. Invite them in, pull up a chair for them, maybe give them a cup of coffee if they'd like... then leave them alone and let them listen. Let them identify. Give them the dignity to find out for themselves if they're a real alcoholic. They also need to decide for themselves if they are willing to "go to any lengths" to get sober... aka do these steps that we do in AA.
Oh, let me qualify; do these steps that WE require in my particular home group. Is it right to demand that every participant is a real alcoholic in a particular meeting? Closed meeting? Well, I guess that's alright. There is the blue card for closed meetings. We go a step further and ask that you introduce yourself as "alcoholic only". We also require you to do steps on a yearly basis. Is this fair? Is this right? I'll bet this is not according to World Services. But that's ok. We'll claim tradition 4; Anonymity, or is it uninonynanonymity? Well anyways, call us an underground meeting. For we have more than one requirement. But this eliminates all the BS.
So give the new person the dignity to come to their own conclusions and don't rush them unless they're ready. How do you know they're ready? We ask them two questions and if they answer them straight up and without sarcasm or doubt, we proceed;
None of this "Keep coming back" stuff or this "One day at a time" garbage. Where does it say One Day at a Time in the Big Book? It says something to the effect of working day by day with the new man, but why coerce and beg the new person in? Where does it say anywhere in the Big Book that we're supposed to "Promote" the newcomer?
I belong to a healthy group that does steps. If you wanna drink then go drink. We won't be happy about it, but if you need to finish the job off, get going. Drink out there. Don't drink in here. And if the drunk leaves the group and goes and drinks, don't follow him. That stuff is contageous. It's not ok to drink. When I drank and came back to raise my hand, Frank (RIP) didn't give me a warm-fuzzy hug. He said "Slipper!" He said "I can stay sober! You can't! So sit down and shut up!" But then he followed that up with "But he's got another chance, because he's got guts!" He had me so p!$$'d that I stayed sober for the next year just to spite him.
Evidently, I wouldn't be the only person that Frank would use this "technique" on.
We're not a popularity contest. Seeing a guy with over 30 years go and do 4th step inventory with us and share his 5th step with us gives me hope. If this process helped you get closer to God the first time, why on earth would you only do it once? Plus it gives us stuff to talk about and topics to discuss throughout the year. We all do steps together, and we do all 12 steps. So that's what we chair our meetings on. We talk about our current experience on steps 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11, and 12 and all of the 12 Traditions Long-Form. We don't have gratitude meetings. We're not very popular. But that's cool.
We let the new man and woman know right up front what's to be expected of them, we tell them to buy a book, read it and get in. If a drunk can afford to buy themselves a drink or two, they can afford a $7.00 book.
It goes on and on. But the book encourages us to go out and drink booze and try to control it to get a full knowledge of our condition. It warns/encourages us to do this to get a full knowledge of our condition but it will or may give us a bad case of the jitters.
But now here's my experience; even knowing or thinking or believing or conceding to your inner most self does not guarantee your ability to stay sober, go to meetings, do steps, experience and develop a relationship with God, etc. Because as the book warns, the Great Obsession of each and every "abnormal drinker" is that the drinker can control and enjoy it. Realize that from about page 23 or 24 on to 43 talks about booze when it's NOT in our body but in our head.
I think the worst disservice you can do to the new person is to label them an alcoholic. Shut up and let them come to that conclusion. Invite them in, pull up a chair for them, maybe give them a cup of coffee if they'd like... then leave them alone and let them listen. Let them identify. Give them the dignity to find out for themselves if they're a real alcoholic. They also need to decide for themselves if they are willing to "go to any lengths" to get sober... aka do these steps that we do in AA.
Oh, let me qualify; do these steps that WE require in my particular home group. Is it right to demand that every participant is a real alcoholic in a particular meeting? Closed meeting? Well, I guess that's alright. There is the blue card for closed meetings. We go a step further and ask that you introduce yourself as "alcoholic only". We also require you to do steps on a yearly basis. Is this fair? Is this right? I'll bet this is not according to World Services. But that's ok. We'll claim tradition 4; Anonymity, or is it uninonynanonymity? Well anyways, call us an underground meeting. For we have more than one requirement. But this eliminates all the BS.
So give the new person the dignity to come to their own conclusions and don't rush them unless they're ready. How do you know they're ready? We ask them two questions and if they answer them straight up and without sarcasm or doubt, we proceed;
None of this "Keep coming back" stuff or this "One day at a time" garbage. Where does it say One Day at a Time in the Big Book? It says something to the effect of working day by day with the new man, but why coerce and beg the new person in? Where does it say anywhere in the Big Book that we're supposed to "Promote" the newcomer?
I belong to a healthy group that does steps. If you wanna drink then go drink. We won't be happy about it, but if you need to finish the job off, get going. Drink out there. Don't drink in here. And if the drunk leaves the group and goes and drinks, don't follow him. That stuff is contageous. It's not ok to drink. When I drank and came back to raise my hand, Frank (RIP) didn't give me a warm-fuzzy hug. He said "Slipper!" He said "I can stay sober! You can't! So sit down and shut up!" But then he followed that up with "But he's got another chance, because he's got guts!" He had me so p!$$'d that I stayed sober for the next year just to spite him.
Evidently, I wouldn't be the only person that Frank would use this "technique" on.We're not a popularity contest. Seeing a guy with over 30 years go and do 4th step inventory with us and share his 5th step with us gives me hope. If this process helped you get closer to God the first time, why on earth would you only do it once? Plus it gives us stuff to talk about and topics to discuss throughout the year. We all do steps together, and we do all 12 steps. So that's what we chair our meetings on. We talk about our current experience on steps 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11, and 12 and all of the 12 Traditions Long-Form. We don't have gratitude meetings.
We're not very popular. But that's cool.We let the new man and woman know right up front what's to be expected of them, we tell them to buy a book, read it and get in. If a drunk can afford to buy themselves a drink or two, they can afford a $7.00 book.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
Originally Posted by introuble 
For years, my spouse and close friends have been telling me that i have a drinking problem, I agreed w/ them and would modify my intake, slow down, then a special occasion would come up. Football season arrived, holidays, all great reasons to drink. Then came the time when my spouse would be gone for ong period of time on the road in his big truck. Loneliness, another good reason to drink.
See, I finally figured it out that denial did a pretty good job of making excuses for me to keep putting that alcohol to my lips. So, step one "Admit that Iam powerless over alcoho and my life has become unmanagable" came true to me last week when it was time to take my husband to work and I was too drunk. Realized it had become unmanageable when I counted how much I had to drink that day (16 beers). So, that 's why I'm here now. I realize deeply that I cannot control alcohol and I have allowed it to control ME, make my life heck.
See, I finally figured it out that denial did a pretty good job of making excuses for me to keep putting that alcohol to my lips. So, step one "Admit that Iam powerless over alcoho and my life has become unmanagable" came true to me last week when it was time to take my husband to work and I was too drunk. Realized it had become unmanageable when I counted how much I had to drink that day (16 beers). So, that 's why I'm here now. I realize deeply that I cannot control alcohol and I have allowed it to control ME, make my life heck.
Part of step one is being open-minded to having a problem with booze, but it's also some kind of willingness to do something about it.
Do you want to get and stay sober for good? What's your answer to that question right now?
If it's no, then fine. Not my business whatsoever. Our conversation is done. Have a good day.
But if it's "Yes!" then Step 1 has commenced and we can look at Step 2.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
Frank said, "Most of those who say they are recovering, are not."
"Then if I lie to you, who can blame me? I'm sick." "I'm recovering."
Well how's about getting in, do steps, get recovered, pass it on.
If this post is pulling on you or making you emotional, it might be time to look at that 1st Step again... assuming that you do steps, because that's the subforum you're in right now.
"Then if I lie to you, who can blame me? I'm sick."
"I'm recovering."Well how's about getting in, do steps, get recovered, pass it on.
If this post is pulling on you or making you emotional, it might be time to look at that 1st Step again... assuming that you do steps, because that's the subforum you're in right now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Ct.
Posts: 5
I can answer 'yes' to your questions...i think..i believe i have a problem with alcohol, but, my struggle is, is this due to growing up with the disease, marrying the disease, and having an immense fear of the disease?? I dont know..i am starting to go to meetings to educate myself...i had a counselor tell me that they don't counsel people who are admittedly concerned about their drinking, that are merely social drinkers...This is tough to argue, and many in my first AA mtg. nodded in agreement to that statement. I am doing the legwork to get some answers..it just feels good to know that there are others out there i can talk to.
thanks for listening,
rerun
thanks for listening,
rerun
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Hey rerun, welcome...
McGowdog has a really good approach to Step One, He may be along soon... He said earlier...
To be an alcoholic, it's simple
Can't control the amount you drink once the craving is activated; some say that's usually two or more drinks.
Can't stay stopped based on what's right, necessary, prudent, etc.
The hard drinker can match the alcoholic drink for drink and even get locked up and/or die before their time; but in the end, they can stop or moderate given a sufficient reason.
But he doesn't make it easy... simple, yes, easy, no. Nor should it be.
You have to find your own truth, nobody can tell you that you are an alcoholic. We can tell you what it was like for us, our experience.
What's yours?
Mark
McGowdog has a really good approach to Step One, He may be along soon... He said earlier...
To be an alcoholic, it's simple
Can't control the amount you drink once the craving is activated; some say that's usually two or more drinks.
Can't stay stopped based on what's right, necessary, prudent, etc.
The hard drinker can match the alcoholic drink for drink and even get locked up and/or die before their time; but in the end, they can stop or moderate given a sufficient reason.
You have to find your own truth, nobody can tell you that you are an alcoholic. We can tell you what it was like for us, our experience.
What's yours?
Mark
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
I thank you for bumping this thread up. It was one of my first on here.
My first step is perhaps admittedly complicated. I've been going to it about every year for the last 15 or 16 years ... although I've only been continuously sober for the last 5 and a half.
Yes. I go through the work yearly and whenever I start the work again, I come from a place of consideration, not fact.
This garbage that you do your 1st Step 100% is bullcrap and useless to me and the people I do steps with.
To start a spiritual exercise, and that's what A.A. is, you have to begin with a question. Not an answer. If I start with an answer, I move nowhere beyond here. Maybe I'm an alcoholic. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm morally weak. Maybe I'm a mental defect. Maybe it's pressure from my job. Maybe my family is messed up. Maybe I'm a victim. The world is a mess. It's helter skelter. My mom put me on the pot backwards. It's not my fault.
Maybe I drank too much booze due to my situation. Once my situation straightens up and I get my $#!# together, maybe "if I manage well", I can drink normally.
Can I control and enjoy my drinking? Can I drink 2 and stop? Maybe I don't want to stop at 2 tonight. Maybe I want to get a buzz. I deserve to get drunk tonight. Alcoholics don't corner the market on getting drunk, right? I'm a happy drunk. I keep to my own and never bother anybody, right? If I can't control my drinking once I start, maybe I can stay away from the 1st drink on my own power.
The book says "we don't like to pronounce..." We have a clue what a real alcoholic is, but even if we knew you are an alcoholic, it would do you no good for us to tell you. We would deny you of your own experience.
My most effective 1st Step experience to date came about 5 years and 7 months ago when I was inbetween my last drunk and what should have been my next drunk. I certainly had no hope in A.A. and didn't want to "face the music." I didn't want a bunch of hard core sober bastards telling me, "We told you so."
They didn't do that, but I had it built into my own mind that responsibility was with anybody but me. I'm not to blame here. I'm a victim. If you had my life, you'd drink too. But booze did something to me. I wanted to go to this meeting just this one more time, face the music... and say, "Here I am. Can you help me?"
"Do you think you have a problem with booze?" Yes.
"Do you want to quit for good and all?" Yes.
"Then get in. Get writing." Yes.
My first step is perhaps admittedly complicated. I've been going to it about every year for the last 15 or 16 years ... although I've only been continuously sober for the last 5 and a half.
Yes. I go through the work yearly and whenever I start the work again, I come from a place of consideration, not fact.
This garbage that you do your 1st Step 100% is bullcrap and useless to me and the people I do steps with.
To start a spiritual exercise, and that's what A.A. is, you have to begin with a question. Not an answer. If I start with an answer, I move nowhere beyond here. Maybe I'm an alcoholic. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm morally weak. Maybe I'm a mental defect. Maybe it's pressure from my job. Maybe my family is messed up. Maybe I'm a victim. The world is a mess. It's helter skelter. My mom put me on the pot backwards. It's not my fault.
Maybe I drank too much booze due to my situation. Once my situation straightens up and I get my $#!# together, maybe "if I manage well", I can drink normally.
Can I control and enjoy my drinking? Can I drink 2 and stop? Maybe I don't want to stop at 2 tonight. Maybe I want to get a buzz. I deserve to get drunk tonight. Alcoholics don't corner the market on getting drunk, right? I'm a happy drunk. I keep to my own and never bother anybody, right? If I can't control my drinking once I start, maybe I can stay away from the 1st drink on my own power.
The book says "we don't like to pronounce..." We have a clue what a real alcoholic is, but even if we knew you are an alcoholic, it would do you no good for us to tell you. We would deny you of your own experience.
My most effective 1st Step experience to date came about 5 years and 7 months ago when I was inbetween my last drunk and what should have been my next drunk. I certainly had no hope in A.A. and didn't want to "face the music." I didn't want a bunch of hard core sober bastards telling me, "We told you so."
They didn't do that, but I had it built into my own mind that responsibility was with anybody but me. I'm not to blame here. I'm a victim. If you had my life, you'd drink too. But booze did something to me. I wanted to go to this meeting just this one more time, face the music... and say, "Here I am. Can you help me?"
"Do you think you have a problem with booze?" Yes.
"Do you want to quit for good and all?" Yes.
"Then get in. Get writing." Yes.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Ct.
Posts: 5
Hey Mark,
Just to answer your question about my experience...i have never been able to relax around alcohol..i grew up with it, and am still learning how it has effected me. I started drinking at age 13..and always to get drunk. I did not know how to stop. That was me ini college and high school. Now ,at 52, I am trying to figure out what all that means for me. Since college, i have lessened my time spend drinking, but, realize now, that i never could have a normal (?) attitue towards it..i turned into quite the wine conosseur..but, by age 50, saw my husband needing it too much..and wanted him to stop. I started going to alanon,and have learned to start focusing on me, which has brought me to this point. He has his own higher power and i have mine, and i believe my hp wants me to figure this whole issue out , once and for all, for myself. Am i or am i not an alcoholic? Both parents were, i obsess about it way , way too much...and i guess that is based in lots of fear. Ihope this made at least some sense..it has helped me just to write about it..
thanks for listening..looking forward to a response
rerun
Just to answer your question about my experience...i have never been able to relax around alcohol..i grew up with it, and am still learning how it has effected me. I started drinking at age 13..and always to get drunk. I did not know how to stop. That was me ini college and high school. Now ,at 52, I am trying to figure out what all that means for me. Since college, i have lessened my time spend drinking, but, realize now, that i never could have a normal (?) attitue towards it..i turned into quite the wine conosseur..but, by age 50, saw my husband needing it too much..and wanted him to stop. I started going to alanon,and have learned to start focusing on me, which has brought me to this point. He has his own higher power and i have mine, and i believe my hp wants me to figure this whole issue out , once and for all, for myself. Am i or am i not an alcoholic? Both parents were, i obsess about it way , way too much...and i guess that is based in lots of fear. Ihope this made at least some sense..it has helped me just to write about it..
thanks for listening..looking forward to a response
rerun
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Hi rerun...
I just reread McGowdog's post right before your last one... His approach to step one is the best I have ever heard. When I started reading his posts, especially about step one, I almost couldn't sleep at night... He really got me into step one and we've never even actually met!!.... I am constantly reading and rereading, in my mind and here on SR, his questions... He is so freaking right... step one begins with a question. The treatment center I went to began with the answer and then with all their worksheets and workshops, worked backwards, away from clarity and I was more confused than ever.... though I could cite chapter and verse... Well enough of that, we don't want this to go to his head
I am 52 this Sunday... I partied in college, a couple of blackouts... went to graduate school, married my high school sweetheart and had four awesome kids. We were Ward and June Cleaver... We are still married, 25 years next month...
Something broke in me... I remember when it happened... I became spiritually dead. I even knew it at the time... I sabotaged myself in a few subtle ways... and 7 or 8 years later... I was obsessing about alcohol and drinking compulsively... Not a blackout drinker, but daily, and sometimes a lot, sometimes in the morning...
But how did I decide that am I an alcoholic... Something there, in the bottle, pulling me in... relief... This hole in my soul that had opened up years earlier... It wasn't like... "Oh, I had a sh1tty day, I am gonna get trashed"... not that... more of a vague smear of discontentment that smudged across everything in my life.... alcohol took me to a place where I didn't see it anymore....
I was spiritually ill...
Like McGowdog says...
So rerun... All I can say is listen to as many experiences that others have had with step one that you can... listen for things that resonate with you... It's not about how much you drink, or how much trouble you are in, but something deeper...
Thanx for your post
Mark
I just reread McGowdog's post right before your last one... His approach to step one is the best I have ever heard. When I started reading his posts, especially about step one, I almost couldn't sleep at night... He really got me into step one and we've never even actually met!!.... I am constantly reading and rereading, in my mind and here on SR, his questions... He is so freaking right... step one begins with a question. The treatment center I went to began with the answer and then with all their worksheets and workshops, worked backwards, away from clarity and I was more confused than ever.... though I could cite chapter and verse... Well enough of that, we don't want this to go to his head
I am 52 this Sunday... I partied in college, a couple of blackouts... went to graduate school, married my high school sweetheart and had four awesome kids. We were Ward and June Cleaver... We are still married, 25 years next month...
Something broke in me... I remember when it happened... I became spiritually dead. I even knew it at the time... I sabotaged myself in a few subtle ways... and 7 or 8 years later... I was obsessing about alcohol and drinking compulsively... Not a blackout drinker, but daily, and sometimes a lot, sometimes in the morning...
But how did I decide that am I an alcoholic... Something there, in the bottle, pulling me in... relief... This hole in my soul that had opened up years earlier... It wasn't like... "Oh, I had a sh1tty day, I am gonna get trashed"... not that... more of a vague smear of discontentment that smudged across everything in my life.... alcohol took me to a place where I didn't see it anymore....
I was spiritually ill...
Like McGowdog says...
The book says "we don't like to pronounce..." We have a clue what a real alcoholic is, but even if we knew you are an alcoholic, it would do you no good for us to tell you. We would deny you of your own experience.
Thanx for your post
Mark
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
Well thanks Mark! But I couldn't take the credit for that if I wanted to. It's what I've been shown, but more importantly it's what we do.
Even Mark H talks about this. Then I found a group where he once belonged and you've got a group of about 60 people who all use this and it's powerful. It's powerful because they all "DO" it. Listening to Mark H tapes of it does me absolutely no good though. The book is about an experience, not contemplation or a conclusion... like what I've tried in the past.
It's very good to have a first step. I chaired a meeting last Monday and we have a guy who didn't want to talk about the insidious insanity of the first drink. He evaded it. I hope that he gets cleared of what might be blocking him on this. If you're in A.A. for a long time and cannot identify, this will mess you up. He's been sober longer than me.
Oh, "insidious" is a very important word in the book too. It's used twice; (in sid E us) adj. - characterized by treachery or slyness; crafty; wily. - operating in a slow or not easily apparent manner. - more dangerous than seems evident.
I brought up a question in crossfire about why we call ourselves "alcoholics". Some programs do not. We do and it's a very descriptive and important word. It's a knock to the ego, yes. But it also implies "forever". At least it does for me.
Even Mark H talks about this. Then I found a group where he once belonged and you've got a group of about 60 people who all use this and it's powerful. It's powerful because they all "DO" it. Listening to Mark H tapes of it does me absolutely no good though. The book is about an experience, not contemplation or a conclusion... like what I've tried in the past.
It's very good to have a first step. I chaired a meeting last Monday and we have a guy who didn't want to talk about the insidious insanity of the first drink. He evaded it. I hope that he gets cleared of what might be blocking him on this. If you're in A.A. for a long time and cannot identify, this will mess you up. He's been sober longer than me.
Oh, "insidious" is a very important word in the book too. It's used twice; (in sid E us) adj. - characterized by treachery or slyness; crafty; wily. - operating in a slow or not easily apparent manner. - more dangerous than seems evident.
I brought up a question in crossfire about why we call ourselves "alcoholics". Some programs do not. We do and it's a very descriptive and important word. It's a knock to the ego, yes. But it also implies "forever". At least it does for me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Ct.
Posts: 5
Thanks,mark..for you words...
i like that..i will look and be open..that is what i pray for these days...
and pay attention..
to what resonates..and "no" i am not focusing so much on "amounts"
but, that inner knowledge..as to what the hell scares me so much about alcohol..
i will continue my search
rerun
i like that..i will look and be open..that is what i pray for these days...
and pay attention..
to what resonates..and "no" i am not focusing so much on "amounts"
but, that inner knowledge..as to what the hell scares me so much about alcohol..
i will continue my search
rerun
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Augusta GA
Posts: 2
I always thought the step was just to say "step 1" outloud. I never knew it to have a deeper meaning than that. I really have a lot of soul searching to do now. Thank you so much for making me think about the 1st and most important step! God bless you!
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