Aysha

Yes yall. I need your input.
Not that I cant think for myself or that I may or may not do it anyway.
I am just really nervous about this and its something I need to do to ease my mind.

Like some of you may know I ended up losing my job the end of Feb.
Never called or showed because I was too busy in my addiciton.

My boss had called me about 2 weeks after that and I never called her back.

Its been about 4 weeks. And I really liked my job. I liked everyone I worked with. And I just feel the strong urger to call my boss and at least apologize and give some sort of an explanation as to what happened. Not giving too much detail of course.

Not for reasons of getting my job back. I think thats pretty well sht. But you never know. But more because I had respect and like that job. I would like her to give me at least a neutral unbias reference as I seek other employment. It would just make me feel better.

I worked hard and she knows that. I always did anythign asked of me. Always asked for more responsibility. And up until not showing up that last time. I was very responsible and reliable.

So what do you guys think? Should I attempt calling her? Or save myself the humiliation and leave well enough alone?

Freedom1990

For my own peace of mind and keeping my side of the street clean, and with no expectations of her, I would make the call. That's just me, hon.

:ghug :ghug

SoberforME

Call her.

The only thing that can happen is you clean your conscience and she knows what happened.

The best thing is a reference, but I wouldn't build your hopes. Just go in with the intent to make amends and let the chips fall where they may.

Astro

JMO, making amends is part of any recovery, not just a 12-Step program. It's part of the process of putting the wreckage of our past behind us, it releases us from the bondage of our poor behavior, and the humiliation and shame that we sometimes feel.

I consider my motives carefully before I make an amends though. Am I doing it to serve myself and make me feel better, or to mend my relationship with the other person, to ease any conflicting feelings they might be having? I just need to make sure my motives aren't selfish and self-serving, that's all.

I wish you the best in this, Trish

Toomutch

I would call her Trish. She will probably appreciate the call and it will ease your mind as well.

suki44883

I say call her.

parentrecovers

yep, call her.

Aysha

Good point Astro..I think first and foremost..I want to do it just because its the right thing to do. I feel bad. And even more so because I was kickin butt there and had built a good reputation in a small amount of time as someone who was eager to work, responsible, and dependable. She always came to me with anything she needed done outside of our regular duties. And she knew I would do it.
Also I am hoping she will give me a decent reference for future employers.
And I am not goin to lie. A little glimmer of hope of maybe getting my job back. Which I dont intend on asking for. And honestly I know she isnt goin to offer it back to me. But that is in the back of my mind.
But its mostly to ease my mind and get it off my conscience. It is really haunting me.

1963comet

I think talking to your boss would be good. After I quit drinking I talked to everyone that I hurt. It helps to clear your mind and move on. I know I done a lot of stupid things under the influence that I never would of if not drinking. So, I believe the real you will show your boss what kind of person you are.

Astro

She might have some unresolved questions about losing you as an employee, sounds like an amends might help to set that straight.

As for her offering or not offering your job back, you'll never know unless you go through with this. I'd just try to go in without any expectations. My motive would be "to make an amends, and set the record straight". Make sense?

Eidetic

I would wait. While I think it is a good idea to make amends and apologize, if you are early in recovery, your head is still clear. You may think you have no expectations, etc, but you might unconsciously be hoping for something your former boss can't offer. If you don't get the response that you really want/need, it could thwart your recovery.

I think you need to make an amends to her, but I think you should wait. You'll know when it is the right time to do it. That is what I have always been taught about making amends.

Aysha

Exactly..I know she has to be florred by me not showing up. I am sur she has questions. And yes..It is more for a peace of mind than anything.

I am goin to go apply to these couple places first tho. I dont want my mood altered for that today.
I will call her when I get back.
OMG..I am so nervous. But it kust feels like the right thing to do. Its shameful but I know I will feel better. Thx guys.

Wish me luck on maybe finding a job today. Lord knows I need it.
I am pushing IOP to call me back too. I have already called twice now.
I am not goin to let history repeat itself. I cant.

justanothrdrunk

I would think of it as a potential amends - 9th step item. But wouldn't do it until I got there.

I know that when I was new into recovery, there were some things that I felt like I needed address right away. But I wasn't ready to make those amends. It was tough. I talked to my sponsor about them.

That is, assuming you're working the steps with a sponsor, etc. If not, then I'm not really sure. I'm unfamilar with recovery outside the 12 steps and AA.

Freedom1990

Chi, I'm proud of you for hanging in there, despite the discomfort and anxiety. :ghug :ghug

Tazman53

Trish I know in early recovery I wanted to make amends to everyone right away, but in speaking with my sponsor many of them it was better if I held off on them for a bit because I was making amends with a motive in mind and not just to clean my side of the street.

If you can honestly say that you want to make these amends strictly to make them and for no other purpose then I would say go for it, but if you are looking to get anything more then peace of mind out of it you may want to hold off until you can make the amends expectin, nor hoping for anything to come of them. Times like this are where I have found workiing with a sponsor to be highly beneficial.

penny74

l would do it.
Just for your own selfrespect..
later you will be glad you did it.
good luck.

ADayAtATime

Good Luck Chiy!!! I think your doing the right thing.
If it were me, I would have called her back too...besides, you never know what might come out of it.
You go girl, Proud of you!!!
Hugs :ghug3
XOXO

RayRayRay

Definitely call her, chiy. Maybe not right away...But you should call at some point.

I lost the job I was made for when my addiction took over. I didn't burn any bridges but just left without reason. Once I cleaned up and found another (but less rewarding job), I called my previous employer to apologize. I laid everything out on the line, and I ended up getting my job back.

If I hadn't called....

kj3880

I would go ahead with it but only if you feel ready to take whatever she has to say, which some of may hurt. So just call, if you are ready, with no expectations. Even though the steps are in order for a reason, sometimes amends and character defects scream out to be worked before we get to the step. And so, we call our sponsor, explain the situation, and proceed in good faith with their guidance. At least that is what I would do. Trish, do you have a sponsor?

And if there is a chance of a good ref. or a job offer from her, then call ASAP, especially with this economy. I am an employer and I would appreciate that call the sooner the better. I would indeed be inclined to give you a second chance if you were a good worker with just a problem that you are working on. If I thought you were worth it, I would think about a rehire. But only if you called me, so that is important!

The worst that can happen here is she curses you out, and that is unlikely. At least you will have done the right thing, all you ever can do! I'm impressed with your honesty and your integrity.

KJ

flutter

Call her can't hurt right? Let us know what happens!