idontwanttodie

Hello everyone, I'm new here.

Yesterday, I admitted to my girlfriend (who I live with) that I've been struggling to get off of opiates for the past two years. I'm very lucky that she took it well and is there to support me, however she was mad that I've been lying to her about my addiction. She works in the surgical unit at a hospital near by and she deals with pain management patients. She can always tell when someone is faking, just trying to get pain meds. She doesn't speak very kind of these people, so it made it very difficult for me to tell her that I was one of them. I was scared.


I guess it all started when I got my tonsils removed two years ago, I had to have two surgeries (1 week apart from another). One to have my tonsils removed, and one because a vein in my throat needed to be re-cauterized after bursting open in my sleep, causing me to almost drown in my own blood. I was rushed to the hospital the next day, puking and coughing up blood with a body temperature that was well below normal. It wasn't a pleasant experience and I said, "I'd rather get my wisdom teeth removed again, twice, than have to go through that ever again!" I stayed at the hospital where they fed me morphine and percs for the next 2 days.

I was put on perc'10s after the hospital visit, which helped with the pain as prescribed but it got out of hand after that.

Once my prescription was out, I started buying on the street so I could feel normal. Without pills, I felt like crap. My bones ached, muscles were sore, my chest hurt, had a migraine, "the runs", sweating, chills, etc... If percs weren't available, I'd buy hydrocodones. Once both ran out, I found a connection that had Oxycontin. Once I started on the Oxys, the downward spiral began.



I've been two weeks clean of Oxys and I'm weaning off of everything using percocets. I'm down to only using 1 and 1/4 of a perc'10 yesterday, and so far today only 1/4 of a perc'10. I'm happy to say my withdraw is very manageable today and I'm beginning to feel normal as I write this to you from my desk at work. Talking about it helps, and each day gets easier than the next. I'm very lucky to still have my wonderful girlfriend, my house, my new puppy, and soon; I'll have my normal life back. I thought about going to a doctor for soboxones, but I'm going to use that as a last resort because I hear you can get addicted to them as well. I'm going to stay strong and do this with the help of my girlfriend.

Stagebear

Good Day, and Welcome!

I was also addicted to oxy,hydro, tramadol, the major opiates of addiction.

Good show telling your girlfriend.

You can still expect some residual withdrawal after you stop completely. I'm not trying to be a downer, just to let you know what to expect.

It helps to have a support system outside of your immediate family, such as Narcotics Anonymous. There you can begin to rebuild yourself and become more of the person you'd like to be.

In any event, keep posting. We'd like to know how you're doing.

Happy to welcome you, I remain,

Nallabelle

Sounds like you are doing a really good job with this! After you fully quit you have to be sure to do whatever you need to do not to relapse. Whether that mean going to NA meetings, a therapist or whatever. Changing your life and way of thinking is key. You are lucky to have the girlfriend you do and I think she will be able to really help you with this. It sounds like you are pretty strong and well rounded person. You have had a taste of addiction and you must never take pain meds again (maybe years down the road it will be ok, if prescribed). But you are not out of the woods yet. Continue posting here for support and do not take this addiction lightly. You will probably continue to have withdrawals and most certainly cravings but the tapering could help some. Good luck and congrats on trying to quit.

idontwanttodie

I'm looking into it!

idontwanttodie

Today hasn't been bad surprisingly. I'll get mild chills, but I have a hoodie for that. After a while with the hoodie on I'll get hot again, so I just take it off. My breathing seems to be (somewhat) normal again, and I'm not yawning every 15 seconds like I was before lol. I feel good, and I'm anxious to see what I'll feel like tomorrow when I try going the whole day without any meds. When I'm home, I spend time playing with my puppy or playing video games with my girl. We both enjoy the new game "Left 4 Dead" on Xbox 360 and this keeps my mind occupied for hours =)

christin1225

Awesome job with the tapering!!! IMO anyone who can taper successfully will achieve in life whatever he strives to attain. (I am NOT kidding.)

Your post is very encouraging, even the comment as to being "anxious" was filled with positive attitude.



Please, keep posting.

idontwanttodie

Thanks! I notice my w/d comes and goes. One minute I'm feeling like hell and the next, I'm doing ok.

Spending the day working from home tomorrow because I have to take my puppy to the vet to have his stitches removed from his surgery. I'm hoping he won't be all up-in-my-face tomorrow, as I'd like to rest as much as I can while working from home on my laptop. However if he is, he deserves the attention =).

idontwanttodie

I forgot to mention this in my previous post. It may help others, but everyone is different.

I'm substituting pills for M&Ms. Yeah it may sound crazy, but it KIND OF helps the mental craving. When I crave, I eat an M&M. Tastes much better than a pill, and it takes a little of the mental edge off. Chocolate is good for the brain anyway! I just hope I don't gain weight!

SaraLynn

Don't worry about weight gain at this point!! Just get off the pills. One of the good parts of getting clean is enjoying food again. You can always diet later.
Enjoy the M&M's and keep going.
Sara

idontwanttodie

4:30am... I'm woken up because my girlfriend has to get up for work. I couldn't go back to sleep, so at 5:15am, I took 1/4 of a perc'10, and my legs aren't restless anymore, however I'm still awake..................

Yesterday my total intake was 3/4 of a perc'10. Less than the day before ( 1 and 1/4 ), so I guess that's good.

I'm kind of upset though... as I was aiming to not take anything today and I'm already in 1/4 of a pill deep. I'm going to try hard throughout the day. Nighttime is the hardest.

mp91163

Don't be upset...doing this ain't easy!

Yeah, the nighttime bites, but if you can, crash on the couch. This way, you won't be disturbing your gf when the legs start going, and you can get up and walk around without waking her up.

Try taking an OTC sleep aid to get through the night. Unless you have other health issues that prevent it, all of these are anti-histamines that will knock you out, and they helped me. Plus, unlike Valium, Xanax, or Ambien, there's no w/d effects.

If you can, toss your percs in the toilet NOW. No drug, no temptation. Trust us, the worst will be over in a few days, and then you can move on with your CLEAN life.

idontwanttodie

I'm going to run to cvs later to pick up either melatonin or unisom. Which would you prefer? Are they anti-dependent?

bval

Welcome to the boards my friend, you're doing very well to have tapered this low on your own. That takes a lot of strength. Keep up the good work, and keep posting. And unisom worked pretty good for me while in w/d's, never tried melatonin though. Maybe get both? Neither produce dependence.

And +1 on what stagebear said. You're going to have some withdrawals when you stop taking the stuff, there's no way entirely around it. They should not be too bad, though, stepping off of around 7.5mg/day. But you'll feel it, for sure. Best to do it on a weekend, and to expect to not wanna do much of anything for a few days. I would just pretend (in your own head) that you're sick, and act accordingly. Immodium, advil, fluids, hot baths, and unisom (at night only!) will be your friends.

And the w/d's you will feel ... consider them a blessing in disguise. In the long run, having gone through them can be a good motivator towards staying clean. I also heartily recommend getting into some kind of recovery program ... AA or NA are both good ones ... That's what I did, and I'm about 21 months clean and sober thanks to those fellowships (I've been to both, despite being primarily an opioid addict like yourself, w/OC's being my 'downfall' as well).

Hang tough brother. It should only takes about 5 days max before you're feeling pretty close to 100% again. Think how fast 5 days goes by any other time ... it ain't that long, AT ALL ... And it's well worth the benefits, believe me...

Nallabelle

I would get both. Try the melatonin first and if that doesnt get you a decent nights sleep then try the unisom. Like I said they have OTC stuff at CVS for RLS too.
At this point I think you have tapered as much as youre going to taper. At some point it might be wise to bite the bullet and flush the pills. Google the Thomas Recipe.

idontwanttodie

Well, I bit the bullet. All pills have been flushed down the toilet, with the help of my lady (sounds corny, but we flushed them together lol). It was hard (for me), but it's for the best. Just got done soaking in a hot bath so my legs would stop feeling like death.... It's amazing how well that works. Next stop, to rite aid for something to help me sleep tonight through.

christin1225

That is so cool! Great job! I always get a little flutter in my chest when I read that someone has gotten rid of their pills.

idontwanttodie

ok last night was hell. even with melatonin, i had such a hard time staying asleep. I'm going to try unisom tonight to see if that works any better. Maybe I wasn't taking enough melatonin? I bought 5mg tablets. The bottle says to take one, but how many do you guys recommend? I had to do a hot soak in the tub around 5:30am because my body just felt horrible. Once I was out of the tub, I popped another melatonin and 2 advill liquidgels to put me back to sleep.

Stagebear

I hate to break it to you , my friend, but there is no easy answer to the sleep thing. No OTC pill in the world is going to give you an easy night's sleep right now. Please be careful of trying to find something. Withdrawal is tough. It's going to take time. But you're doing it, which is the most important thing right now.
If you're getting any sleep at all, you're miles ahead of some of us. I went through periods of two days with literally no sleep, then brief cat naps, then no sleep.
Please remember: we abused our bodies. It takes us time to get back to anything resembling "normal", but it comes.
Please, again, resist the urge to medicate this with an OTC pill. You will sleep, I promise.
Today, I sleep at least eight hours with no sleep aid of any kind. And I'm only 60+ days clean.

Only stating things I was told when I was not sleeping, I remain

idontwanttodie

You're right. thanks for the info

Nallabelle

The melatonin is the best thing because its natural. I would try and stay awake as much as you can during the day to tire yourself out for the night. I only took one melatonin at a time and I dont know if you can take more. Im proud of you for getting rid of the pills. You did all you could do as far as tapering I think. Maybe try benadryl or unisom for sleep. Just try not to combine too much stuff. Im detoxing too. You can read my posts and see how bad Im doing so I totally understand what you are going through. Its miserable. Good luck