winnie12

I visted my son today at rehab. He is a musician and he wrote me a song and gave it to me today. i'm not going to post all of it but it meant so much to me and i wanted to share a portion. We get so much anger and betrayal from addiction but for one moment today i saw the person deep down inside my son. Today made me feel like its been worth it and that he knows I'm doing my best. Its not over by any means but it feels so wonderful to have hope and it was nice to cry tears of joy for a change. the last part of the song he wrote after the episode last week where he cried on the phone to me and wanted to leave rehab and go to jail.

We all need a little love
and some type of guarantee
and lately Wendy has been lost in a strong wind
and asks very little of me
So i give you my love
and you have my guarantee
Wendy I'm sorry for this uneasy wind
and i'm sorry it came from me.

Wendy tries her hardest
to make it easier for me
but i never said thank you for what she's done
because of her i can now see
She gave me my willpower
and my ability to suceed
and life would be a hell of a lot lonier
Without her letters to me.

Now I'm going down this road
In search of who I am
and its windy outside and i'm trying to remember
those things she told me to understand
I'm crying on telehones
Trying to find what's wrong
and she knocks some sense in my head
and tells me to sing my songs.

MyJoey

OOO Winnie, I am crying! That is SO awesome and I am so happy for you. I know it is still along way to go, but your right it just makes it worth it. Large hugs!!!

cessy68

Aw winnie, that is beautiful. I'm glad your son gave that to you. It must have felt amazeing to have an affirmation of his love, and thankfulness - of all you have given to him.

It's so difficult dealing with addiction (the whole wanting to see that side of them.) Especially with children, you want so badly to see that beautiful person that you KNOW is there-

I'm so happy he gave that to you............
Love,
Cessy

MrsMagoo

Winnie,

I am thrilled for you honey. I know it must be nice to be affirmed as a person and as a mother and know that you made the right decisions - no matter how difficult.

I am so glad you shared the song your son wrote to you. That is certainly something that you can cherish your whole life and re-read when your feeling down or, God forbid, there are any set-backs.

I'm very very happy for you! I love hope! :praying

Freedom1990

Oh Winnie, I had to get out the kleenex! :ghug :ghug

Spiritual Seeker

What a talented son !!!!
When not under the influence, he is free to express compassion and gratitude
You raised him right mama.

May he continue to progress and your relationship cont. to be close.

marle

Enjoy every clean day that your son has. They are all so precious. Lovely song, hope that he is able to use that talent some day. Hugs, Marle

lovemykids

Winnie, I am so happy for you and your son to be able to have this time. He certainly is talented.
Thanks so much for sharing, it gives us mom's hope for our addicted children.

sistergldnhair

How awesome was that!!

Chino

He shared with you the most beautiful gift he has... himself

winnie12

Thank you all for sharing in my joy.

He really is talented which has always made this so sad for those who know him - just like with most of our addicts there was so much wasted talent. He is one of those people who can pick up any instrument and teach it to himself - he is incredible on a guitar. But his real talent i've always thought was in writing music - that's where he shows his soul. He's written a lot the last couple of weeks and read me a bunch of his new songs. I'm glad to see him pouring himself into something creative and getting his feelings out in a positive way. When he tries to explain his feelings out loud he jumbles them up and gets confused but when he puts pen to paper it all makes sense.

It was good for me and it was also good for him. He was so pleased at my reaction and seemed to feel wonderful about himself and that he affected me in a positive way. I'm glad he can see that he does have the ability to make others feel good emotions. I told him it was so nice to cry tears of joy and he just smiled a huge smile and agreed.

We have a long long way to go on this journey but its good to see him finally taking steps in the right direction. And yes, I will keep this and re-read it when times get tough or when his words are cruel and just remember this moment as a time when he was in control and allowing himself to be the boy that i love so much.

outtolunch

He's found something bigger than his woes and it's been inside him, all along.

Seren

Wonderful news, Winnie! I'm so glad that both of you had a nice visit. His talent for writing is something he clearly gets from you.

I hope that you and your daughter have been having some fun times as well!

Hugs and prayers, HG

winnie12

I always have fun with my daughter! She is such a lovely little girl so full of love.

Serenity Bound

Winnie, Awesome! He certainly does have talent, and it is such a wonderful thing that he can share his true feelings with you. I'm really happy for you that the visit went so well, that you were able to see the wonderful young man that has been hidden for so long.

Hugs,
Chris

Seren

Awesome! It's a great day!
HG

Impurrfect

(((Winnie)))

awww, I had to get the kleenex out, too. He definitely has a talent, but I'm just thrilled that you are seeing glimpses of the "old" him..not just the tough guy image he likes to portray.

I take it, he's okay with staying at rehab, for now?

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

winnie12

He seems to be accepting it. He's started making friends with one of his roommates and that seems to be helping a lot. They also brought in a young intern who he said he really likes and has been working with. Also, the rapper T.I. came up there last week. (honestly i had no idea who that was but he was really excited)

Impurrfect

((Winnie))

Okay, a little info on T.I. (I'm into hip-hop). He was busted, over a year ago, on gun charges. The kids LOVE him. He's going to jail, next month for a year, but has been doing community service for the past year. During this time, he has made a HUGE turnaround.

His music is all about how you have to THINK before you do something stupid that can affect your life. He has a show on, each week, and he's been taking kids (from local areas...he lives down by me) who are into the gang-banging or drugs, shows them where they're headed (like prison), and tries to show them a different route.

It's not just talk or publicity. The first song I heard, after he got arrested, I thought "dang, T.I.'s been to an AA meeting", because he had "let go and let God deal with it" in the song

He's a former crack dealer, been in gangs, grew up in the 'hood (bankhead) so he knows what he's talking about. On the other side, he's always been very active in doing things for kids in Atlanta. So, since he is a musician and is totally focused on "get your act together", I think it's pretty cool your son got to see him..in fact I'm jealous!!

I'm glad he's adjusting, there.

Okay, I've got to get ready for work.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

winnie12

He said it was really cool. they knew someone special was coming and they were all hoping it was him. He said they introduced him and he walked in all gansta doing his walk and making a huge deal out of it. then he sat down and really talked to them. my son couldnt get over how once he started talking he just sounded like a normal person and not a gang banger like he expected.