lander

I stopped drinking 3 months and 18 days ago today. I have not picked up a drink since that day. I have been going to AA meetings regularly and listening to what others had to say.

I still felt like a huge fraud and liar. Especially when I would hear people talk about their sobriety date and true sobriety. Even though I was not drinking I was still periodically using recreational drugs.

I am not a drug addict but I am honestly afraid I would become one if I continue. I know that drugs would pick up where drinking left off and also that without fail if I continued to do drugs I WOULD DRINK AGAIN as sure as I know the sun will rise in the morning and set at night.

Deep down I knew that if I was ever going to lead a happy life and grow and truly be able to work the steps I had to get honest. From everything I hear and see this is a program of honesty, rigorous honesty. "Rigorous" is never a word used when something is easy but when something is hard. Honesty is hard...at least real honesty is hard. I have faith that rigorous honesty will be worth it. I will no longer have to feel like a liar when I say how long I have been sober and no longer have to worry what others would think if they found out what I was doing. I no longer have to lead double lives between my AA family whom I love and care deeply for and the rest of the world.

Last night during a meeting I prayed that I be given the courage and wisdom to make the decision to be completely honest with my sponsor and most of all with myself. I was very scared but after the meeting I told him the truth. I did not tell him because I felt like I was obligated to because his controlled me or anything like that. I told him because I needed to be honest and this man has been there with me willing to help guide me thru the steps and help me grow and not being honest with him is an injustice to both of us. God gave me the courage to admit my wrong to him regardless of my fear and I am grateful for that.

I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I was free to really continue working the steps.

I am currently on step 4.


If anyone else if going thru a situation like this or similar or even just reads this post I pray that you find something useful to your recovery thru my experiences.

sugErspun

Thanks for sharing -

What came to mind while reading your post is: "Half measures availed us nothing"

So, holding back something like that (our 'secrets') would probably fall into the half measure category...those measures that get us NOTHING, not even half.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community

Thanks for sharing your progress with us

Congratulations on your fresh start...

aasharon90

Good share....

Hi Im Sharon and Im an
alcoholic.

By the grace of my HP and
people like you here in SR
I havent found it necessary
to pick up a drink of alcohol
since 8-11-90.

For that and you Im truely
grateful.


Even tho Ive remained sober
a few yrs.now....it wasnt
until last yr that I became
rigorsly honest in all my affairs.

All my life i had been unhappy.
Everything I tried to help me
get happy never seemed to
last.

Then, with continued prays
asking for guidance and strength
it finally happened.

The gift of complete honesty
was blessed upon me.

The most remarkable thing about
this was my HP who knows me
better than anyone removed
that character defect of mine
because i was ready to have
it removed.

It was that half measure that
availed me nothing until I became
completely honest in ALL my
affairs.

When that happened the door
to freedom opened for me.

The gift of FREEDOM ....freedom
from the bondage of not being
completely honesty.

Today I have "no secrets" and
an open book.

Thanks for letting me share.

1_day@_a_time

On May 2nd, 2001, I walked into an AA meeting sick & tired of drinking, using and an unmanageable life.

While I had no idea what I was getting into or what to expect, it felt like I was coming home. IT WAS SAFE AND COMFORTABLE.

I have been to meetings around the country and the world.

I know of no other organization where you can walk in, feel at home and relate to so many, get help & recover.

Today, I have built a whole new life, could care less about drinking and got back into long distance running & participating in cycling endurance events. I dropped over 40 lbs., and I'm in the best shape of my life.

I have developed a spiritual life I never could have imagined. I have more inner peace & serenity than ever.

I met the lady of my dreams through this website.

Oh, and I have never felt the need to take another drink, ever again, as of today.

It has been my experience there is a very distinct difference between being sober & recovery/recovering. It's NOT just life w/o a drink or drug, it's building a WHOLE NEW CHARACTER, A NEW LIFE. It's changing everything, my attitudes & action, my thought life.

It's being happily & usefully whole......

I wish you the very best in whatever journey you choose.

Thomas

P S I should note: while I never took another drink again, I did continue smoking pot for another 14 months, thus my sobriety date of July 4th, 2002. SO, as you can see, I have walked this path as well, you made a great choice!!!!

lander

thank you very much for your reply to my message. it helped alot

1_day@_a_time

I admire and respect your COURAGE!

Jeb18

Wow I can't belive how long you've been sober.
The longest I've been sober was like 3 months but honestly I didn't have a problem then. Or maybe I did.
U've been sober for 6929 days. Wow. Good job that amazes me. I always tell people I'm quitting tho I never do.

EternalSunshine

Thank you. I have not had a drink in a week, but coming from a background of severe alcohol problems and largely recreational drug use, but I have not yet given up all the pills. I have not gotten high off them, but am using them to take the edge off. I can see from what you have written that this does run the risk of becoming a bigger problem. The alcohol was so much bigger of a problem for me than pills - I don't abuse or take too many of them the way I did with booze. I though I couldn't deal with both at once though because coming off drinking has been so hard. Anyway I am glad I read what you wrote because I know once I go to my first live meeting this is going to hit me too.

barb dwyer

there is a pamphlett from AA as well - the title escapes me right now - but it's about medications and sobriety ... Carol probablyknows it.

I will always advise for and applaud honesty in all aspects.

There is someone in our ... community
who claims 22 sober years
and yet has smoked pot the entire time and still does daily.
That's not sober.
That's just not having a drink.

It has severely damaged our Unity
in this community and city
because there's so many others
who want to use him for an excuse
to use dope and claim sobriety.

I applaud you changing your date and coming clean with your sponsor.

noad

Thank you for your time and others for their words.......
My sponor said when you quit the defeating behavior you have your date...
Six years of slips planned drunks what ever I do one day at a time now
and choose not to drink or do drugs..... Thank you

brother

I found useful principles in this AA pamphlet: The A.A. Member-Medications and Other Drugs (can be found at aa.org)

Most memorable suggestions like:
Remembering that as a recovering alcoholic my automatic response is to turn to chemical relief from uncomfortable feelings...
I emphasized relief - I found that pills provided "ease and comfort" for everyday life without the side effects of alcohol (no smell, hangover, or DUI). The whole experience was very seductive and led me to become indifferent about treating my spiritual malady.

Also: No AA member plays Doctor.
Obviously, self-medicating is playing doctor. But my sponsor taught me more by refusing to give me direct advice on specific prescribed medications for me. He directs me to be honest with my doctor about recovery. (I've heard some well-meaning AA'ers give advice that crosses this boundary).

What I've learned the hard way: if what the Doc prescribes me has a street value (i.e. opiates/benzos etc. vs anti-depressants), I'm on a slippery slope.
I want more of the easier, softer way instead of daily spiritual maintenance.

PS
Mood altering substances come in many forms - at present I'm not ready to give up caffeine/nicotine until I find myself trying to snort coffee grounds or tobacco!

brother

Others here at SR have helped me to remember that life gets better after undergoing an overhaul in attitudes & actions. The 'simple but not easy' 12 step program did it for them...they seem to be clear about & at-ease with their sobriety date.
So, I'm reminded of Trucker's post about program vs. fellowship; that the first 100 aa's didn't write a book about meetings (or chips, b-days, etc.), they wrote a book to show you and me precisely how to recover from alcoholism.

P.S. Trucker, merci-buckets.

joshua1

That was great to hear,you already have a God concious and that will carry you through step four.Truth is freedom.

1_day@_a_time

"they wrote a book to show you and me precisely how to recover from alcoholism".

AND:

"Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main objective is to enable you to find a Power greater that yourself which will solve your problem. That means we have written a book which we believe to be spiritual as well as moral."


All BB quotes- 1st. Edition