sobriety date
I stopped drinking 3 months and 18 days ago today. I have not picked up a drink since that day. I have been going to AA meetings regularly and listening to what others had to say.
I still felt like a huge fraud and liar. Especially when I would hear people talk about their sobriety date and true sobriety. Even though I was not drinking I was still periodically using recreational drugs.
I am not a drug addict but I am honestly afraid I would become one if I continue. I know that drugs would pick up where drinking left off and also that without fail if I continued to do drugs I WOULD DRINK AGAIN as sure as I know the sun will rise in the morning and set at night.
Deep down I knew that if I was ever going to lead a happy life and grow and truly be able to work the steps I had to get honest. From everything I hear and see this is a program of honesty, rigorous honesty. "Rigorous" is never a word used when something is easy but when something is hard. Honesty is hard...at least real honesty is hard. I have faith that rigorous honesty will be worth it. I will no longer have to feel like a liar when I say how long I have been sober and no longer have to worry what others would think if they found out what I was doing. I no longer have to lead double lives between my AA family whom I love and care deeply for and the rest of the world.
Last night during a meeting I prayed that I be given the courage and wisdom to make the decision to be completely honest with my sponsor and most of all with myself. I was very scared but after the meeting I told him the truth. I did not tell him because I felt like I was obligated to because his controlled me or anything like that. I told him because I needed to be honest and this man has been there with me willing to help guide me thru the steps and help me grow and not being honest with him is an injustice to both of us. God gave me the courage to admit my wrong to him regardless of my fear and I am grateful for that.
I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I was free to really continue working the steps.
I am currently on step 4.
If anyone else if going thru a situation like this or similar or even just reads this post I pray that you find something useful to your recovery thru my experiences.