Tryingto

This post might get me slammed, but it is genuine so oh well here goes anyway.
From the start I was pretty determined AA wasn't/isn't for me, without giving it a go. I just think they will all be hard core ex-alcoholics, and generally "rough" type of people who might make me uncomfortable and who I would not want to be around/associate with.
Also they may have been to jail etc and be on court orders, and I am worried for my personal safety and also thinking what if they don't want to get better and they may commit another crime.....
Also I am worried they might be a bit "preachy" (people love having something to believe in/something that 'snap' changed their life).
Also I am worrried that I might recognise someone, yes it's meant to be confidential, but I work at a bank, privacy is a concern.
I am worried they will all be older and I won't be able to relate to them in any way/shape/form
I am to scared/fearful to even ring up and get information
I am worried they will think I am making it up (problem)
I am concerned my partner & mum will say what on earth are you doing at AA, just tone back your drinking, don't go to a bloody AA meeting, you don't know what types are there.
I am thinking I am just being stupid and looking for some 'group' to fit into, and resorting to AA of all things for it.

So like I said, I may get slammed. I have said a lot of judgemental things which full well could NOT be true, plz read that part of my post. This is more a reflection of me (and my neg thoughts) than anyone else.

I am just wondering though if people who don't like AA, i.e. "not my cup of tea", can tell me WHY you didn't like it/continue - and please please be honest.
There is a meeting in my area tonight. I don't know if I could even work the nerve to go - most likely not.
I can do this sober thing - it's just I feel like crap, and I wouldn't mind people who understand just like here but face to face.

Aysha

I think alot of people have those same thoughts.
I know I had a few of them. I dont go to meetings. Because I cant commit to going. It is more of a bother to me to have to go. But that is all on me.
But the ones I have gone to werent bad. People of all walks were there. Older..younger..sober for years and some still using.
I was welcomed warmly. A little too much for my liking. With all the hugging and all.
I was scared I would see someone I know too. And one time I did. But hey..They were there for the same reason.
If I could commit and stop being lazy..I would go.
But I dont and wont for now.

Tryingto

Thanks for your honest reply. Yes I can't say I want to be hugged or touched, it's just not me.

CarolD

We do have a thread going in Alcoholism
about AA meetings.
You might want to read that for information.

Some of your concerns are mentioned there.

Tryingto

Thank you Carol. I mostly stay in newcomers, I will go check it out & try & find it.

TryingSoHard

Hi Tryingto,

Yeah, there are a ton of similar threads around SR very much like this one- it's a common thought. I'll just go ahead and say that before I went to my first AA meeting, I had a lot of the same thoughts and worries that felt. I have to say - truly - that almost all of them were dispelled within 2 minutes of walking through that door. Yes, there were people who were older than me, and people who were very different from me... I was worried about the preachiness and I was TERRIFIED to be called on, even just to say my name.

But I was shown that I had no reason to worry about any of those things. Age didn't matter. Job didn't matter. I didn't have to talk if I didn't want to (and I wasn't the only one who didn't want to talk... several people passed at each and every meeting I went to). So what DID matter?

I fit right in. I could IMMEDIATELY relate to almost every single thing each person talked about. I was not judged. I was just looked down upon. I was not shunned or ignored or left out because I was new or younger or hadn't been to rehab or jail. They, very lovingly, welcomed me totally and completely and it was a wonderful feeling.

Now I get to tell you that, even after all that, I went to 6 or 7 meetings and I haven't been back in over 2 months. I have no real reason for not going back... but I haven't been back. I still think about it, and I might go again one day, but I'm not sure the program is for me even if the people in "my" group are as great as they are. So I went to the bookstore and bought a ton of other recovery books to see if I can find something else I can relate to better that will still help me.

Even though I'm not ACTIVE in AA, I can definitely see its benefits and I suggest people give it a shot. Best wishes to you.

CarolD

I'm sorry....I shoulld have posted the link Trying

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...re-lately.html

There you are...

tellus

My experience with AA (and keep in mind I am [a] terrified of group situations, and [b] stubborn as hell):

I did not want to go into AA, and when I did I went in dragging my feet. I did what I was told for six months, because people kept saying it would grow on me. I had a sponsor who required me to, among other things, pray out loud and on my knees every morning. (I am an atheist, full stop.) After six months I decided to stop attending meetings, and for a while I was better off for it. My main beef with AA (at least as I've experienced it) is that while people say it's not a religious organization, mostly they write you off if you don't believe in a Christian God.

That said, I wish more than anything that I could bring myself to accept and be comfortable in AA. It is a wonderful fellowship, and is invaluable for those who participate. It's not for me at this time in my life, but it's a lifesaver for literally millions.

Re: your concerns...
-I am 23 (was 22 when I was attending meetings) and I was not the youngest by any stretch. The most popular meeting in my town is the Young People's meeting.
-No one I've ever talked to has had their privacy comprised by attending AA. It really is anonymous if you want it to be.
-My mom did mutter a little bit about the "types" that attend AA, but without an exception everyone else I told about my AA attendance was impressed. I don't think people are as judgmental as we'd like to believe.
-There were the "rough" types at meetings, but they were mostly the older folks. In fact, one of the problems I had with my sponsee group was that most of my sponsee sisters were too prissy! Not exactly hardcore criminal types.

There's only one way to find out if face-to-face meetings (AA or otherwise) are for you: try it! Go to four or five different meetings, not just one. There's nothing to lose by trying it out.

Mark75

Hi, like you, I work in a high profile profession, and in a small town no less... I've seen people who I know and who know me at meetings, even when I drive to neighboring communities. When I do, I hold my head high and go say hello. Sometimes they are the ones who feel sheepish, and then I try to make them feel at ease. We are both there for the same reason and it's not like I am meeting them at a bar with the third or fourth drink in my hand...

The old timers get a bit preachy, but they are sharing their experience, strength and hope for the newcomers, like myself. I don't let it bother me and I am learning to appreciate the effort and care they take to give me that experience, strength and hope....

The reason I keep going, more than anything, is so I don't feel like crap. I don't want to be sober with nothing but white knuckles to show for it. I want to be happy and feel at ease with my sobriety. AA is helping.

But that is just my experience and everyone is different. I've learned here on SR that there are many ways to be sober and truly happy.

Pam08

Hello, I was scared to go to an AA meeting at first as I had no clue what to expect. The first meeting I went to I felt a bit out of place, I raised my hand for being a new comer and at the end of the meeting I did go get a white chip as I did want a new way of life.
I have now been going for over a month every day and sometimes twice in a day. I have connected with so many people that are just like me, who understand what I say, do not think badly of anything I say, who reach out if I am in a bad spot. I feel like I have a new family.
I finally got a sponsor, took me awhile to get one as I was chosey and listened to the women at every meeting and picked the person whom I thought could help me the most and had long time sobriety..and am now working the steps. AA is keeping me sober. I know it is not for everyone, but for me, I need the rooms of AA, the people in the rooms, and my faith.
Doesn't hurt to go to a meeting, keep an open mind is all I would say...Good luck in what you decide....let us know how you make out.

tommyk

I hated AA and NA. I hated the people, the sayings, the steps... hell, I hated everything, lol.

I decided I was gonna keep going to the meetings though, so I could discover and reveal all of the ********, lies, and complete crap that was there. And then when someone suggested AA/NA I could give them the firsthand story on how worthless it was.

Somewhere along the line though, AA/NA changed my life. The problem wasn't AA, lol, the problem was ME.

Imagine that?

doorknob

It's not secular. I don't do religion & superstition.

sicilia1414

ummm, ok HELLO I am the queen of wimps when it comes to AA! I would rush home from work, change my clothes, drive in friggin SNOWSTORMS and then get scared and chicken out and just sit in the parking lot looking creepy. then i would drive home.

I finally forced myself to go to one and I hated it. but I kept on trucking. I forced myself to go to a different one last night and it was great.

Well, not great, but good. Much better than the first.

sicilia1414

ok, kinda off subject, but is it normal to be afraid to start AA and the 12 steps for fear of failure? AA is my only hope and I am so afraid that I am going to do it and finish the 12 steps, and not feel better when I am done.

doorknob

LOL, you couldn't look creepy if you tried. Me, on the other hand...

doorknob

It looks like there is a LifeRing meeting in Chicago, Thursday 7:00 AM (yikes!) at the LifeArt Community Resource Center.

dirtyjerz08

It's absolutely normal to fear failure. I have made so many attempts to quit drinking and drugging, only to fail miserably time after time. Sometimes it gets in my head, what will make this time any different? I have been told over and over, feelings aren't facts. I have come to love that saying. I can be feeling like crap, thinking I will screw everything up, but the fact is I'm doing good if I'm not drinking today. What would you settle for when you quit drinking? Is a day without a drink good enough? For me it is. It has to be, because some days the best I can do is not drink. Whoops, kinda got to rambling there. Anyway fear is natural, but it will get better each day that you stay sober. Confidence will build, and it's the right kind of confidence not the chemically induced kind. Still, no matter how good I feel on a given day, I'm just an arms length away from a living hell. Can't forget that.

sicilia1414

haha! thanks.

sicilia1414

wtf is that? why in gods name would anything be at 7 am???

sicilia1414

thanks jerz...

you are right and i will remember the "feelings aren't facts" thing, I have never heard that before, surprisingly enough. and soo true about the confidence building, but not the chemically induced kind. i never looked at it that way before.