To those who went to AA but didn't like it, not re push for AA, re ???
Knucklehead
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
Originally Posted by sicilia1414 
wtf is that? why in gods name would anything be at 7 am???
I can PM you the contact persons email if decide you're interested and want to find out more before you show up. I've been to their meetings in CA and really liked them. I wish Spokane had one.
new and scared. :(
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: chicago, il
Posts: 114
well thanks for the offer, but I don't think Jesus Christ himself could get me to get up that early. 
I don't usually go into the office until 9 or 10, and I live across the street from work so I usually don't roll out of bed until 8 or 8.30
I don't usually go into the office until 9 or 10, and I live across the street from work so I usually don't roll out of bed until 8 or 8.30
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Hi Tryingto....there are numerous reasons why I do not use aa as a way to remain sober.
One of the biggest is the religious element...For me aa directly conflicts with my religious beliefs. Life experience and my religious up bringing has taught me that God does not behave in the way aa says he does. There are too many discrepancies in the program to reconcile with my belief system. Does this mean I can't get and stay sober? Absolutely not! I went to aa for 10 months...I disregarded everything that had to do with religion...after all I already had faith in God...what I wanted was to learn how to live sober. Upon realizing that I was growing stronger in my sobriety I simply left...meetings helped me in the beginning...being able to identify with other alcoholics was huge but the intense pressure to "work" the program led me to leave.
There are many paths to sobriety...the biggest key for me was to realize that wanting sobriety and getting sobriety are two different things. I want to live a purpose driven life...one that does not include killing myself....so I put down the bottle and moved on.
Sobriety is hard but well worth the effort.
One of the biggest is the religious element...For me aa directly conflicts with my religious beliefs. Life experience and my religious up bringing has taught me that God does not behave in the way aa says he does. There are too many discrepancies in the program to reconcile with my belief system. Does this mean I can't get and stay sober? Absolutely not! I went to aa for 10 months...I disregarded everything that had to do with religion...after all I already had faith in God...what I wanted was to learn how to live sober. Upon realizing that I was growing stronger in my sobriety I simply left...meetings helped me in the beginning...being able to identify with other alcoholics was huge but the intense pressure to "work" the program led me to leave.
There are many paths to sobriety...the biggest key for me was to realize that wanting sobriety and getting sobriety are two different things. I want to live a purpose driven life...one that does not include killing myself....so I put down the bottle and moved on.
Sobriety is hard but well worth the effort.
Silly Rabbit
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 956
i was just thinking about this the other night... i think alcoholics are the only diseased individuals that debate the existence of the disease. anyway.
MY experience is only that, MINE. i have never failed at AA - there is no pass or fail in AA for me. my sobriety is not a crapshoot, if i do what i'm asked to and keep AA first, then i will stay sober no matter what happens. the meetings i go to have a good mix of young cats and oldtimers, and i love that. there are the hip/slick/cool kids getting sober, there are grampas, there are bikers and gangstas and hippies and execs getting sober. there are meetings i go to purely to give back at, there are meetings i go to that i take more from.
BUT - i don't debate that i am an alcoholic. i have a physical allergy coupled with a spiritual malady, and the only way that i know for ME to get and stay sober and happy is by working the 12 steps and giving back what was so freely given to me. i know there will always be controvery around AA because there must be faith practiced - i am not a Christian, but i believe in God. i believe in the Universe, in the Big Guy in the Sky, in evolution, and in a lot of other things. AA supports that, as long as i believe in something larger than any human power. i've never gotten flak from anyone at a meeting about my personal beliefs. i work at mental health, and i see folks from the rooms all the time... never been an issue. i hug people that i want to, don't hug the ones i don't... never been an issue. i don't see the point in jeopardizing my life if i know there is a solution - why?
so, that's my two cents. i am in love with life, on most days, and i credit that to having a solid AA program. good luck... don't overthink it, just do the next right thing.
MY experience is only that, MINE. i have never failed at AA - there is no pass or fail in AA for me. my sobriety is not a crapshoot, if i do what i'm asked to and keep AA first, then i will stay sober no matter what happens. the meetings i go to have a good mix of young cats and oldtimers, and i love that. there are the hip/slick/cool kids getting sober, there are grampas, there are bikers and gangstas and hippies and execs getting sober. there are meetings i go to purely to give back at, there are meetings i go to that i take more from.
BUT - i don't debate that i am an alcoholic. i have a physical allergy coupled with a spiritual malady, and the only way that i know for ME to get and stay sober and happy is by working the 12 steps and giving back what was so freely given to me. i know there will always be controvery around AA because there must be faith practiced - i am not a Christian, but i believe in God. i believe in the Universe, in the Big Guy in the Sky, in evolution, and in a lot of other things. AA supports that, as long as i believe in something larger than any human power. i've never gotten flak from anyone at a meeting about my personal beliefs. i work at mental health, and i see folks from the rooms all the time... never been an issue. i hug people that i want to, don't hug the ones i don't... never been an issue. i don't see the point in jeopardizing my life if i know there is a solution - why?
so, that's my two cents. i am in love with life, on most days, and i credit that to having a solid AA program. good luck... don't overthink it, just do the next right thing.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 68
Great topic. I have been going to AA for a few years on and off. Since August, I have been going to 2 to 4 meetings a week. I still do not feel like I fit in and at times I am in denial that I can control my drinking. But all I do is relapse and get the worst hangovers ever. I keep going b/c I want what they have and hope & pray that the miracle can happen to me. I have too much to lose I want to live a sober life. So I just keep going and going and going and hopefully I will feel comfortable enough to speak out and ask for help and find a sponsor I can trust that can lead me to sobriety. I have a love and hate relationship with alcohol but I hate it more than I like it. It's ruining my life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 222
Originally Posted by sicilia1414
wtf is that? why in gods name would anything be at 7 am???
i wouldn't be too keen on a 7 a.m. meeting either, but if someone is tempted to drink first thing in the a.m., then a 7 a.m. meeting is great for them.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 753
This is a great topic.
I have tried AA and it does not work for me. I had previous years in Alanon and know the 12 step process well. The religious principles (no matter what you call god there is still the "more powerful than" belief that is a requirement of really working the steps) just do not work for me.
I found the book "Sober for Good" a positive resource for case histories of people who took other paths to sobriety (about half of the cases in this book). One warning on the book - it includes some people who have become moderate drinkers again which I don't necessarily subscribe to, but the author felt she had to include it since so many of her cases had gone that path (she takes actual facts from many former alcoholics/problem drinkers).
LifeRing and Smart Recovery are both other groups that are secular and have really good stuff. I had good experiences in those meetings and you will run into many of the same people as you might in AA (so some of your misgivings will follow you there).
This forum is great - it works as a community for me. My personal sobriety support group has been the forum, my husband and a few close friends as well as my doctor.
Keep trying different things and don't let anyone tell you that AA is the only way!
I have tried AA and it does not work for me. I had previous years in Alanon and know the 12 step process well. The religious principles (no matter what you call god there is still the "more powerful than" belief that is a requirement of really working the steps) just do not work for me.
I found the book "Sober for Good" a positive resource for case histories of people who took other paths to sobriety (about half of the cases in this book). One warning on the book - it includes some people who have become moderate drinkers again which I don't necessarily subscribe to, but the author felt she had to include it since so many of her cases had gone that path (she takes actual facts from many former alcoholics/problem drinkers).
LifeRing and Smart Recovery are both other groups that are secular and have really good stuff. I had good experiences in those meetings and you will run into many of the same people as you might in AA (so some of your misgivings will follow you there).
This forum is great - it works as a community for me. My personal sobriety support group has been the forum, my husband and a few close friends as well as my doctor.
Keep trying different things and don't let anyone tell you that AA is the only way!
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Those are all reasonable fears. Instinct tells me that you'll find most of those conceptions will vanish if you get around to a few meetings. If you don't like one, find another if you can. I used to go to one where it a lot of ex-cons, ex-army guys, who were all decent guys but too boisterous and vulgar for my taste. Luckily I found one just a few blocks away where I've been going for months, and I can honestly say I feel at home there.
I definitely don't relate, in terms of my socio-cultural being, to most of the people I go to AA with. I am a late-20s guy, tattooed and played in punk bands for years. A lot of the people I sit at tables with are retired schoolteachers, single moms and reformed drug dealers. You wouldn't think there'd be much to talk about, but when you discuss alcohol problems you discuss other life problems, and I think you too may find that there's a lot more shared experience than you may realize.
As for preachy people, here's my advice: I have encountered a lot of preachy people in AA. Usually they are people who have been in it for a long time and, right or wrong, strongly believe they have good experience to share. Just don't confuse "old-timers" with "AA leaders" or "good advice" with "preaching." If someone gets like Dr. Phil with your business just try not to let it rock your boat; "accept that person for what they are" and in the end you learn to accept yourself--good AA philosophy there.
I don't think AA is the best thing for everyone, but at the same time it's hard to really get a feel for it until you try it. I know my opinion of AA has changed a lot in the past year. Of course, I didn't have a choice about going, but nonetheless, it took me a while before my first impressions started to change. And there are still things I don't like about AA, yet I enjoy going because I get more out of it than I lose.
Best of luck, however it works out for you.
I definitely don't relate, in terms of my socio-cultural being, to most of the people I go to AA with. I am a late-20s guy, tattooed and played in punk bands for years. A lot of the people I sit at tables with are retired schoolteachers, single moms and reformed drug dealers. You wouldn't think there'd be much to talk about, but when you discuss alcohol problems you discuss other life problems, and I think you too may find that there's a lot more shared experience than you may realize.
As for preachy people, here's my advice: I have encountered a lot of preachy people in AA. Usually they are people who have been in it for a long time and, right or wrong, strongly believe they have good experience to share. Just don't confuse "old-timers" with "AA leaders" or "good advice" with "preaching." If someone gets like Dr. Phil with your business just try not to let it rock your boat; "accept that person for what they are" and in the end you learn to accept yourself--good AA philosophy there.
I don't think AA is the best thing for everyone, but at the same time it's hard to really get a feel for it until you try it. I know my opinion of AA has changed a lot in the past year. Of course, I didn't have a choice about going, but nonetheless, it took me a while before my first impressions started to change. And there are still things I don't like about AA, yet I enjoy going because I get more out of it than I lose.
Best of luck, however it works out for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi,
I did try AA for several months and it was not a positive experience in any way, for me. I know however, that it works very well for many people.
I needed to follow my own path. I needed to connect with my soul/my spirit in my own way. I turned to books, as I always had in my life, whenever I was looking for help. I found "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav and it changed my life.
I did try AA for several months and it was not a positive experience in any way, for me. I know however, that it works very well for many people.
I needed to follow my own path. I needed to connect with my soul/my spirit in my own way. I turned to books, as I always had in my life, whenever I was looking for help. I found "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav and it changed my life.
Knucklehead
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
Originally Posted by KindBird
LifeRing and Smart Recovery are both other groups that are secular and have really good stuff. I had good experiences in those meetings and you will run into many of the same people as you might in AA (so some of your misgivings will follow you there).
For those interested, I've compiled some links to other groups...
For the secular, rational, freethinking individual:
Worldwide Agnostic A.A. Meetings
General Information About LifeRing Meetings
SOS meetings USA - States
SOS meetings Worldwide - countrys
SMART RecoveryŽ - Meetings In Your Area
For the ladies only:
Welcome to Women For Sobriety, Inc.
Christian recovery group:
Celebrate Recovery
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: England
Posts: 1,733
Hi Tryingto, bite the bullet and give it a go and at least then you will know one way or the other.
I went to meetings for a little while and found the folk there to be a decent crowd with plenty of consideration and good humour(even the rough ones).
The free will aspect and handing things over to a HP I could never get to grips with and the more people gave me their slant on it the more it turned me against it.
I am responsible for my actions whether they be good or bad and I firmly believe that this is a main part of why we are here.
The other thing I was uneasy with was that I didn't want my life to be dominated by alchol and working programmes. The only time any drink related issues enters my mind now is when I willingly come onto SR, the rest of the time it is just not part of my life anymore.
I went to meetings for a little while and found the folk there to be a decent crowd with plenty of consideration and good humour(even the rough ones).
The free will aspect and handing things over to a HP I could never get to grips with and the more people gave me their slant on it the more it turned me against it.
I am responsible for my actions whether they be good or bad and I firmly believe that this is a main part of why we are here.
The other thing I was uneasy with was that I didn't want my life to be dominated by alchol and working programmes. The only time any drink related issues enters my mind now is when I willingly come onto SR, the rest of the time it is just not part of my life anymore.
FreeSpirit
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Inside My Spirit
Posts: 1,274
Well as for me I Been there, and done that, I can't say I had a
Bad Experience, if anything I learn allot about this Disease,and by My Self
But like you said Tryingtoo, I just couldn't deal with all the Hugs
from strangers Specially Males,I was Sexually Molested as a Child
so Sh@#t Like that Freaks me out,I Remember one time this old fat man
want it to be my rescuer and my friend and he want it to buy me stuff
that turn me off right away cause not everybody there is looking^^ to get Better
so Yeah!! That was a major concern
the Males they will here your sob story, and they want to rescue you
and be close to you,it was said to me that some are sicker than others
so I never went back!!!!that was it for me I was Done
I just cant be in a room with a hall bunch of sick individuals
I suffer from O.C.D. and I'm Bipolar Maniac Level 1 so do the Math
I was freaking out sweaty Palms, rising all levels of stress
paranoid,I Panic!!!!! that was the last time!!! I went that was it for me
Bad Experience, if anything I learn allot about this Disease,and by My Self
But like you said Tryingtoo, I just couldn't deal with all the Hugs
from strangers Specially Males,I was Sexually Molested as a Child
so Sh@#t Like that Freaks me out,I Remember one time this old fat man
want it to be my rescuer and my friend and he want it to buy me stuff
that turn me off right away cause not everybody there is looking^^ to get Better
so Yeah!! That was a major concern
the Males they will here your sob story, and they want to rescue you
and be close to you,it was said to me that some are sicker than others
so I never went back!!!!that was it for me I was Done
I just cant be in a room with a hall bunch of sick individuals
I suffer from O.C.D. and I'm Bipolar Maniac Level 1 so do the Math
I was freaking out sweaty Palms, rising all levels of stress
paranoid,I Panic!!!!! that was the last time!!! I went that was it for me
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 381
I've been going to meetings on and off for two years and I've finally come to the conclusion that A.A. isn't for me. I had alot of bad experiences in there, namely with men who had some obvious sexual issues and didn't respect boundaries and those who didn't honor my anonymity (a few times I when I was in public someone who was at a metting I went to called out for everyone to hear "You still sober? How many days you have?". I too don't like hugs or being so touchy-feely with strangers. I also found that many of the people in there seemed extremly toxic, no matter how long their 'sobriety'. More times than not, I just felt really icky after leaving a meeting.
I went to Women For Sobriety a few times [which I will not discuss here], LifeRing (very cool, but only two people there!) and so far haven't found any other support groups for alcoholism other than A.A. but I'm also aware that I have alot of other issues as well so I'd like to find a support group that covered a variety of issues other than just drinking.
Thank you very much for bringing this up!
I went to Women For Sobriety a few times [which I will not discuss here], LifeRing (very cool, but only two people there!) and so far haven't found any other support groups for alcoholism other than A.A. but I'm also aware that I have alot of other issues as well so I'd like to find a support group that covered a variety of issues other than just drinking.
Thank you very much for bringing this up!
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