How did I get here?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 132
How did I get here?
Hello, I'm new to this site.
Four years ago, I met an intelligent, handsome engineer. I couldn't believe my good fortune! Things moved fairly quickly along, and soon we were in love. Very shortly after that, I realized he drank quite a bit. By the time I realized just how much he drank, I had been sucked so far in, I never realized it would take this long to find my way out. I have a great career, my own home - I've got my poop in a pile, so to speak. But never in a million years did I ever expect that I'd be subjected to the crap that my boyfriend has heaped on me - and for some unexplainable reason, I've accepted. This relationship has re-defined my sense of normal. To me, normal is now being lied to, cheated on and so on. And every time I try to walk away, he comes crawling back. He loves me, I'm his best friend, he wants to "buy me a ring" (not sure what THAT one meant). This time, however, after an argument on Friday morning, he decided to hook up with a girl that is now his "girlfriend". Ouch. About a month ago, I left him. He promised to get help. He made arrangements through his employer assistance program to see an addiction specialist (how convenient that he couldn't get an appointment until Dec). I just can't keep up with this turmoil. I'm losing time from work. I'm not taking care of myself. I'm devastated that he can just turn his feelings on and off. I'm so screwed up. Help!
Four years ago, I met an intelligent, handsome engineer. I couldn't believe my good fortune! Things moved fairly quickly along, and soon we were in love. Very shortly after that, I realized he drank quite a bit. By the time I realized just how much he drank, I had been sucked so far in, I never realized it would take this long to find my way out. I have a great career, my own home - I've got my poop in a pile, so to speak. But never in a million years did I ever expect that I'd be subjected to the crap that my boyfriend has heaped on me - and for some unexplainable reason, I've accepted. This relationship has re-defined my sense of normal. To me, normal is now being lied to, cheated on and so on. And every time I try to walk away, he comes crawling back. He loves me, I'm his best friend, he wants to "buy me a ring" (not sure what THAT one meant). This time, however, after an argument on Friday morning, he decided to hook up with a girl that is now his "girlfriend". Ouch. About a month ago, I left him. He promised to get help. He made arrangements through his employer assistance program to see an addiction specialist (how convenient that he couldn't get an appointment until Dec). I just can't keep up with this turmoil. I'm losing time from work. I'm not taking care of myself. I'm devastated that he can just turn his feelings on and off. I'm so screwed up. Help!
Formerly known as soconfused11
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
Welcome to SR, you have definitely found the right place. I have been coming here for awhile now, but have been dealing with my Alcoholic Boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. I can feel your pain, and I am sorry you are hurting. You are not alone.
The stickies at the top have really helped me a lot. There is some very good reading.
That became the norm for me, too, and I found myself staying with him, even though I knew I wasn't happy, because I became comfortable, and behaviors that should have been unacceptable became the norm. My bf, too, would always say/do the right things to get me back...suck me back in. Alcoholics really can turn on the charm, can't they? I realized, with recovery (and I have a long way to go still), that I stayed because of my addiction to HIM, and also a low self esteem. I wasn't the most confident person when I met him, but the verbal abuse/controlling behaviors made me feel like everything was my fault, like I wasn't doing enough. And that last part.....you are his best friend...yep Chris used to say that to me, too. My best friends don't treat me the way he does.
My ex-abf asked a woman out 2 days after I kicked him out, which was just 2 weeks ago. They need someone to latch on to.
Keep posting, the support here is wonderful!!!!
The stickies at the top have really helped me a lot. There is some very good reading.
To me, normal is now being lied to, cheated on and so on. And every time I try to walk away, he comes crawling back. He loves me, I'm his best friend,
My ex-abf asked a woman out 2 days after I kicked him out, which was just 2 weeks ago. They need someone to latch on to.
Keep posting, the support here is wonderful!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 239
It's not your fault that you got "sucked" in. Until we learn about the disease it is common. I've been married for 16 years and my AW has been alcoholic for the past 5. I tried and tried and realized through AlAnon and therapy that I can't make it better for her. I am divorcing which really sucks but she can't change and I can't continue to wait.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 132
I thank you so much for your response. Part of the problem is that other than him, I've never been around an alcoholic. My family has never abused alcohol (well, maybe in our 20s, but we all grew past that phase). Nobody understands what I'm going through.
You sure understand his charm. The deep look into my eyes proclaiming his love. I guess we've had different agendas this whole time. I was in love, looking for a bright, happy future, and he was ... well... I'm not exactly sure what he's been doing. Has he WANTED me to hurt? Is this fun for him? I'm have such a hard time wrapping my head around this whole thing.
I KNOW he'll come back. I know it. As sure as the nose on my face, he'll be back. The scary part is that there's a small part of me that WANTS him back. But I also want true love and companionship; I want a man who is kind and loving and who appreciates me, not someone who is always trying to take me down a peg or two. (You have a nice car, but you'd be so much more attractive to me if you had this NEWER car; Your hair is nice, but you'd look better as a brunette). He's never been physically abusive, but certainly emotionally abusive.
My plan is to go to an Al-Anon meeting next Tuesday. I'm nervous about sharing my story.
You sure understand his charm. The deep look into my eyes proclaiming his love. I guess we've had different agendas this whole time. I was in love, looking for a bright, happy future, and he was ... well... I'm not exactly sure what he's been doing. Has he WANTED me to hurt? Is this fun for him? I'm have such a hard time wrapping my head around this whole thing.
I KNOW he'll come back. I know it. As sure as the nose on my face, he'll be back. The scary part is that there's a small part of me that WANTS him back. But I also want true love and companionship; I want a man who is kind and loving and who appreciates me, not someone who is always trying to take me down a peg or two. (You have a nice car, but you'd be so much more attractive to me if you had this NEWER car; Your hair is nice, but you'd look better as a brunette). He's never been physically abusive, but certainly emotionally abusive.
My plan is to go to an Al-Anon meeting next Tuesday. I'm nervous about sharing my story.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
Hi, nice to "meet" you, although the circumstances aren't the greatest. You have found a great place here with many people that have walked in your shoes. In my case, I found that the alcoholic in my life was and is self absorbed, selfish, and lacking empathy. I have given up trying to figure out the whys of his behavior because it does no good....you know me banging my head up against a wall over and over. The A in my life also is emotionally abusive, although I am just now realizing the extent. Better late than never (18 year marriage) and he was a whiz at getting me to believe all sorts of stuff. I found out his insanity infected me (see last sentence), because I became emotionally affected in a big way. But I didn't know it and thus began my trip into the insanity of life with an alcoholic. There is hope and you can begin to find it here. Tell me, what is it you want for you in your life?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 132
How is it that he can turn off his feelings and start a relationship with someone in the blink of an eye? Is he scared of intimacy? I believe that's a big part of it because when I took him back in September, he received an e-mail from his ex-wife that he told me about (very out of character for him; he's usually very secretive). When she came to pick up their daughter after a weekend visit, she was surprised to see back in his life. She sent an email to him congratulating him and saying that she was happy I was back in his life and hopes he's very happy. And then before you can blink -- he does this. Any connection to the break-up?
Formerly known as soconfused11
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
Has he WANTED me to hurt? Is this fun for him? I'm have such a hard time wrapping my head around this whole thing.
I KNOW he'll come back. I know it. As sure as the nose on my face, he'll be back. The scary part is that there's a small part of me that WANTS him back.
But I also want true love and companionship; I want a man who is kind and loving and who appreciates me, not someone who is always trying to take me down a peg or two. (You have a nice car, but you'd be so much more attractive to me if you had this NEWER car; Your hair is nice, but you'd look better as a brunette). He's never been physically abusive, but certainly emotionally abusive.
My plan is to go to an Al-Anon meeting next Tuesday. I'm nervous about sharing my story.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 132
What do I want for my life? Simple things, really. Love. Security. Happiness. Peace. Laughter. Silliness. Family.
What I don't want is to hear the sound of the beer can cracking open. Or of ice cubes clinking in a glass. Of feeling exasperated because it's going to be another night of drinking. Of watching him passed out on the couch at 9:00. Of always having to drive because he's drunk. Of not having any close friends because I'm too embarrassed of his behaviour. Of having no support. Of no real intimacy.
I have lost myself. I don't even know what I want, nevermind how to get it. I found myself calling him incessantly today trying to get him to talk to me. It's utterly useless.
I feel better now than I have all day. I feel like I'm letting all this out of my system. It's cathartic.
How do I deal with his imminent return??
What I don't want is to hear the sound of the beer can cracking open. Or of ice cubes clinking in a glass. Of feeling exasperated because it's going to be another night of drinking. Of watching him passed out on the couch at 9:00. Of always having to drive because he's drunk. Of not having any close friends because I'm too embarrassed of his behaviour. Of having no support. Of no real intimacy.
I have lost myself. I don't even know what I want, nevermind how to get it. I found myself calling him incessantly today trying to get him to talk to me. It's utterly useless.
I feel better now than I have all day. I feel like I'm letting all this out of my system. It's cathartic.
How do I deal with his imminent return??
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
Originally Posted by BumblingAlong 
What do I want for my life? Simple things, really. Love. Security. Happiness. Peace. Laughter. Silliness. Family.
What I don't want is to hear the sound of the beer can cracking open. Or of ice cubes clinking in a glass. Of feeling exasperated because it's going to be another night of drinking. Of watching him passed out on the couch at 9:00. Of always having to drive because he's drunk. Of not having any close friends because I'm too embarrassed of his behaviour. Of having no support. Of no real intimacy.
What I don't want is to hear the sound of the beer can cracking open. Or of ice cubes clinking in a glass. Of feeling exasperated because it's going to be another night of drinking. Of watching him passed out on the couch at 9:00. Of always having to drive because he's drunk. Of not having any close friends because I'm too embarrassed of his behaviour. Of having no support. Of no real intimacy.
All of the above have helped me begin to find me again and to begin to see your list in my life. You can do this, you are not alone, and keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 119
Originally Posted by BumblingAlong
What do I want for my life? Simple things, really. Love. Security. Happiness. Peace. Laughter. Silliness. Family.
What I don't want is to hear the sound of the beer can cracking open. Or of ice cubes clinking in a glass. Of feeling exasperated because it's going to be another night of drinking. Of watching him passed out on the couch at 9:00. Of always having to drive because he's drunk. Of not having any close friends because I'm too embarrassed of his behaviour. Of having no support. Of no real intimacy.
I have lost myself. I don't even know what I want, nevermind how to get it. I found myself calling him incessantly today trying to get him to talk to me. It's utterly useless.
I feel better now than I have all day. I feel like I'm letting all this out of my system. It's cathartic.
How do I deal with his imminent return??
What I don't want is to hear the sound of the beer can cracking open. Or of ice cubes clinking in a glass. Of feeling exasperated because it's going to be another night of drinking. Of watching him passed out on the couch at 9:00. Of always having to drive because he's drunk. Of not having any close friends because I'm too embarrassed of his behaviour. Of having no support. Of no real intimacy.
I have lost myself. I don't even know what I want, nevermind how to get it. I found myself calling him incessantly today trying to get him to talk to me. It's utterly useless.
I feel better now than I have all day. I feel like I'm letting all this out of my system. It's cathartic.
How do I deal with his imminent return??
First...WELCOME to the site! You will find so much information and support here! I'm so sorry that you are having to go thru this. It's amazing to me how similar peoples experiences with the A's can be. I've read thru your postings and it is like I'm watching a movie of my past playing out in front of me with my EXABF. I wouldn't wish any of it on anyone. Going to Al-Anon and getting into individual therapy was the beginning of me understanding that I had and have to continue to focus on myself and detach from the situation ( I cut communication with my EXABF). Everyday, I have to continue to learn to focus on myself and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Everytime I catch myself obsessing about something that I don't need to be obsessing about (my EXABF), I tell myself that I do not need to be putting my energy toward his insanity, and I need to be putting my energy toward myself...then I find something productive to do. Almost everyone on this site will tell you that it is a waste of time to try to figure out why the A's do what they do. Someone on this site said a few weeks ago....."Let Go or Be Dragged". It is one of the most profound statements that I have ever heard!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 132
Thank you so much. I didn't realize how supportive this environment would be.
Is it normal to have a million un-answerable questions? Is it normal that all I can think about is that he's with someone else?
There's another casualty here. He has an 11 year old daughter. He's been divorced for about 7 years. Last year, (during one of our many break-ups), he had his parents over for brunch (did I mention his father is also an alcoholic?). After consuming lots of wine, his parents left, and he kept on drinking (he has no "off" switch) to point where he passed out in the afternoon. His daughter tried to wake him, but he was out cold. So, she called her mom. When his ex-wife got there, she waited for HOURS for him to wake up. When he finally came stumbling down the stairs, she informed him that he no longer had any visitation with his daughter. I really thought it would be his bottom. He called me in tears that night. He begged to see me. When he arrived, he was still drunk (yes - drove that way) and cried for hours on my shoulder, on my lap, in my arms. The next day, his ex-wife called him and said that he could still see his daughter, but no more overnight visits. So...he now sees his daughter every other weekend, but he has to pick her up and drop her off (thereby ensuring that he's sober). Bad plan though --- I've known him to drop her off after he's had a few. Can you imagine? Losing his marriage, friends, and privileges with his daughter hasn't shaken anything loose? His job is now in jeopardy. He never gets there before 9:30 or 10:00 AM; he takes 1.5 to 2 hour lunches and leaves early every day.
Why do I care?
Is it normal to have a million un-answerable questions? Is it normal that all I can think about is that he's with someone else?
There's another casualty here. He has an 11 year old daughter. He's been divorced for about 7 years. Last year, (during one of our many break-ups), he had his parents over for brunch (did I mention his father is also an alcoholic?). After consuming lots of wine, his parents left, and he kept on drinking (he has no "off" switch) to point where he passed out in the afternoon. His daughter tried to wake him, but he was out cold. So, she called her mom. When his ex-wife got there, she waited for HOURS for him to wake up. When he finally came stumbling down the stairs, she informed him that he no longer had any visitation with his daughter. I really thought it would be his bottom. He called me in tears that night. He begged to see me. When he arrived, he was still drunk (yes - drove that way) and cried for hours on my shoulder, on my lap, in my arms. The next day, his ex-wife called him and said that he could still see his daughter, but no more overnight visits. So...he now sees his daughter every other weekend, but he has to pick her up and drop her off (thereby ensuring that he's sober). Bad plan though --- I've known him to drop her off after he's had a few. Can you imagine? Losing his marriage, friends, and privileges with his daughter hasn't shaken anything loose? His job is now in jeopardy. He never gets there before 9:30 or 10:00 AM; he takes 1.5 to 2 hour lunches and leaves early every day.
Why do I care?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Welcome!
Have you read the stickies at the tops of the forums? You might find them very helpful. Please stick around, keep posting and meeting people, make yourself at home.
I learn alot by just reading around others' threads and posts too.
I am sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.
live
Have you read the stickies at the tops of the forums? You might find them very helpful. Please stick around, keep posting and meeting people, make yourself at home.
I learn alot by just reading around others' threads and posts too.
I am sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.
live
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Stickies
They're the threads at the very top of the forum page. The first one is titled Classic Reading and takes you here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...c-reading.html
I'd also recommend Co-dependant No More by Melody Beattie - and eye opening read.
Welcome to the forum - it is good to find you're not alone in this!
I'd also recommend Co-dependant No More by Melody Beattie - and eye opening read.
Welcome to the forum - it is good to find you're not alone in this!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Welcome. Your question "Why do I Care"? That is THE question I bet every partner of an alcoholic has asked, in sheer desperation, of ourselves and of anyone we think might know. Answer for me is still, "I do not know".
Keep coming and learning from some very wise, loving and supportive people here on SR.
God bless
Keep coming and learning from some very wise, loving and supportive people here on SR.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 132
I took a brave step yesterday and called my Employee Assistance Program. They immediately set me up with a psychologist and I had an hour long session by phone.
I have to say that he opened my eyes a little bit. While I was talking to him, he pointed out that everything I said was about my XBF. I kept saying things like "he's an alcoholic" or "he's hurt every woman he's ever been with" or "his career is in trouble". I realized that for the last 4 years, all I've ever worried about or talked about or thought about was HIM. Not ME.
He pointed out that it's normal in our culture to throw ourselves completely into our relationships (we're taught to do that). But it's very unhealthy (even if the man/woman isn't an A). He wanted me to talk about ME. But then I was stumped. I didn't know what to say. He asked me to describe myself, but all I could say what was I look like - I couldn't describe anything about my soul. How truly frightening. I know more about my X than about ME.
Last night was very difficult for me. I know he was with this other woman, because Thursday nights are the kick-off to the weekend. So there I was, lying in bed, imagining what they're doing together (sick, I know). Having fun, going out for dinner - kicking off the weekend. I hope this gets easier, because I'm so destroyed right now.
The good news? This is the first time in all of our 10-or-so break-ups that I haven't contacted him. No phone, no email. But I'm so scared that he's forgotten me, forgotten the good times we were together, forgotten the intimacy. And I'm so scared that he WILL remember and then beg me to come back.
What a complete mess.
I have to say that he opened my eyes a little bit. While I was talking to him, he pointed out that everything I said was about my XBF. I kept saying things like "he's an alcoholic" or "he's hurt every woman he's ever been with" or "his career is in trouble". I realized that for the last 4 years, all I've ever worried about or talked about or thought about was HIM. Not ME.
He pointed out that it's normal in our culture to throw ourselves completely into our relationships (we're taught to do that). But it's very unhealthy (even if the man/woman isn't an A). He wanted me to talk about ME. But then I was stumped. I didn't know what to say. He asked me to describe myself, but all I could say what was I look like - I couldn't describe anything about my soul. How truly frightening. I know more about my X than about ME.
Last night was very difficult for me. I know he was with this other woman, because Thursday nights are the kick-off to the weekend. So there I was, lying in bed, imagining what they're doing together (sick, I know). Having fun, going out for dinner - kicking off the weekend. I hope this gets easier, because I'm so destroyed right now.
The good news? This is the first time in all of our 10-or-so break-ups that I haven't contacted him. No phone, no email. But I'm so scared that he's forgotten me, forgotten the good times we were together, forgotten the intimacy. And I'm so scared that he WILL remember and then beg me to come back.
What a complete mess.
Formerly known as soconfused11
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
He wanted me to talk about ME. But then I was stumped. I didn't know what to say. He asked me to describe myself, but all I could say what was I look like - I couldn't describe anything about my soul. How truly frightening. I know more about my X than about ME.
Last night was very difficult for me. I know he was with this other woman, because Thursday nights are the kick-off to the weekend. So there I was, lying in bed, imagining what they're doing together (sick, I know). Having fun, going out for dinner - kicking off the weekend. I hope this gets easier, because I'm so destroyed right now.
The good news? This is the first time in all of our 10-or-so break-ups that I haven't contacted him. No phone, no email. But I'm so scared that he's forgotten me, forgotten the good times we were together, forgotten the intimacy. And I'm so scared that he WILL remember and then beg me to come back.
Last night was very difficult for me. I know he was with this other woman, because Thursday nights are the kick-off to the weekend. So there I was, lying in bed, imagining what they're doing together (sick, I know). Having fun, going out for dinner - kicking off the weekend. I hope this gets easier, because I'm so destroyed right now.
The good news? This is the first time in all of our 10-or-so break-ups that I haven't contacted him. No phone, no email. But I'm so scared that he's forgotten me, forgotten the good times we were together, forgotten the intimacy. And I'm so scared that he WILL remember and then beg me to come back.
I, too, am thinking "how in the world can he just move on and forget about me"....in reality, I know he hasn't. He just can self medicate with alcohol, right?
Hang in there, you are doing great!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 132
I do realize that this woman will be going through all these same issues - maybe in a worse way, because he told me that she is already in therapy and takes more than one anxiety/antidepressant medication. I can only think that she is going to be more destroyed than I am. He also told me that she's just a buffer -- from me. He said that he feels less guilt by being with her than me. She has pleaded with him to be with her; she has promised to get off her meds (because he told her that he doesn't like the fact that she needs to take them); she bought new clothes because he didn't like that she only wears black; she has promised to get her driver's licence because he doesn't like to drive her everywhere. Although I never did anything that extreme to be with him, it is so apparent that he will only be with a woman that will do anything he says. He told me that he doesn't really like her very much, and that he's happy when she goes home. He is very irritable and intolerant. He can't spend an extended amount of time with anyone - not even his own child - he actually begins to get irritable with her. I know he'll end it with this woman - he already has once. And he knows that she was destroyed - he actually was concerned because he "pulled the rug out from under her". How funny - he dated her for a few weeks and she had the rugged pulled out from under her. He feels that he can confide in me about this woman (which I discussed with the psychologist and realized that I can't let him do that). But I know what I know from what he's already told me. She is the kind of woman that he's always referred to as a "skank". So now he's with a skank. I suppose that's the only woman who would be with a man like him. He told me that he'll never introduce her to his family or his daughter -- in his own words, he said that he'd be too embarrassed. So how does that leave me feeling? It makes me feel like he's more attracted to a woman with no friends, who is not in touch with her family, who lives like a slob, who is already emotionally fragile. I'm the complete opposite of her. I have a career, my own home, friends, family who love me. I'm attractive, articulate. So what does he see in her and why doesn't he WANT to try and get well (as he's told me). He's promised to get help, he's made an appointment to see an addition specialist on Dec 9th. He's told me that he confides in this woman because she's had experience with being in therapy. I feel so left out in the cold! What am I going to do?
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
What I don't want is to hear the sound of the beer can cracking open. Or of ice cubes clinking in a glass. Of feeling exasperated because it's going to be another night of drinking. Of watching him passed out on the couch at 9:00. Of always having to drive because he's drunk. Of not having any close friends because I'm too embarrassed of his behaviour. Of having no support. Of no real intimacy.
Wow - I agree! So you do not want "him" then. Because if you accept him, as he is, today, then these things will most certainly be a doiminant feature of your "relationship."
So what does he see in her and why doesn't he WANT to try and get well (as he's told me).
Bumbling, HE IS AN ALCOHOLIC!! He is trapped in an addiction so huge, so difficult to overcome that he will go to any lengths, hook up with any person, say whatever he needs to say so that he can just keep drinking. Believe it. And there is nothing you can do to change that.
You didn't Cause it.
You can't Control it.
You can't Cure it.
I feel so left out in the cold! What am I going to do?
Well one thing that worked for me when my thinking was all twisted in relation to the A's in my life was I went to AlAnon and I followed directions. I stopped looking at their problems and focused only on MINE. When I say that I stopped, I mean I SERIOUSLY STOPPED. I retrained my brain to stop drifting into that kind of obsessional thinking about my brothers: about their pain, about their potential, about their health, their dangerous behavior, how I could help them, why don't they just...blah blah blah STOP!
AlAnon helped me enormously and once I let go (my way OBVIOUSLY wasn't working since I was in pain) and let their problems be their problems I was able to make some baby steps and then big strides towards having the life I want to have, and more importantly being the person I want to be--- Geeeez what about MY POTENTIAL???!!!! HA!!
It is tough stuff Bumbling - but you are dealing with an alcoholic and he is just doing what alcoholics do.
YOU have the power to set YOURSELF free!
Peace-
B.
Wow - I agree! So you do not want "him" then. Because if you accept him, as he is, today, then these things will most certainly be a doiminant feature of your "relationship."
So what does he see in her and why doesn't he WANT to try and get well (as he's told me).
Bumbling, HE IS AN ALCOHOLIC!! He is trapped in an addiction so huge, so difficult to overcome that he will go to any lengths, hook up with any person, say whatever he needs to say so that he can just keep drinking. Believe it. And there is nothing you can do to change that.
You didn't Cause it.
You can't Control it.
You can't Cure it.
I feel so left out in the cold! What am I going to do?
Well one thing that worked for me when my thinking was all twisted in relation to the A's in my life was I went to AlAnon and I followed directions. I stopped looking at their problems and focused only on MINE. When I say that I stopped, I mean I SERIOUSLY STOPPED. I retrained my brain to stop drifting into that kind of obsessional thinking about my brothers: about their pain, about their potential, about their health, their dangerous behavior, how I could help them, why don't they just...blah blah blah STOP!
AlAnon helped me enormously and once I let go (my way OBVIOUSLY wasn't working since I was in pain) and let their problems be their problems I was able to make some baby steps and then big strides towards having the life I want to have, and more importantly being the person I want to be--- Geeeez what about MY POTENTIAL???!!!! HA!!
It is tough stuff Bumbling - but you are dealing with an alcoholic and he is just doing what alcoholics do.
YOU have the power to set YOURSELF free!
Peace-
B.
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