murphy75

Sorry to bother you guys again but i'm having a small moral delemia i need help with. My parents are oblivious to my drug use and my drinking problems. I know telling them about it would only hurt them and they would probably blame themselves and since i'm getting clean and sober it isn't a part of my everyday life anymore. i feel obligated to tell them but i know it will hurt. I have been thinking that i should wait until i move out and live a seperate life to tell them. I'm open to any suggestions or advice you have for me. It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again guys!

bostonluv

I think it's a personal decision. You don't have to tell if it makes you uncomfortable or you think it may hurt them. Your decision.

murphy75

I don't want to hurt them but it's difficult. My uncle is also an alcoholic and i hear my mother say all the time how disappointed she is with him and how if we, my sister or i, would ever do that she would be pissed. i feel bad because she thinks she has the two most amazing kids in the world but all she really has is one good kid and one **** up...

Aysha

Yea..I agree with boston.
I never had to deal with that.
My addiction told on me long before I even cared what anyone would do.

murphy75

what would you guys do if you were in my situation? I really need help with this one.

Anna

I'm not sure why you feel obligated to tell them.

kj0975

I agree personal decision. If you feel your clean and on the right path and dont want to be watched then let it go. But I think if you feel yourself sliding maybe you should tell them so they can know whats up and what to look for. Lets face it you were on some heavy duty drugs quitting is the easy part staying clean is the hard part. How long were you shooting up? I commend you and your friend for helping u get clean should be proud.

kj0975

I never told any of my family. My fiance was the only one. Hope that helps some.

murphy75

i feel obligated because my other family has had lots of trouble with following rules.... most of my cousins were arrested at one point or kicked out of school for some thing. I feel obligated because my mother has always thought she has had two angels and thinks that we would never screw up like the others... but clearly we can.

SelfSeeking

Nah. She's got two good ones. I can tell from here. Look how you're taking responsibility for yourself, you think many people your age are that mature? God, when I was 16 I was a stone-cold idiot about my substance use/abuse. You're doing so well to recognize it now and face it. I know others have told you this but you seem to be having a hard time believing it, so I figure it can't be said enough

This one's up to you. You can think it through and do the right thing... whatever that turns out to be in your situation.

kj0975

Dont feel obligated to tell anyone its YOUR sobriety. Its how u feel and how u think it would affect the outcome. I would wait on it. Maybe write a letter and sit on it for a few days.

Anna

Well, that's just your mother's perception.

I don't see any reason to feel obligated to tell your parents.

Stay focused on your recovery!

murphy75

it does help thanks. I shot up for about four and a half years and i have done many other drugs at the same time. i dont want them to worry.

murphy75

i'm trying to stay focused but it's really difficult because no one knows except my ex and the guy who helped me realize i had a problem and he isn't talking to me anymore...

kj0975

Well Its up to u. When I am faced with things like this I write a letter and hold it for a few days then decide. I feel alot better getting it out and calms my mind some. Like I said if you feel yourself caving I would tell someone. Thats just my 2 cents.

Anna

We understand how difficult it is!

That's why we're all here.

murphy75

i'm having trouble beliveing it because i don't feel that i should be rewarded for doing what i should do. i feel like it's like giving someone a hundred bucks for stopping at a stop sign. they do it because they have to. they aren't going above and beyond expectations. they are doing the right thing which, although is becoming less and less common, doesnt always warant a reward...

murphy75

i'm not going to cave again. i can't. i can't go through withdrawal anymore. it hurts to damn much.

Aysha

Noone is sayin it is a reward.
Far from it.
Geez if it was like that..Better believe I would be cashing in.
You do it cause it is the right thing to do. The healthy thing to do. The smart thing. A better way.
But dont go thinking making strides in recovery isnt warranted for some recognition.
This is a dam hard thing to do.
So I myself am not saying reward yourself for doing good. Of course thats what your suppose to do.
But dont let the progress go unappreciated.
Be grateful. Be glad. Be proud. Those are not rewards really.
They are but they are blessings above all.
Theres nothing wrong with tootin your own horn once in awhile.

kj0975

Dont forget those withdrawls remember that hell. it plain ol sucks........ Its not easy and many people cave cause the w/d's are so bad. Thats what you should be proud of yes its the right thing to do but also cause its so hard to do. Look around the substance abuse forum and see how many people struggle to stay free from the drug u just detoxed off of. That my friend is no easy fight. Thats where u should feel go about what u just did.