Paulos

Hi all, how's it going... well I went to a place today for an appointment to get me some assistance/benefits for my medical/mental health payments at my office, and am actually now switching to ANOTHER office which is good I guess... though the whole time my mother had to do a lot of the main paperwork and I was in the dark a lot of the time... though my mother said I did so good she was proud of me, yet I can never feel proud of me... I feel like I have so many weaknesses and I'm so aware of it it'll never improve... memory is still out of it, I'm losing enjoyment in the things I do actually again which I DO NOT LIKE ONE BIT, I'm severely social anxious, and I took a nap... then I woke up, EXTREMELY WORRIED and guilty about doing it and feeling like I'm just living on borrowed time until I have a big task in life ahead of me... I'm autistic btw all, been sober from booze 39 days and from Lamictal 59 days.

I know my posts may seem like a constant crying rant but ... it's just a lot of the time the world seems too scary/big for me, and I get real worried about the littlest of things, ... so imagine the big things someday :|

Toomutch

(((Paulos)))

So sorry that you are feeling down, I was that way yesterday.

Have you talked to your doctor about going of your medication?

By the way, congratulations on day 39 - that's awesome.

historyteach

Congratulations on 39 days, Paulos!!!
That is something you *should* take pride in!!!

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time. I know that it can be overwhelming.
Don't feel bad about coming here and talking about it. That's *why* we're here!
And, yes, you've given back, too.

I'm glad that you're getting assistance. That's a big load off your shoulders, isn't it? So many people have no help paying for their medical problems, and need it, but, aren't "qualified" for whatever reason. So, you must feel a good sense of relief about that issue, yes?

Remember, try not to worry about the future. We make the best plans possible, and that's all we can do. The rest is out of our hands.

Shalom!

Live

Hi, Paulos,

I hate that kind of anxiety. I need to take medication for it. But, goodness, one day at a time, and a nap seems to me perhaps an investment in yourself. Letting yourself rest from all that draining worry. That, to me, is taking care of yourself. You are still sober! YAY!

live

Paulos

Thank you all for being so understanding and caring. Guess I just wish it will get better, I mean jeez... I never stop complaining and am a constant drain on the world -_-

shutterbug

ummmm.....sorry, but i think i get the GRAND PRIZE for whining and complaining and being the most negative (hey, at least i'm good at something. lol)

Have you taken a look at most of my threads and posts!!!! I've been complaining on this site for nearly FIVE YEARS now!!!! And i'm so very thankful for having this place to allow me to do such.....and not only that, but this place is a very special place where most of us KNOW what it feels like when reading what others are going through.....because we've been there too!!!!

You are MUCH more normal that you give yourself credit for! AND the ability to let out your thoughts, emotions and feelings is a VERY good thing that a lot of people can't even do!!

Soooo, take a deep breath, wrap your arms around yourself for a GIANT hug and i will do the same. It will be good for both of us i think. AND we can even pretend we are hugging each other in a special world where we each truely know the other is really, really hurting a lot and that we are not alone because there are other people who REALLY understand this kind of pain.

And after we give ourselves the giant hug...we take another deep breath and tell ourselves (outloud) "this TOO shall pass."

giant hugs,
Jenna

:ghug3

Live

Well, that brought tears to my eyes. A perfect example of the best of SR. Sniffle.

Paulos, I learned that I had alot of compassion for others but so little for myself, now I am working on giving myself the compassion that I easily give others. And rather than it being excusing my defects as I had thought, it is bringing out a better me.

hugs,
Live

Live

still here, still caring

ladyamalthea

((Paulos))

I've been out of town for a few days, and am just now seeing your post. I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel on certain fronts: I understand how it feels to feel so guilty over things that I should not feel guilty for at all. I understand how it is to feel so small against such a large world. I understand not enjoying things that used to make me happy. So, while I don't know exactly how it feels to be you, I can relate to several of the things you are talking about. I agree with the posts above... you are so much more normal than you give yourself credit for. And you're such a great person. You deserve to be more patient with yourself.

And you are much stronger than I am... you've been sober for how many days now??? 40? I can't even stay away from foods that are dangerous to me for a week, and here you are doing so well. You are really inspiring me right now to do better for myself, and for that I thank you. You are doing far more good than you realize.

*hugs*

shutterbug

Thinking of you.
Wondering how you are today?
Hoping you are feeling much better.
Sending positive thoughts your way.

Time2Surrender

Congradulations on 39 days or is it 41 now? Dont feel bad about ranting. You should read some of my stuff over the last 4 yrs. Hang in there.

Paulos

41 days so far... I'd like to thank you Lady for saying what you spoke of regarding how it feels to be so small in the large world... it's like... such a helpless feeling I have... it's very frightening to wonder how I'll be in a year or 10... how much worse I'll be or hopefully better, they say you need hope to get better but not everyone gets better... I don't know if I've helped that many people to be honest Lady, I think I've just been a drag mostly who is always looking for support for my own insecurity... it's sad ain't it :| oh I care greatly for everyone though... the ones that care about me in return of course, and uhh... I ate fried chicken for two days so don't feel bad about eating bad food. I'm not that strong either ;\ and as for not being as happy about things I used to do I don't know... it's like have I finally realized how scary the world is and how unprepared I am without a security blanket or something? Damn thanks again..

WishIWasNormal

All you are doing is posting some of the feelings we experience too.

ladyamalthea

When you post how you feel, you are helping others who may feel the same way, because they can be reminded that they are not alone in their struggles. And those who are too shy to post their feelings here can read what you wrote, and then the responses you got, and find comfort in them hopefully. You do much more good than you give yourself credit for, and we're glad you're here.

adore79

Hey Paulos, you are not a drain on the world. You belong here with all of us. I am always glad when I see you posting or in the chat room because you are a valued member of SR and I have learned from you and you have helped me, even if you dont realize it. Hang in there buddy.

Live

Paulos!

WOW! What a wonderful and well written gift of understanding and encouragement you gave the folks in Newcomers!
It just gave me the best feeling, especially knowing it had come from you!

I hope you have an awesome day!

Live