He wants to get back together.
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
He wants to get back together.
I'm trying to stay centered here.
Something "snapped" in him when I found out I
passed my nursing exam yesterday.
He started really acting strange!
Broke down and started sobbing, called me several times,
sent me tons of emails.
Its a long story, but now he is saying he will make the
changes. Professing undying love, he is really laying it
on thick.
Sending me love poems, lyrics to love songs, love letters.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
Something "snapped" in him when I found out I
passed my nursing exam yesterday.
He started really acting strange!
Broke down and started sobbing, called me several times,
sent me tons of emails.
Its a long story, but now he is saying he will make the
changes. Professing undying love, he is really laying it
on thick.
Sending me love poems, lyrics to love songs, love letters.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
So what do YOU want? Do you want to step back into the madness or do you want to continue down your own path?
I'm not telling you not to get back together. But remember his words are just words until they are followed by long term consistent action. If I were you I would wait til I had proof of that long term consistent action. But that is just me.
If you do want to get back together, it doesn't have to be soon. You can wait.
I'm not telling you not to get back together. But remember his words are just words until they are followed by long term consistent action. If I were you I would wait til I had proof of that long term consistent action. But that is just me.
If you do want to get back together, it doesn't have to be soon. You can wait.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Well, well, well, what a coincidence. Just as your financial picture is about to change for the better, he shows up and pledges his undying love.
I pray you see this as the manipulation that it is. Just because there's an alcoholic knocking at your door, doesn't mean you have to answer it.
I pray you see this as the manipulation that it is. Just because there's an alcoholic knocking at your door, doesn't mean you have to answer it.
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
Originally Posted by Barbara52 
So what do YOU want? Do you want to step back into the madness or do you want to continue down your own path?
I'm not telling you not to get back together. But remember his words are just words until they are followed by long term consistent action. If I were you I would wait til I had proof of that long term consistent action. But that is just me.
If you do want to get back together, it doesn't have to be soon. You can wait.
I'm not telling you not to get back together. But remember his words are just words until they are followed by long term consistent action. If I were you I would wait til I had proof of that long term consistent action. But that is just me.
If you do want to get back together, it doesn't have to be soon. You can wait.
Honestly there are so many issues he needs to face and resolve that I don't think it will work out.
The temptation to give it a last try, one where he is actually participating in making the changes is strong, I won't lie.
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
Originally Posted by FormerDoormat
Well, well, well, what a coincidence. Just as your financial picture is about to change for the better, he shows up and pledges his undying love.
I pray you see this as the manipulation that it is. Just because there's an alcoholic knocking at your door, doesn't mean you have to answer it.
I pray you see this as the manipulation that it is. Just because there's an alcoholic knocking at your door, doesn't mean you have to answer it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by strongerwoman
The temptation to give it a last try, one where he is actually participating in making the changes is strong, I won't lie.
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
Originally Posted by Barbara52
You can give it a try from your current physical distance, continuing to work toward your own goals while waiting to see if this is anything more than another attempt to manipulate the heck out of you. How many times have your heard similar words? Where have those words gotten you?
This is actually the first time he has told me he would make the changes, and get help.
He's never asked to be taken back before, he's never said he was going to change. There haven't been promises to change before now.
When I am serious about letting him go and getting on with my life, he wants to change. Go figure.
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
Here are just two of the emails he's sent me tonight:
My intentions are only to tell you how I feel,not to suck you in,not because I want something.I do want something though,only a simple thing.I want peace between you and I.Whatever the price.I know that we can agree on lots of things,and disagree on more.Can we just agree to dis-agree on some things,and not just only get along,but love each other like we say we do ? In every step of every day?
I know that you don't need a confessional from me about my addictions.I am not unaware.Believe me.Believe this as well,I have been down before,I have come around before too.
We have both taken care of each other and done what the other could not do,and didn't resent each other for it.I don't care about who's fault anything is or was or whatever.I can let it all go.It was you that made the difference for me ,more than anything,ever.I tried to tell you.
I love you,I want to tell you every time I talk to you.I want to hear you say "hi,sexy gorgeous husband" but I really f*@&ed up your life and don't deserve it.The whole thing is just so sad.It should never have gotten to this. WTF happened? Did we stop caring? I don't think we did.I think we stopped listening to what each other was really saying.I WANT A DO OVER.That may not happen,but more than anything,I want peace with you.
I hope there is some sense in all this.
AND
It feels like I lost the only person I have ever known,and I know it's my fault,and there just isn't anyone else,not another soul.
I just won't think about you anymore,I'll just let go......yea right.
My heart would always be in it,you are the only one I will ever love,and nothing else would matter.
Having one of those wish I would just f*%$#@ die.... moments.......right now I can not even close my eyes,you're there when I blink.
I was hoping i wouldn't have to see you today,wanting to badly,but not wanting to at the same time if that makes any sense.
I just can't do it sometimes.When I hear your voice and there is no anger in it....it's like music too me.It makes my heart fly in a clear blue sky.
I might have taken way too long to do some things,made alot of poor choices,many at your expense and those are the things I regret.BUT there is not one ounce of regret for loving you and being with you thru the thick and thin.If I could start it all from the beginning I WOULD do it all over again,even knowing what I know now.I bet it would be that "SO much better"that you have mentioned......This is killing me today,it's killing me.I have never felt so alone.
All I have with you is all I have,it has been everything from the first long talk we had in my doorway.I knew that you were the one,that you would be right next to me,loving me and being my better half,and better judgement,and the only one who could make things make sense sometimes.I don't want to make you cry,I always wanted to make you laugh and smile,make you wonder why,and then answer yourself with because he LOVES ME. I love you,I don't love" things about you" I just love you,all of you,and those that came with you and the one we made
How do I respond to all this????????????????????
Crap. Crap. Crap.
My intentions are only to tell you how I feel,not to suck you in,not because I want something.I do want something though,only a simple thing.I want peace between you and I.Whatever the price.I know that we can agree on lots of things,and disagree on more.Can we just agree to dis-agree on some things,and not just only get along,but love each other like we say we do ? In every step of every day?
I know that you don't need a confessional from me about my addictions.I am not unaware.Believe me.Believe this as well,I have been down before,I have come around before too.
We have both taken care of each other and done what the other could not do,and didn't resent each other for it.I don't care about who's fault anything is or was or whatever.I can let it all go.It was you that made the difference for me ,more than anything,ever.I tried to tell you.
I love you,I want to tell you every time I talk to you.I want to hear you say "hi,sexy gorgeous husband" but I really f*@&ed up your life and don't deserve it.The whole thing is just so sad.It should never have gotten to this. WTF happened? Did we stop caring? I don't think we did.I think we stopped listening to what each other was really saying.I WANT A DO OVER.That may not happen,but more than anything,I want peace with you.
I hope there is some sense in all this.
AND
It feels like I lost the only person I have ever known,and I know it's my fault,and there just isn't anyone else,not another soul.
I just won't think about you anymore,I'll just let go......yea right.
My heart would always be in it,you are the only one I will ever love,and nothing else would matter.
Having one of those wish I would just f*%$#@ die.... moments.......right now I can not even close my eyes,you're there when I blink.
I was hoping i wouldn't have to see you today,wanting to badly,but not wanting to at the same time if that makes any sense.
I just can't do it sometimes.When I hear your voice and there is no anger in it....it's like music too me.It makes my heart fly in a clear blue sky.
I might have taken way too long to do some things,made alot of poor choices,many at your expense and those are the things I regret.BUT there is not one ounce of regret for loving you and being with you thru the thick and thin.If I could start it all from the beginning I WOULD do it all over again,even knowing what I know now.I bet it would be that "SO much better"that you have mentioned......This is killing me today,it's killing me.I have never felt so alone.
All I have with you is all I have,it has been everything from the first long talk we had in my doorway.I knew that you were the one,that you would be right next to me,loving me and being my better half,and better judgement,and the only one who could make things make sense sometimes.I don't want to make you cry,I always wanted to make you laugh and smile,make you wonder why,and then answer yourself with because he LOVES ME. I love you,I don't love" things about you" I just love you,all of you,and those that came with you and the one we made
How do I respond to all this????????????????????
Crap. Crap. Crap.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
You know, in both those emails I see nothing that indicates he actually recognizes his alcoholism, nothing that indicates he intends to do anything, nothing that says he has a plan.
All I see is manipulation. I see the typical words of a typical alcoholic (yes I'm generalizing here) realizing he is losing his enabler. But then I don't know either of you so take that for what its worth.
All I see is manipulation. I see the typical words of a typical alcoholic (yes I'm generalizing here) realizing he is losing his enabler. But then I don't know either of you so take that for what its worth.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
My intentions are only to tell you how I feel,not to suck you in,not because I want something.I do want something though,only a simple thing.I want peace between you and I.Whatever the price.
It's a really blatant manipulation. If you find these words tempting and fear you'll give in, how about blocking his e-mails?
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
Originally Posted by Barbara52
You know, in both those emails I see nothing that indicates he actually recognizes his alcoholism, nothing that indicates he intends to do anything, nothing that says he has a plan.
I just asked, so where do we go from here?
This was his response:
I really don't have the answer to that question,I think we need some outside help.I know we do.I also think that we DO have a strong foundation,Love is the foundation.and love is what I got....for you.
I asked him what changed his mind and this was the response:
I love you Steph.I woke up without the women I dream about,and realized just how much she loves me.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I just read the second e-mail. I think I'm going to puke. What's the real problem? No money today for booze? The other woman left him? Did he lose his job or get kicked out of his apartment? Or is the money his motivator?
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
If you ask for clarification, you'll only get more manipulation. Can you step back for at least a week and avoid all contact, so you can think more clearly? It's never a mistake to wait before taking action.
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
Originally Posted by FormerDoormat
I just read the second e-mail. I think I'm going to puke. What's the real problem? No money today for booze? The other woman left him? Did he lose his job or get kicked out of his apartment? Or is the money his motivator?
Money isn't it either.
I don't know.
He finally realizes that this is it, I AM moving on without him????
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Is that the truth, or just what you'd like to believe? Until I had a good deal of recovery under my belt, my mind played tricks on me.
Do you really think it's a coincidence that the day after you passed your big exam that your husband suddenly did a 180 and now professes his undying love?
Do you really think it's a coincidence that the day after you passed your big exam that your husband suddenly did a 180 and now professes his undying love?
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
Originally Posted by FormerDoormat
Is that the truth, or just what you'd like to believe? Until I had a good deal of recovery under my belt, my mind played tricks on me.
Do you really think it's a coincidence that the day after you passed your big exam that your husband suddenly did a 180 and now professes his undying love?
Do you really think it's a coincidence that the day after you passed your big exam that your husband suddenly did a 180 and now professes his undying love?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
How much of what you are thinking is based on what he has said and how much is based on what you hope things can be? Where is the line between the reality of his alcoholism and all that has meant up to now, and your dreams/hopes/fantasy of what could be?
I have to agree with FD that this new found need for you in his life is not likely to be coincidental to you passing your exam.
I have to agree with FD that this new found need for you in his life is not likely to be coincidental to you passing your exam.
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
Originally Posted by FormerDoormat
If you ask for clarification, you'll only get more manipulation. Can you step back for at least a week and avoid all contact, so you can think more clearly? It's never a mistake to wait before taking action.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by strongerwoman
No, I don't think it is a coincidence, I just can't figure out what the motivation is.
IMO, it's to suck you back in. He now sees that you could indeed move on and that doesn't make him happy.
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