Unfortunately, I'm a Loser.
Wow...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 39
Unfortunately, I'm a Loser.
So since I quit drinking I have been to a few events (aka weddings, etc) where I was sober and most others were drinking. When I get into bed at the end of those days, I end up crying hysterically. I've been trying to figure out why, and I think I have. I have NOOOOOO personality whatsoever when I'm sober. At all. I don't want to dance, I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to sit/stand there and count the seconds until it's over.
Has anyone else experienced this? Will it go away? I am kind of fearing that I am a horribly boring person in real life. I guess that's fine- I'd rather be boring than hungover, but still. I am really depressed.
Thanks for any insight.
Has anyone else experienced this? Will it go away? I am kind of fearing that I am a horribly boring person in real life. I guess that's fine- I'd rather be boring than hungover, but still. I am really depressed.
Thanks for any insight.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Yes, I have experienced it too. You are not a 'loser'.
Through NA/AA meetings I realized that I (we) are not alone with this problem.
Through working the 12 steps I have overcome the problem.
I am AMAZED at how outgoing and sociable I have become. If you were to have told me years ago this would happen I would not have believed you under any circumstances. NA/AA and the 12 steps have worked a miracle for me.
I highly recommend you try some meetings and look into the 12 step program (both of which I had previously though to be B.S.)
Welcome to the rest of your life....!
Through NA/AA meetings I realized that I (we) are not alone with this problem.
Through working the 12 steps I have overcome the problem.
I am AMAZED at how outgoing and sociable I have become. If you were to have told me years ago this would happen I would not have believed you under any circumstances. NA/AA and the 12 steps have worked a miracle for me.
I highly recommend you try some meetings and look into the 12 step program (both of which I had previously though to be B.S.)
Welcome to the rest of your life....!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 300
I think the only reason that you feel like you don't have a personality is because you don't know what your personality is yet, sober. But guess what? You have one! And it's probably great and better than your drinking personality. But i can take a while...I mean weeks, months, sometimes years for that new sober personality to emerge in all its beauty so hang in there and please be more gentle with yourself.
FD
FD
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
This will go away. trust me. When I was using I couldn't imagine carrying on a conversation in a "sober state". it petrified me, and I couldn't do it.
you need to give your body (and mind) time to adjust to your new sober way of life. All your energy, your ability to enjoy events, and be out-going will all come back to you.
don't get too upset right now - it takes time. you have remained sober - give yourself a pat on the back for that! don't let the thoughts you're having about yourself right now make you slip back into old behaviors. Not worth it.
you need to give your body (and mind) time to adjust to your new sober way of life. All your energy, your ability to enjoy events, and be out-going will all come back to you.
don't get too upset right now - it takes time. you have remained sober - give yourself a pat on the back for that! don't let the thoughts you're having about yourself right now make you slip back into old behaviors. Not worth it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
We have no losers here, only people who are trying to recover.
I was uncomfortable in social situations long before I began drinking, and now that I've stopped, I still don't feel comfortable. But, it's okay. It is what it is. One difference I've found since recovery, is that I am comfortable with myself and I am content to spend time by myself. I like going out in small groups - large groups make me very anxious. But, it's better than being drunk.
I was uncomfortable in social situations long before I began drinking, and now that I've stopped, I still don't feel comfortable. But, it's okay. It is what it is. One difference I've found since recovery, is that I am comfortable with myself and I am content to spend time by myself. I like going out in small groups - large groups make me very anxious. But, it's better than being drunk.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
Hello Bean, and welcome to SR.
What I've learned........there are no losers in recovery, only winners. That's why we say "stick with the winners".
Hope you stick around. Sobriety is an amazing and wonderful journey.
What I've learned........there are no losers in recovery, only winners. That's why we say "stick with the winners".
Hope you stick around. Sobriety is an amazing and wonderful journey.
Wooli
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Sheffield, England
Posts: 433
I am dreading going to an all day wedding on Saturday, mainly because it's all my partners family and I don't really have that much in common with them. I am dreading it sober as I won't really have anyone to talk to in the day as the missus will do her usual thing and talk to everyone bar me. Don't get me wrong they are OK, but I generally only had a good time when I was drunk/on drugs with them.
I do have an escape plan though as I am going to a good friends after the day do and then a meeting after. Also my son is only 14 months old so I will be taking him to bed around 10pm so the night do should be painless.
I do have an escape plan though as I am going to a good friends after the day do and then a meeting after. Also my son is only 14 months old so I will be taking him to bed around 10pm so the night do should be painless.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Of course you feel weird ....I did too when
I was newly sober and kept hanging out with drinkers.
My AA friends and I share a fascinating lifestyle
and stumbling around in a booze haze is not acceptable.
Even at weddings!
I found I needed a structured positive recovery program
to impliment my change into the sober woman I like.
I was newly sober and kept hanging out with drinkers.
My AA friends and I share a fascinating lifestyle
and stumbling around in a booze haze is not acceptable.
Even at weddings!I found I needed a structured positive recovery program
to impliment my change into the sober woman I like.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Wonderful advice here!
Trust me, you are right where you are supposed to be.
Your body, mind and spirit are probably still in shock.
You do have a personality and as someone said, it is probably great but be gentle with yourself, it will come. In the meantime, breathe and think in terms of a gratitude list when you get in these situations. That is, mentally start listing all the wonderful things you are grateful for, being sober, in that place. For instance, you don't have to worry about embarrassing yourself, you can eat 2 pieces of cake because you have not had 1,000 calories in alcohol, etc.
Keep it up, it does get better!
Trust me, you are right where you are supposed to be.
Your body, mind and spirit are probably still in shock.
You do have a personality and as someone said, it is probably great but be gentle with yourself, it will come. In the meantime, breathe and think in terms of a gratitude list when you get in these situations. That is, mentally start listing all the wonderful things you are grateful for, being sober, in that place. For instance, you don't have to worry about embarrassing yourself, you can eat 2 pieces of cake because you have not had 1,000 calories in alcohol, etc.
Keep it up, it does get better!
I believe I can do this
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 85
Good planning Iloow! Bean, I have started feeling that way too. I find myself being concerned that I am coming across as rude or inadequate. The other day I was thinking EXACTLY what you wrote: "I have NOOOOOO personality whatsoever when I'm sober." I think it will come back as I adjust to this new lifestyle. I think it will for you too. Hang in there! Regardless of bad you think you are coming off, you ARE a worthwhile person.
Wow...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 39
Thanks everyone for the encouragement- you all are great. One of these days I'll stop hibernating and staying home and figure out how to smile and have fun again. The thought of carving out a new niche is so overwhelming!
Maybe the new me is a 6'0, 105 pound supermodel/triathelete. Doubtful, but I can hope... right??
Maybe the new me is a 6'0, 105 pound supermodel/triathelete. Doubtful, but I can hope... right??
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
hi Bean!
i know what you're taking about.
when i drink i'm the life of the party (before i end up unconcious of course). when i'm sober i'm just stand in the corner trying to attract as little attention as possible. the fewer people i talk to the beter (i've even grown a beard so people don't reconize me!) after all i wouldn't want them to think i'm weird or to find out i'm an alcohoic/addict now would i.
objectivly i don't think i'm a boring person. i have many interests and hobbys. but i'm very introverted so i don't talk about my intrests and hobbies. in fact i don't talk about anything with people because i'm ssooo shy. so more often then not people think i'm pompous and pretentious and arrogant. little do they know.
i don't know about you, but personally i'm not suited to a sober life style. i've been sober abuot 3 months now and in these 3 months i havn't made a single new friend. when i was out drinking i'd make lots of new friends everynight - except i'd end up so drunk i was unable to remember them the following day! i'm so shy i can't talk to women. i haven't had a woman for i can't remember how long. i'm going blind like this
the fact of the matter is that i've decided that i want to live a while yet and i know that if i continued drinking and drugging i'd end up dead in a short while. so no matter how bad life is sober (not only the social consequences but also anxiety 24/7. chest pains. insomnia etc ect) i've got to put up with it because however it is it beats being dead.
i know what you're taking about.
when i drink i'm the life of the party (before i end up unconcious of course). when i'm sober i'm just stand in the corner trying to attract as little attention as possible. the fewer people i talk to the beter (i've even grown a beard so people don't reconize me!) after all i wouldn't want them to think i'm weird or to find out i'm an alcohoic/addict now would i.
objectivly i don't think i'm a boring person. i have many interests and hobbys. but i'm very introverted so i don't talk about my intrests and hobbies. in fact i don't talk about anything with people because i'm ssooo shy. so more often then not people think i'm pompous and pretentious and arrogant. little do they know.
i don't know about you, but personally i'm not suited to a sober life style. i've been sober abuot 3 months now and in these 3 months i havn't made a single new friend. when i was out drinking i'd make lots of new friends everynight - except i'd end up so drunk i was unable to remember them the following day! i'm so shy i can't talk to women. i haven't had a woman for i can't remember how long. i'm going blind like this
the fact of the matter is that i've decided that i want to live a while yet and i know that if i continued drinking and drugging i'd end up dead in a short while. so no matter how bad life is sober (not only the social consequences but also anxiety 24/7. chest pains. insomnia etc ect) i've got to put up with it because however it is it beats being dead.
Last edited by Captain Kirk; 07-10-2008 at 04:50 PM.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Originally Posted by 51anna 
We have no losers here, only people who are trying to recover.
I was uncomfortable in social situations long before I began drinking, and now that I've stopped, I still don't feel comfortable. But, it's okay. It is what it is. One difference I've found since recovery, is that I am comfortable with myself and I am content to spend time by myself. I like going out in small groups - large groups make me very anxious. But, it's better than being drunk.
I was uncomfortable in social situations long before I began drinking, and now that I've stopped, I still don't feel comfortable. But, it's okay. It is what it is. One difference I've found since recovery, is that I am comfortable with myself and I am content to spend time by myself. I like going out in small groups - large groups make me very anxious. But, it's better than being drunk.
that's exactly how i am too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
You're not a loser.
When I first tried to get sober-joined here over a year ago-I was an up and coming comedian in my country.Made a name for myself-was doing really well.I stopped drinking and was terrified I was no longer funny.I was suddenly boring-go to the back of the class.I had nothing to talk about-laugh about. I was blank.....it passed and I performed sober for the first time in my life and realised-'I could!'
While my journey is ongoing-I've had periods of sobriety-but I effed up just a few days ago too-(I'm an expert in relapsing maybe-but I never give up.I just won't)I have discovered over the past year that who I am sober is way better than who I was drunk.
And all the lies I believed about me being 'funny' or 'interesting' were BS.But it does take time.It's like redefining yourself really.I've done it in phases-but each time I learn sober me is way better than drunk me.You'll get it.I promise.Just hang in there.You will always be a better person sober-that I do know-for all my failures.
Jules xox
When I first tried to get sober-joined here over a year ago-I was an up and coming comedian in my country.Made a name for myself-was doing really well.I stopped drinking and was terrified I was no longer funny.I was suddenly boring-go to the back of the class.I had nothing to talk about-laugh about. I was blank.....it passed and I performed sober for the first time in my life and realised-'I could!'
While my journey is ongoing-I've had periods of sobriety-but I effed up just a few days ago too-(I'm an expert in relapsing maybe-but I never give up.I just won't)I have discovered over the past year that who I am sober is way better than who I was drunk.
And all the lies I believed about me being 'funny' or 'interesting' were BS.But it does take time.It's like redefining yourself really.I've done it in phases-but each time I learn sober me is way better than drunk me.You'll get it.I promise.Just hang in there.You will always be a better person sober-that I do know-for all my failures.
Jules xox
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