Please talk to me, somebody please reassure me that this will turn out ok
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Please talk to me, somebody please reassure me that this will turn out ok
I am terrified right now and trembling so bad it's hard to type. I am being run around by Social Security for determining my disability. Don't know how I'll get to the independent medical exam in two weeks which is 30 miles away. Also my landlord called me this morning demanding the rent, which I don't have. I am five months behind in rent, which is including two months last year that the rent wasn't paid and I'd forgotten about it.
I've begged her not to throw us out. We've been renting this house for over 19 years now and have grown deep roots here. You'd think that that long a tenure would give me some leeway or forgiveness from the landlord but my landlord is completely heartless.
I'm asking for your prayers that my situation is resolved before the landlord resorts to eviction. Also that my disability is approved as quickly as possible, tho with gov't offices that's not a reality.
I am trying my best not to drink over this but I am so overwhelmed with depression, emotional and financial, that I don't know which way to turn. I am scared, lonely, nervous, and wondering what is to become of me. My ability to function in society is getting less and less. The smallest things freak me out and leave me scared and shaking. I am falling apart here and know of nothing to relieve this anxiety and fear.
Please pray for me. I am so lost and afraid
I've begged her not to throw us out. We've been renting this house for over 19 years now and have grown deep roots here. You'd think that that long a tenure would give me some leeway or forgiveness from the landlord but my landlord is completely heartless.
I'm asking for your prayers that my situation is resolved before the landlord resorts to eviction. Also that my disability is approved as quickly as possible, tho with gov't offices that's not a reality.
I am trying my best not to drink over this but I am so overwhelmed with depression, emotional and financial, that I don't know which way to turn. I am scared, lonely, nervous, and wondering what is to become of me. My ability to function in society is getting less and less. The smallest things freak me out and leave me scared and shaking. I am falling apart here and know of nothing to relieve this anxiety and fear.
Please pray for me. I am so lost and afraid
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Just calm down and breathe...
I am not going to give you the whole let go and let God speech.
I get it too much.
But you definately need to stay calm with a clear head if you are to even have a chance at getting through it.
I am thinking of you and just breathe. Gotta run..LAte fro IOP...I will check back on you when I get back.
I am not going to give you the whole let go and let God speech.
I get it too much.
But you definately need to stay calm with a clear head if you are to even have a chance at getting through it.
I am thinking of you and just breathe. Gotta run..LAte fro IOP...I will check back on you when I get back.
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
my landlord knows I've filed for disability but she really doesn't give a crap, only wants her money. I've prayed to God to soften her heart but it would seem she hasn't a heart to soften. I need God's help here as human help hasn't done any good. I am so afraid
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 34
least,
I want to try to give you some hope, but first things first, okay?
If you honestly think that a drink will make anything about your situation any better, you should consider following that thought through in your mind. How does drinking resolve any of your problems?
I drank, and drank, and drank, and drank...using every excuse I could come up with for years. Not having rent, depression, bad relationships, fear... The thing is, even when things were seemingly going well, I'd still want to drink. For me, I had to realize, finally, and through much, much pain, that drinking offered me absolutely NOTHING except for more misery. That admission came, for me, in a holding cell, after losing my job, my apartment, my friends, and everything else I had to rely on. If you are convinced that drinking has nothing good to offer you, and that you need help to live sober, then the next thing is to seek help AND accept the help that's offered. Most people like us have a very hard time trusting others. Instead, we trust our own poor judgment, desperately trying to solve our problems by doing the same things that DON'T work over, and over, and over again... I went to therapy and AA when I was ready to accept help. I went out of desperation, after having my pride crushed and my self-image shattered. Gratefully, my surrender and admission of defeat were exactly what I needed. Help was placed before me. I took the help I was offered. I am sober for over three years now. I learned the hard way how to finally accept help. I hope you find what you need.
I want to try to give you some hope, but first things first, okay?
If you honestly think that a drink will make anything about your situation any better, you should consider following that thought through in your mind. How does drinking resolve any of your problems?
I drank, and drank, and drank, and drank...using every excuse I could come up with for years. Not having rent, depression, bad relationships, fear... The thing is, even when things were seemingly going well, I'd still want to drink. For me, I had to realize, finally, and through much, much pain, that drinking offered me absolutely NOTHING except for more misery. That admission came, for me, in a holding cell, after losing my job, my apartment, my friends, and everything else I had to rely on. If you are convinced that drinking has nothing good to offer you, and that you need help to live sober, then the next thing is to seek help AND accept the help that's offered. Most people like us have a very hard time trusting others. Instead, we trust our own poor judgment, desperately trying to solve our problems by doing the same things that DON'T work over, and over, and over again... I went to therapy and AA when I was ready to accept help. I went out of desperation, after having my pride crushed and my self-image shattered. Gratefully, my surrender and admission of defeat were exactly what I needed. Help was placed before me. I took the help I was offered. I am sober for over three years now. I learned the hard way how to finally accept help. I hope you find what you need.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Hey Least - No advice here, just hugs, prayers and try to keep the faith. God is always with you, no matter how bleak things seem. And it seems silly to say, but of course you know that drinking will only make it worse,right? Love, Jomey
Don't know if you are Christian, but if you are inclined, look up the lyrics to the hymn "Be Not Afraid" - I repeat them to myself like a mantra when I am scared.
Don't know if you are Christian, but if you are inclined, look up the lyrics to the hymn "Be Not Afraid" - I repeat them to myself like a mantra when I am scared.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Drinking will only make any problemes WORSE.
Keep that in mind. Your landlord will not be heartless if she evicts a drunk, so stay sober. You need a clear head to work through your issues.
Now... resolve to work on your issues. Start with the here & now: you are where you are, work to make things better. You 'forgot' to pay two months rent? Start by determining your priorities, your landlord does not appear to be 'heartless' at all. 5 months overdue on rent means the landlord has to make some decisions. You must deal with life on life's terms and sometimes that isn't easy.
Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are going to stand up and face your responsibilities.
Keep that in mind. Your landlord will not be heartless if she evicts a drunk, so stay sober. You need a clear head to work through your issues.
Now... resolve to work on your issues. Start with the here & now: you are where you are, work to make things better. You 'forgot' to pay two months rent? Start by determining your priorities, your landlord does not appear to be 'heartless' at all. 5 months overdue on rent means the landlord has to make some decisions. You must deal with life on life's terms and sometimes that isn't easy.
Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are going to stand up and face your responsibilities.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Least
You certainly have a lot on your plate demanding attention. A lot of us here do as well. Different, but the same.
A common denominator is crushing anxiety and depression. Those who have never experienced it can never understand it. These feeling are both product and producer of our addiction. Part of a closed cycle that leads, like a dog chasing his tail, nowhere.
No one EVER breaks this cycle by drinking. Ever. Sobriety doesn't make all that is bad go away, but drinking sure does increase the anxiety and the causes of it. We can only make our lives manageable, economically and emotionally, by being proactive and not reactive to life.
We look for sure things in life. Security. Perhaps that is why we are drawn to drink. Self imposed helplessness. Time stands still.
But time doesn't stand still for the rest of the world while we are drunk. It goes on. Bills become due. Another month, another rent. Our loved ones' lives change.They are in motion, but we are paralyzed and cannot react. All these things are going on and we are like a statue watching it all happen, frozen in time.
Example: Your landlord may indeed be heartless, I don't know. But I do know that she is a businesswoman. She must meet all the expenses associated with owning that property. Mortgage, taxes, utilities, whatever. She cannot put these expenses on hold. Not getting rent affects her life tremendously. It induces anxiety in her. It puts her in a position where she must relieve that anxiety. Take action. Normal people take action to relieve anxiety-they don't pick up a bottle like we do.
We alcoholics tend to be so self centered that we see things only from OUR perspective. When others take action, when others (like our dogs) need our attention, we know that we need to take action. We do. We pick up. Which of course, only leads to our inaction.
But the world continues. The rent accrues. Our loved ones become sicker or more distant. The result is increased anxiety.
If anxiety were a preferred state of being, alcohol would be the perfect pill. Holy smoke, does it work! Physically, emotionally, and functionally. It is guaranteed to produce a living hell.
We the recovering face two huge hurdles. We face both our addiction and the effects of our addiction. Either one is huge, but we must face them both. I really think that so many of us fail because of our inability to deal with the effects of our drinking. For some it is divorce, job loss, or relationships. Others face financial disaster. These produce precisely the conditions that make us want to drink.
A friend told me, "That's why it's called 'recovery.'" Only a very few have only their addiction to deal with. The rest of us must put lives back together at the same time.
But it must be faced, it must be done if we are truly to "recover." Unfortunately, for most of us, all we can do is take little steps, one by one. Again, it seems as if time is standing still. We want it all and we want it NOW! If it were only alcohol...
That is the true purpose of AA and other programs, I think. To support and assist in our multi-dimensional recovery. Not just the addiction, but the reality of putting our lives back together. And the best "pill" for that is the support, advice, and experience of others who have actually done it. Where do we find those people? I'll leave you to answer that question.
No quick cure. No quick fix. But the cycle must be broken. It must. Little steps accumulate. We are neonates learning to walk. It will be a while before these shaky legs can run.
warren
You certainly have a lot on your plate demanding attention. A lot of us here do as well. Different, but the same.
A common denominator is crushing anxiety and depression. Those who have never experienced it can never understand it. These feeling are both product and producer of our addiction. Part of a closed cycle that leads, like a dog chasing his tail, nowhere.
No one EVER breaks this cycle by drinking. Ever. Sobriety doesn't make all that is bad go away, but drinking sure does increase the anxiety and the causes of it. We can only make our lives manageable, economically and emotionally, by being proactive and not reactive to life.
We look for sure things in life. Security. Perhaps that is why we are drawn to drink. Self imposed helplessness. Time stands still.
But time doesn't stand still for the rest of the world while we are drunk. It goes on. Bills become due. Another month, another rent. Our loved ones' lives change.They are in motion, but we are paralyzed and cannot react. All these things are going on and we are like a statue watching it all happen, frozen in time.
Example: Your landlord may indeed be heartless, I don't know. But I do know that she is a businesswoman. She must meet all the expenses associated with owning that property. Mortgage, taxes, utilities, whatever. She cannot put these expenses on hold. Not getting rent affects her life tremendously. It induces anxiety in her. It puts her in a position where she must relieve that anxiety. Take action. Normal people take action to relieve anxiety-they don't pick up a bottle like we do.
We alcoholics tend to be so self centered that we see things only from OUR perspective. When others take action, when others (like our dogs) need our attention, we know that we need to take action. We do. We pick up. Which of course, only leads to our inaction.
But the world continues. The rent accrues. Our loved ones become sicker or more distant. The result is increased anxiety.
If anxiety were a preferred state of being, alcohol would be the perfect pill. Holy smoke, does it work! Physically, emotionally, and functionally. It is guaranteed to produce a living hell.
We the recovering face two huge hurdles. We face both our addiction and the effects of our addiction. Either one is huge, but we must face them both. I really think that so many of us fail because of our inability to deal with the effects of our drinking. For some it is divorce, job loss, or relationships. Others face financial disaster. These produce precisely the conditions that make us want to drink.
A friend told me, "That's why it's called 'recovery.'" Only a very few have only their addiction to deal with. The rest of us must put lives back together at the same time.
But it must be faced, it must be done if we are truly to "recover." Unfortunately, for most of us, all we can do is take little steps, one by one. Again, it seems as if time is standing still. We want it all and we want it NOW! If it were only alcohol...
That is the true purpose of AA and other programs, I think. To support and assist in our multi-dimensional recovery. Not just the addiction, but the reality of putting our lives back together. And the best "pill" for that is the support, advice, and experience of others who have actually done it. Where do we find those people? I'll leave you to answer that question.
No quick cure. No quick fix. But the cycle must be broken. It must. Little steps accumulate. We are neonates learning to walk. It will be a while before these shaky legs can run.
warren
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Least, please don't listen to the little voice that says having a drink will help you cope. You'll only be more upset, more confused and disoriented when it wears off. Then you'll have still another problem to add to your list - you'll be hungover, facing withdrawals again, and angry with yourself for caving. I've been through all this - facing the aftermath of years of drinking (not saying that's the reason for all your problems, but alot of them probably). I am still standing, & yes, still struggling to pay off debts and be where I should have been decades ago - financially & otherwise. I'll never be able to have the life I would have without the booze, but I've finally stopped regretting that. I just am so thankful to have what I do have and not be in chains any more. You need to give yourself a break, Least, stop sabotaging yourself & give yourself chance to get some sober time behind you - your nerves are still raw, that's why you're feeling so panicky. You have a dependent child living with you, right? Couldn't social services help you with the rent? In our state they will if you're in danger of being evicted. Stay sober, Least, please don't burden yourself with another problem to work through. Keep posting, and we'll keep praying.
Last edited by Hevyn; 06-30-2008 at 09:18 AM.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 300
Least honey, I am going to pray that God helps you find the strength to stay sober and the means to make up the back rent with your landlord. These are tough economic times we are living in and everyone is scrambling just to keep up. I have seen you make it through some pretty low times on this board and I KNOW you can make it through this as well, please hang in there, don't stop praying or posting. And no matter what, don't drink today.
Love,
fd
Love,
fd
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: NYC - New York
Posts: 305
(((Least)))
Just slow down and take a breath…. You have to take these challenges one at a time. Thinking about them all at once will overwhelm you.
Great job on your 9 days !!!!
I suggest writing a list of things to accomplish each day. You can’t do it all at once so keep it short and manageable.
It is very hard to evict a tenant. No one is going to knock on your door and kick you out tomorrow. My in-laws did not pay their rent for 18 months and had numerous eviction notices before my Wife and I were able to get it taken care of.
We went to Adult Protection Services when we found out their situation. After many meetings and much paperwork, we were able to qualify them for a grant from the city that paid 50% of the back rent.
I’m not familiar with your situation but there are people, agencies and social services that may be able to help you. Go online and get some phone #’s and add them to your daily to do list.
You can get through this. Make that your mantra. You can get through this.
Just slow down and take a breath…. You have to take these challenges one at a time. Thinking about them all at once will overwhelm you.
Great job on your 9 days !!!!
I suggest writing a list of things to accomplish each day. You can’t do it all at once so keep it short and manageable.
It is very hard to evict a tenant. No one is going to knock on your door and kick you out tomorrow. My in-laws did not pay their rent for 18 months and had numerous eviction notices before my Wife and I were able to get it taken care of.
We went to Adult Protection Services when we found out their situation. After many meetings and much paperwork, we were able to qualify them for a grant from the city that paid 50% of the back rent.
I’m not familiar with your situation but there are people, agencies and social services that may be able to help you. Go online and get some phone #’s and add them to your daily to do list.
You can get through this. Make that your mantra. You can get through this.
Certified Scrabble Cheat!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Hill City, MS
Posts: 316
SoBearish had some good advice Least. Start thinking of how this situation effects all involved, not just how it effects you. Even if eviction is the final outcome, that wont occur for many, many months down the road. That of course doesn't mean that you should not start a proactive approaoch to this situation. Just take the potential eviction part of this out of the equation for the moment. And if you think that the SSA is giving you the run around, then call a lawyer. The won't charge you to hear a case such as this. They will get money if they get it for you.
God will always give you what you need to get you where you need to be (Code for His Plan). He will also take things from us until we place him at the forefront. No different than a parent taking things from a child until they learn what is what. Right now, you are continuing to place the bottle ahead of him. God views that bottle as just another empty idol that we worship. And he doesn't like that. When you finally, finally, finally say to God that you are through with turning to that empty idol for your support, he will bless you eternally. But not a moment before.
There are agencies out there to help folks just as yourself that are in need. You need to reach out to them. If you are unable to clearly think through this, then make a quick call to a local parish office and ask for help. It doesn't matter if you are Catholic or not. They will get someone there to help you sort through this. And that my friend is what I believe that you need right now.
I will be praying for you..
PS. If you ever want to put a smile on God's face, tell him YOUR plan!!
God will always give you what you need to get you where you need to be (Code for His Plan). He will also take things from us until we place him at the forefront. No different than a parent taking things from a child until they learn what is what. Right now, you are continuing to place the bottle ahead of him. God views that bottle as just another empty idol that we worship. And he doesn't like that. When you finally, finally, finally say to God that you are through with turning to that empty idol for your support, he will bless you eternally. But not a moment before.
There are agencies out there to help folks just as yourself that are in need. You need to reach out to them. If you are unable to clearly think through this, then make a quick call to a local parish office and ask for help. It doesn't matter if you are Catholic or not. They will get someone there to help you sort through this. And that my friend is what I believe that you need right now.
I will be praying for you..
PS. If you ever want to put a smile on God's face, tell him YOUR plan!!
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Lots of great advice here. I have taken some for myself.
I heard a little "saying" in group today.
Fits me perfect.
"You need to slow down in a construction zone."
In other words we are rebuilding ourselves.Working on ourselves. We can not speed through this.
I know these are crucial things. But I am a huge believer in Karma. If your heart is in the right place. You are always going to have what you need.
You are not going to be left without necessities. One way or another. Things will work out.
But you have to believe. And you have to keep working at it. As hard a s it is. Not get impatient and frustrated and just throw your hands up and say forget it.
Maybe I dont know what I am talking about.
But alot of us here are going through the same things.
I know I am. This is just how I try and deal with my own anxiety.
For me the main thing is to remain calm. Do what I can. Because somethings. Are just out of your control.
Take it as it comes.
I am thinking of you.
I heard a little "saying" in group today.
Fits me perfect.
"You need to slow down in a construction zone."
In other words we are rebuilding ourselves.Working on ourselves. We can not speed through this.
I know these are crucial things. But I am a huge believer in Karma. If your heart is in the right place. You are always going to have what you need.
You are not going to be left without necessities. One way or another. Things will work out.
But you have to believe. And you have to keep working at it. As hard a s it is. Not get impatient and frustrated and just throw your hands up and say forget it.
Maybe I dont know what I am talking about.
But alot of us here are going through the same things.
I know I am. This is just how I try and deal with my own anxiety.
For me the main thing is to remain calm. Do what I can. Because somethings. Are just out of your control.
Take it as it comes.
I am thinking of you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
