What to expect
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Join Date: Jun 2008
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What to expect
I have never before spoken with my daughter about her problem. I think because she was in denial with me. But today this morning before she went to her rehab meeting I read the what Addicts do.
I was crying but she said mom why are you reading this if it makes you cry? I said I want you to hear it from me. When I got done she said mom that is so true.
It was like confirming to me that I am the idiot of the year yet she was telling me also, let me fall I think.
Do most AD talk about this with their folks? She is pretty quiet in the past about this. I understand that this rehab if after a week of testing and she is clean, they will take her in. That they find out why your doing it in the first place. She will be there a month. Se really seems to want the help. I asked her this am if she had withdrawal symptons and she said no, she just gets bored and wants to get high and yet I know she goes like three months with nothing.
Can someone tell me if this is possible? And what do I look for when she comes out. Are there signs that are obvious to you and not me?
Her sister and I are planing on going to alanon meetings to learn but in the mean time i want to get all the help I can.
I guess I feel so stupid or ignorant with this. I gave up smokes befor my surgery and it is a struggle everyday, but I don't plan on going back. This is the only addiction I can compare drugs to and I have no idea if it is close.
I was crying but she said mom why are you reading this if it makes you cry? I said I want you to hear it from me. When I got done she said mom that is so true.
It was like confirming to me that I am the idiot of the year yet she was telling me also, let me fall I think.
Do most AD talk about this with their folks? She is pretty quiet in the past about this. I understand that this rehab if after a week of testing and she is clean, they will take her in. That they find out why your doing it in the first place. She will be there a month. Se really seems to want the help. I asked her this am if she had withdrawal symptons and she said no, she just gets bored and wants to get high and yet I know she goes like three months with nothing.
Can someone tell me if this is possible? And what do I look for when she comes out. Are there signs that are obvious to you and not me?
Her sister and I are planing on going to alanon meetings to learn but in the mean time i want to get all the help I can.
I guess I feel so stupid or ignorant with this. I gave up smokes befor my surgery and it is a struggle everyday, but I don't plan on going back. This is the only addiction I can compare drugs to and I have no idea if it is close.
Last edited by beegee; 06-12-2008 at 09:05 AM. Reason: misspelled words
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
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I think the quitting smoking analogy is a good one to think about. I quit smoking in February after 37 years. I have tried to quit numerous times and never made it. Each time I just told myself it was too hard. This last time I knew was different. I just picked a day and cold turkeyed off the cigarettes. I had just had it with smoking and I was done. My daughter is a heroin addict. She has been active and not in my life for the last 2+ years. We have offered her rehab numerous times. Since her addict boyfriend made a lot of money and supplied her with her drugs, I felt like she would never hit a bottom and want to quit. But she did. Just before Memorial Day she called and said she was ready. She spent 10 days in the rehab and is now in their halfway house. I don't know what it was that changed inside of her, but I believe it was probably similar to what happened inside of me with cigarettes. I have struggled some since I quit and still do, but I tell myself don't smoke that first one. I think our addicts must do the same. Hugs and prayers for you and your daughter, Marle
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Beegee, because we are the parent, we assume we should know about everything..don't be too hard on yourself...we have all had to learn about this disease...I was aware that my daughter smoked a 'little' weed during highschool, all the while hiding her real addiction :alcohol, I had no clue....
she is a binge drinker and so will go for periods sober and then drink hard for a week or two everyday. and usually winds up falling into coke to top it off.
she finally got away from constant drugs a year ago and binges on alcohol now.
the times in between have been shortening to days in between and shorter binge times, as this disease is progressive. so she has basically gone from being a binge drinker to drinking every day and not as much and oddly she has become more functional.
Being bored and thinking drinking is fun has always been her reason to use but now she drinks because she can't not. She has health problems (childhood cancer) and has an anxiety disorder and BiPolar2. As her disease progresses,and as she is 'beginning' to see how much control her addiction has on her life, I see her slowly coming to a place where she knows she needs stop and, heal her life. as mentioned in your other thread, applying for counselling even though she is terrified, is an act of faith, on her part.
Beegee, I am so happy for your daughter that she has committed to going to rehab, absolutely wonderful..
Congratulations on quitting, wow, that is impressive considering the stress you are under...
prayers and hugs for you and your daughter,
grateful
she is a binge drinker and so will go for periods sober and then drink hard for a week or two everyday. and usually winds up falling into coke to top it off.
she finally got away from constant drugs a year ago and binges on alcohol now.
the times in between have been shortening to days in between and shorter binge times, as this disease is progressive. so she has basically gone from being a binge drinker to drinking every day and not as much and oddly she has become more functional.
Being bored and thinking drinking is fun has always been her reason to use but now she drinks because she can't not. She has health problems (childhood cancer) and has an anxiety disorder and BiPolar2. As her disease progresses,and as she is 'beginning' to see how much control her addiction has on her life, I see her slowly coming to a place where she knows she needs stop and, heal her life. as mentioned in your other thread, applying for counselling even though she is terrified, is an act of faith, on her part.
Beegee, I am so happy for your daughter that she has committed to going to rehab, absolutely wonderful..
Congratulations on quitting, wow, that is impressive considering the stress you are under...
prayers and hugs for you and your daughter,
grateful
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 266
My Ex-husband is in recovery and has been doing drugs since he was 14 yrs old and he is now 45 about 6 moths ago he said he was done and has not touched the drugs since.
I am also recovering addict, and I went almost 2 yrs the first time in my recovery. Then I got bored and wanted to lose weight and I start using again, with the exhusband. Then I only used when he could give me some. I have been clean this time over 3 yrs and do not have the desire to every go back to the drugs.
It is hard and if she is bored and uses then she will have to keep herself very busy. You will see the changes in her, but the best thing you can do is if they a have a family nite go to those with her and ask her how can you help her stay clean
I am also recovering addict, and I went almost 2 yrs the first time in my recovery. Then I got bored and wanted to lose weight and I start using again, with the exhusband. Then I only used when he could give me some. I have been clean this time over 3 yrs and do not have the desire to every go back to the drugs.
It is hard and if she is bored and uses then she will have to keep herself very busy. You will see the changes in her, but the best thing you can do is if they a have a family nite go to those with her and ask her how can you help her stay clean
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Join Date: Jun 2008
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Marle, The smoking...several people whohad the surgery I had said their Doc wouldn't operate on them till they had quit for three months. So three month before my appt I just said thats my last ciggie and it was. Funny thing was, no one asked me about smoking so when my surgery day rolled in and I was laying there I asked why. They said we thought you had. So now I am staying that way, and it was so easy, the hard part is staying. Kudos to your quit. Kudos to your daughter for getting so far and I know your excited inside. My prayers and thought be with you and family. ((hugs))
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grateful, I can't think of how hard it must be on you knowing how sick she was and surrived cancer only to fall prey to drugs and also have anxiety and be BiPolar. I mean you have got to be one strong woman. I am not sure but I think my ad drinks like that once in awhile.Because I notice my bar will be empty of a bottle now and then. So now it is empty except for sodas. Thank you for being here and helping me with my thoughts and feelings. I also hope the best for our daughters with time. ((hugs))
Professional Hanger On'er
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Way out of Town, MI
Posts: 103
Sometimes I wish that I had smoked so I would understand the addiction feeling better. I can think about it and try to understand it and I can say I understand it but there is something lacking a little. I can somehow liken it to maintaining weight, I guess. My son entered detox after losing his kids from he and his girlfriends methadone use, and he came home and started right away with his doctor to continue his detox. So far his words tell me he is clean, his eys tell me that; but I just cannot dare to hope. He SAYS he wants his boys back and it is worth it. His physical detox PAIN is real and obviously believable. But maybe it is like dieting, where if you get determined enough you can get the weight off and then keeping it off is nearly impossible without continued lifetime work. I would like to feel more positive but I am sure I am just overextended right now.
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Wooforever,
She gave me a sheet today telling what they have and what we can do or not do etc. And they have a family night on Tue. So I hope my other daughter will come get me to go.
I can't think of anything harder then a husband and wife being on drugs together and then one trying to quit. It seems impossible yet you are doing it and now he is doing it and that is wonderful. Thank you for your help.
She gave me a sheet today telling what they have and what we can do or not do etc. And they have a family night on Tue. So I hope my other daughter will come get me to go.
I can't think of anything harder then a husband and wife being on drugs together and then one trying to quit. It seems impossible yet you are doing it and now he is doing it and that is wonderful. Thank you for your help.
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wenchris, You know I am not really sure because smokes were hard to stop because I loved smoking, I loved that in my hand with something to do, it was a habit a bad habit. Right now I am so stressed I would give anything for a smoke but I just pretend to smoke with my fingers extended like I am holding a smoke and I inhale and blow out and the feeling passes in a minute or two.
But we both know how hard dieting is as you said, it is a struggle as working out is, or walking everyday, but these things don't seem as severe as stopping drugs to me. I would say dieting would be close to smokes for you to relate. Be happy you never smoked.I wish your son the best and my prayers are with you as this is a hard time for you I know. Don't give up hope, we must always believe things will get better. ((Hugs))
But we both know how hard dieting is as you said, it is a struggle as working out is, or walking everyday, but these things don't seem as severe as stopping drugs to me. I would say dieting would be close to smokes for you to relate. Be happy you never smoked.I wish your son the best and my prayers are with you as this is a hard time for you I know. Don't give up hope, we must always believe things will get better. ((Hugs))
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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Beegee,
My daughter used drugs for 6 yrs. and I am not sure I always knew. I think sometimes when she was not sober I thought she was and vice versa. She is also bi polar so it was hard to know sometimes what was going on with her. At one point her addiction really got out of control and she was living away at that time. Half of the time I didn't know where she was. Well she also chose recovery and she was doing really well. Working 2 jobs, bought herself a car. She fell off of a ladder at work and fractured her tailbone. The workman's comp. doc put her on vicodin and she had trouble getting off of it. She said she came very close to using street drugs again when she couldn't get another RX.
Well, she packed herself off to a methodone clinic, so now that is what it is for now.
I was really upset about it and really disappointed but I had to remember that this is her recovery and she took control the best way she knew how at the time.
So it is really up to them and if she doesn't share a lot with you, you are probably better off for it. Sometimes the more you know, the more you worry about.
My best to you and your daughter...........Lo
My daughter used drugs for 6 yrs. and I am not sure I always knew. I think sometimes when she was not sober I thought she was and vice versa. She is also bi polar so it was hard to know sometimes what was going on with her. At one point her addiction really got out of control and she was living away at that time. Half of the time I didn't know where she was. Well she also chose recovery and she was doing really well. Working 2 jobs, bought herself a car. She fell off of a ladder at work and fractured her tailbone. The workman's comp. doc put her on vicodin and she had trouble getting off of it. She said she came very close to using street drugs again when she couldn't get another RX.
Well, she packed herself off to a methodone clinic, so now that is what it is for now.
I was really upset about it and really disappointed but I had to remember that this is her recovery and she took control the best way she knew how at the time.
So it is really up to them and if she doesn't share a lot with you, you are probably better off for it. Sometimes the more you know, the more you worry about.
My best to you and your daughter...........Lo
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
BeeGee,
I am glad your daughter seems to be including you into her recovery, i.e. telling you about family night. It sure seems as she is on the road to sobriety.
Hugs to you, for being a good mom.
Don't forget YOUR recovery too.
I am glad your daughter seems to be including you into her recovery, i.e. telling you about family night. It sure seems as she is on the road to sobriety.
Hugs to you, for being a good mom.
Don't forget YOUR recovery too.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
Hi Beegee,
I know I missed a ton of stuff with my AD (using since age 11 and I finally realized something was wrong when she was 17) and also felt like the idiot of the year. But the learning curve is steep and fast, once the disease gets bad. I pray your daughter finds honesty, openmindedness, and willingness (H.O.W) while in treatment so that both of you can find some peace.
I know I missed a ton of stuff with my AD (using since age 11 and I finally realized something was wrong when she was 17) and also felt like the idiot of the year. But the learning curve is steep and fast, once the disease gets bad. I pray your daughter finds honesty, openmindedness, and willingness (H.O.W) while in treatment so that both of you can find some peace.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
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Lobo thank you for your words. I suppose your right that not knowing might be better because as strong as I think I am about things I fall apart reading posts happy and sad. Just not sure about it all.I am sorry your daughter fell, and took the pain killers. But she did take control and thats a good thing right.
To be free from worry seems so far away. Prayers and thought with you and your daughter.
To be free from worry seems so far away. Prayers and thought with you and your daughter.
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