spark32

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months. He used various drugs mostly weed, cocaine, and alcohol on and off for 10 years. He used for 5 years, went to rehab and was clean until his sister was diagnosed with cancer and he started drinking heavily and using cocaine. A friend of his at the time confronted him and said that he had a problem and that people were concerned about him. Since that day (two years ago), he hasn't used any drugs, but still drinks socially. When I talk about his past drug use with him he says that it was a problem in the past, that he was using mostly because he felt so alone and hopeless and now he realizes that he has other people in his life to help him and he has God, as well. He also gets defensive that I keep bringing it up, but I've never been with anybody who has used drugs before, and mostly I'm just trying to understand what he went through and where he is now. I'm wondering how likely it will be for him to relapse or what I can do to help him, if anything? He's moving across the country to be with me and I'm worried that the stress might drive him back to using drugs. Is this a valid concern or is he okay since he's been clean for 2 years? Any thoughts?

kay1234

My husband has been working a program and clean for the past 8 years. But, he will always be an alcoholic...If it is one thing that I have been told most it is this is a lifelong disease and they will always carry it with them. Every one of them has their own way of working a program. For my husband, I know if he stops going to meetings and working with others he will eventually pick that one drink up...and like he says one is too many and a thousand is never enough...

hello-kitty

Unfortunately hindsite is 20/20. Please read all you can on this website to learn about drawing boundaries and enforcing them. Obviously your gut instinct about his past drug use led you to this website. It is important that you heed any red flags your gut might be sending up. Listen to your head, not your heart.

In my experience, it's easy to keep secrets when people live a long distance from each other so if I was you, I would proceed with caution.

But it's important to remember that once an addict always an addict... even in recovery.

lightseeker

I would recommend following your gut instincts. You sound like you have some concerns and like your eyes are open to the fact that he has problems. He has demonstrated that he can relapse. Also, alcohol is a gateway drug....most addicts that I know can't just use other "drugs" that aren't their drug of choice and that be that. My RAH had a 7 year period where he did not use cocaine - just drank. He returned to cocaine one night when he was out for a drink.....bam! Right back into active addiction.

Does your BF work a recovery program? What is he doing to stay sober besides staying away from cocaine? Do you really know that he is not using? If he moves to your town will you be financially involved with him? Are you going to be "okay" whether he uses or not? Addiction carries the risk of relapse for as long as a person lives. You are either working a recovery or a relapse at any given time. I hear statistics in the rooms of AA that only 10% of there will die sober...I don't know if that's true or not but it's a pretty scary statistic.

No one can tell you what to do because you are the only one that really knows your situation. Keep your eyes open and keep learning about addiction. If your bf ended up in a rehab it's pretty likely that he would classified as an addict. It is a lifelong disease and are you willing and able to live with the anxiety? The upside to living with an addict and/or a recovering addict is that it sets you up to learn how to take excellent care of yourself. Have you read the Melody Beattie books (Co-Dependent No More) or gone to Alanon? All of that is very helpful when you are dealing with an addict - especially one that is still drinking.

I agree with the comment about the ease of keeping secrets when you live a long distance from each other - my RAH and I were in the same town when we were dating and he was able to keep a huge number of secrets from me. He told me that he was only drinking too - meanwhile he was smoking crack and injecting IV cocaine. I thought I would have been able to tell if anything was going - but I wasn't. Just proceed with caution.

Hugs -

SailorKaren

Welcome to SR! There is a wealth of information, support, and hope for you here. I encourage you to read as many threads as you can and listen to our stories. It is also informative to visit the Substance Abuse forum and hear directly from those in recovery. If you haven't found this thread yet, I strongly encourage you to study it. It is eye-opening and thought provoking:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-problem.html
Just reading snippets of it again makes me want to cry. Keep posting if we can help, and let us know how you are doing.