OT ~ Need Support Today
Live, Laugh, Love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
OT ~ Need Support Today
Hi All,
Hope all had a great long weekend. As many of you know, I've been trudging through these past several months and coming on a year now. That aside, i have a big family issue that I haven't mentioned that is really effecting me today especially.
A little background, several years ago my dad had a shadow on his lung and had a biopsy. It turns out that it's a lung disease that scarred the base of both lungs. So he's very short of breath all of the time. There isn't alot they can do regarding medicine or treatment. My mother and I have been a mess for the past 5 or so years. In the past year it seems that it's gotten much worse. He isn't active outside like he used to be, he used to pick up sticks in the yard and mow the lawn and he can't really do it anymore due to the shortness of breath.
So I called my mom to see how she was feeling as she was sick over the weekend and not knowing why but really sick. So i called her to see how she was and asked about my dad as he has pulmonary therapy at the hospital today. It should be good and I'm hoping it helps strengthen with chest exercise but I'm at work and can't stop crying. I'm so sad and distraught today.
Hope all had a great long weekend. As many of you know, I've been trudging through these past several months and coming on a year now. That aside, i have a big family issue that I haven't mentioned that is really effecting me today especially.
A little background, several years ago my dad had a shadow on his lung and had a biopsy. It turns out that it's a lung disease that scarred the base of both lungs. So he's very short of breath all of the time. There isn't alot they can do regarding medicine or treatment. My mother and I have been a mess for the past 5 or so years. In the past year it seems that it's gotten much worse. He isn't active outside like he used to be, he used to pick up sticks in the yard and mow the lawn and he can't really do it anymore due to the shortness of breath.
So I called my mom to see how she was feeling as she was sick over the weekend and not knowing why but really sick. So i called her to see how she was and asked about my dad as he has pulmonary therapy at the hospital today. It should be good and I'm hoping it helps strengthen with chest exercise but I'm at work and can't stop crying. I'm so sad and distraught today.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 212
Hi hbb
Hang in there. We usually see our parents as pillars of strength and when they are ill its scary. Think positive thoughts.
My Dad has an operation in two weeks himself, the thought of that is worrying me already.
Warm wishes x
Hang in there. We usually see our parents as pillars of strength and when they are ill its scary. Think positive thoughts.
My Dad has an operation in two weeks himself, the thought of that is worrying me already.
Warm wishes x
I Finally Love My Life!!!
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 648
((((Hbb))))
Awe honey! Lots of hugs coming your way. My dad has emphyzema and wound up collapsing at the airport a couple thanksgivings ago - he's been working on increasing his lung capacity ever since. Sending some good karma your way.
Awe honey! Lots of hugs coming your way. My dad has emphyzema and wound up collapsing at the airport a couple thanksgivings ago - he's been working on increasing his lung capacity ever since. Sending some good karma your way.
Live, Laugh, Love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
Well i reluctantly called my mum at lunch because she left me a voice mail and i didn't want to be a mess this afternoon at work like this morning. So i called and she is ok, she has a small internal problem that she is on meds. for and should be just fine. My dad also got back from the hospital and he is going to be doing strength pulmonary therapy 2 times a week to strengthen his lungs. He also was advised to walk a few times a week so i told my mum that i would DEFINITELY go because i love to walk 
Of course i started to cry, which started her crying and so on....so as for now i guess it's the best scenario. I always wonder why it happens to the best ones
my uncle (father's brother is a train wreck when it comes to smoking, alcoholic, eats bad). Guess it's just what we are dealt but i often wonder why the GREAT ones.
Of course i started to cry, which started her crying and so on....so as for now i guess it's the best scenario. I always wonder why it happens to the best ones
my uncle (father's brother is a train wreck when it comes to smoking, alcoholic, eats bad). Guess it's just what we are dealt but i often wonder why the GREAT ones.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
hbb,
Prayers to you.
I know how hard it is when you can't breath, I have asthma and it can be really debilitating. But go walking with him for sure!! walking is probably one if the best things we can do for ourselves and a great way to spend time with a loved one. I love walking in the woods with my dad when i can. And my parents (61 years old) both walk everyday and enjoy relatively great health aside from some pains and pulled muscles now and then. I bet this will greatly help your dad.
Prayers to you.
I know how hard it is when you can't breath, I have asthma and it can be really debilitating. But go walking with him for sure!! walking is probably one if the best things we can do for ourselves and a great way to spend time with a loved one. I love walking in the woods with my dad when i can. And my parents (61 years old) both walk everyday and enjoy relatively great health aside from some pains and pulled muscles now and then. I bet this will greatly help your dad.
Live, Laugh, Love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
Update and need to vent !!
Hi, thank you guys soooo much for your kind words. Everything is going well. My mum is alot better and my dad starts his 2 day a week pulmonary therapy as well.
On another note, I finally had enough, once again with my roommate! I wasn't in the door last night 2 SECONDS and she's asking me what J's middle name was and that her mother told her he had the baby last week and so on. I said you know what, you are soooooooooo much more interested in him and his life now that YOU EVER WERE when we were together. She wouldn't even talk to us because i guess of jealousy that we were doing stuff and having a descent time together.
Anyways, so THEN she proceeds to tell me that she went on a local website looking to see if she could find the baby on there.....ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW???? I asked her why on earth would she do that, and why was she telling me all this stuff. And she went so far as to ask me how she spells her name cause there was a similar one on there. Which then proceeds me into a conversation and i find myself asking questions, i guess to get an inkling that maybe things aren't going so well....why? I don't know
So we went to bed "ok" but then once in bed it was festering and i was getting so mad/sad as to why she would even go down that road as several months ago i specifically told her i didn't want to know anything and it wasn't helping me. And as for the girl (his ex) at the gym, her telling me info too that i didn't want to know. She actually apologized by the way, saying she was out of line for doing that!
So i get up this morning and decided that I'm SICK AND TIRED of letting things slide and brushing them off. I grabbed a piece of paper and started writing to my roommate:
"I didn't show it at the time but I'm very hurt and upset that you would actually take the time to look for their baby on line. It's like you are happy for them and this whole scenario has me stuck and you know that. It's bad enough that i have to live in this area but i don't need to know information that does me no good".
It said more but it was quick and to the point. I left it and went to work. It's not fair, and I'm sick of it. I KNOW her and i swear she's doing it to keep me stuck so I'm with her at home miserable and she has me to hang out with...how sick is that??!!
As much as you guys know that I've asked in the past, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and i can't believe her. Like she has not a single sensitive bone in her body and she'll turn it around to say "I was just showing you what losers they are". I KNOW THAT ALREADY
Sorry, had to get this out......thanks for listening to me rant and i'm sure she'll cry and carry on but i don't care anymore, sick of this!!
On another note, I finally had enough, once again with my roommate! I wasn't in the door last night 2 SECONDS and she's asking me what J's middle name was and that her mother told her he had the baby last week and so on. I said you know what, you are soooooooooo much more interested in him and his life now that YOU EVER WERE when we were together. She wouldn't even talk to us because i guess of jealousy that we were doing stuff and having a descent time together.
Anyways, so THEN she proceeds to tell me that she went on a local website looking to see if she could find the baby on there.....ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW???? I asked her why on earth would she do that, and why was she telling me all this stuff. And she went so far as to ask me how she spells her name cause there was a similar one on there. Which then proceeds me into a conversation and i find myself asking questions, i guess to get an inkling that maybe things aren't going so well....why? I don't know
So we went to bed "ok" but then once in bed it was festering and i was getting so mad/sad as to why she would even go down that road as several months ago i specifically told her i didn't want to know anything and it wasn't helping me. And as for the girl (his ex) at the gym, her telling me info too that i didn't want to know. She actually apologized by the way, saying she was out of line for doing that!
So i get up this morning and decided that I'm SICK AND TIRED of letting things slide and brushing them off. I grabbed a piece of paper and started writing to my roommate:
"I didn't show it at the time but I'm very hurt and upset that you would actually take the time to look for their baby on line. It's like you are happy for them and this whole scenario has me stuck and you know that. It's bad enough that i have to live in this area but i don't need to know information that does me no good".
It said more but it was quick and to the point. I left it and went to work. It's not fair, and I'm sick of it. I KNOW her and i swear she's doing it to keep me stuck so I'm with her at home miserable and she has me to hang out with...how sick is that??!!
As much as you guys know that I've asked in the past, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and i can't believe her. Like she has not a single sensitive bone in her body and she'll turn it around to say "I was just showing you what losers they are". I KNOW THAT ALREADY
Sorry, had to get this out......thanks for listening to me rant and i'm sure she'll cry and carry on but i don't care anymore, sick of this!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Heather)))
Glad your mom and dad are doing better.
As far as the roommate...I think you're right...she must be miserable and wants you to be miserable to. "friends" like that...you don't need!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Glad your mom and dad are doing better.
As far as the roommate...I think you're right...she must be miserable and wants you to be miserable to. "friends" like that...you don't need!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Perhaps it's time for a new room mate? You need a more serene environment to be in when you get home, and she ain't helping you create one!! JMHO
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Live, Laugh, Love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
Couldn't agree with you girls more!
I was just saying at work that the "new" friends i've made at softball are so nice. They like and enjoy my company and invite me places and cookouts. It's a nice feeling to feel missed as i wasn't going out after the game last night but did.
I felt bad for leaving that note but i also feel like it had to be done once and for all. Wait till she knows what it's like to have a broken heart and everyone telling her every breathe he takes!!!!
I was just saying at work that the "new" friends i've made at softball are so nice. They like and enjoy my company and invite me places and cookouts. It's a nice feeling to feel missed as i wasn't going out after the game last night but did.
I felt bad for leaving that note but i also feel like it had to be done once and for all. Wait till she knows what it's like to have a broken heart and everyone telling her every breathe he takes!!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 212
Anyways, so THEN she proceeds to tell me that she went on a local website looking to see if she could find the baby on there.....ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW????
Its hard enough dealing with a breakup without that kind of information forced upon you.
I agree with Lily - new roommate needed.
((((hbb))))
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
You are in a place where you are growing emotionally and spiritually and it might well be that the people who were ''friends'' in the past no longer fit in with your new found self.
I hear plenty of anologies between codies and addicts on SR, and in this situation I think it applys again. You would definately encourage a recovering addict to rethink his social circle. After all people from the past may still be involved in substance abuse. I think it's the same for us codies, it's hard to recover when there are still folks around you who emotionally/verbally abuse thinking they are doing no wrong!
I spent a while limiting my exposure to my parents for this reason. I would be in their company and it would be a constant struggle to remain focused as they would still twist and turn everthing. As I was recovering I began to realise just how I was sucked in by their behaviour to 'acting out' in ways I was trying to change. It was hard for me to stay ''in my zone'' while they went on. Now i am more mentally strong, I can handle them better, I am not so quickly pulled down emotionally by them and when I begin to feel that happening, I leave. I don't want that anymore, and so I choose not to be a part of it.
You room mate is being emotionally abusive toward you from what I can see. She is delivering you 'information' for what reason? As a friend she must know that this is not want you want to hear, and that it is detrimental to your healing and growth and yet she tells you things anyway??? Then when you are upset/annoyed with her, she plays it down like you are overreacting?
I used to allow my exabf to do this. In fact pretty much most people in my life! I now understand this to be harmful to me, I no longer beleive it is my problem because I am too sensitive or whatever. A person who truely loves and cherishes you would not want to hurt you or make you question yourself in this way. IMHO it is an unhealthy way to be.
lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I hear plenty of anologies between codies and addicts on SR, and in this situation I think it applys again. You would definately encourage a recovering addict to rethink his social circle. After all people from the past may still be involved in substance abuse. I think it's the same for us codies, it's hard to recover when there are still folks around you who emotionally/verbally abuse thinking they are doing no wrong!
I spent a while limiting my exposure to my parents for this reason. I would be in their company and it would be a constant struggle to remain focused as they would still twist and turn everthing. As I was recovering I began to realise just how I was sucked in by their behaviour to 'acting out' in ways I was trying to change. It was hard for me to stay ''in my zone'' while they went on. Now i am more mentally strong, I can handle them better, I am not so quickly pulled down emotionally by them and when I begin to feel that happening, I leave. I don't want that anymore, and so I choose not to be a part of it.
You room mate is being emotionally abusive toward you from what I can see. She is delivering you 'information' for what reason? As a friend she must know that this is not want you want to hear, and that it is detrimental to your healing and growth and yet she tells you things anyway??? Then when you are upset/annoyed with her, she plays it down like you are overreacting?
I used to allow my exabf to do this. In fact pretty much most people in my life! I now understand this to be harmful to me, I no longer beleive it is my problem because I am too sensitive or whatever. A person who truely loves and cherishes you would not want to hurt you or make you question yourself in this way. IMHO it is an unhealthy way to be.
lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
