Wrote him a letter
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Wrote him a letter
Update to back to the insanity...
After my decisions last weekend to just show up at my ex's, I wrote him a long letter and apologized for my part in trying to control the situation, past and present. The letter was probably more for me really to get everything out.
I take full responsibility and would like to get a response from him. If not, I did the best I could to try to reconcile.
After my decisions last weekend to just show up at my ex's, I wrote him a long letter and apologized for my part in trying to control the situation, past and present. The letter was probably more for me really to get everything out.
I take full responsibility and would like to get a response from him. If not, I did the best I could to try to reconcile.
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You said what you needed to say to make your amends... the difficult part is in letting go of the outcome. If you try to get back in there and work things to get a response, you might just end up trying to control / manipulate things again.
It's a heck of an exercise in taking responsibility for our own words and actions, keeping our side of the street clean.
Try to do something extra nice for yourself today.
It's a heck of an exercise in taking responsibility for our own words and actions, keeping our side of the street clean.
Try to do something extra nice for yourself today.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
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Has he apologized for the hurt he's caused you? I understand your motives for wanting to reconcile with your husband, but what's changed? Richard was my best friend, but he wasn't good for me. It wasn't a healthy relationship. I did all the giving and he did all the taking.
Written words were no more powerful than spoken words when I tried to get Richard to "see the light."
Written words were no more powerful than spoken words when I tried to get Richard to "see the light."
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Hey AZ - I can understand the letter thing. I wrote mine a letter too. I kept the focus on me and also said I was sorry for things I had done to damage the relationship. In some ways I regret writing the letter. I gave him a roadmap on how to hurt me if that was what he really wanted to do.
Due to my recent shake-up I am probably the last person to give advice, but I will say that handing it over to God and helped me the last couple of days. I believe if we are meant to be together in the future, it will happen. If not, it just means that God has a different plan for me. It's hard to do, but I feel better having made that decision.
Due to my recent shake-up I am probably the last person to give advice, but I will say that handing it over to God and helped me the last couple of days. I believe if we are meant to be together in the future, it will happen. If not, it just means that God has a different plan for me. It's hard to do, but I feel better having made that decision.
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Originally Posted by FormerDoormat 
Has he apologized for the hurt he's caused you? I understand your motives for wanting to reconcile with your husband, but what's changed? Richard was my best friend, but he wasn't good for me. It wasn't a healthy relationship. I did all the giving and he did all the taking.
Written words were no more powerful than spoken words when I tried to get Richard to "see the light."
Written words were no more powerful than spoken words when I tried to get Richard to "see the light."
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
Posts: 741
I think what it all comes down to for me is that my ex is all I've known. I never really dated. I was with him after he moved and didn't know anyone else.
I do want to know someone healthy. I want to be healthy and myself, too. I need to break my own mold of what I think I'm supposed to do to keep the peace with everyone.
It also comes down to fear as most people know. I want so much more for myself, but am afraid of too many things to pursue something different. I don't make many changes because that's not the person I am to most people. I'm tired of having to live up to self-imposed standards. I'd like to be more spontaneous, travel, lose weight, etc., but I don't mostly out of fear of my own safety and having other people perceive me in a way that isn't really me. I hear what people say about others and I don't want to be included. Not sure if any of this makes sense or not.
This might just be the summer to say whatever and do something different. Actually doing something is the hard part.
I do want to know someone healthy. I want to be healthy and myself, too. I need to break my own mold of what I think I'm supposed to do to keep the peace with everyone.
It also comes down to fear as most people know. I want so much more for myself, but am afraid of too many things to pursue something different. I don't make many changes because that's not the person I am to most people. I'm tired of having to live up to self-imposed standards. I'd like to be more spontaneous, travel, lose weight, etc., but I don't mostly out of fear of my own safety and having other people perceive me in a way that isn't really me. I hear what people say about others and I don't want to be included. Not sure if any of this makes sense or not.
This might just be the summer to say whatever and do something different. Actually doing something is the hard part.
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The prospect of changing your whole life can be overwhelming and keep you stuck. Why not try changing one little thing at a time? You say you want to travel. Why not plan a trip? Focus on one thing and try not to worry about all the others. After you get that trip under your belt, then pick one more thing. In my experience change happens slowly. Don't try to "become a new person," just work on doing one thing differently. Before you know it, you will have developed some new patterns without even realizing it. 
L
L
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 282
Originally Posted by aztchr
I think what it all comes down to for me is that my ex is all I've known. I never really dated. I was with him after he moved and didn't know anyone else.
I do want to know someone healthy. I want to be healthy and myself, too. I need to break my own mold of what I think I'm supposed to do to keep the peace with everyone.
It also comes down to fear as most people know. I want so much more for myself, but am afraid of too many things to pursue something different. I don't make many changes because that's not the person I am to most people. I'm tired of having to live up to self-imposed standards. I'd like to be more spontaneous, travel, lose weight, etc., but I don't mostly out of fear of my own safety and having other people perceive me in a way that isn't really me. I hear what people say about others and I don't want to be included. Not sure if any of this makes sense or not.
This might just be the summer to say whatever and do something different. Actually doing something is the hard part.
I do want to know someone healthy. I want to be healthy and myself, too. I need to break my own mold of what I think I'm supposed to do to keep the peace with everyone.
It also comes down to fear as most people know. I want so much more for myself, but am afraid of too many things to pursue something different. I don't make many changes because that's not the person I am to most people. I'm tired of having to live up to self-imposed standards. I'd like to be more spontaneous, travel, lose weight, etc., but I don't mostly out of fear of my own safety and having other people perceive me in a way that isn't really me. I hear what people say about others and I don't want to be included. Not sure if any of this makes sense or not.
This might just be the summer to say whatever and do something different. Actually doing something is the hard part.
OHHHH SOOO familar!
All I can say is that after my X left I was left with nobody but myself and all the years of being told " you should do this..why dont you wear that" Ughhh
Of course I fought against it but I have no idea what I was thinking. I too did not know anyone but him and all his crap and the fact that my codependence made me into a zombie.
I hear what your saying about the standards. But tell me...are they really "self imposed?"
You know who you are inside and I can tell you from my Experience that I KNOW when I am not being true to myself. Don't worry about what other people say. Some of my closest friends sometimes make me say "what?" But they always accept me for who I am. I came here and realized that people are people and I can't take things so personal.
Whatever you want to do just start small. Sometimes we are being controlled and don't even see it, or try to not see it...but mostly I think we all know deep down when its happening and we feel uneasy and sad etc. Change is scary..trust me I know..I'm still scared of alot of things but little by little the emptiness I felt for so long is begining to look more like FREEDOM!
I wish you luck and please keep us updated
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