kj3880

How many people who come on here go to live meetings? I'm just curious. Live meetings make all the difference to me. I want to encourage everyone to really try to get to a live meeting, like today. This forum is great, a lifeline for me during the day, but if that's what you're relying on, I think it isn't enough, at least for me. The meeting last night inspired me. Those of you who've been following my many posts know I've had a hard time reaching out at meetings for help. A person with some clean time yesterday shared that he has a hard time reaching out to newcomers because he's reached out to many and only a few of them have made it. He's a little discouraged with the success rate. That helped me understand a lot of why some people have waited to try to get to know me, or to ask me to join the group after meetings to eat and such. Some of them were waiting to see if I would stick around a while so they didn't get hurt. I feel better knowing it wasn't personal. And now that they've started asking me, it makes me feel like a survivor. I hope I have courage to reach out to newcomers a year from now, and not to worry if they will make it or not. It might make all the difference to someone if I can make them feel welcome.
kj:ghug2

Paulie

kj - it will make a difference, I promise you that. But, my first sponsor explained to me that anyone can reach out to anyone. You do have had to work the steps or worked with a sponsor yet to extend your hand or a hug to a newcomer to make them feel welcome. And it helps YOU and THEM!!!!!

And by the way, I do 2-5 f2f meetings a week. For me online is just to easy to fool myself, I need people to look me in the eyes and I need the contact with other addicts.

navysteve

"I hope I have courage to reach out to newcomers a year from now, and not to worry if they will make it or not. It might make all the difference to someone if I can make them feel welcome."

Why wait a year? You can only keep what you have by giving it away. Or, said another way, helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. I agree that meetings are imprtant, but in my opinion, meetings are not the answer, meetings are a means to the answer.

kj3880

I'm pretty shy in person. I have a hard time talking to anybody who doesn't speak to me first. I'm hoping that will improve with working the steps, and improving my self-esteem in recovery.
kj

Aa_vark

Yeah, i like what you're saying about reaching out.

I went to a meeting that i'd never been too, yesterday, then to a regular meeting i attend.

I was talking to a friend after the second meeting last night, about reaching out. We both can recall being the guy at a meeting, who doesnt reach out to anyone new or isnt greeted. Anyone who shows up is obviously looking for help, and my recovery depends on others who have been there.

navysteve

I am sure it will. I hope you don't pressure yourself too much, but I hope you get busy and start the recovery process. I know for me I was terribly shy without anything to give me false courage. I never volunteered to share in meetings early on. I can tell you that when I started to help others my recovery took off. I found that I kept getting caught up in self obsession ( always focusing on me) and in my recovery path I need to spend less time thinking of me. It started with letting my sponsor know where I was at at a given moment. When I availed myself of his help, I was helping him in his recovery.

navysteve

AA_Vark,

I have been that new guy so many times sitting in ameeting. I move alot and have noticed a big difference in areas when it comes to reaching out to new people. I was spoiled when I lived in certain areas and forget that. I am in an area now where you can walk into a meeting and not be spoken a word to.

Aa_vark

hey navysteve,

ive moved a bit myself. I have a hard time picturing my recovery continuing in a new town without being connec\ted to others in recovery.

ive been here in a new area for almost a year now. There are so many meetings, i can walk in a complete stranger over and over if i want to.

I found an alano club that i attend regularly, and secretary a meeting regularly. But i cant rest on my laurels, either. Right now its important to me to get a support system up an running with NA meetings.

Im gona hit another new one today.

Gmoney

I've been on layoff from my job for over two months now, and because I have more free time, I try to attend at least 5 meetings a week. When I'm working, I work the B-shift and rarely attend meetings M-F, so I normally just attend my home group once a week (Sunday afternoon).

During the years I've been involved in NA, I've made many friends and it's wonderful to get around to the meetings I haven't been to in a while. I get to reconnect. And as a matter of fact, because I'm seen and heard more lately, two newcomers have asked me to sponsor them. I do my best to be approachable and to welcome the newer members. But, I can understand how some members feel about being cautious. It hurts pretty bad when you've grown attached to someone and they relapse and never come back (some die). This is the risk we take. Someone took it for me.

serenityqueen

My thought before I finished reading your thread was, why wait a year? There is always going to be that person who is newer than you, more scared than you, shyer than you . . . Reach out! A simple smile, a hello, welcome and pointing someone in the direction of the coffee pot goes a long way to someone who feels like they are walking the plank by walking through those doors the first few times. We have all been there at one time or another.

And I am a firm believer in what navysteve said

If you want to keep what you have, you have to give it away.

I also feel the way Paulie does, I need face to face meetings, being around other addicts, especially those who I get to know in meetings,it is a necessity for me. I need people to call me on my $hit. And it's that face to face contact that I need. I'm not saying that SR isn't a wonderful support system, it's fantastic. For me, I need in person hugs and support also. I would like to add that I think one of the greatest things about SR is that it lets those who are extremely shy or fearful of speaking up and speaking out the opportunity to come out of their shell and open up.

God Bless,
Judy

navysteve

Yeah,
I spent a few months going to different meetings around here. I lived here once before so it isn't totally like being new. My old sponsor and I never lost touch so that was a blessing. I am still friends with the guy who twelve stepped me 20 years ago. I never had friends like that, so I am never alone. But I watch alot of new people come in the meetings here and get ignored. I try to approach as many as possible ( I do stay away from the women even though I have twelve stepped more than a few). I go to new guys and ask them if they can show me where new meetings are because I don't always no how to find places ( true). I just moved from the Baltimore/DC area and was spoiled by alot of meetings with great recovery. I am in a small area now and everyone seems kinda like they are in their own little groups and don't have room for one more ( my perception- may be wrong) But my phone rings daily. I sponsor a few guys here. One of them even works steps!!!!! I did tell my old guys back in MD that I do not sponsor over state lines but will always be their friends. A few have even visited me. I prefer it that way anyway, I don't like the title of sponsor. I have seen that misused alot in both fellowships. I make a better friend anyway

BUTTERFLY-7

Kj Bless you for thinking about putting a thread of this magnitude
you took every single tough right Out of my head
they say great mines think alike:rof the reason I say
this is because ManGod is every were working
trough people for people

I 'm so stunish I'm sorry everything you spoke about
I had encounter it today I tell you why?

out of my 4 months clean today was my
first N/A meeting man you are so right kj I feel Good
now everything is starting to make sense some one said
on this thread I can't remember right now
who but they said you can only keep what you have
by Giving it away that is so right those rooms were
waiting for me they gave me the hugs the welcome
everything there war stories of strength&Hope

Man I never felt so much love and unity in anything but I felt it in
this meeting, and I'm not going to lie
I'm not knew to recovery Oh: Lord knows that I'm very old to the
Game I don't know why before I didn't grasp the concept
of surrendering or to recovery but all I know that I'm back I'm here
for some reason my H.P didn't let me die out there
in my miseries

but I'm Glad I'm back and that there was a chair reserve for me with my name on it making meetings is like been on life support
and guess what first meeting after 4 months clean i didn't only make my first meeting but the person who opens the meeting
ask me how much clean time I had and I told him 4 months
and he ask me if I want it to be the speaker of that meeting
I was flatter so I did my first reaching out to be a trusted servant I share keep coming It gets better

Lily

I LOVE meetings and I love to reach out and help other women. I always have. I may only have 4 months clean but I have a gal w/ 21 days clean and her 2 kids coming over tomorrow to meet our cows.

I am kinda bummed though about ppl disappearing. We had a guy w/ 62 days who has been very faithful at meetings disappear about 10 days ago. :-( we have all tried to call him and his cell is disconnected. I see his face every time we have our moment of silence.

I think though that there is risk involved in loving other ppl. Given the chance again, I would have still opened up to him. I went on a 3 hr each way ride w/ him to a speaker meeting with a car load of us a month or so ago. We rode in the back together and shared w/ each other.... about our spouses, kids, etc. Gosh i hope he comes back and doesn't die..... His name was Jim.

The only thing that helps Sheila when Sheila is down is getting out of Sheila. The only way I can get out of Sheila is to quit focusing on Sheila and focus on others in a helpful way.

Focusing and helping others helps us in soooo many ways. It relieves our insecurities...(we aren't thinking of self) It boosts our mood. It brightens our day! I am convinced I do not have to have years and years clean to come along side a newcomer and befriend them. It changes me for the better.

Good post KJ!

Sheila

sticker

meetings are the only thing that keep me some what sane....and working with others is a gift beyond reason. I do a lot of H&I work, Some of my most memorable moments in recovery have been at those meetings hearing about hope from a guy that's not looking to draw a free breath for some time but they believe in the miracle of recovery. I always learn something about myself by working with others

Gmoney

Yes...this is a good post. I've been visiting the recovery-based websites for a couple of years now, and SR is one of the coolest I've found. There's a lot of freedom here and very often the debates and discussions are healthy and informative...hardly ever abusive or disrespectful. I come here pretty regularly, but nothing beats f2f meetings.

Doug

I go to live meetings. Reading about it, online or books just isn't enough for me. I work on putting as much time and effort into recovery, as I did getting drugs. I don't know about anybody else, but there wasn't much I wouldn't do to get high, and the work involved was never questioned either.

If I'm sitting on the couch tired, bitchy, bored, or due to weather, and I'm thinking about not going to a meeting, I ask myself-"If I was still using, would I go out right now to see the dope man?"

15 minutes later, I'm in a meeting, and feeling better for it.

kj3880

Doug, I love what you just said, because I go through the exact same thought process about so many things now....I have even used it to find money to pay bills, lol....
I just say to myself, hmmm, how could I make some more money if I wanted to get high, work overtime, pick up a side gig...hmmm...and it works every time.
Definitely works to get me out of the house to a meeting, too. You're right, I would have braved any illness, any weather, hopped over any fences, went in any type of shady-looking building, conversed with any number of broken-down, toothless characters, so I guess I can drive in the rain to get to a church basement filled with a bunch of fellow drug addcits...God love us, most of us even have "our" teeth back now.
kj

daydream

Yep, I go to live meetings. I go through phases of going almost every day or just one or 2 per week. Over the many years I've been around, I tried several times to stay clean without meetings. Long-term, it always ended in relapse. Short term it ended in MISERY at best. Of course I finally realized that I just couldn't afford to risk relapsing anymore, so I just suck it up and go during the times I'm not wanting to. I think we all go through those times after being there for awhile. Sometimes I feel like I'm not getting anything out of the meetings, but if I'm honest enough to look closely, I can always find that the meeting did have something I needed. And it's important that I keep going to share, just as other oldtimers were willing to share with me. When I walk into a meeting and am surrounded by others just like me, it reminds me of the NA slogan "Never alone, Never again."

2ala2

I do 4-5 meetings a week. I wouldn't feel 'right' without them. I believe that F2F is essential for growth/change. No easy way around that! Also, I am weary of some folks online. They are hiding behind a screen. Who knows what some of them really are. For God's sake some are even drinking and calling it recovery, pleeeeeeeeeease. We are addicts, therefore masters of deceit. Living by example is critical. "I wanted what these NA people had" and when I 'saw' it I wanted it more than anything!

Gmoney