samsung

I'm getting better from the w/d. It is now day five and a 30 minute run on the elliptical at the gym did F*****G wonders for my metals. The first day was a living nightmare...I was so very, very close of quiting my university, packing up my apartment (breaking my lease agreement) and dropping everything I had--I was bound to Florida where i could score some pills from my mom. I thought life would be easier there , where i could live in my addiction. Thats how bad it was....100% f***ed.

Today i feel jacked up still...feel disconnected from my body and the worst part is the depression...so bad i cant even begin to tell you how bad and scared i feel. Though it is better today compared to day one.

I've been addicted for about 11 months and at the end of my usage i was easily taking 9-10 norco (the strong s**t) to feel normal enough to go to school. Spent endless amounts of money....no pills one day = me never getting out of bed.

THE WORST PART:

I started a long distance relationship over the phone with a girl....the first 4 months (the entire time i known her) i built the relationship with her while i was using. I felt normal and things were OK on pills....i was really overly open, overly loving and not myself.....now, I'm off the pills and its like having ice water poured all over the relationship, because now i feel like I'm not the person she "meet" and i must imagine she is wondering what is wrong. Because I obviously have been in w/ds and totally mind f***ked from it. I feel bad over this. I felt like a lie the whole time. But i care and im striving to get better and am committed to this.

WHen can i expect the mentals to come back like they were before the addiction? Tell me what you think, I dont care if youre no doctor...tell me something!

Thanks- samsung

any thoughts?

bval

If it's any consolation, I can tell you first hand that the amount you were taking, for that period of time ... was NOTHING my friend.

Sure, it's enough to feel some serious withdrawals, but I'm gonna predict you're going to be feeling pretty damn close to normal in 3-4 more days, tops.

And if it's meant to be with this girl, she's gonna like you for the 'real you'. If she doesn't, the WORST thing you can do is get caught up in worrying about that and end up using again over it.

Get to some AA/NA meetings immediately is my best advice. Go every day, twice a day if need be. Sit there, shut your mouth, and just LISTEN. Don't try to figure it out, just go, and a listen for the next few weeks. Get yourself a big book at both meetings (NA and AA), and the pamphlet 'Living Sober' at an AA meeting. And read them. Substitute 'drugs' for 'alcohol' whenever you see/hear the word. It's the same damn disease anyway.

Trust me when I say, you DON'T want to f**k this up once you've made it to 5 days. The worst is through. If you made it to the gym, TRUST ME, you're doing AWESOME.

You don't want to see where this disease will take you if you *really* let it get out of hand. It can get MUCH, MUCH, MUCH worse than 20 vicodin a day my friend. MUCH WORSE... Trust me, I know...

Good luck, and keep posting

ccgirl2

The mental part may linger a bit, but just like the physical part, it WILL get better.

Lily

Samsung,

I was taking about 20 daily too, not norco, but vicodins, so basically it was the same. I am now on day 76 and can honestly say it took at least 30 days till I felt back to my old Sheila self. I think that you are who you are, and that your personality will return. while the vicodin did make me MORE outgoing, I am outgoing anyway and my personality did come back. it will slowly increase over time. just fake it till you make it.

get to some meetings, they REALLY help. in fact, i am bummed my meeting is tomorrow night and not tonight. they are wonderful!

hang in there! Sheila

samsung

Hey, thanks to you bavaljalo, shelia and ccgirl. Bavaljalo, I've read a few of your posts and from what you convey to others I do believe you're a very bright person.

It's day 7 and I feel way better...absolutley. My mind feels like it awoke from a long fog...fells good but I don't know how to handle it. I still feel like a pill would be really F****g enjoyable right now, but I don't want to start that kind of thing up. The toughest thing is trying to stay busy and happy. I'm alone...no friends here or family. I stay busy by cleaning my apartment and homework, things like that.

I'm seriously going to a NA or AA. Which would be better? The same I suppose; like bvaljalo said, just replace x addiction with x drug. But let me know which is what and how between the two.

Thanks---until next time.

I

TiredMama

I agree with CC about the mental part lingering. The physical part will subside soon. Try your best to keep busy and that helps a lot with the mental part.

Buzz Kilowatt

Oh Samsung, it is not all that simple.

First of all, in withdrawal, you are -- by definition -- not in your normal state of mind. Don't trust your judgment at this point, and don't spin your wheels and fret needlessly.

Everyone is different, but for me, the 1st week is the worst. After the 2nd I can really see that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't the approaching train after all . . .

As far as your girlfriend is concerned, take a break from the relationship if you can, for the 1st week at least. You are just too fragile right now.

Then . . . if you can . . . try coming back into the relationship "from nowhere." Let yourself learn about her. At the same time, permit yourself to learn about YOU.

You see, hydro, etc. dulls the emotions. It sequesters the heart. It's nearly impossible to truly grow in heart or spirit while you are addicted.

Addiction is the tip of the iceberg; it is a symptom of an underlying spiritual disease; a sub-acute existential crisis. Once you take a minute to look at the spiritual side of addiction, you will start to see things much more clearly.

Good luck, amigo!

Buzz

fluffyarmpit

no offense but 9 to 10 norco's is nada my friend, that probably wouldn't make me feel anything at the peak of my useage of oxycontin. just hopefully you know that what you were on wasn't that bad, but still was an addiction, so i guess in a way its the same thing. Hope you stay sober, I didn't read your whole post, so i'm sorry if i got some stuff wrong, latez

ex D-Boy

hey sorry for this just had to ask ::::: TiredMama is that picture taken from the song No rain by blind melon??? I absolutely LOVVEEE THAT SONG!!!! it always puts me in a good mood. Sorry about this again....

/threadjack

windysan

Blind Melon?

:rof

you poor feller. god put yer ears on all wrong.

bval

Hey glad to be of service.

BTW, Sheila and cc are pretty bright too

Also, AA/NA, really doesn't matter too much. They each have their qualities. I recommend trying BOTH for awhile. Even though I'm a dope fiend, I used to drink pretty heavily for a while when I was younger ... but even if I hadn't, I'm sure I could relate to the stories in either place, cause it's all the same disease, called addiction.

If I had to sum it up, I like the 'structuredness' of AA a bit better, but I find NA to be 'warmer' and a bit more 'inviting to newcomers'. Those are very general observations though, and there is GREAT variety to individual meetings, so ... I say try both for awhile. The important thing is just getting to meetings, man!

Noah

In withdrawal, when you are hurting, when things look bleak and different, when things smell different, when even the mere thought of food brings the bile up into your throat, when your bowels are being actively wrenched into knots and on the clock minutes seemingly turn into hours it's rather trivial that 10 pills is not a lot to some folks. You just want it to end. It's gets a little better each day. Stay with it and when you are feeling up to it find a meeting and listen in. Just my 2 cents.

Noah

samsung

From what everyone is saying my addiction wasn't as bad as it could get...but all the same, I don't even wanna go where it could take me. The thing is, for me, it is enough of an addiction to warrant serious concern on my part and my loved ones. I feel stronger now , more strength than I can ever remember feeling in a long while...addiction or not. The reasons for using, not what amount I was consuming are the underlying issues.

For those that might care, my relationship is seemingly doing well after I started to feel better...phew.

I totally agree with that above statement. I have to figure out what was causing me to use in order to understand what I need...not easy.

thanks all...for being real.

Lily

Meeting wise:

I started w/ AA cuz they have a club in my town and it was large enough to take my 4 yr old w/ me. I really liked the meeting etc. There were a lot of older men there w/ tons of wisdom. I got a 30 day and 60 day token there. However, whenever I shared, I had to watch my wording. See, there thing is alcohol. The programs are similar but not entirely the same. I have not had a drink in many yrs, probably at least 8-9 so alcohol was not my current DOC, however I did not feel like a fraud cuz I had struggled in the past. Recently I discovered NA. I love it. I do not have to edit my speech. I have only 80 days clean and am already leading the Thursday night meeting. Only cuz they are short ppl on Thursdays and there was a need. Our Saturday night meeting is growing. I can relate to the NA book better too and have already started writting out step one in my workbook. i have an NA sponsor and she is great too!

try them both! see what is a fit for you! the first one is hard, but the second one you will know ppl in, and you will like it!

sheila

butterfly19

Just wanted to wish you well in your recovery! Norco was my drug of choice at one time--i suppose it still is even though I haven't had any for a long time. I would go through 120 pills in 3 days, sometimes mixing with benzos or muscle relaxers. It is a wonder I'm still alive. I remind myself of that often, because I know there are people out there who have taken a lot less and not made it.

I kicked my Norco habit 2 years ago. Unfortunately, I substituted with Tylenol with codeine and I'm trying to taper down from that. I know most people out there would say: "Tylenol #3 that's nothing!" but the truth is we all get dependant on things in different ways. Right now, I'm not having that many physical side effects, but definitely a lot of mental ones such as mania, memory loss, confusion, and the biggie depression!

They are slowly getting better, and your's will as well. Coming off of Norco is certainly not easy. I remember all those horrible sweats, hallucinations, trying to get to the bathroom in time, etc. . .

So keep up the good work, keep posting, and come to chat sometime. It's a good place to ask questions as well as just get your mind on something else for awhile.

Stay strong and stay safe!

butterfly19

samsung

Hey gang,

I've reached my 2 week mark!!!!!!!!! I feel I can beat this. Thanks for all your insight!

ccgirl2

Excellent work.

As far as meetings go; I attend AA because of availability and I've found a wonderful group. I've been lucky because I found a group of people where, when I sat down and said "I don't have any alcohol issues (true) I am addicted to opiates. They said, "fine, my dear, addiction is addiction, just the substance is different; the disease is the same" I feel very lucky.

peachy1005

2 weeks is awesome!! Yeah, you are definetly over the hump now, and hopefully feeling a lot better. Just remember that you will continue to have cravings here and there, and remind yourself of what you just went through whenever one of those cravings feels like it is too much to bear.
I had written a few diary entries during the worst of my withdrawal symptoms, and have re-read them on a couple of occasions when I tried to talk myself into using again. Seeing my barely legible handwriting, and reading my incoherent, rambling thoughts was enough to turn me off to the idea again.
Keep in touch with us if you ever need help or someone to talk to in the future - best wishes for continued sobriety!