JPat

Hi everyone. I've been reading alot of posts that past couple days and can relate to so many of your lives and experiences. I thought I'd share a list I made of things in my life I am SICK AND TIRED OF, due to my alcoholism.

I'm sick and tired of.....

*waking up in the middle of the night with that horrible, panicky feeling
*not getting a good nights sleep
*vomitting
*splitting headaches
*being moody and rude to everyone I see because I'm always hung over
*finding places to hide all my empties from my husband
*having to hide empties from my husband
*going to different stores to buy alcohol so the clerks don't start recognizing me
*not having money because I spend it all on alcohol
*wetting the bed
*having my friends call me the next day after a night out and saying in a worried voice - "girl, are you ok? do you remember what you DID?"
*letting alcohol control me
*planning when I can drink again
*being sick and tired

adore79

OMG I can relate to soo many of those. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Yes.

Toomutch

JPat,

My list would be almost identical to yours. Hang in there girl.

warrens

Welcome, and that's quite an impressive list!

I doubt that anyone here has been through anything quite that bad, however. (a sick attempt at inappropriate humor)

You have come to a good place. First hug comes from

warrens

1963comet

Glad to see you here. There are alot of nice people here that understand.

JPat

wow - I'm a little overwhelmed! Thank you all who have posted back in the few short minutes after I posted - I really, truly appreciate it. I have never felt truly supported in my life, I've always felt alone. I know no one can help me if I don't reach out (but I hate doing that!) and no one I know knows what being addicted is like. I just hear things like "maybe you should stop drinking" - good idea - ya think?! if it were that easy I would have done it by now.
Sorry to be so sarcastic - but really, thanks again!

1cor13

Good grocery list. Ever think about getting into treatment and saying to hell with what everyone thinks and tossing this list in the trash with the rest of the empties?

With all the money you would save instead of using your bed as a swimming pool you could buy one. I didn’t get a pool I got a new mattress.


Thanks Jpat

Anna

JPat,

Welcome!

I think a lot of us felt alone and that's one of the reasons we began to numb ourselves, one way or another.

Here at SR, we do understand, so keep reading and posting.

Mattcake

Hi Jpat, welcome It is an impressive list. I would add "general risk taking", having had quite a few close calls: slipping in the shower, leaving stuff in the oven among others.

"going to different stores to buy alcohol so the clerks don't start recognizing me"

You know, this one REALLY ticks me off. I used to switch stores regularly, but after a few years I did become the guy buying booze every night. "*gasp!* on a weeknight!!!" Some clerks even made jokes and comments to that effect, and I used to seethe inwardly, wanting to snap "mind your own F*ing business". But I hung my head, ashamed - it feels like I've been doing the shame thing for years.

Anyway, just venting, didn't mean to hijack the thread. Welcome again

SpaceDementia

I had a similar issue. I was ordering opiate painkillers online from 6 or 7 different pharmacies. I getting a delivery every other day it seemed. I had to face the same FedX guy or same UPS guy when the pills arrived. They would hand me this big envelope with the bottle of pills inside. The pills rattled like pills do, not to mention the outline of the bottle through the envelope was obviously a pill bottle. After a month or two the UPS asks me one day, "Are all these pills for you? " He gave me that knowing look that says, "Yes, you're a disgusting drug addict. You are worthless."
I made up some ******** story, I don't remember. But, oh how the shame lit my face red every time I signed for my drug package every other day. I quit ordering pills off the internet shortly after that because I'm pretty sure he could have reported me to a supervisor who would in turn have reported me to the police.
The things you get yourself into when you're a drug addict are just plain fun, aren't they?

adore79

JPat,

Just replace 'husband' with 'parents' and we are leading the same life. I wish you luck. Stick around and learn from all the smart ppl at SR!

serenityqueen

Welcome JPat!

Glad to see yet another person reaching out! This is a truly remarkable site!

I wanted to add to the

"going to different stores to buy alcohol so the clerks don't start recognizing me"

A few years ago, a major drug store chain in the Dayton area began selling liquor. Not the watered down grocery store stuff. I used to frequent the one about 5 minutes from my house of a regular basis. Imagine, an alcoholic and an addict(pill head) being able to feed both addictions in one quick stop? I thought I was in heaven. At first I thought it was funny that the clerks became somewhat like bartenders, they knew what I wanted before I walked up to the register, they would just ask, 1 or 2 ? (as in how many bottles) Anyway, it took me a few months after I got into Recovery before I could go back to that particular location for obvious reasons, a trigger, guilt and shame. I had a few very strange encounters with the clerks there on different occassions after I got Clean & Sober. One clerk looked at me and said, rather loudly,"Hi, we haven't seen in you a while. Did you get a DUI?" And I was with my then 17 year old Son. I wanted to crawl out the door in embarressment for my Son. About 7 months after I quit, I ran into one clerk I hadn't seen in quite some time,he said"I was wondering what happened to you, what'd you do, quit drinking or something?" This time, after working on some of the guilt and shame, as I was getting my money out to pay for my kleenex and paper towels that were on sale, I reached into the coin compartment of my wallet and as I got out the coin part of the money owed, I laid out my tokens that I had so proudly earned!

What I'm getting at is that it is a wonderful feeling to be able to get rid of the guilt and shame, among other things that comes with this disease.

God Bless and thanks for letting me share!

Mattcake

Thanks for the story, Serenityqueen. I guess some people are just insensitive, not knowing the shame their comments cause to others - maybe we're all guilty of that at some point. But kudos for you, maybe a side effect of recovery is being able to hold your head up a little higher each day.

SD, yeah, some of the stuff yourself into is plain humilliating. I once toyed with the idea of videotaping myself during one of my binges so I could see myself later, in a sober state... maybe jolt some reality into me. Never did it though, as it seemed too sordid lol.

tellus

I did the videotaping thing, Matt. I don't recommend it.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community!

resentful wife

Hiding booze seems to be the norm. I didn't realize my A/D had a problem until I found my A/H's bottle hidden on two separate occasions. Pretty funny how the mind works. One boozehound hiding booze from another boozehound !LOL! My A/D has been in recovery since 9/06 and my A/H hasn't drank since 1/08.
I went with my RA/D to AA to get her one year Coin and was impressed my the positive engery there. Some thing to think about.
Welcome to SR stick around, great people type here!
Linda

tkdan

Hey JPat, welcome to SR. That list looks fimiliar for some reason. If you are at the point
(and it sounds like it) where you've had enough then you're going in the right direction. Admitting there is a problem is the first step. Doing something about the problem is the second step. Just like walking for a baby once you take that first step the second one is easier. Hang around here and keep us posted on how you are doing. We know how it feels to be where you are at.