QueenOfCyprus

Well, I just have to share this -

Tonight as I was standing in the laundry room downstairs, I happened to look up and notice a crudely patched hole in the ceiling drywall. A hole that was not there a few days ago. This new hole is within 6" of an already existing hole where an opening was made to have access to some electrical wires a few years ago. The existing hole was also where my soon-to-be-ex-AH had secretly (so he thought...) stashed his "stuff" in the past.

So, at some point during the last couple of days, my AH (who I threw out of the house a few weeks ago) has been here in the house while I was at work, chopped a hole in the laundry room ceiling, retrieved whatever was up there, patched it back up (BADLY!) and never mentioned it to me at all!

Now, I really had to think - "Were there TWO holes in the ceiling, and I just never noticed?" But I reached up and touched the spackle and its still soft!

I actually laughed right out loud and said "WTF??!!" This is the guy who swears he hasn't had a drink in weeks, he's just adoring AA meetings and is all on the mend - but he's sneaking into houses to retrieve his stashes in the ceiling, doing very poor carpentry work, assuming I'm too stupid to notice a NEW hole in the ceiling and just failing to mention any bit about the whole thing to anybody!!! HILARITY!!

He'll be by on Friday to say hi to the kids - all I'm going to say is "So what about that new hole in the laundry room ceiling?" Oh how I can't wait to hear what suite of lies he'll come up with to explain this away! This is going to take some real creativity on his part - it will be classic!

Here's the puzzling part: we can all guess what was probably in the ceiling (his Bible??!!) and why he wanted it (to share with his new friends at AA??!!) - but why did he have to cut a NEW hole in the ceiling? What happened there? God how I wish the pets could talk!!

prodigal

My AH has done some really OBVIOUS dumb stuff along the same lines and acted as if it was some brilliant idea - like dumping empty booze bottles in a huge trash bag full of laundry. Gee, lemme see, I dump the laundry outta the trash bag and - voila! - there are the empty bottles.

I, too, couldn't resist asking AH if he wanted his empties laundered along with his shorts. He just gave me a blank stare. When they can't pull something out of their wazoo really quick, they'll often play dumb.

However, I found that after I brought up the empties to him, it wasn't nearly as funny as I thought it would be. In fact, it was pointless and sad and didn't accomplish anything for me or my recovery.

He's still a drunk, I still discover empties around the house when I'm cleaning, and now I just toss the junk in the trash. Please don't think I'm criticizing your plan, I just wonder if it will really be worth it to even bring it up ...

denny57

I try to put myself in the addict's shoes. Driven to do such ridiculous, obvious stuff to satisfy a craving. I imagine I would feel shame. It's an awful way to live.

QueenOfCyprus

You are absolutely right, it will do nothing to stop his bad behaviors. But I don't care who it was or what the circumstances are - you just don't go into somebody's house while they're out and cut holes in the ceiling and not get called on it!

The whole thing makes me laugh!!

nowinsituation

Oh my God, they are all the same aren't they? No holes in my ceiling, but the (or more likely one of many) hiding place(s) was under a plastic tub in the rafters of the garage. I'm glad it makes you laugh, now. It makes me laugh too; and reminds me of how glad I am too be out of there!!!

darkness_falls

I agree whole heartedly. I can't imagine what goes through their minds when they do these sorts of things. Are they actually even thinking with any sense of reason? How can they know well enough to cover up when they are under the influence yet they can't remember to make sure the kids are taken care of or that there's milk in the house when you're not home? Boggles the mind. it really is very sad.

hope2bhappy

My AH never cut holes in the ceiling, but he fell through it one time. I just sat there and kept watching television while his leg was dangling through the ceiling.

This is really strange, and I would be curious too. Could he have stashed something else up there... like money? I would have to ask him just to see what kind of excuse he would come up with. Please share it with us, if you do.

beaglebaby

You gotta laugh or it makes you want to cry -- right?

My husband brought up our impending divorce on Sunday (he was hammered all day long, I think reality was setting in.)

At one point he said, "I can't believe you are going to throw away 20 years just because I've been acting like an a$$xxxx."

???

darkness_falls

Good grief beaglebaby. You're throwing away 20 years and in his mind he's done absolutely nothing to contribute, right? I get this sort of thing too when the subject of separation/divorce is brought up. It's always me who wants to ruin everything and throw everything away. They just don't get it.

shakarris

This thread is too funny- I know the whole this is sad at what lengths they will go but I needed a belly laugh today..

shakarris

prodigal

Yes, I agree it is pretty doggone crazy to go into somebody's home and drill a hole in the ceiling, but I'm not an addict. Since you threw your AH out of the house, is there a restraining order against him coming on the property? Is his name on the title to the home? If he has the legal right to be in your home - lunacy aside - he CAN come in. If only your name is on the title or the lease, then he is trespassing. If you have a restraining order on him, you have every right to enforce it.

I hope you will post how he responds when you ask him about the hole. From my own experience, I've often been pretty amazed as to how an A can side step responsibility for anything under the sun! Kinda like the kid with his hand in the cookie jar who says, "The devil made me do it!" Uh-huh, yeah, right ...

laurie6781

No having been there I don't think it shame, it's just looking for that bottle that was stashed. King Alcohol has become the master.

I too have to ask if there is a restraining order against him. Why is he entering your home???

You are totally dealing with a human that is not in reality!!! Please be very careful!!!!

Love and hugs,

QueenOfCyprus

Thanks all for your concern - and I hope others got a little bit of a chuckle, because sometimes it gets all so ridiculous that if you don't laugh you'll go crazy!

As far as keeping him out of the house, restraining orders, etc... its a loooooong story - but I will be seeing my attorney soon to get that paperwork underway. So far he hasn't been threatening or violent. Merely annoying, pathetic and ridiculous. As of right now, he does have a legal right to come in the house and cut holes into anything he chooses, and legally he owes me no explanation of why he would do such a thing.

But this is the guy for the life of him can't figure out why I don't want him around and he's sure this will all "blow over" and we'll get back together. Its like Beaglebaby's "I can't believe you're throwing away 20 years just because I'm an A$$ho#e." To which my answer to both of these idiots is "What other reason do I need??!!"

And I LOVE how hope2behappy left him dangling from the ceiling - oh please tell us the delightful story behind THAT one!

Laurie - you are exactly right - I often use the phrase "I reject your reality and substitute one of my own" when describing the crap my AH comes up with!

Ah yes, the burning question of "What Was In The Hole?" I'll tell you what I found in the other hole a few months ago - evidence that he had been embezzling large sums of money from his own grandmother. So there's just no telling what was behind Door Number 2; and you can bet your buttons that he's not going to be 'fessing up as to what it was!

denny57

I base my opinion on this solely on the writings of AH I was privy to. His shame at his behavior was enormous. Doesn't excuse it, but there you go.

frstnm

too funny !
What did he say about his leg hanging out of the ceiling ????

:rof

Pajarito

I wish I could be privy to what my AH is thinking. I assume it's all about shame- but he won't admit to it. His MO is to blame me for everything. Tiring. However- I read this thread with interest because it boggles my mind how they will go to such lengths to hide what they are doing- but aren't very good at hiding it. My AH left bottles everywhere, and the last straw was when I found a stash of empty whiskey bottles that filled a 30 gallon trash bag. The shame he must have felt when confronted with that. . . I feel sad about it- and so puzzled. Did He really think I'd never find it? Alcoholism is so powerful- amazing what it "makes" people do.

Miss Pink

This is what you should say:

" I noticed some damage in the ceiling in the laundry room, and thought it was termites. So, I called for an inspection and what do you know??> We have HUGE termites in the house, so they gave me an estimate for $2000 to tent the house.

I will need you to give me $2000, please $200 to stay in a hotel and replace all the food in the house.

Then....................maybe he will admit it was HIM to done the chewing thru the ceiling. This way you confront him but without accusation and let him squirm! Either he fesses up, or you bank $2200.00.

Sweeetttttttttttttttt.

QueenOfCyprus

OMG Miss Pink!!!!!!! Completely Laugh Out Loud over that!!!! I DO have a termite problem - one big giant 280lb termite! Run Away Run Away!!

And $2500 would be just about what I need for either the attorney retainer or a nice getaway to Myrtle Beach. Either way, it's a darn good start to rid myself of that pesky termite problem! hee hee hee hee!

denny57

Oh, I got blamed for everything, too. Still do and haven't spoken to the man in over a year LOL! It doesn't boggle my mind, because I believe it's a sickness and this happens to be what goes on. Acceptance is something I work on every day. It keeps me relatively sane. ((()))

Pajarito

Acceptance is what I am now working on. Accepting that he is not who I thought he was. Accepting that I tried for years to make him fit nice and neatly into my vision of what I wanted my marriage to be. Accepting that our marriage is over. Accepting that even if it's over, I still have to co-parent with a man who is sick- and maybe will never get well. He will always be a part of my life. Interacting with him will always be a challenge- living apart doesn't change that- and in order for me to be sane with all of this I need to do some hard work. Acceptance is very hard.