ICU

My Mom has Alzheimer’s and I’m slowly losing her.

Yes, I’m slowly losing her. Slowly…as in, that gives me time to be with her, time to tell and show her I love her, time to thank her for all that she has done for me. Yes, ‘slowly’ gives me time.


My cat is dying and this will be his last Christmas.

But, I can make it the best Christmas he’s ever had. With lots of toys, catnip, his new bed, extra hugs, cuddles and kisses. Yes I can make him feel very loved. Both he and I will know I gave him the very best of what he needed and the very best gifts of love that I was able to give him.


My funds are running very low and I need to drastically cut expenses, so, I turn the heat off at night.

Yes, but I have loads of flannel sheets and warm soft blankets in beautiful colors so I don’t freeze. Oh, and lots of fur babies snuggled up beside me generating more body heat too!


I can’t afford the seasonally high electric bill, so this year I’m not putting up a Christmas tree or Christmas lights outside.

Yes, but I have last year’s wreath still in excellent condition hung on my door, battery operated candles in my window, (the batteries still work from last year) and all of previous years decorations all around my home. It’s not elaborate, but neither am I!


The Christmas cookies I made last year from my Mom’s recipes, stunk!

Yes, but I found her recipe for French Chocolate candy, and well, after the second try this week, it’s coming out great!


I don’t have anyone special, in a romantic way, to share the holiday season with.

Yes, but, I do have my parents, my furkids, and, a roof over by head, (actually, it’s more than just a roof, it’s a happy peaceful environment that ‘I‘ alone created), and, I have me!


I’m learning that after I deny, get angry, and cry (man did I cry earlier this week) about all I’ve lost, am losing, or lack, it’s all in how I look at it…in time….as I’m ready!

Anyone else care to give it a whirl???

FormerDoormat

Just a thought, ICU, but I would think that it would be better to turn off the heat during the day and open up the curtains/shades to let the sun heat your home, then close the curtains/shades tightly and turn the heat on at night when it's coldest. This certainly would make sense on weekdays when you'd be at work for most of the daylight hours and your furbabies have plenty of fur to keep them cozy. It's worth a try.

Also, you might want to look into buying a pellet stove. That would keep you toasty warm and it's much more economical than gas or electric heat.

To help defray the cost of gas/electric spikes in the summer and winter, I chose the budget plan, where the gas and electric companies estimate my yearly gas/electric usage and I pay set monthly payments all year long. If I use more or less gas/electricity than estimated, then I either get a credit or pay the outstanding amount once a year. It's easier for me to pay monthly $200 payments than it is to pay $30 some months and $600 other months.

I'm glad to see you focusing on what's positive in your life. I've been making a concerted effort to do the same. The more I focus on what's good in my life, the more good things come my way. For example, this year:

• I lost 35 pounds
• I purchased a brand new wardrobe
• My hair grew back (after losing nearly all of it) thicker and better than it was before
• I colored my hair a warm, golden brown
• I tried out several new hairstyles (and liked them all)
• I will be having plastic surgery in January to improve the look of my eye that was disfigured from ocular cellulitis last year
• I quadrupled my salary
• I began dating again
• I have a colorful, happy home
• I have a peaceful life
• I will be spending the upcoming holidays with my daughter, mother, sister, brothers, neices, and nephews, whom I love dearly and get along with wonderfully

hbb

ICU ~ you always bring a smile to my face with your posts

My thoughts are with you, my grandfather had Alzheimer's disease as well. It sure is tough.

But positives, i have a few:

~ lost 32 lbs. since July
~ got my hair colored
~ my hair is growing too, longest it's ever been
~ Financially stable at the moment
~ great friends and family
~ going to the gym 4-5 times a week
~ got a new fridge from by boss when mine broke
~ my uncle's cancer treatment is working
~ my dad's feeling great
~ have a cockatiel Molly and a parrot Charlie that LOVES me!

That felt good, thanks ICU, great idea and i'm thinking of you, your mom and your kitty

hugs

ICU

I'm in an apt. so I'm not sure a pellet stove would be allowed. I'll have to check my lease. But it sounds interesting as I've done a preliminary google on it. I live on the second floor so I have my blinds open all day. The sun that I get in the afternoon helps somewhat.

I do have the budget plan for the gas/electric. I'm using less heat than last year, but the $$$ have gone way up anyway. I'm sure others must be feeling it as well. I'm just trying to cut corners where I can.

Yeah, I did this negative vs. positive post because I'm really trying to pull myself out of the slump I'm in. I want Christmas to be as happy as possible. Recognizing the good I have even when some things are not so good seems to be helping.

I actually put Christmas music on...Kenny Loggins (but of course) and Josh Groban (the last one on your reco, I believe) while I was wrapping some presents for my folks and my furbabies. My mood has been uplifted and a far cry from what it was for the last few days.

I was hoping that others might want to join in like you did and post what is good in their lives, even if there is some 'not so good'. It's helped me so much.

Sounds like you've got some 'good things' on your plate too! Nice to see! Enjoy the holidays with your family!

FormerDoormat

That Josh Grobin CD is fabulous, isn't it? And the more I listen to it, the more amazed I become. What a voice. I particularly love Ave Maria and his operatic tunes. It would make a great stocking stuffer or last-minute Christmas gift for anyone. Hint, hint.

Miss Pink

What a great thread, ICU! Thanks for posting it...I love your attitude.
Here goes for me:

1. I am experienceing the greatest strength of detaching from the alcoholic than ever before. No contact at all!

2. My hair is also looking better, after years of stress related loss. Its long, blonde and looking good!

3. My son is happy!

4. I, too, am making more money than ever, though not wealthy, it sure has boosted my self confidence and instilled self esteem.

5. I have many many good and kind friends and sponsees who love and value me.

6. My home has a new roof after some bad hurricanes.

7. I have a conscious contact with God that feels impenetrable.

8. Last, but not least......my son gave me the gift of a hair cut for Christmas...HIS hair!
Wow.....I am blessed...I can see his eyes again!

ICU

There 'ya go Heather! You've got some good things going on too. Yeah about your uncle's cancer treatments working!! And thanks for your thoughts about my Mom and cat.

Jill, yeah, I love his CD! I'll play that tomorrow when my parents are here for an early dinner. I think they'll love it too.

ICU

Hey Miss Pink! Wonderful things you've mentioned! And, to be able to see your son's eyes again too....cool!

Have to admit folks, I'm like a sponge. It may not look like I'm getting the message at times, but, I'm absorbing it all.

The first responder on this thread has been planting the seed all along. And you all thought it was my original idea....nope! It just took another journey to the dark side for me to see it!

Thanks Jill! See, I have been paying attention to your threads!

FormerDoormat

Awe, shucks!

BayouSelf

What an awesome thread!! I can relate to the situation with your mom. My dad was diagnosed on June 30 of this year with a malignant brain tumor and was given 6-9 months to live....he only lived for six weeks after that and it was pretty hard to swallow that news, but thinking that I had 6-9 months to spend time with him, I really put my heart and soul into the relationship with my dad for the last 6 weeks of his life and what a gift! I love to journal and instead of journaling in the normal way, I decided to start writing letters to my dad and I wrote and wrote and wrote about all the wonderful memories I had of him....from the little things he did for me to the really big things....I made sure he knew without a doubt how much I appreciated him and how blessed I felt having him as a dad....I feel that those six weeks, I got closer to him than I ever had been. He died on August 19th knowing how much I loved him and how special he was to me and I felt the same. I'm a little sad this Christmas without him, but I know he would never want me to be sad for him....all he ever wanted was for me to be happy and I have finally arrived and I'm soooo sad that he isn't here to see it, but I know that somehow he knows what a wonderful place I am in these days in all aspects of my life. Things have never been better for me....just wish he would have lived long enough to see it happen for me. ICU - Just wanted to share that with you after I read about your mother.

ICU

I'm so sorry you didn't have more time with your Dad, and that he has passed (((BayouSelf))). But, you made the time that you did have with your Dad count in such a beautiful way. You made it special and focused on what was important...that he knew he was loved and appreciated. I don't think there is any greater gift than that. You were blessed to have each other.

Thank you for reinforcing what my ideas are with my Mom, my Dad (and my cat) too! It helps to know that I'm on the right track.

Barbara52

My mother has advanced Alzheimer’s and doesn't have a clue who I am anymore.

But my brother from FL is spending a couple of weeks with her and she recognized that he looks very much like our father. There is still a part of her in there. Thank God fo small blessings.

I've left another failed marriage and hate that I did this to myself.

But I know am beginning to undestand why I got into that marriage and finally understand just how much growing up with alcoholic parents formed my view of relationships. I am finally dealing with my own issues and am growing day by day toward health.

My older son is dealing with some issues (school and career choices) and is hurting because of setbacks.

But I am spotting when I am trying to rescue him and learning not to do that anymore. I love and support him and always will. But I know he is a young adult facing his own life and my role is to step back and let him find his own way.

My younger son is bipolar and faces many challenges.

But he is doing great with his new therapist and doctor, is going to junior college and doing pretty dang good. He's learning about himself and accepting his limitations/issues.

I'm without a significant other in my life and its lonely at times.


On the other hand, I have my sons with me and they have always been the light of my life and much more important than any man could be. My sons are my sons forever. Husbands come and go unfortunately. I don't need a man in my life. I have my family and friends and am happy and peaceful on my own.

Rella927

ICU just for you! This is a great thread-I also would suggest the same thing as FD stated about turning off the heat during the day-I have been there before and did just that turned it on at night and off during the day! The fur babies have fur so they can handle a lot more than we think!

My girlfriend this past Saturday had her husband who she shared over 15 years with die of a heart attack-I do not associate much with her anymore because she was stuck in the drama and chaos of his drinking-I had to remove myself from those kind of people-who want to live those kind of dramatic lives-My heart goes out to her-as I know what it is like to go through this as my husband died December 1st years ago-

On a positive note!

1. I have lost weight (loosing more everyday)
2. I have regained a super friendship with my sister
3. In a terrific relationship with someone I have been friends with for 25 years
4. Blessed I know what peace is now in my life
5. Blessed for all the people here in SR!
6. Grateful I can now have a relationship with my Mom based on friendship and not anger

I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and the BEST New Year ever for all of us!

I will be spending tonight with my best friend, her mom, her husband and my beautiful God daughter and tomorrow with my sister and nephew!

Blessing to everyone!

And an extra big to ICU!

ICU

My Mom is just beginning to have trouble remembering who I am. Right now it’s just an issue when we speak on the phone. Once she ‘sees’ me in person, then she remembers me. My heart goes out to you Barbara! But like you said, “thank God for small blessings”! We need to hold that close to our hearts.


I’m sorry!


These three things really spoke to me. That last one in particular is something I’m beginning to experience with my folks. My Mom and I never really had major troubles; it was more with my Dad. It’s funny, as I go through recovery and begin to work on myself, it just naturally seems to flow over to other relationships, meaning, they benefit from me getting healthy too! It’s all good stuff!

denny57

ICU, I like this thread. I like the theme of it,which reflects back to me how I've come to once again view my life after years living with addiction.

I had a year that has included surgery, a pet's death, an ongoing divorce trial that started in July, selling of the house, packing up this Christmas week to move by the 29th, starting up a new business, still maintaining the old one and a milestone birthday :-)

My blessings far, far outweigh what during the co-dependent times would have seemed like insurmountable trials and tribulations.

My health is excellent; I've traveled for pleasure as much as possible this year, including the London trip with my 16-year old nephew (got to see Minnie again, too); I spent my birthday in Amsterdam and Paris; I'm grateful I was able to invest in something that challenges me and allows me to continue in my first passion (filmmaking); I found a fantastic new home - I'm partially moved in and loving it; I am surrounded by people I love and who love me, including many new friends I met here and in Al-Anon. My gratitude list goes on and on and the "problems" may take up my time right now, but I have put them in their true perspective.

Oh - I'm also grateful I live in Southern California, especially this time of year!

Merry Christmas and a blessed and serene New Year.

LaTeeDa

This is a great thread.

I, too, am feeling the pinch of increased heating costs this season. How am I dealing with it? I spent about twenty percent of what I usually spend on Christmas this year. Partly because of a tighter budget, and partly because I am so repulsed by the over-emphasis on spending a materialism that has come to be associated with the holidays. I made it a point this year to buy simple, inexpensive gifts that were perfectly matched to the personality of the recipient. And I didn't buy anything for anyone out of feeling an 'obligation' to get them something.

Any extra disposable income I had this year went to travel and adventure. It has been a wonderful year of exploration, both external and internal.

I have reconnected with my children in ways I never thought possible. They continue to amaze me every day in so many ways.

I have a relationship that is different than any other relationship I have ever had. And I have no doubt it is because I am different than I have ever been.

My wish for all of you is to find peace and happiness in 2008.

L