need someone to talk to
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need someone to talk to
Hi I am new to this site and to the program. I am a recently recovered heroin and pill addict. I was using alot of both and hit my rock bottom when I left my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years with nothing but the clothes on my back and a picture of my 3 year old son that I also lost to the disease. I am lucky and my son lives with my grandparents while I try and get my life back in order. I have been clean for 82 days now and let me say that it is the very hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I have nightmares every night and cravings every single day all day. I thought that the heroin was my salvation when I lost my son, but boy was I wrong. It just made everything worse cause I was very sick when I didn't have it. Also I was in a very terrible relationship with someone who I thought was the most wonderful person ever. He was there for me through the loss of my son, and I saw myself marrying him one day. He had the same problem as me but I was blind cause he was buying my drugs for me. I also still think about him alot because maybe if we were both sober it might have worked. The bottom line is that I really need people to talk to that understand my problems and can help me through the loss of what I thought were two of the most important things to me. Boy was I wrong!!!!
Thanks
Brianna
Thanks
Brianna
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Dreaming Summer
Posts: 821
Welcome to Sober Recovery 
We have several good forums here including NA and Women in Recovery.You'll find a lot of support and a lot of understanding.Congrats on the 82 days,and believe me,it really does get better.Keep posting...you don't have to do this alone.
Hugs
phoenix
We have several good forums here including NA and Women in Recovery.You'll find a lot of support and a lot of understanding.Congrats on the 82 days,and believe me,it really does get better.Keep posting...you don't have to do this alone.
Hugs
phoenix
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
Welcome Brianna -
I also want to say congrats on your 82 days...great job and yes, it does get easier and the gifts of being sober still continue to amaze me everyday.
Welcome and I look forward to getting to know you better.
I also want to say congrats on your 82 days...great job and yes, it does get easier and the gifts of being sober still continue to amaze me everyday.
Welcome and I look forward to getting to know you better.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: QUeeNz,NoOYaWk
Posts: 205
im here with you..ive been clean off of dope for 11months thanx to methadone,,i used dope since i was 16 im 22 now..and the last year i was using i truely thought i could never live without it..i used whenever i got a chance the bf im with now..has alotta help from his mom whos spoiles him even though he knew he was active..she felt guilty..anyways i went up to using 2 bundles a day usually at least 1 bundle..i would get soo sick if i went only 8 hours without a hit..my arms got messed up from shooting even now that ive been clean i get embarrised like now its summer when i wear short sleeves like today i wore a tank top cause it was too hot to wear long sleeves its embarrising when people see my arms cause its like rite off the bat they have this thought about u..but i understand how hard the fight is my counselr says its the post acute withdrawls..especially with heroin addicts..the dope messes with the dopeamin in your body so for up to 2 years after u get clean u cant feel happiness like normal people..o thats why we ache for it and still think its our best friend even after all it did to us..i live with my mom at the moment till i get money to move out again and let me tell you how hard this is..especailly since for at least the 4 years ive done anything i wanted the way i wanted without living at home..nw its like she treat me like im 5yrs old..she still sleeps with a fannie pack with all her money and credit in there so i wont steal it..even after all this time but i know i done alot and we didnt become addicts over nite so we aint gonna get better over nite..its a fight the moment u awake till u close your eyes at nite..even when i sleep i fight..i have nitemares too about using or getting caught and many other crazy stuff i havent slept good since ive been clean..but i see that it gets better we just gotta hold on..you wanna remember your son growing up not 15yrs from now in some dirty apartment getting ready to get off wondering hows he doing..thats the stuff which keeps us from giving in to those urges...keep in touch id like to hear how ya doing...hope i help...
Paused
Join Date: May 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 84
wishedno
"My arms got messed up from shooting even now that ive been clean i get embarrised like now its summer when i wear short sleeves like today i wore a tank top cause it was too hot to wear long sleeves its embarrising when people see my arms cause its like rite off the bat they have this thought about u"
I can totally relate to the comment about the "tracks". I was shooting dope and coke for so many years that my veins collapsed. I used my feet, wrists, in between the fingers. It was gross. People in my neighborhood all used to ask what happened and when I finally fessed up......they never let me live it down. While I was wearing shorts the other day, one person was like, "Look, you still have some track marks on your legs and arms". And not to mention that it was said in front of alot of people. I was like yeah, I guess they will always be noticeable.
It was humiliating and made me feel like crap, because my kids were there. I felt totally sabatoged.
My body has healed to the extreme. I have only one track on each arm. Not to bad for someone whos been to hell and back.
I look at it this way....those tracks are always going to be there to remind me of my past and how much pain I endured on myself and kids.
I guess that could be a good thing
I can totally relate to the comment about the "tracks". I was shooting dope and coke for so many years that my veins collapsed. I used my feet, wrists, in between the fingers. It was gross. People in my neighborhood all used to ask what happened and when I finally fessed up......they never let me live it down. While I was wearing shorts the other day, one person was like, "Look, you still have some track marks on your legs and arms". And not to mention that it was said in front of alot of people. I was like yeah, I guess they will always be noticeable.
It was humiliating and made me feel like crap, because my kids were there. I felt totally sabatoged.
My body has healed to the extreme. I have only one track on each arm. Not to bad for someone whos been to hell and back.
I look at it this way....those tracks are always going to be there to remind me of my past and how much pain I endured on myself and kids.
I guess that could be a good thing
Member
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: California, USA
Posts: 1,095
Hi Brianna,
Being a drug addict is a (insert word of your choice). It takes us down to places we never thought we'd be, and then we just accept them when we get there. After we've been clean awhile we can look back at all that craziness with a different set of eyes.
It is difficult in the beginning. It does get better. You are fortunate that you son is being taken care of by his grand-parents and doesn't have to be in foster care.
Use this site as much as you need to talk, ask for help, etc. Get involved in recovery as much as you can. Get all the support you can. There will be challenges to face, but there are gonna be some great rewards down the line too. Have patience, because in a sense your life is just beginning.
Juls
Being a drug addict is a (insert word of your choice). It takes us down to places we never thought we'd be, and then we just accept them when we get there. After we've been clean awhile we can look back at all that craziness with a different set of eyes.
It is difficult in the beginning. It does get better. You are fortunate that you son is being taken care of by his grand-parents and doesn't have to be in foster care.
Use this site as much as you need to talk, ask for help, etc. Get involved in recovery as much as you can. Get all the support you can. There will be challenges to face, but there are gonna be some great rewards down the line too. Have patience, because in a sense your life is just beginning.
Juls
Meow!
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Posts: 1,020
Hi Brianna & welcomed!!
Congrats to you & your 82 days!! Keep up the GOOD work!!!
Now I'm not a heroine user, & I've never done it before, but I am an addict so I guess in some sort of way we have something in commen! My choice of drug was Meth. Not that that really matters, but I just wanted to say, STAY Strong!!! You can do it, you know that you can!!!
I was just curious, but, do you still see your child? Will you be able to get your child back??
God Bless You! & Good Luck
Congrats to you & your 82 days!! Keep up the GOOD work!!!
Now I'm not a heroine user, & I've never done it before, but I am an addict so I guess in some sort of way we have something in commen!
My choice of drug was Meth. Not that that really matters, but I just wanted to say, STAY Strong!!! You can do it, you know that you can!!!I was just curious, but, do you still see your child? Will you be able to get your child back??
God Bless You! & Good Luck
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
Hello!
Glad to see you back here, & hope you are doing better.
Sounds like you sure did hit your bottom, the good news, you can only go up from here.
There are so many poeple that care here, please keep coming back, and let us know how you are doing.
After drinking and smoking for decades, people like the ones here, the 12 steps, AA, and my sponser, I have been clean and sober for just over 12 months.
If I can do this, anybody can. Never, ever quit before the miracle happens! !
Take Care of YOU! !
Tom
Sounds like you sure did hit your bottom, the good news, you can only go up from here.
There are so many poeple that care here, please keep coming back, and let us know how you are doing.
After drinking and smoking for decades, people like the ones here, the 12 steps, AA, and my sponser, I have been clean and sober for just over 12 months.
If I can do this, anybody can. Never, ever quit before the miracle happens! !
Take Care of YOU! !
Tom
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
Welcome Brianna~
Congrats on your 82 days! I totally understand your pain right now. The pai will ease in time. You have made a great decision on starting your new life. That is alot to be proud of. My advice to you is to stay as busy as you can. Go to meetings and come here a post, post, post! We've been right where you are and can help you along your journey. July 14th will be 16 years for me.
You can do this one day at a time!!!
Much Love and Prayers,
2many2count
Congrats on your 82 days! I totally understand your pain right now. The pai will ease in time. You have made a great decision on starting your new life. That is alot to be proud of. My advice to you is to stay as busy as you can. Go to meetings and come here a post, post, post! We've been right where you are and can help you along your journey. July 14th will be 16 years for me.
You can do this one day at a time!!!
Much Love and Prayers,
2many2count
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