im here with you..ive been clean off of dope for 11months thanx to methadone,,i used dope since i was 16 im 22 now..and the last year i was using i truely thought i could never live without it..i used whenever i got a chance the bf im with now..has alotta help from his mom whos spoiles him even though he knew he was active..she felt guilty..anyways i went up to using 2 bundles a day usually at least 1 bundle..i would get soo sick if i went only 8 hours without a hit..my arms got messed up from shooting even now that ive been clean i get embarrised like now its summer when i wear short sleeves like today i wore a tank top cause it was too hot to wear long sleeves its embarrising when people see my arms cause its like rite off the bat they have this thought about u..but i understand how hard the fight is my counselr says its the post acute withdrawls..especially with heroin addicts..the dope messes with the dopeamin in your body so for up to 2 years after u get clean u cant feel happiness like normal people..o thats why we ache for it and still think its our best friend even after all it did to us..i live with my mom at the moment till i get money to move out again and let me tell you how hard this is..especailly since for at least the 4 years ive done anything i wanted the way i wanted without living at home..nw its like she treat me like im 5yrs old..she still sleeps with a fannie pack with all her money and credit in there so i wont steal it..even after all this time but i know i done alot and we didnt become addicts over nite so we aint gonna get better over nite..its a fight the moment u awake till u close your eyes at nite..even when i sleep i fight..i have nitemares too about using or getting caught and many other crazy stuff i havent slept good since ive been clean..but i see that it gets better we just gotta hold on..you wanna remember your son growing up not 15yrs from now in some dirty apartment getting ready to get off wondering hows he doing..thats the stuff which keeps us from giving in to those urges...keep in touch id like to hear how ya doing...hope i help...