Very bad night here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Very bad night here
She called me from her work (as a teacher) intoxicated and left several messages. When she came home, started in with the abusive, vile talk and I gave it back to her.. She then threw a phone at me and hit me in the back with it... I went towards her and grabbed her wrists and gave her a shove. She fell down (because she was so drunk) and I was scared that she was hurt. Thank God, she was not. When she got up, she went into the kitchen and starting smashing dishes on the floor. I had to physically restrain her to keep her from tearing up the house.. It was very ugly... She also has been calling a male co-worker on his cell phone several times a day the last 2 days. She has told me he has the hots for her.. She put her underwear in the toilet when she got home which makes me even more suspicious. That's a different problem though.. What a mess.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Sad,
I'm so sorry things continue to get worse.
Is it time for you to make a change yet? How much more are you going to take before you set some boundaries and stick to them? I feel so bad for you. This kind of behavior is completely horrible and unacceptable. The thing is, if she wanted to call the police and say you committed domestic violence, she could.
You sure this is how you want to live?
GL
I'm so sorry things continue to get worse.
Is it time for you to make a change yet? How much more are you going to take before you set some boundaries and stick to them? I feel so bad for you. This kind of behavior is completely horrible and unacceptable. The thing is, if she wanted to call the police and say you committed domestic violence, she could.
You sure this is how you want to live?
GL
Keepingmyjoy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 328
Sad, I am so sorry for what is happening....please...call 911. If she is intoxicated and out of control, it might be a wake up call for her that you will not be treated this way. I just had to do that myself. And while it was not fun, it served a purpose. It sounds like you did not mean to hurt her, and the police should be able to recognize a drunk person and the evidence of HER being out of control.
Most of all, stay safe.
Most of all, stay safe.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
sad, i feel very bad for you and your situation, but i'm not sure what exactly you're doing to change things at this point. we can all only handle so much, but there comes a point when you have to learn to advocate and respect yourself so as to not be trampled all over or be treated so poorly. you only live once, is this how you really want to live it?
i work in a school system, and i would have called the police on your wife in a heartbeat and have her taken to jail for endangering the lives of every single student she sees, not only in her classroom, but in the hallway, on the playground, in the lunchroom... wherever. this isn't anything to be taken lightly. i would feel terrible about myself if i knew i sat by and let something happen (by not calling the police) that would endanger the lives of hundreds of innocent children. i would never be able to live with myself.
i work in a school system, and i would have called the police on your wife in a heartbeat and have her taken to jail for endangering the lives of every single student she sees, not only in her classroom, but in the hallway, on the playground, in the lunchroom... wherever. this isn't anything to be taken lightly. i would feel terrible about myself if i knew i sat by and let something happen (by not calling the police) that would endanger the lives of hundreds of innocent children. i would never be able to live with myself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by InThisForMe 
sad, i feel very bad for you and your situation, but i'm not sure what exactly you're doing to change things at this point. we can all only handle so much, but there comes a point when you have to learn to advocate and respect yourself so as to not be trampled all over or be treated so poorly. you only live once, is this how you really want to live it?
i work in a school system, and i would have called the police on your wife in a heartbeat and have her taken to jail for endangering the lives of every single student she sees, not only in her classroom, but in the hallway, on the playground, in the lunchroom... wherever. this isn't anything to be taken lightly. i would feel terrible about myself if i knew i sat by and let something happen (by not calling the police) that would endanger the lives of hundreds of innocent children. i would never be able to live with myself.
i work in a school system, and i would have called the police on your wife in a heartbeat and have her taken to jail for endangering the lives of every single student she sees, not only in her classroom, but in the hallway, on the playground, in the lunchroom... wherever. this isn't anything to be taken lightly. i would feel terrible about myself if i knew i sat by and let something happen (by not calling the police) that would endanger the lives of hundreds of innocent children. i would never be able to live with myself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Well, I have a daughter in high school and I would be downright P.O.'d if I knew that one of her teachers was intoxicated at work. And even more P.O.'d if there were people that knew what was going on and did nothing about it.
Aside from that, what exactly are you getting from this relationship that makes you want to keep it?
L
Aside from that, what exactly are you getting from this relationship that makes you want to keep it?
L
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
sad.....i'm sorry you are experiancing this. i'm even more concerned for the kids, even if they are seniors. teachers are not supposed to be intoxicated at work. period.
she threw a phone at your back. at that moment you had the right to call 911 and she would have been the one responsible for spousal abuse, i would think.
i know you must be confused and bewildered about just what to do about it all. living within the effects of alcoholism changes us, too. it changes how we think, feel, and react to situations.
do you attend al-anon? al-anon was my life line to sanity. i learned to set boundries about acceptable behavior for myself. i learned that if someone violated my boundry to take action.
i wish you the best, and hope that you can find the help you need.
reaching out here is a beginning. believe me, we all have been there, or are there, and we understand.
i also feel for your wife (?) and feel empathy for the living hell she is living.
she threw a phone at your back. at that moment you had the right to call 911 and she would have been the one responsible for spousal abuse, i would think.
i know you must be confused and bewildered about just what to do about it all. living within the effects of alcoholism changes us, too. it changes how we think, feel, and react to situations.
do you attend al-anon? al-anon was my life line to sanity. i learned to set boundries about acceptable behavior for myself. i learned that if someone violated my boundry to take action.
i wish you the best, and hope that you can find the help you need.
reaching out here is a beginning. believe me, we all have been there, or are there, and we understand.
i also feel for your wife (?) and feel empathy for the living hell she is living.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by LaTeeDa
Aside from that, what exactly are you getting from this relationship that makes you want to keep it?
L
Edit to add: Even though I loved him very much, and still do, that was not the primary reason I stayed. But, before I got honest with myself, that would have been my answer.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by LaTeeDa
This wasn't meant as a sarcastic comment or a rhetorical question. The truth is, we don't stay in relationships with alcoholics because we like torture. (well, most of us don't) We stay because there is a payoff of some sort. For me, it was about needing to be needed. It was also about fear of not being competent enough to make it on my own. But, most of all, it was about feeling superior. It felt so good to always be the one that was "right," the one who held it all together when it was falling apart, the one who plugged away day after day even though everything was a shambles. I played the martyr with so much passion I should have won an Oscar, LOL. Until you get honest with yourself about your motivation, you will continue living a life of misery and feeling sorry for yourself. I don't mean to offend you, I am just in one of my blunt moods tonight. What are you going to do about YOU?
L
Edit to add: Even though I loved him very much, and still do, that was not the primary reason I stayed. But, before I got honest with myself, that would have been my answer.
L
Edit to add: Even though I loved him very much, and still do, that was not the primary reason I stayed. But, before I got honest with myself, that would have been my answer.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
brava, LaTeeDa, brava!!!!!! so true, so true. for me too. i could not have said it any better. you described me to a tee while i was with my xh. i found out after much heartache, that it was about ME....the reason i stayed, that is.
thanks so much! perfect post, just absolutely perfect !
thanks so much! perfect post, just absolutely perfect !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
I do worry that she might get mad and call the police on me.. She threatened to do it tonight. I should have been the one to call but I won't do that.. I was worried that she would get out of control and tear the house up.. She has hit me several times (mostly in the stomach with a backhand while in the bed), although I"m very strong and haven't been hurt, I know one day she may catch me off guard and hurt me and I may get angry and hit her back. She slapped me in the face one night with an open hand and it hurt pretty bad (several months back) I reacted by instantly slapping her in the head and told her never to hit me again... That was the first time she'd ever hit me and I hoped would be the last, but it hasn't worked out that way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Never thought I would lay a hand on my woman and never did with my ex wife of 10 years, but I won't stand there and be anyone's punching bag, if a woman acts like a man, than she shall be treated like one.... Although I know the best thing to do is walk away, it's just that it' sometimes very hard to do.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Alcoholic wife...
Hi Sad#3, :comfort
I am the alcoholic in the family and my husband felt much the same way you do. He did drink with me but not like me. We did divorce...my choice...bad mistake on my part. I was so disgusted with myself but yet couldn't go on the way I had been. I did get sober before our divorce was final but still had major depression to deal with.
Your wife must be full of self-hate and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that she can't quit doing what she is doing. You do come across as some people think a person does that want sympathy for what they are going through but it seems you do love your wife.
As far as working as a teacher while drinking, I know of a highschool psychologist that continued to work until she retired while getting drunk every day at school. I also worked in a hospital under a Charge Nurse that was so drunk by end of shift that we couldn't understand her report.
It still happens and I don't know why when I am sure other teachers and of course the highschool kids must suspect it themselves. Look at the child abusers that are passed from one school district to another until they hit a brick wall finally and are found out...that still happens here where I live and to me that is the most horrible offense in this world against children. My daughter was molested at age 4-7 by her father until she told someone...not me. I know how devastating it is.
Your wife could kill someone driving home as drunk as you say she is when she comes home. That is enough to think about let alone the negative influence she is having on the "older kids" she teaches at school.
You only need to take a look at yourself and see what you need or want out of this relationship right now. Part of your lack of action continues to enable her to continue on with her drinking behaviors and endangerment of others. I know you must love her and of course if she is always drunk when you see each other nothing much can be accomplished except yelling and trying to hurt each other which doesn't do anything but make you feel bad and all the more sad and helpless.
Please get some help for you like going to Alanon...many more men go now than ever before and many more men are admitting to being abused by their wives than ever before.
You are not unique nor are you alone in this disease of alcoholism but you need help and support so you don't go down with your wife. You don't have an escape like your wife does....she escapes into alcohol every day so she doesn't have to think about what she is doing to herself and others. She can get well if she wants to but only she can do that.
I hope you continue to post and ask us for our experience, strength, and hope. I have been sober 19 years now and it still seems like yesterday when I read a post like yours that is so close to what I was like in my marriage...I just didn't drink on my job but I might as well have done that because I still smelled like booze the next morning after a night of drinking.
kelsh
I am the alcoholic in the family and my husband felt much the same way you do. He did drink with me but not like me. We did divorce...my choice...bad mistake on my part. I was so disgusted with myself but yet couldn't go on the way I had been. I did get sober before our divorce was final but still had major depression to deal with.
Your wife must be full of self-hate and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that she can't quit doing what she is doing. You do come across as some people think a person does that want sympathy for what they are going through but it seems you do love your wife.
As far as working as a teacher while drinking, I know of a highschool psychologist that continued to work until she retired while getting drunk every day at school. I also worked in a hospital under a Charge Nurse that was so drunk by end of shift that we couldn't understand her report.
It still happens and I don't know why when I am sure other teachers and of course the highschool kids must suspect it themselves. Look at the child abusers that are passed from one school district to another until they hit a brick wall finally and are found out...that still happens here where I live and to me that is the most horrible offense in this world against children. My daughter was molested at age 4-7 by her father until she told someone...not me. I know how devastating it is.
Your wife could kill someone driving home as drunk as you say she is when she comes home. That is enough to think about let alone the negative influence she is having on the "older kids" she teaches at school.
You only need to take a look at yourself and see what you need or want out of this relationship right now. Part of your lack of action continues to enable her to continue on with her drinking behaviors and endangerment of others. I know you must love her and of course if she is always drunk when you see each other nothing much can be accomplished except yelling and trying to hurt each other which doesn't do anything but make you feel bad and all the more sad and helpless.
Please get some help for you like going to Alanon...many more men go now than ever before and many more men are admitting to being abused by their wives than ever before.
You are not unique nor are you alone in this disease of alcoholism but you need help and support so you don't go down with your wife. You don't have an escape like your wife does....she escapes into alcohol every day so she doesn't have to think about what she is doing to herself and others. She can get well if she wants to but only she can do that.
I hope you continue to post and ask us for our experience, strength, and hope. I have been sober 19 years now and it still seems like yesterday when I read a post like yours that is so close to what I was like in my marriage...I just didn't drink on my job but I might as well have done that because I still smelled like booze the next morning after a night of drinking.
kelsh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by kelsh
Hi Sad#3, :comfort
I am the alcoholic in the family and my husband felt much the same way you do. He did drink with me but not like me. We did divorce...my choice...bad mistake on my part. I was so disgusted with myself but yet couldn't go on the way I had been. I did get sober before our divorce was final but still had major depression to deal with.
Your wife must be full of self-hate and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that she can't quit doing what she is doing. You do come across as some people think a person does that want sympathy for what they are going through but it seems you do love your wife.
As far as working as a teacher while drinking, I know of a highschool psychologist that continued to work until she retired while getting drunk every day at school. I also worked in a hospital under a Charge Nurse that was so drunk by end of shift that we couldn't understand her report.
It still happens and I don't know why when I am sure other teachers and of course the highschool kids must suspect it themselves. Look at the child abusers that are passed from one school district to another until they hit a brick wall finally and are found out...that still happens here where I live and to me that is the most horrible offense in this world against children. My daughter was molested at age 4-7 by her father until she told someone...not me. I know how devastating it is.
Your wife could kill someone driving home as drunk as you say she is when she comes home. That is enough to think about let alone the negative influence she is having on the "older kids" she teaches at school.
You only need to take a look at yourself and see what you need or want out of this relationship right now. Part of your lack of action continues to enable her to continue on with her drinking behaviors and endangerment of others. I know you must love her and of course if she is always drunk when you see each other nothing much can be accomplished except yelling and trying to hurt each other which doesn't do anything but make you feel bad and all the more sad and helpless.
Please get some help for you like going to Alanon...many more men go now than ever before and many more men are admitting to being abused by their wives than ever before.
You are not unique nor are you alone in this disease of alcoholism but you need help and support so you don't go down with your wife. You don't have an escape like your wife does....she escapes into alcohol every day so she doesn't have to think about what she is doing to herself and others. She can get well if she wants to but only she can do that.
I hope you continue to post and ask us for our experience, strength, and hope. I have been sober 19 years now and it still seems like yesterday when I read a post like yours that is so close to what I was like in my marriage...I just didn't drink on my job but I might as well have done that because I still smelled like booze the next morning after a night of drinking.
kelsh
I am the alcoholic in the family and my husband felt much the same way you do. He did drink with me but not like me. We did divorce...my choice...bad mistake on my part. I was so disgusted with myself but yet couldn't go on the way I had been. I did get sober before our divorce was final but still had major depression to deal with.
Your wife must be full of self-hate and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that she can't quit doing what she is doing. You do come across as some people think a person does that want sympathy for what they are going through but it seems you do love your wife.
As far as working as a teacher while drinking, I know of a highschool psychologist that continued to work until she retired while getting drunk every day at school. I also worked in a hospital under a Charge Nurse that was so drunk by end of shift that we couldn't understand her report.
It still happens and I don't know why when I am sure other teachers and of course the highschool kids must suspect it themselves. Look at the child abusers that are passed from one school district to another until they hit a brick wall finally and are found out...that still happens here where I live and to me that is the most horrible offense in this world against children. My daughter was molested at age 4-7 by her father until she told someone...not me. I know how devastating it is.
Your wife could kill someone driving home as drunk as you say she is when she comes home. That is enough to think about let alone the negative influence she is having on the "older kids" she teaches at school.
You only need to take a look at yourself and see what you need or want out of this relationship right now. Part of your lack of action continues to enable her to continue on with her drinking behaviors and endangerment of others. I know you must love her and of course if she is always drunk when you see each other nothing much can be accomplished except yelling and trying to hurt each other which doesn't do anything but make you feel bad and all the more sad and helpless.
Please get some help for you like going to Alanon...many more men go now than ever before and many more men are admitting to being abused by their wives than ever before.
You are not unique nor are you alone in this disease of alcoholism but you need help and support so you don't go down with your wife. You don't have an escape like your wife does....she escapes into alcohol every day so she doesn't have to think about what she is doing to herself and others. She can get well if she wants to but only she can do that.
I hope you continue to post and ask us for our experience, strength, and hope. I have been sober 19 years now and it still seems like yesterday when I read a post like yours that is so close to what I was like in my marriage...I just didn't drink on my job but I might as well have done that because I still smelled like booze the next morning after a night of drinking.
kelsh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by embraced2000
two wrongs do not make a right, sad. domestic violence is apparently present with the both of you.
she is sick. you cannot slap sense into a sick person. please do not hit her. jmho.
she is sick. you cannot slap sense into a sick person. please do not hit her. jmho.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
