sad#3

And I do know they won't get better until one of us takes action.. I'm trying. That's why I'm here.

sad#3

Sorry I don't have any advice to give to anyone else. I'm a newbie.. Never really knew what alcoholism was until recently. The only thing I know now is to tell anyone that comes across one.. is to run like the wind and never look back because they will chip away at your soul little by little until there isn't much left to salvage.

Barbara52

So many of us have been where you are now. I am sorry you are in such pain. {hug}

geees poncho

SAD#3 What a handle, Please get up off your can, walk out the door, get into your car, drive down the road tell you find a cop, ask him if he knows where a alano club is, or go to your closest ER and ask, go take in a meeting of some sort. (YOU NEED HELP) PLEASE GO.
GODS SPEED

sad#3

When I go to the gym everything is fine for awhile. Exercise is a great depression reliever.. I'm thinking of just getting in the car and driving, just wandering around the country because I am able to do so at this time... Maybe go back and visit the places where I grew up. Half the time I believe in god and half the time I don't, but sometimes I have to believe. Don't want a pity party, I'm just venting and thanks to all for the great advice.

geees poncho

NOTHING CHANGES, UNLESS SOMETHING CHANGES.
you need to seek some help from an external source, you do not have any of the answers, please help yourself.

lovemypup

It helps to talk with someone face to face. If you do not want to go to alanon then look into a psychologist. They are alot of help. You really do need to talk.
I went to one and he helped me in alot of ways.
What you are feeling is normal. When we get to this point we feel like we are losing our minds. Its just so hard to get thru the day. Please find someone to talk to. You will be ok.
Do what you need to do for yourself. If you are becoming someone you dont even know anymore, than you need to help yourself. You can see you are becoming abusive and depressed. Please help yourself now and let your A help herself. You are important and you deserve to be happy.

MsGolightly

sad, we've all been where you are... and we all know how hard it is to love someone with everything you have and to desperately want them to be better, for themselves and for you, and to see your hopes dashed over and over. it's most likely one of the hardest things most people on this board will ever have to deal with in life... if not THE hardest. it's watching someone die before your eyes and not being able to stop it.

for me, i had to get to a point where i needed to realize that staying in my relationship meant i wasn't loving or respecting myself. i really had to take a step back, and it took me months, to realize i was only destroying myself in the process. she wasn't doing it to me, i was doing it to me. i'm a psychologist and it even took me awhile to figure out what the heck i was doing and WHY!

we all wish you the best here, we really do. we've been there and know how hard it is. i literally was in so much pain i thought i would die. but i also needed to realize that me staying in a relationship with an alcoholic who i loved dearly wasn't helping her at all. i was preventing her from hitting her bottom and making any real effort towards recovery.

when i first got here, denny posted something about "having to love from afar," and it's something that i think about and put into action every day. my ex knows the love i have for her, but it's not something i can physically do in her presence. i needed to remove myself and realize you can love someone, and they can know it, without you being there, taking the brunt of the abuse.

embraced2000

i'm glad you found us, sad. just hang in there with us.....we understand as no others can.

it always helped me to know that i did not have to do anything at the moment....like make decisions. sometimes i would just make a very small plan, like make a promise to myself that the next time my hubs would go into the alcoholic dance and try to engage me in a fight, i would leave for awhile so as not to be tempted to fight with him.

no one can reason with a drunk.

just keep reading and posting here......we can be your escape, your safe place, until you get your bearings, and start to feel a little more empowered in this relationship.

i am so sorry that yet another family has been affected by this monster addiction of alcoholism. i also did not know anything much about alcoholism until my hubs became one. then i found out how powerful the addiction is. more powerful than anything i've ever seen.

no matter what they say or do, i truly believe that they are living in a hell of their own. i don't believe anyone wants to be an alcoholic.

letting go of my husband was the hardest thing i ever had to do. but it may have been the thing that saved his life, because after two years of being homeless, lost, and spiraling totally out of control, he hit a bottom that was so horrendous that he sobered up, began cleaning up all the messes he had created, facing his demons, and making amends to those he had hurt so deeply.

there is hope, sad. but you have to find help for yourself first. she may not make it, but you have to. you cannot go down with her.

but for tonight, you do not have to do anything except to take care of yourself for the evening. do something nice for yourself. go out for a starbucks, go visit a friend, workout, anything that you like to do.

i will say again that al-anon helped save my life and sanity.

big ole warm fuzzy loving hugs to you sad.......and remember.....we are all here for you.

one of the first things i did to help myself was not to engage in the fights. i would just leave.

jeri

Pick-a-name

My exAH escilated his violence and posturing and I told him the same thing: lay a hand on me and I would call the cops; period. He must have believed me,too because he moved out.

I am sorry you are having these problems, but if you will not call the cops; please leave the house and do not engage with her. I suspect one of these times YOU will be the one that is taken to jail; I doubt your AW will be afraid to call the police (and if you hit HER,that is what she should do); imho.

kglast

(((SAD))) I am sorry for your pain - I understand how awful it is....and how frustrating...may I suggest reading Getting Them Sober ( VOL 1) and Under the Influence??? They will give you a lot of insight into this monster of a disease.....God, I HATE ALCOHOLISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It leaves so much destruction in it's path!!!

rawr_x

im very sorry. i hope things get better.

sad#3

You people are wonderful. I read each and every post and took something from all of them. Tonight she is home and sober. A rare thing, but I'm going to enjoy it.

sad#3

It's no longer myself that I'm most concerned with being affected by it. My daughter came home yesterday and saw all the broken dishes in floor. Yes, alcoholism is a terrible, terrible thing.

TexasGirl

Yes, LTD, you are very right on. I stayed because XAH provided me with security. Not necessarily financially....just in taking care of things, me, everything. I didn't have to take care of myself if he would keep taking care of us. I didn't realize all of this at the time of course....I always say I'm fiercely independent. But I see now that I'm really very dependent while trying to prove I'm independent. My independence is all intertwined with needing someone to take care of me.

Try to look deep. What is your payoff?

Mr. Christian

You know Sad you hold the power here, you just have to use it.

sad#3

I'm reading back through every threaD I've posted here in the last 3 years. Since this thread, she has been arrested twice now for domestic violence. She's tried to commit suicide 3 times, nearly succeeding recently. I realize what a crazy life I've been living and even though I finally have to her go, I will always love her because I know she's sick......... THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WONDERFUL PEOPLE FOR THE SUPPORT AND ADVICE OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS. ILL CONTINUE TO BE HERE BECAUSE IM LOST AND IN PAIN, BUT I WILL MAKE IT.

Redheadsusie

Stay strong! Sending you hugs and strength!

Hammerhead

Yes... I'd be lost without the wonderful people here too... I thank God for them.

Please continue to come back...post... let us know how you're doing.

sad#3

She is now living with some friends. I still see her and we're still married. She can't come to my house because my daughter lives here. She is on 2 new medications and seems to be doing much better. Still drinks though, although not nearly as much. She probably will never be able to get a job and is about to qualify for disability which is a good thing.