He Did It Again!! :(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, Tn
Posts: 41
He Did It Again!! :(
Well, here's my latest update on my situation. You all tried to tell me in so many words that it was only a matter of time. Yet, after he had been clean for 14 months and made me so many promises.....I truly wanted to believe he would never go back to crack. Yesterday he spent his whole check, except $7 on it!! I am so heartbroken I don't know what to do. All he says when I ask WHY is "I don't know". Once again like a fool I have tried to work this out with him. Told him from now on I will drive him to and from work, I will handle all of the money, and he will go to outpatient treatment 2 or 3 nights a week or whatever is required, and I will go with him. He agreed. I wish we could afford for him to go to rehabilitation and stay there until he is completely well, but with me being disabled, we can't afford this. As it is, we barely get by now. THIS is absolutley the FINAL straw with him. I will always love him, but his "addiction" is killing us, and if this doesn't work he has to go!! Oh, and he FINALLY admitted last night that he is an addict and needs help. Words can't even describe the hurt I'm feeling right now. For 14 months he stayed clean. THAT would give anyone high hopes, but yesterday he shot me to the ground!!
Thank you all again for sharing and caring. PLEASE pray for my situation!!
JEN
Thank you all again for sharing and caring. PLEASE pray for my situation!!
JEN
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
(((Jen)))
I'm sorry, I know how much this hurts. We all know the letdown and heartsinking feeling when they do so well for so long and then relapse. Sadly, recovery from addiction is one day at a time, no matter how many years they have.
Are you able to get to meetings? Sometimes meetings are held at the same time for NA and Naranon and maybe that would work.
The more you do for yourself right now, the better you will feel and the more strength you will have to deal with healing and issues that need to be resolved.
My prayers go out for both of you.
Hugs
I'm sorry, I know how much this hurts. We all know the letdown and heartsinking feeling when they do so well for so long and then relapse. Sadly, recovery from addiction is one day at a time, no matter how many years they have.
Are you able to get to meetings? Sometimes meetings are held at the same time for NA and Naranon and maybe that would work.
The more you do for yourself right now, the better you will feel and the more strength you will have to deal with healing and issues that need to be resolved.
My prayers go out for both of you.
Hugs
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Dear Afraid
I can relate to your pain, hurt and disappointment. I am very familiar with high hopes and dreams of the addict remaining clean only to have him go back out and blow it all away ... I remember feeling so let down and hurt .. and betrayed, fooled ... I literally felt stupid for believing in him .. for giving him my trust only to have him turn around and snort it all away in a blink of an eye.
Later in my own recovery I learned that it wasn't a personal thing against me. I learned that he was an addict and addicts relapse sometimes... and sometimes they go back full tilt to their addiction .. That is why they say once an addict .. always an addict .. Though your husband was a recovering addict .. he still is an addict .. He shot himself down first and foremost before the effects of what he had done reached you .. He didn't do it to spite you or to hurt you... and I'm not making excuses for him, but he did it because he IS AN ADDICT. At some point the voice of his addiction was louder than the voice of his recovery .. I'm sure he probably has been in active addiction longer then he has recovery ... so addiction is much more familiar to him then his recovery .. using is how he dealt with things and is more like second nature to him then is recovery .. (and sometimes it is in the relapse that the addict learns too) (what was the trigger) what was going on in his head at the time he reached out and took that bag of dope) and what he must know is that this isn't the absolute end of the world for him .. he can redeem this if he so chooses .. he doesn't have to lay down and die ... The important thing for him now is .. what he does next. What is his plan of action at this point? Does he have a plan of action? What is he going to do for himself recovery wise to try to batten down the hatches in hopes that this doesn't occur again .. or so that he arrest his addiction NOW so that it does continue to wreck havoc from this point. Just because he got knocked down in the dirt .. doesn't mean he has to stay down and pour water over the dirty .. turning it into mud and wallowing in it. He relapsed ... Now the question is WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT and what he does or doesn't do is what is going to make him or break him. I understand you are feeling let down and disappoint and even scared. I know you don't want to ride the roller coaster of his addiction .. and the good news is you don't have too .. His relapse doesn't have to take you out .. Can you get to a meeting? This is where all that you've learned about your own recovery comes into play and can get put into action so that you aren't pulled down with him. This doesn't have to be the end of the world ... it doesn't have to destroy you .. You have tools to deal with this ... (please know I'm not talking down to you or putting you down) I'm trying to help shed light in the darkness of what you're feeling right now. He is him and you are ... He has to deal with his addiction (drugs) and you have to deal with yours (him) .. Codependency is a tough cycle to break .. We tend to think in UNITY .. allowing what the addict does or doesn't do .. destroy us and our happiness.
The only thing you can do right now is to TAKE CARE OF YOU. To find YOUR happy place in the midst of his relapse.
It is great that you have SR to come to .. grab on .. hold on .. use it to help anchor you in this difficult time.
And if you have set boundaries or given consequences of what would happen if he used again .. try to find the strength to follow through with them.
Relapse is serious ... and if left unattended or swept under the rug it can get ugly all over again. Let him know the seriousness of his relapse and that you are fully willing (assuming you are) to support his recovery as long as he gets right back on the right path, but that you are not willing to go through this all over again (assuming your not). He is accountable for his actions ...
Firstly he must do something about it - there is a battle to be fought or lost here .. what he chooses to do from this point forward is extremely important.
Please be kind and gentle with yourself .. you can't dwell on his choices .. all that will do is bring you down into the darkness with him.... try to keep you head above water and grab on to the life-line of your own recovery.
******{Hugs for you}}}}
Passion
I can relate to your pain, hurt and disappointment. I am very familiar with high hopes and dreams of the addict remaining clean only to have him go back out and blow it all away ... I remember feeling so let down and hurt .. and betrayed, fooled ... I literally felt stupid for believing in him .. for giving him my trust only to have him turn around and snort it all away in a blink of an eye.
Later in my own recovery I learned that it wasn't a personal thing against me. I learned that he was an addict and addicts relapse sometimes... and sometimes they go back full tilt to their addiction .. That is why they say once an addict .. always an addict .. Though your husband was a recovering addict .. he still is an addict .. He shot himself down first and foremost before the effects of what he had done reached you .. He didn't do it to spite you or to hurt you... and I'm not making excuses for him, but he did it because he IS AN ADDICT. At some point the voice of his addiction was louder than the voice of his recovery .. I'm sure he probably has been in active addiction longer then he has recovery ... so addiction is much more familiar to him then his recovery .. using is how he dealt with things and is more like second nature to him then is recovery .. (and sometimes it is in the relapse that the addict learns too) (what was the trigger) what was going on in his head at the time he reached out and took that bag of dope) and what he must know is that this isn't the absolute end of the world for him .. he can redeem this if he so chooses .. he doesn't have to lay down and die ... The important thing for him now is .. what he does next. What is his plan of action at this point? Does he have a plan of action? What is he going to do for himself recovery wise to try to batten down the hatches in hopes that this doesn't occur again .. or so that he arrest his addiction NOW so that it does continue to wreck havoc from this point. Just because he got knocked down in the dirt .. doesn't mean he has to stay down and pour water over the dirty .. turning it into mud and wallowing in it. He relapsed ... Now the question is WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT and what he does or doesn't do is what is going to make him or break him. I understand you are feeling let down and disappoint and even scared. I know you don't want to ride the roller coaster of his addiction .. and the good news is you don't have too .. His relapse doesn't have to take you out .. Can you get to a meeting? This is where all that you've learned about your own recovery comes into play and can get put into action so that you aren't pulled down with him. This doesn't have to be the end of the world ... it doesn't have to destroy you .. You have tools to deal with this ... (please know I'm not talking down to you or putting you down) I'm trying to help shed light in the darkness of what you're feeling right now. He is him and you are ... He has to deal with his addiction (drugs) and you have to deal with yours (him) .. Codependency is a tough cycle to break .. We tend to think in UNITY .. allowing what the addict does or doesn't do .. destroy us and our happiness.
The only thing you can do right now is to TAKE CARE OF YOU. To find YOUR happy place in the midst of his relapse.
It is great that you have SR to come to .. grab on .. hold on .. use it to help anchor you in this difficult time.
And if you have set boundaries or given consequences of what would happen if he used again .. try to find the strength to follow through with them.
Relapse is serious ... and if left unattended or swept under the rug it can get ugly all over again. Let him know the seriousness of his relapse and that you are fully willing (assuming you are) to support his recovery as long as he gets right back on the right path, but that you are not willing to go through this all over again (assuming your not). He is accountable for his actions ...
Firstly he must do something about it - there is a battle to be fought or lost here .. what he chooses to do from this point forward is extremely important.
Please be kind and gentle with yourself .. you can't dwell on his choices .. all that will do is bring you down into the darkness with him.... try to keep you head above water and grab on to the life-line of your own recovery.
******{Hugs for you}}}}
Passion
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
sending prayers for you & him.i am sorry he did this but an addict is never cured.this is a one day at a time diease. if he does not treat it everyday he is headed right back to crack.it is his choice.get yourself as much recovery as u can.we r here for you.keep coming back & let us know how u r.hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, Tn
Posts: 41
First of all, thank you all SO much for your kind words and prayers. He worked Saturday with my Uncle who picked him up and brought him home. He came in and said "Look, I KNOW I screwed up yesterday, and here is all the money I made today, I want you to take it and go to the Casino and try to get it all off your mind, and have a good time. You deserve this money and more. I hit a bump in the road yesterday and it will NOT happen again. You can't possibly beat me up anymore for it than I have been beating up myself". I went, and I did have a good time. I made it clear to him that he doesn't need to think that he can screw up again, and just give me money for the casino and everything will be fine, because it WON'T. THIS IS IT!! I told him I'm tired of crying wolf with him, he's got ONE LAST chance. I told him I don't need this, I can do better by myself or I can find an HONEST and drug free man that deserves me, and there IS one out there!! I took a BIG chance today trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.....I let him drive my car to work. At lunch he was at work (I verified this with my Uncle). I talked to him and he says he should be home between 3 and 4.....we'll see.
I have a question.....how do you make yourself want someone sexually again after they've screwed up?? Everytime I look at him I think about it. He doesn't understand why I don't want him right now!! I haven't stopped thinking about his screw up since it happened Friday, I can't. I sure can't just fall back into bed with him like nothing ever happened either. How do I make him understand this?!?! I mean, to me it should be a given!!
Big hugs to all of you, and again thanks for your prayers and replies. SR has been GREAT for me, thanks to all of you :ghug3
God Bless You All,
JEN
I have a question.....how do you make yourself want someone sexually again after they've screwed up?? Everytime I look at him I think about it. He doesn't understand why I don't want him right now!! I haven't stopped thinking about his screw up since it happened Friday, I can't. I sure can't just fall back into bed with him like nothing ever happened either. How do I make him understand this?!?! I mean, to me it should be a given!!
Big hugs to all of you, and again thanks for your prayers and replies. SR has been GREAT for me, thanks to all of you :ghug3
God Bless You All,
JEN
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Okanagan BC
Posts: 328
Afraid to let go,
I do not think you can make your self want him sexualy. You do or you don't. It may change in time, but you cannot force it. He should understand that with all the damage and this latest relapse you need time to process this. If you do not want to sleep with him, don't. Tell him, like his recovery, you need time.
I do not think you can make your self want him sexualy. You do or you don't. It may change in time, but you cannot force it. He should understand that with all the damage and this latest relapse you need time to process this. If you do not want to sleep with him, don't. Tell him, like his recovery, you need time.
Not a bad place to be....
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: LOUISIANA
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by Afraid 2 let go 
). I have a question.....how do you make yourself want someone sexually again after they've screwed up?? Everytime I look at him I think about it. He doesn't understand why I don't want him right now!! I haven't stopped thinking about his screw up since it happened Friday, I can't. I sure can't just fall back into bed with him like nothing ever happened either. How do I make him understand this?!?! I mean, to me it should be a given!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
sorry this happened.
Addiction sucks!
I keep reminding myself that it could happen again...........try not to let my guard down to much because somewhere in my head and heart I know that it will hurt so much more after good honest clean time......and frankly that scares me to death.
LET GO, Yeah I'm still working on this part ...........
((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) ) you will be in my thoughts
Addiction sucks!
I keep reminding myself that it could happen again...........try not to let my guard down to much because somewhere in my head and heart I know that it will hurt so much more after good honest clean time......and frankly that scares me to death.
LET GO, Yeah I'm still working on this part ...........
((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) ) you will be in my thoughts
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, Tn
Posts: 41
Just letting everyone know that he did make it home by 4:00 yesterday and was fine when he got in. I took a chance although scared to death, and gave him the benefit of the doubt, and he didn't disappoint me FOR A DAY, meaning ONE DAY AT A TIME!! Just talked to him and again he's at work. Promised to call me in a little while. I talked to his Mom yesterday. She and his Dad are coming for a visit A.S.A.P (they live 4 hours away). She said they are looking into treatment for him and are paying for it!! If he doesn't agree to this treatment, then they can take him back "home" with them. I love him, but as my Mom says "Sometimes love just isn't enough". I explained to him briefly last night about the not wanting sex thing. He says he does understand. Although my heart says hang on, like it did for 6 months last year.....my head says if he screws up again, you have NO choice but to let go!! His family says I have made DRASTIC changes in him in the last 2 years. I guess considering that they never knew where he was (he roamed the US), if he was dead or alive, and the fact that he was doing drugs "probably" daily.....I guess I have helped to turn his life around some. Atleast, he's had 1 relapse in 14 months and not several. I know ABSOLUTLEY NO DRUGS would be best for him and all involved, but if you consider the lifestyle he had using daily (more than likely), and the progress he's made since we met, to me he has been a better person. God knows I'm not making any excuses for him. There are NO excuses to make. I'm just trying to see the person he WAS compared to the person he has TRIED to become. I guess this is why I keep hanging on. MY family is just TOTALLY shocked at me. They KNOW me, and know that I would NEVER go through this with anyone and never have before. I keep asking God why he won't let me let go. Somehow I feel he has a plan for my husband through me. I told my husband Friday night (out of hurt and anger) that I wanted to just start praying to God that he will just let me hate him, PLEASE let me hate him, and then this wouldn't hurt so much!!
Enough for now, I guess. Thank you all for being my friends and trying to help me through this. Your thoughts, your replies, and your prayers are MUCH appreciated!!
You're all great!!
Hugs!!
JEN
Enough for now, I guess. Thank you all for being my friends and trying to help me through this. Your thoughts, your replies, and your prayers are MUCH appreciated!!
You're all great!!
Hugs!!
JEN
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: TN
Posts: 55
OMG!!! It's just amazing to be able to talk to people in the SAME BOAT as me. My husband is also addicted to crack. It took a long time for him to admit that it was an addiction because of the length of time that he could go without it. He said he was just a "user". (whatever) Then, I printed out the Crackbusters book from this website and gave it to him. It explained to him how crack had a hold of him, and he has just dived in to reading it. You may want to print it for your husband, and read it for yourself.
I'm sure you are just like me and hanging on to that hope that we can help them kick this drug, but we can't help them do it. They have to do it for themselves, and we can be right here to support each other through it. I've given my husband his FINAL BOUNDARY, and I intend to keep it without any more chances.
I'm sure you are just like me and hanging on to that hope that we can help them kick this drug, but we can't help them do it. They have to do it for themselves, and we can be right here to support each other through it. I've given my husband his FINAL BOUNDARY, and I intend to keep it without any more chances.
DeniseH
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Iowa
Posts: 33
Yes, he did it again, now what?
ok, I am brand new at this site and have looked at several of the posts out there. My husband is an alcoholic and an addict. He has several (I think 5 but I lost track) DUI's. The last one he was sentenced for 5 years - did I mention he was still on parole from his last dui when he got another - it was 3 months after he got out from the prior one that he relapsed - drinking. He went in Nov of 05 for parole violation and then he stayed until his sentencing for the next dui. He just was paroled to a work release center in April and he came home in August - so in all he was gone well over a year and a half. I suspected him smoking pot about a month ago and did actually walk in on him, about 3 weeks ago he took my pain meds and now again just on Sat he was on something and then didn't come home until Sunday night. In Aug of 06 I was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer - have gone to hell and back with that - and yes, he was gone while I went through it all. This type of breast cancer is very aggressive and does not have a very good survial rate, I am doing well right now and have tests done each month. While he was confined he was so sorry about being gone from me during this time and loosing me really was going to straighten him out....well, guess what? It did not. I am so in shock right now, I don't know what to do. I am so confused and upset and hurt and everything that goes with it. I know it makes a difference if he continues to pick up where he left off or if he uses the tools to try and work his program. He is on parole now and won't they do a drug test on him? All the plans he made while he was gone from us have completely gone away...I try to talk to him about them and he gets angry about it and like most addicts/alcoholics - he tries to turn things around on me. I have attended AlAnon before. He also has even tried to blame my cancer - which is a huge copout. I keep hanging onto the sober person because he is so wonderful then, but it is not worth this to me anymore. Life is too short. I just don't know what to do. Can someone give me some advice.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 138
OMG!! I love this website. It's good to know that others. normal people, are going through the same things. My husband has been clean for 10 years AND he's a substance abuse counselor!!! Talked about disappointed!! He was my hero and I don't know what tipped him over. These ladies really know their stuff and I praise them for their strength and will to do what is best for Them. I know I at least blame myself in some ways. It's like he cheated on me. I think, "why wasn't I good enough" "why did he have to go out to feel good?" I know it's stupid but I could understand an affair better (I think). Does anyone else feel cheated on?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
((((Inflamleft))) (((DevastatedJP)))
Welcome to SR
I'm sorry that addiction has brought you here, but glad you've decided to reach out.
You may want to post your own threads...there are many here who are willing to listen and share their own experience, strength and hope.
Posting your own thread will let others know you've arrived
Keep posting and read around...again, glad you've joined us.
(((Hugs)))
Cece
Welcome to SR
I'm sorry that addiction has brought you here, but glad you've decided to reach out.
You may want to post your own threads...there are many here who are willing to listen and share their own experience, strength and hope.
Posting your own thread will let others know you've arrived
Keep posting and read around...again, glad you've joined us.
(((Hugs)))
Cece
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Inflamleft -- DevastatedJp -- Definintely post your own threads. Just so each situation gets the response it deserves. It's difficult to do so on another's thread.
But it was one of the BIGGEST things for me to be able to begin to see that his addiction WASN'T ABOUT ME AT ALL, but was about HIM and that I didn't have to tie my self-worth to it. I still struggle with this tremendously but uncovering that I may be a little warped in how I'm viewing things is starting to make it easier.
Jen ~
I understand what you're going through and how you WANT to believe more than anything in the world that this time will be different and that it was just a stumble on his road to recovery.
Try to keep your expectations in check. I know that for me this is the HARDEST thing to do. I TELL myself that I will take things one day at a time and that it is HIS choice and I will focus on me, but ACTUALLY DOING it are two completely different things.
I think anvil said this before, but I also learned here, that there are two sides to a boundary. What we will accept from the other person (acceptable, not unacceptable behavior and what that entails) and then on the other end is our behavior. Feeling out of control for so long, doing this aided me in stopping myself before I reacted and launched into another hysterical, bottomless pit of despair. I honestly believe that it is the rise of hopes and than the continual shutting down that is so damaging. We lose faith in that person, but ourselves most importantly - because we fail to take care of ourselves and then get more and more angry when it becomes harder that next time.
Some dear friends here on SR have CONSTANTLY reminded me when all I am talking about is HIM and HIS choices and my reactions to what HE is doing. I know to a large degree that is the common thread here, between us, but at the same time I find that at times it is easier to continue to follow their behavior hoping for change, because it more difficult to turn the flashlight inward and see what has happened to ourselves as a result of addiction and consider changing what we are doing because why should we change - we're not the ones with the problem, right?
You're not alone. SO many people here have been where you are at. I have, but I am NOT even close to being far enough along in my recovery to try to tell anyone to do anything that I haven't let uncovered as something I need to work on myself. There are many other wise women here who have stood in your shoes and are alot further in the recovery process.
I know it's not the easiest thing to hear, but sometimes the person who has to change is ourselves. We feel we're the victim of addiction, so why in the world would we need to change? The answer I find to this- is that in response to addiction we have developed diseased thinking, emotional instability, lack of self-care - among many other casualties. I say that not to pump up the victim role, but because it helps to see that there are alot of things that we have to decide to heal and cannot expect our loved one getting clean and staying clean to fix. I still find it very dangerous to have anything riding on another's sobriety especially since I always must remind myself of the cunning and baffling nature of the disease.
But it was one of the BIGGEST things for me to be able to begin to see that his addiction WASN'T ABOUT ME AT ALL, but was about HIM and that I didn't have to tie my self-worth to it. I still struggle with this tremendously but uncovering that I may be a little warped in how I'm viewing things is starting to make it easier.
Jen ~
I understand what you're going through and how you WANT to believe more than anything in the world that this time will be different and that it was just a stumble on his road to recovery.
Try to keep your expectations in check. I know that for me this is the HARDEST thing to do. I TELL myself that I will take things one day at a time and that it is HIS choice and I will focus on me, but ACTUALLY DOING it are two completely different things.
I think anvil said this before, but I also learned here, that there are two sides to a boundary. What we will accept from the other person (acceptable, not unacceptable behavior and what that entails) and then on the other end is our behavior. Feeling out of control for so long, doing this aided me in stopping myself before I reacted and launched into another hysterical, bottomless pit of despair. I honestly believe that it is the rise of hopes and than the continual shutting down that is so damaging. We lose faith in that person, but ourselves most importantly - because we fail to take care of ourselves and then get more and more angry when it becomes harder that next time.
Some dear friends here on SR have CONSTANTLY reminded me when all I am talking about is HIM and HIS choices and my reactions to what HE is doing. I know to a large degree that is the common thread here, between us, but at the same time I find that at times it is easier to continue to follow their behavior hoping for change, because it more difficult to turn the flashlight inward and see what has happened to ourselves as a result of addiction and consider changing what we are doing because why should we change - we're not the ones with the problem, right?
You're not alone. SO many people here have been where you are at. I have, but I am NOT even close to being far enough along in my recovery to try to tell anyone to do anything that I haven't let uncovered as something I need to work on myself. There are many other wise women here who have stood in your shoes and are alot further in the recovery process.
I know it's not the easiest thing to hear, but sometimes the person who has to change is ourselves. We feel we're the victim of addiction, so why in the world would we need to change? The answer I find to this- is that in response to addiction we have developed diseased thinking, emotional instability, lack of self-care - among many other casualties. I say that not to pump up the victim role, but because it helps to see that there are alot of things that we have to decide to heal and cannot expect our loved one getting clean and staying clean to fix. I still find it very dangerous to have anything riding on another's sobriety especially since I always must remind myself of the cunning and baffling nature of the disease.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 145
Afraid,
I think in some way or another we have all been there. I found out the hard way that the best expectation to have when dealing with an addict is NONE. You cannot control his behavior or his mindset.
“and he didn't disappoint me FOR A DAY, meaning ONE DAY AT A TIME!!”
Hunnie, this is not a way to live. No one should set up their days around waiting to see if they are going to be disappointed today. Yes, I am the pot calling the kettle black, but I am learning from my new “black-ness”. I used to do the same thing until it finally hit home that the only person in this world that I have any power over is ME.
Choose to live for you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I think in some way or another we have all been there. I found out the hard way that the best expectation to have when dealing with an addict is NONE. You cannot control his behavior or his mindset.
“and he didn't disappoint me FOR A DAY, meaning ONE DAY AT A TIME!!”
Hunnie, this is not a way to live. No one should set up their days around waiting to see if they are going to be disappointed today. Yes, I am the pot calling the kettle black, but I am learning from my new “black-ness”. I used to do the same thing until it finally hit home that the only person in this world that I have any power over is ME.
Choose to live for you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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