Luckyv2

These are the words that were spoken to me after my normal happy hour meeting from someone that goes to the Program of NA here. The word is out that I have relapsed....

About a week or two ago I handed in my key to the meeting room because I am so tired of the ******** of a certain group of people in the program that insist that they are the only ones that are working any kind of a program. They continue to put other groups and individuals down.

A couple weeks ago after someone spoke, I had to of course speak my mind. I also informed this individual that people don't go to meetings because of him. A guy with 17 years clean who drives people away from NA because NO ONE works the NA PROGRAM except for him and his click. Now I know there are certain people here that also go to that group and if this gets back to them then Whatever.

I can not believe that we as people have to be like this. These are the people that have no room in my life of recovery. Sorry I am just not on a adventure to try and create kaos or to talk about **** like that. is the purpose of accusing someone or spreading a rumor of this sort. LOL if you want to know if I have relapsed ask me! I have always said that if I can not be honest about my clean time than I can not be honest about anything else. Maybe this person just needs to feel that they are so much better than anyone else.

This girl that told me after the meeting, we were all sitting around the table afterwards and when she said that, I looked at everyone else in the group and said, "Hey guess what guys, I relapsed" One of the girls said, "When Vic" I said well from what is being spread around in NA I just got done relapsing and about 5 people started laughing.

I guess that is why I have pretty much left the NA in this area. I mean all it seems like it is ---- is a bunch of damn gossip and ****. I love NA believe me but I have to watch out for my own serenity. I still go to a meeting at least once a day LOL AA and I will continue doing today what I have been doing.

Gezzz I can not believe why people do this? Why? Oh yeah I am posting this at the other site also.

Thundar301

Hello Vic, easy killer...lol take it with a grain of salt ,let them be the ones in judgement , you can be in action, as always! Remember your welcome in any meeting of N.A. --- 3rd tradition says so , the only requirement for membership is the desire to quit using. stick around and enjoy this hotbed of mental health with the rest of us Dean

daydream

Chance, your area sounds just like mine. Too many control freaks, gossips and outright mean people talking chit about others. I've grown huge resentments and left NA a few times because of those things, ultimately relapsing each time. Today I have to find a way to apply spiritual principles to keep my seat wherever possible. At the same time i realize none of us are super-human and things do get to us. After years of abuse from a few people at my homegroup, I left last year for another group, but only after I worked hard for a long time to apply the program to it. We don't have to keep putting ourselves in the line of fire. What's important for me is that I keep a seat somewhere and keep living the program. Hang in there and know that you're not alone. We're on the ride together!

cookconfay

Gee....you'd think you were going to meetings with a bunch of "well" people?????


Happens here too, some are sicker than others......someone told me if they were talkin about me...they were leavin someone else alone...made sense

SaTiT

Hi Vic.

Recovery is a trip ain't it ? Plus my HP has to go and include
a bunch of phyco or not so well balance people to make my
recovery fun

I'm glad you're writing about it or talking about it. Doing what you
have to do to keep your serenity. Sounds like that's the right way
to do it for you.

well, i had a great, great sponsor and a lot of old folks looking out
for me and help me through. They say...if people are talking about
me that means I'm doing it right..lol

Glad to heard from you.

SaTiT

There's also another book i like to read.
I don't take it to NA thou.lol
It's call "Don't sweat the small stuff"....it's all small stuff.

there's a bounch of tools in there .
I like to read it just to get a remainder.

there's a chapter saying just imagine how things would be a year from now.
Becuase as what I'm going through at the moment is overwhelming
but a year from it wouldn't really matter..it just gives me another
perspective.

There's another chapter...i don't like this one very much.lol
Never the less it is helpful.
It say to listen to everyone..I don't have to agree with everone,
never the less, I should stop and think or evaluate.
For the most part i don't have to agree but there is an ouce of truth
in what someone say.
I'm working on it..I working on it.
There's a grain of truth of what someone say when i don't agree with them.lol

Sugah

I was ready to quit 12 step all together, Vic, way back when one member was smiling at me and telling everyone else behind my back, "I'm a nurse, and I know about her conditions. There's no way she's clean!"

But I didn't quit. I kept smiling, kept going, kept living the way, and guess what? People eventually stopped listening to her. Principles before personalities. My program survived. She's still struggling. And, she's never left my prayers.

Have you tried praying for these folks?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Peter

It is not anybodys "job" to judge the size or quality of another member's recovery.

We place our own selves at risk when we do this.

Luckyv2

Thanks everyone for your input. I am glad that I came here to post this because I knew that here I would get a response to what is going on with me and with this situation. I know where to go when I need to LOL that is new ehhh.

Yeah I posted it on my site but we are very small there so I needed to make sure that I posted it here.

I guess it is just upsetting sometimes to know that we could all be soo strong if we just tried to be nice to each other. I guess I am no different in a lot of ways though. Hope that I can continue to learn and continue doing what I have been doing on a daily basis, it really helps thanks

calabash

Oh my, I thought that kind of behaviour was unique to my home group. Hee Hee!!@!

Some really are sicker than others.......

mackie

OMG, Vic..............you have no idea how many times in recovery I've had to repeat my mantra over and over and over again!
Just like Sugah posted:
PRINCIPLES BEFORE PERSONALITIES!!! I say that about as much as I do the serenity prayer!

Keep coming back! Just keep your side of the street clean, and let the others do as they may. If they need God, God will get 'em!

Todd J

No big "I" or Little "U", We get stronger praying for others. Nobody can rob my joy today. Usually the big Dogs get there's handed to them and we can be there for them when it happens. I know in my heart the Love and Compasion for others, others try to guess what is going on with me but folks at meetings don't really know me, they really don't see how I live day to day, so what they say really doesn't have an impact on my living situation. I try not to judge anyone, but i do. Rememberring I am only human.

Vic, Its god to see you here!

Love & Respect,
Todd J

Luckyv2

Thanks!

I talked to someone about it today and that helped of course. I am still going to continue doing what I have been doing. I am still the GSR to my NA Group and I feel obligated to continue that. I will go to some of the meetings but not like I was right now.

Sometimes things just seem to pile up on us that we forget what our main objective is and that is to spread the message of hope! Not only with hope but with content.

I had to shut down my site today because our server got hacked, I thought that it was my fault that I couldn't get into the admin and put in a few hacks on the vbulleting

Anyways been a stressful day having to deal with everything but let you all know that I have remained clean and somewhat serene through all of this. Progress for this addict

REZ

I have learned that what other people think or say about me is none of my business. I have to work my ow program, regardless of what other people are doing. I pretty much stay away from all the BS that goes on at some NA groups. I hang out with some friends in NA I can depend on, including my sponsor. I hope you can find some peace.

Luckyv2

Thanks Everyone!

I have done a lot of thinking about what evolved with this situation, and of course it didn't come from my homegroup I found out but another group. I guess what I have learned is that there is always going to be some form of BS wherever you go and that is just the way that life is. I don't have to be a part of it though.

Another lesson to learn. I love the Basic Text because it mentions learning all over the book. I am learning maybe slowly but learning.

Timebuster

Vic….

You knew the old saying. Misery likes company. Situation like this is when I show my growth in my recovery. I work hard to let go of old resentments. The last thing I need in my recovery is to acquire new ones. All we can do is pray for them.

Ivan

bino808

Hello all....first post here. I only started coming to this site to read the just for todays, but reading all of the posts here I almost feel like I'm at a meeting!! Bonus!! Hey, Vic, I always try to remember the 3rd tradition, because it saved my life. I was that guy going to meetings high, and no one threw me out. Instead, people gave me their phone numbers, and told me it would get better. IT DID!!! Whether a guy has 17 years or 17 minutes clean, the 3rd tradition guarantees his seat. It guarantees yours too Vic. I always use the hula hoop analogy...I drop a hula hoop around myself onto the floor. Everything inside the hula hoop, I can change. Everything outside of it, I have to accept. Look at this as an opportunity to practice spiritual principles, in this case acceptance, forgiveness, tolerance....good stuff!!!

WA_NA_Survivor

Chance, I hear ya! I moved from a larger city NA meeting environment where you get the full benefit of diversity and cliques are less tolerated, to a small college town where there are less members and more personality issues. It's hard work getting strength and support from small meetings in this situation.

Invariably what I find is that where you get self styled leadership which has little in common with NA traditions, people have forgotten the need for their spiritual growth and fill their lives with empty self deceit and ego driven thinking. Their error is apparent to all in time and they either do the right thing and start working the program or they become so intolerant of others that they leave - either way in the long term there is a solution. It isn't always the court ordered people who create issues for others either - it all comes down to program or no program. It is important to make sure the Newcomers have an alternative source of information & guidance - if you walk away from it all (which is easy to do in the circumstances), they never know the difference between real NA and BS. You can also share after the egotists and provide a contrasting viewpoint.

The good news is that people often change and even a$$holes aren't 100% a$$holes forever.

Luckyv2

Something that I heard today that really helps is this, "If someone is talking about you, then you must be doing something right!" I kinda like that look at things and will need to remember it the next time that something like this happens.

Very happy to have my site straightened out also now. It wasn't the site after all it was the server and having the files messed up. I changed servers obviously.

So today even through all of the trials I am still clean another day and even somewhat content about the situations that have happened.

Gmoney

BINGO!!! Life on it's own terms.

We addicts are generally a sick bunch. It can take years to recognize and correct some of the messed up things that make us who we are. Just because we put down the dope doesn't mean we're cured. The same stuff that caused many of us to use in the first place tends to haunt many of us long after we get clean. Lying, cheating, stealing, gossiping, arrogance, fighting, etc... these manifestations of our characters can sometimes be arrested, only to pop back up later and create unmanageability (for ourselves & others). I guess that's why they teach us that staying clean isn't enough. It never feels good to have people saying things that aren't true about us. I was told to always consider the source (try to understand instead of being understood), see it for what it is, and let it go. If it makes you feel any better...they said the same thing about me at one time. Remember, how we walk this thing says more than words can ever express. The proof of our recovery is in how we live.

For me, self-acceptance is the key because the truth requires no defense.