InAnotherLife

I just got some info from the H of the girl my exabf left me for. He says exabftold girl and her kid that he has no reason to use crack anymore now that he's moved out of his home and in with her, and that he's all better now... It's been 1 week and 5 days since last use.

Everybody keeps saying it's not gonna last, everytime I see him he looks like CRAP, but he's being good apparently. It's rough, and I can't imagine something so simple as moving out of his house into a new home was the *cure*.... is it possible?

greeteachday

Nope.

I'm sorry you are in pain...drama isn't just surrounding addicts...Lots of people thrive on it and love to say things to keep the drama going around them.
I know active addicts in my life lied...all the time..The more they proclaimed how clean they were, the more they were using in many cases. Actions, not words helped me to see if someone was in recovery.


Why would it matter?...He is out of your life. Could it be that you want him to use so it won't last and he will come back to you? Do you really want an addict who will drop you to run to the next girl as the man of your dreams.?

I don't mean to sound harsh, but it sounds as if he could come crawling back with all his warts, including the big ones like infidelity and addiction, and you are thinking of opening the door...Perhaps in fear that if you don't, some other person will "get him" clean. Remember the 3 C's

You didn't cause it (and couldn't prevent it)
You can't cure it
You can't control it.

Hugs

caileesnana

sounds like alot of 'qucking'!

nmt51605

In Another Life
The Only Reason He Said That Is Because He Knew And He Wanted That To Get Back To You. My Ex Did The Same Thing To Me He Left Me For Another Girl And Said The Same Thing. But You Know What It Wasnt True The Girl He Had Left Me For Was Giving Him The C To Smoke It And She Would Do It With Him. But Karma Comes Back The Girl My Ex Left Me For Played Him The Entire Time. I Know What Your Going Through Is Tough Ive Been In The Exact Same Situation But Dont Let It Get You Down. He Is Out Of Your Life. You Dont Deserve A Man Like That By Your Side You Deserve So Much More. Enjoy Your Life Without Having To Deal With An Addict! Its Going To Be Tough Getting Over The Fact That He Said That But In The End When All Your Pain Goes Away You Will Realize That You Dont Deserve Someone Like Him And Life Does Go On.
Praying For You And Stay Strong

Mertzie

I know it hurts like hell, but hon... I'd bet you anything that so-called clean time is nothing but a big lie. So, he said this to his new girlfriend that he's moving in with??? The person who's providing him with a place to live??? I obviously don't know anything about him, but from my standpoint, it sure sounds like when he couldn't pull anything over on you anymore, he turned to someone else to lie to. Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending her.. I mean, she left her husband to be with your abf, right? Sorry, I don't buy any of it.

I know your heart is breaking, and I'm so sorry about that. In a way, I can relate to what you are going through. When my best friend started using, I was worried, I wanted to help her... and wouldn't you know, I was the first person that she shut out of her life. To her, I was the "problem", not the drugs. The only people that are still in her life that she knew before the drugs are those that are either oblivious or believe her lies.

Take a look at "What Addicts Do". I know I have to read it over and over whenever I fall into the trap of taking my friend's addiction personally.

Hugs

hbb

Yup, my exrabf's best friend flat out told me it wasn't me that he left and that i simply didn't have enough drama in my life...all set thanks

And i also had/have that fear that he will get better for his exgf that he snuck away with while we were together but like you, i've already heard he looks/acts like crap. And that was less than a month after he left me. Someone told me i was too much work for him to get better for. Not wanting anything but a loving husband, children and a house. He will never have any of that .... and he's sober to boot, but worse (dry). I know how you feel. Once my fog cleared, it doesn't matter who he ends up with as he's not grasping recovery....stay strong

frankie_b

Many codies have a powerful compulsion to be there for the addict" in case" he gets clean. They are driven by a need to feel important and a real participant
in the rescue of the A. Time and again, partners and parents hold on to the addict hoping against hope he/she will change while under their watch.

THe truth is Addicts never get clean for or because of other people.
They do it for themselves and only when they decide to.

I agree with the others he is more than likely getting word out he is clean so you
will be certain to know. Addicts are cunning manipulators.
He's out of your life at this time. He's an addict, a cheat and 100% untrustworthy.
Who needs it????
I suggest you go to meetings, come here often, post whenever you want and
learn how to detach for the sake of your own sanity and well being.
HUgs

BigSis

Ha!


Yeah right.... and what if, by some miracle, it was true? That he COULD get clean and sober?


Then she would have a lying, theiving, sneaking, double-crossing, no-good man. Instead of a drug-addicted lying, theiving, sneaking, double-crossing, no-good man.

Yeah. She'd be the lucky one, alrighty.....




(((hugs))) That was said sarcastically, and it isn't intended to hurt you. I remember when my husband and I divorced - one of my worries is that he would find someone who would make his life better.... maybe someone prettier, thinner, kinder, and who had money.


And he wasn't even in active addiction!


Sometimes, I think we all just share the same brain. He won't find a better life by running from his responsibilities and choices. It just doesn't work that way.

GiveLove

No. No it's not.
This is the distraction period, the honeymoon period. The minute things start to get normal, problems arise, compromises need to be made, money starts to get tight, there are conflicts.....he will magically find a reason to use again.

You didn't CAUSE his addiction.
You can't CONTROL it.
You can't CURE it.

This, unfortunately for her, is now the new girlfriend's problem. What a sad situation. I had a similar thing happen when I was involved with an alcoholic. He left me because "he got bored" -- got involved with another alcoholic/liar/cheater and was SO happy...for days. Then she threw a vacuum cleaner at him, got pregnant, had his son, took him five states away where she will hardly let him see him. He still drinks. But I'll bet he's not bored. (sorry...mean, I know)

YOU, however, have a wide-open opportunity to re-craft your life -- without the madness, doubt, and misery of addiction mucking it up. It's painful right now, but if you take good and tender care of yourself, focusing on your own happiness, the things & people who give you joy, and what you want to do with your life, this pain will soon lessen and lessen 'til it's just a bad memory. Hard to imagine right now, but it's true --- I thought I would break in two at the time, but now he is just....someone I make fun of on SR

There are so many loving people here....keep checking back in with us. Lots of support and wonderful ideas for getting through this tough time...

Hugs,
GL

dollydo

Ah yes, it's a miracle, he's clean, for a whole two weeks, and soooo happy.

It's all BS, two weeks clean is nothing, and actually means nothing (even if it is true).

You are better off without him, he is a loser. I know it hurts, but he has done you a big favor, he is now someone elses problem. You deserve better.

Do something special for you this weekend, start remolding your life, your future.

Keep posting, it will help.

Ann

I think he's just gone from lying to you to lying to her.

And if he is clean, let her be the one to sit on the edge of her seat wondering if it will last.

Next time this gossip calls to give you the scoop, tell him you don't want to hear another word. Then get yourself to a meeting, start healing and learn that you hold the key to your own happiness, not him and not anyone else.

Hugs

splendra

I don't believe it for one minute....maybe she's using with him. Crack addicts ya can't believe a word they say.... I feel sorry for the kid that is going to be around him. I hope the girls H will protect the child.

I hope you will realize that you are better off and move on with your life. It takes a lot of determination to get off crack a new relationship will not "cure" him. I hope you won't let him come crawling back to you cause if you think you had it bad before; you can believe it will get much worse if you let him back. Right now he maybe trying to train you to be okay with him going out on you...oh honey please don't buy his goods....

marteen

What they all said.... Yup!

And you are the lucky one.

Remember...

If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck....