Well Just as I thought - Drunk Again! Why am I so angry?
Recovering Nicely
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Well Just as I thought - Drunk Again! Why am I so angry?
Just as I thought. After a 3 month sober period, rehab, going to meetings, being the best husband and father in the world, he is back to his nasty self. He's been drinking since Sunday night, and nastier than ever. Tonite I expected him to be drinking, even though he went to his AA meeting and got his 90 chip (what a joke) and of course, stupid me says "you were drinking again?" How stupid is that! I know he was drinking, and what does the typical alkie do? I was not, I'm just tired, I'm tired of being accused, I didn't do anything wrong. The best is: "I'm not even going to get mad" Well thank you, God almighty drunk. Thank you for not getting mad, wouldn't want to do that!!!! Following me from room to room again, not respecting boundaries without getting nasty. I'm telling you, I am so full of anger tonite, not just at him, but at me for believing in him, for thinking we would have a good marriage, etc, like we used to. It took him 4 years to get to be a nasty drunk, now he's one from the get go after 3 months of sobriety. We paid $4500 for his 3 week rehab, I think tomorrow I'll take my $4500 and get an apartment cause I don't intend to spend the rest of my life like this. I don't know if I'll make it another day in this house if I don't find an apartment. And I can't stay with my one son who was such a great help last time, I just recently found out that he and his girlfriend have an addiction problem (found out thru the grapevine). Can't stay with my daughter. She is being evicted. Don't know what I'm going to do. Thanks for listening.
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
Gawd, QT, I remember being right where you are. I suggest you use your anger - it's powerful and can be redirected into action. How angry you are is a measure of how powerful you are inside yourself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: media, pa
Posts: 243
Originally Posted by queenteree 
Just as I thought. After a 3 month sober period, rehab, going to meetings, being the best husband and father in the world, he is back to his nasty self. He's been drinking since Sunday night, and nastier than ever. Tonite I expected him to be drinking, even though he went to his AA meeting and got his 90 chip (what a joke) and of course, stupid me says "you were drinking again?" How stupid is that! I know he was drinking, and what does the typical alkie do? I was not, I'm just tired, I'm tired of being accused, I didn't do anything wrong. The best is: "I'm not even going to get mad" Well thank you, God almighty drunk. Thank you for not getting mad, wouldn't want to do that!!!! Following me from room to room again, not respecting boundaries without getting nasty. I'm telling you, I am so full of anger tonite, not just at him, but at me for believing in him, for thinking we would have a good marriage, etc, like we used to. It took him 4 years to get to be a nasty drunk, now he's one from the get go after 3 months of sobriety. We paid $4500 for his 3 week rehab, I think tomorrow I'll take my $4500 and get an apartment cause I don't intend to spend the rest of my life like this. I don't know if I'll make it another day in this house if I don't find an apartment. And I can't stay with my one son who was such a great help last time, I just recently found out that he and his girlfriend have an addiction problem (found out thru the grapevine). Can't stay with my daughter. She is being evicted. Don't know what I'm going to do. Thanks for listening.
Sounds like you're going thought a lot of hurt right now, and you don't have the supports you need. I hope you can rise above the chaos that is around you and see clearly what is best for you.
In my forest.
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 31
I am so sorry Queen. I have read your journey even though I don't post much, and hoped that after the first 14 years of sobriety, the 4 in relapse and this latest stint in recovery that you would have your husband and life back and be happy. I am so very sorry this has happened - you must be devastated.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Queentree, please use that anger, as suggested, to propel you in a positive direction. I have been just where you are. I remember AH getting his one-month chip from an AA group in Virginia when he was stationed there back in early '04. Doggone if he didn't have a glass of wine to "celebrate" just before attending the meeting - LOL!!!! I didn't even bother to get mad because he just told me he had to go "out" and only after he dumped the chip on the dresser did I figure out he attended the meeting to get the chip! I suppose the pre-meeting wine was to "celebrate" his one month of sobriety. Hypocrite.
I've been foaming at the mouth recently because I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. What did I do after I realized I was driving myself nuts? I started a major job search, dropped a college course I had enrolled for this semester (which I can take next semester), and I got FOCUSED big-time on getting a job in order to have more leverage to get the heck outta this insane asylum.
The solution I found when AH started following me from room to room or began the ranting (blah, blah, blah) was to leave the house. Period. I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere, and I practically camped out at Barnes & Noble. So harness that energy and adrenalin all the anger is generating and use it to LEAVE.
I've been foaming at the mouth recently because I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. What did I do after I realized I was driving myself nuts? I started a major job search, dropped a college course I had enrolled for this semester (which I can take next semester), and I got FOCUSED big-time on getting a job in order to have more leverage to get the heck outta this insane asylum.
The solution I found when AH started following me from room to room or began the ranting (blah, blah, blah) was to leave the house. Period. I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere, and I practically camped out at Barnes & Noble. So harness that energy and adrenalin all the anger is generating and use it to LEAVE.
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Originally Posted by prodigal
harness that energy and adrenalin all the anger is generating and use it to LEAVE.
If you feel like you need to get your own place and you have the financial means to do that, I say go for it. Life is just too flippin' short to live that way.
Sorry for your pain; hoping things start looking better very soon. ((((HUGS)))) from Tennessee.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Like the others, I have been there. I found out that I had been pinning my hopes and dreams on someone else. The life I had planned depended on him doing his part. It was a major shift in perception that got me through. I realized that the only one I could count on to make my dreams come true was me! Regardless of what he did or didn't do, no matter how he acted, I was in charge of my life. How empowering that revelation was. I could take him as he was, or leave him. He was no longer in charge of my destiny. I hope the anger you feel right now leads you to the same conclusions. You are a strong, intelligent, worthy human being. Go and live your life the way you want. His choices do not determine your fate................
L
L
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Stockport, UK
Posts: 9
Hi hun
I am really sorry you are going though all of this. I cant say I understand completely as things have not got this far with me yet. We are still in the denile stage.
I just wanted to say I hope things worked out. I have no advice to offer as I am pretty new and totally clueless.
I am really sorry you are going though all of this. I cant say I understand completely as things have not got this far with me yet. We are still in the denile stage.
I just wanted to say I hope things worked out. I have no advice to offer as I am pretty new and totally clueless.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 257
Originally Posted by queenteree
Just as I thought. After a 3 month sober period, rehab, going to meetings, being the best husband and father in the world, he is back to his nasty self. He's been drinking since Sunday night, and nastier than ever. Tonite I expected him to be drinking, even though he went to his AA meeting and got his 90 chip (what a joke) and of course, stupid me says "you were drinking again?" How stupid is that! I know he was drinking, and what does the typical alkie do? I was not, I'm just tired, I'm tired of being accused, I didn't do anything wrong. The best is: "I'm not even going to get mad" Well thank you, God almighty drunk. Thank you for not getting mad, wouldn't want to do that!!!! Following me from room to room again, not respecting boundaries without getting nasty. I'm telling you, I am so full of anger tonite, not just at him, but at me for believing in him, for thinking we would have a good marriage, etc, like we used to. It took him 4 years to get to be a nasty drunk, now he's one from the get go after 3 months of sobriety. We paid $4500 for his 3 week rehab, I think tomorrow I'll take my $4500 and get an apartment cause I don't intend to spend the rest of my life like this. I don't know if I'll make it another day in this house if I don't find an apartment. And I can't stay with my one son who was such a great help last time, I just recently found out that he and his girlfriend have an addiction problem (found out thru the grapevine). Can't stay with my daughter. She is being evicted. Don't know what I'm going to do. Thanks for listening.
#1 you still care you wouldnt be angry if you didnt
he hurt you, lied to you, destroyed your faith in him
you wouldnt be normal if that didnt make you angry
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 285
I'm feeling angry like you. So sick and tired of the same vicious cycle. It is time to take care of ourselves. I'm going on a mad job search today, to get myself out of this mess like Prodigal. Time to do something about this crazy life.
Sorry for your pain too.
Sorry for your pain too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 31
I believe in my final detachment from my AH was anger but it was finally directed at myself instead of him . I had to realize after a very long marriage with him actively drinking since the day we met 27 years age that I was the one who needed to change. He obviously isn't ready and how unfair of me to expect him to do something he doesn't want to do yet. I was more angry at myself for continually being a victim, blaming him for my unhappiness. I found very quickly how happiness is just around the corner when I started living my life withhout him. I'm not saying he doesn't still get to me on occasion but I have now a history (small) but at least a history of good days and feelings I can pull from to get me thru a bad time with him. Just knowing this gives me unlimited supplies of hope.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Ditto what Prodigal said! Not much more that I can add except for this 
Sorry that you are going through this Queen! Prod gave some excellent advice up there!
Sorry that you are going through this Queen! Prod gave some excellent advice up there!
Recovering Nicely
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
I can't direct my anger anywhere else productive cause I have to be on call to babysit my daughter's two girls when and if she works, I have to support her and her kids when she doesn't, she's being evicted from where she lives (and no, I can't live with her AT ALL, that is worse than living with AH), so my life revolves around working, babysitting, driving my daughter places (her car was stolen and insurance isn't paying yet), being home with drunka** and trying to get to AlAnon when I can (found a great meeting last night, but now I am still upset). I can't move far away from daughter cause she "depends" on me (more like "demands of me"), AH revolves around me doing what AH wants, and I'm so sick of my life. But stupid thing is, I'm also soooo hurt. I fell back in love with my husband the past three months. It would have been better off if he had not gone to rehab and I had my 3 month break in the chaos. This hurt is really killing me and messing up my head.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
This hurt is really killing me and messing up my head.
You got a lot of "demands" on you. Please don't get me wrong with the question I'm about to ask, but what would all these people who take advantage of your co dependancy do if you were suddenly hit by a bus tomorrow?!?!?!
Oftentimes, we thing we are "irreplaceable". I saw my sister fall apart after my very enabling mom passed away. But you know what? She's coping!!
Go figure, her life is going on,,,
Once I looked at it in those terms, I began to give myself PERMISSION to focus on myself,,,
Peace
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by queenteree
, so my life revolves around working, babysitting, driving my daughter places (her car was stolen and insurance isn't paying yet), being home with drunka** and trying to get to AlAnon when I can (found a great meeting last night, but now I am still upset).
Recovering Nicely
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
I have asked my daughter how she would manage if I died tomorrow. She says she would, and I know she would. I don't do all these things for "her". I actually do it for my two granddaughters who were abandoned by their father 5 years ago and they haven't seen or heard from him or his family since. I want them to have a nice, happy life (6 and 5 years old). They are my life and the only thing that does keep me sane sometimes. But even they always say "we can always depend on Grammy to come through for us." It's nice in a way, but it's also bad. And if my daughter has no one to watch them while she works, she can't work, and they can't have a nice life. I guess I'm just really, really tired. And you know what I was thinking???? I watch the show Intervention and see how these people all go away to rehab, get their therapy and head on straight, away from the pressures of society, etc. Why can't they have some kind of rehab for co-dependents? We need help and are just as sick, if not sicker than the A's of this world. I wish I knew of a way where I could buy a large victorian on 5 acres and have a 2 week rehab for us, along with daily group and counseling sessions and nightly AlAnon meetings. I think it would do a world of good. Any thoughts?
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