OK i have had it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tomah, WI
Posts: 52
OK i have had it
I have been with boyfriend for over a year and he drinks off and on and when he gets a job he keeps it for a day or two.... then gets fired.
he has drained me, I can't make ends meet and all he does is sit home and watch tv and sleep... I can't afford him any more but he has no where else to go... so what am I to do... I really dont want to see him on the streets... but he mom and said he is not welcomed up there at all....
i am just sick of everything... and just want off this rollercoster ride before I crash and burn...
he has drained me, I can't make ends meet and all he does is sit home and watch tv and sleep... I can't afford him any more but he has no where else to go... so what am I to do... I really dont want to see him on the streets... but he mom and said he is not welcomed up there at all....
i am just sick of everything... and just want off this rollercoster ride before I crash and burn...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 104
Hi Mec,
I was just wondering why his Mom does not welcome her own son. Is it possible that she has had enough of her son's behaviors, just like you. If I am wrong than I apologize. If I am right doesn't that tell you something? What is stopping you from just walking away? Don't you think he knows you well enough to know you will catch him every time he falls? Maybe you shouldn't catch him this time. He might have to grow up then.
Just my two cents. Besides, I know from experience that it is easier said than done.
I was just wondering why his Mom does not welcome her own son. Is it possible that she has had enough of her son's behaviors, just like you. If I am wrong than I apologize. If I am right doesn't that tell you something? What is stopping you from just walking away? Don't you think he knows you well enough to know you will catch him every time he falls? Maybe you shouldn't catch him this time. He might have to grow up then.
Just my two cents. Besides, I know from experience that it is easier said than done.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
I can relate to your story even though I'm an alcoholic and my ex boyfriend is not. He didn't work for a couple years and he loved it. When he ran out of money he came to live with me, while I worked and drank in the evenings, worrying about bills and rent. He had no worries. When I kicked him out a couple months later, he got a good job and is now making good money. He was "on the streets" and living in a friend's basement for awhile. He was so pissed at me!! But he eventually got his first real apartment complete with a bathroom and kitchen. He's 31 years old and never been so responsible. You might be doing him a huge favor if you leave. Just some thoughts.....
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
When you have had enough, you will do something about it. Until then, things will remain the same.
I had a boyfriend a year ago. He was the sweetest man on earth. He would have been the perfect man if it weren't for the fact he couldn't hold a job. In one year he went through 7 jobs. He's 52 years old for crying out loud.
He kept pressing me to marry him. But, as much as I liked him, I just couldn't see myself married to a man who wouldn't even take care of himself. I realized he would expect me to take care of him. NO thanks!
I can be poor all by myself, I don't need help!
Well, it became a real turn off for me. So, I told him I just didn't want to see him any more on a romantic level, but I would remain his friend. Well, he kept in touch for several months. He was still quitting jobs always complaining the boss was an *******.
Well, one day I didn't hear from him. 2 weeks go by and I get an email that he moved to Santiago Chile and married a women he met on the internet!!!
I was stupified.
Well, it just so happens that another friend had introduced me to him and the friend found out that he was moving back to the US because he couldn't keep a job down there.
He moved back, tried to get me to get involved again with him. I said, DO NOT CALL ME AGAIN. You are married and that ends our friendship.
Ok. 3 months later, his Chilean wife comes to the US to live with him.
Info on her: Educated, had an excellent job in Chile with a good retirement saved up. Before he left to come back to the US, she sent him on his way with 10,000 to put money down on a place to live (mobile home), pay his child support, and pay off his car.
Here it is one year later. She is pennyless. She can't work here because he's not a citizen and has no green card! She has given this man every bit of money she has. He's quit his job 3 times since she came here. Now the rent is due and they can't pay it. He has borrowed tons of money from every one he knows. And, never paid one penny back.
The thing is, why would any smart, educated woman let herself get into a mess like this, and allow her future retirement to be spent by a man who has no intention of ever helping himself or her?
I mean once she's done with him, he'll move on to the next victim. He's been married 4 times. He keeps looking for a woman to save him and support him.
The nasty thing about it all is the way he is so very funny, sweet, seemingly caring.
It's all a lie! He;s just another manipulator looking for someone to squeeze dry.
Im glad I got out of it when I did.
Let me add that if it weren't for alanon, I probably would have been wife #4, and lost everything I have too. But I recognized the symptoms of a manipulator and got the heck out. Thank God for alanon. I no longer have to be anyone's victim.
I had a boyfriend a year ago. He was the sweetest man on earth. He would have been the perfect man if it weren't for the fact he couldn't hold a job. In one year he went through 7 jobs. He's 52 years old for crying out loud.
He kept pressing me to marry him. But, as much as I liked him, I just couldn't see myself married to a man who wouldn't even take care of himself. I realized he would expect me to take care of him. NO thanks!
I can be poor all by myself, I don't need help!
Well, it became a real turn off for me. So, I told him I just didn't want to see him any more on a romantic level, but I would remain his friend. Well, he kept in touch for several months. He was still quitting jobs always complaining the boss was an *******.
Well, one day I didn't hear from him. 2 weeks go by and I get an email that he moved to Santiago Chile and married a women he met on the internet!!!
I was stupified.
Well, it just so happens that another friend had introduced me to him and the friend found out that he was moving back to the US because he couldn't keep a job down there.
He moved back, tried to get me to get involved again with him. I said, DO NOT CALL ME AGAIN. You are married and that ends our friendship.
Ok. 3 months later, his Chilean wife comes to the US to live with him.
Info on her: Educated, had an excellent job in Chile with a good retirement saved up. Before he left to come back to the US, she sent him on his way with 10,000 to put money down on a place to live (mobile home), pay his child support, and pay off his car.
Here it is one year later. She is pennyless. She can't work here because he's not a citizen and has no green card! She has given this man every bit of money she has. He's quit his job 3 times since she came here. Now the rent is due and they can't pay it. He has borrowed tons of money from every one he knows. And, never paid one penny back.
The thing is, why would any smart, educated woman let herself get into a mess like this, and allow her future retirement to be spent by a man who has no intention of ever helping himself or her?
I mean once she's done with him, he'll move on to the next victim. He's been married 4 times. He keeps looking for a woman to save him and support him.
The nasty thing about it all is the way he is so very funny, sweet, seemingly caring.
It's all a lie! He;s just another manipulator looking for someone to squeeze dry.
Im glad I got out of it when I did.
Let me add that if it weren't for alanon, I probably would have been wife #4, and lost everything I have too. But I recognized the symptoms of a manipulator and got the heck out. Thank God for alanon. I no longer have to be anyone's victim.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Mec,
I know how you feel. I really really do. My ex had the same M.O.
I ended up financially drained, embarassed, tired, sick, trustless, and angry.
The perceived 'guilt' of changing locks, throwing them out, and making MY life my priority, instead of his life, was unbearable at times.
I remember once I threw him out and went and sat in a church for hours crying. I felt horrible. Like somehow he would die without me, or never find another place, etc etc and I would be personaly responsible for his well being.
He did find another place. I found myself.
I know its a hard place to be in and my heart goes out to you.
I know how you feel. I really really do. My ex had the same M.O.
I ended up financially drained, embarassed, tired, sick, trustless, and angry.
The perceived 'guilt' of changing locks, throwing them out, and making MY life my priority, instead of his life, was unbearable at times.
I remember once I threw him out and went and sat in a church for hours crying. I felt horrible. Like somehow he would die without me, or never find another place, etc etc and I would be personaly responsible for his well being.
He did find another place. I found myself.
I know its a hard place to be in and my heart goes out to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
My loser, lazy, watch-tv-and-lose-jobs boyfriend was the same.
It killed me to kick him up onto his own two feet, but I was tired of having this parasite nibbling away at my life and giving nothing back but stress and doubt.
Six months later he was making more money than me, living in a nicer place, doing fine. He stayed in that circumstance with me because he had no reason not to. Why leave or change, when I was constantly cleaning up after him and funding his life?
That's the mark of a lazy and unscrupulous man, and I'll never have one of those in my life again. Why stay with someone you don't respect? Just my two cents. He'd be fine, or even if he weren't fine, why is it YOUR job to save him from himself? Don't you have your own life and your own dreams to tend to?
Hugs,
GL
It killed me to kick him up onto his own two feet, but I was tired of having this parasite nibbling away at my life and giving nothing back but stress and doubt.
Six months later he was making more money than me, living in a nicer place, doing fine. He stayed in that circumstance with me because he had no reason not to. Why leave or change, when I was constantly cleaning up after him and funding his life?
That's the mark of a lazy and unscrupulous man, and I'll never have one of those in my life again. Why stay with someone you don't respect? Just my two cents. He'd be fine, or even if he weren't fine, why is it YOUR job to save him from himself? Don't you have your own life and your own dreams to tend to?
Hugs,
GL
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