Change4life

Im pissed I have this disease.

laurenlanai25

i totally feel you on that!! but what i have learned is that i have a choice. today i can either sit here and be pissed that i have this disease and let it ruin my whole mood or i can accept it and do what is right in front of me! for me today that meant, go to work, go to my therapist, do laundry, take care of my dog, talk to sponsor and read something from the big book of aa!! and i know it sounds kind of boring but it was a great day!! i didnt have to worry about being pulled over for drinking and driving, i didnt spend $50 at the bar, i wont wake with a hangover!! now that is awesome!! today i had gratitude and not self pity! there are so many people out there that have diseases that dont have a cure and i am fortunate not to have any of those! my cure is aa. there are people without shelter, family, limbs, electricity, cars, jobs, and some people who are dieing or are dealing with someone who is dieing!! i have so much to be grateful for and i need to keep this in the front of my mind because if i dont i go to bad places in my head and i start to feel sorry for myself!! and when i look at my life, it really is great and i have no reason to feel sorry for myself, it could be way worse!!

hang in there!!

L

Anna

I have had moments when I could only feel anger at myself and my situation. But, as time goes by I have come to believe that everything is happening the way that it should. There is a reason for me to be going through this and following this path in my life.

CarolD

Yeah....it was not a goal I strived for either!

Rusty Zipper

bfree not one bit!

bfree... i used to hear these people say... hi, i'm so and so, and i'm a grateful alcoholic...

as i was so po'd about the state of misery i was in...

well, I'm rusty, and now i too, am a grateful alcoholic...

Surlyredhead

I used to be upset at myself too!!! Then I started thinking of how different my life would have turned out, if I had been "normal"...I wouldn't know 90% of the best people in my life...the best people anyone could ever ask for!!! My Son wouldn't be here....I wouldn't know the best Man on the planet...I wouldn't be working where I am now...etc...also, I love myself today (you would too, I am pretty great!) it took a lot of years to be able to say that!!! Because of all that, I am grateful for everything that got me to where I am today.....including being an Alcoholic!!!!! Plus, I have a better outlook on life than most "normal" people...nothing like losing everything to make you grateful for what you have!!!!!

Cathy

Dee74

I'm pissed I have my disease too...cerebral palsy.

At least we can both shut the **** up, stand up, and do something about our addictions though Beth.

D

best

When I finish being pissed...I flush and get off the pot.

There is more to life then sitting in a bathroom on a pity pot.
Life smells better off the pot as well.

hmmm I wonder if that is why they call it stinkin thinkin? *LOL*

When you finish being pissed... You will find that there is a whole world out there to be enjoyed and I have found that doing the enjoying sober...I remember every wonderful moment.

cmc

I think it's good to get angry at the disease-(and the diseases of my loved ones) because that's when I can begin to be honest about how I feel and then decide not to let 'the disease' have any more of me than it's already taken. That's a breakthrough moment for me when I get mad enough to say 'STOP!' Staying angry just prolongs and even exaggerates my misery. Once I accept what I cannot change...the changes in me begin. It's not always easy- but it's simple.

Jules62

Well-what can I say?

I'm pissed too-but it doesn't help me to stay pissed.

Beyond the anger is where my healing lies.I could spend years raging about what it's done to me and how bad I feel-but it doesn't help Beth.

I had to give up the fight.Accept I'm an alcoholic and then face what that meant in order to start living again in a new way.

Your anger will hold you back.I know it did for me.I'm still very angry about some things-but I have accepted who I am now-and am trying to move forward.Past the rage and all the other emotions....I know you can too.But not alone.

Julesxox

Hevyn

I'm pissed too, and bitter as well. That's why I spent so many years refusing to acknowledge it and trying to drink "sensibly", which I now know is not an option for me. Surly, I love the spin you put on it, though - wouldn't have thought of it that way, but of course you're right - if we didn't have this disease we'd have a whole different life, complete with a it's own set of problems, disappointments, and hurdles to get over. In reading these discussions it becomes obvious that we are special and unique, and maybe even superior in some ways due to all we've been through and the fight we've had to wage against our enemy. We have none of the shallowness I see in many "Normals".

Missymae737

Hi,

I spent a lot of time being angry...I was angry that I couldn't control my addictions...So, for awhile, I worked through the anger and have come to terms that I am a alcoholic, drug addict...

Today I focus on a good life without my addictions. My life is easier and, best of all I am coping with problems, and finding ways to allieviate them...

Dee74

LOL ok, I know what you meant, but wouldn't use 'superior' tho Hevyn...we're none of us saints, right ? well not yet anyway LOL.

I've known some amazing and beautiful people with addictions, but some pretty horrid ones too, just like anywhere else

I do agree with you tho - my years of addiction and, now, recovery have given me an appreciation for life and have helped shape my character for sure

D

Jhana

You know, I think this often, that thanks to the problems (and all the stories I have heard) I understand the human "condition" better than most.

Who knows?!!

But this is MY life, and one of my burdens to bear, so be it.

Jhana

nogard

pissed is good when it leads to action and not self-pity. That energy can be so useful

best

But we are.

Just in different stages of our devolopement is all.

Dee74

I meant 'saints' in that none of us are in anyway near perfect, Best...we take what we're given and, hopefully, work it to the best of our abilities.

D

chicago

thanks for sharing. even though 95% of the time i am grateful, i have moments that im angry im alcoholic. its not even an urge to drink, its just anger towards being different or limited in what i can do. but i realize that during my moment of anger over being "different" i am comparing my insides to other peoples outsides (normal non-drinkers outsides). that in itself is a reflection of me not being ok with myself.

i am grateful i have a spiritual program in my life that allows me deal, cope, and live in a healthier manner. AA has made me happier than the booze ever did. when i drank i was a miserable, alone, and unfunctional. i accept the fact i cant drink today because there is a 100% chance it will lead to the following:

suicidal guilt, homelessness, broke, heroin-addicted, and a hurricane-ravaged network of people close to me left crushed (family, friends, employers, sponsor, etc).

when i say i dont have another run in me, it doesnt mean i necessarily will OD and die...it means i might kill myself if i go out there again. thats how afraid fo relapse i am. i am scared to death if i relapse, i will feel so crappy that i cant go on.

im sorry for the lead guys. im home alone on a friday and bored and felt inspired to write. ill keep coming back.

scaredykat

I'm glad I read this thread tonight. I was feeling like this a couple of hours ago after my meeting. The speaker tonight was telling my story pretty much except for the children part. I never had any.

I was actually feeling depressed on the way home and thinking "why do i have to be an alcoholic" and "why can't I be normal".

After i got home I read the grapevine and watched my TV show. Now I'm on here with you guys. I feel a lot better now. I'm so glad this forum was invented.

Barb

Luckyv2

You know my friend until I got pissed about what the disease took from me and how it made me I wasn't able to find myself! Today I am still pissed but it isn't at anyone just what this disease does to people. It is very powerful and yeah it wants us all dead.

Find peace and as my sponsor said, "Until you become very angry at this disease you might not ever recover from this disease. Today I can say I am on the road to recovery and Recovery Works!