oregon

Hi, I'm new to the board. I have known I'm an alcoholic for years, and am struggling to quit drinking. Three years ago, I was sober for four months. Then I met my bf and started drinking again. I'd stop for a week at a time, off and on, but just kept relapsing. He moved out of state, and we had a long-distance relationship. Over the phone we kept talking about how we BOTH need to get sober. I moved after he proposed, and we live together now. A few months ago, I was sober for 2 weeks- the longest I'd been in a while. Last week I was sober for a whole week- a friend even wanted to go out drinking, and I said no. However, as soon as my bf and I went on a date, he took me to a bar, and I relapsed. He knows that I'm trying, so I don't understand why he did that. Then a few nights ago, I was telling him how proud I was of him for not going to bars while I'm at work. He let me go on and on, but when he went to sleep, I went to put some change in his wallet and found two receipts, both dated that very night. I'm hurt, and confused. I'm coming to the realization that sobriety may be impossible with him, and I'm heartbroken. Any thoughts?

Rowan

Hi Oregon,

Thanks for joining our recovery community - welcome to you!

First things first - what I mean is, work on your sobriety first, and look harder at the relationship later. If you go on a date with your bf in the future, make it clear ahead of time that you will not go to a bar. Suggest someplace safe, like a movie, maybe?
It sounds like you are ready to give up drinking, and you recognize that it's been troublesome for you.
Maybe you will inspire him to get sober once he sees by your example that it can be done.
I hope you keep reading and posting here. There are many inspiring posts that will surely help you.

Jersey Nonny

Absolutely...you need a support system of your own (through AA, hopefully) to quit and stay stopped. Then, you might consider becoming "a double winner" by hitting an Al-Anon meeting or two to help you deal with your bf's drinking. In addition, you know you can get a lot of support from the people here.

In the end, it may become necessary to detach (with love) from your bf, in order to maintain your sobriety. But, you don't have to make that decision today. For today all you have to do is don't drink and try to get to a meeting. Good luck!

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

Rowan is right. You're trying to focus on the two things at once and they are very different. First, take care of yourself and your sobriety. Maybe it will be with your b/f and maybe not. Things will work out as long as you stay sober.

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, oregon. i think it's really important to find new friends in recovery - folks seeking recovery also. it's not necessarily that your boyfriend and old friends don't care - they just don't get your new way of thinking..

people, places, and things are often part of relapse. be careful...

hugs out to you and blessings, k

keep posting!

Astro

Hi oregon, can't add anything else, just wanted to welcome you!

oregon

Thanks for encouragement. I feel trapped. I live w/ my bf, and have no where left to go if we break up. I suppose it is up to me to get clean, and I think I'll focus on that. Thanks again!

Aysha

Hi Oregon..Like Astro..Not much more to add but a Hi and Glad you are here.

Jersey Nonny

BTW...just wanted to add in response to the title of this thread: Trying and failing...the only failure is in not even trying. Keep trying, and have faith that you will make it!

stone

Hi and welcome Oregon, nothing I can add except, keep posting! If you have questions or need support this is a great place.

Grateful Heart

Hi Oregon, glad to have you here with us. This is a great place with lots of kind and understanding people. Please keep reading and posting! GH